THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[stargirl1980]

If you have verizon- (maybe even with other providers) you can block numbers for free- he can't get through to your phone. Crazy as it sounds....I was told if you know your weakness- and can do something to avoid it, do it. (meaning blocking him, etc.) Then you don't dwell on whether he is or is not contacting you. Because if you think he will...you are holding onto him, and he doesn't, it will drive you mad. You also can't text out to him.... Worked wonders for me.

 

I don't have verizon. My attitude keeps flipping throughout the day. At first I was angry. Now I'm crying again, and blaming myself for everything. I was so hurt inside, the past month, that he had just disappeared on me. It was so hard to just go NC and act like I didn't care. But I just couldn't commit to it.

 

I had no right to blow up his phone 2 weekends in a row, * * * * * ing, and begging, and pleading. At the time, I'd think that telling him how much I liked him and how hurt i was, was a good idea. But it wasn't. It made everything worse. He has every right to hate me. I acted like a crazy * * * * * . But he'd hurt me, and I wanted answers so badly.

 

I don't want him to hate me. Now I want so much, for him to call one day, and apologize. To start new, without any of the hangups we've had. I'm so afraid of never hearing from him again. I need to be strong. I know I can do this. I can make it through. I don't have any choice now.

[HeavyD]

That's the first, and biggest step. Getting out of denial. Realizing that what you had, is now GONE and isn't coming back.

 

Now, that's not to say you can't start something new. Realize your flaws, work on them, get your life in order, and then go back and approach things if it's right. But you need to see that it's over. It's time for you to stop worrying about him, and get yourself happy. It sounds so impossible, but day by day, it will slowly get easier.

 

No more contact with him.

[careber]

Just believe in that you are the best person ever came in their life. It was his/her lost that he/she did not know how to appreciate you being you. I really think that there's nothing wrong with any of us. Maybe it all has to do with timing. GIRLs you are wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous, witty and fun to be around. Guys you are handsome, responsible, caring, ambitious, career oriented and definitely a keeper.

[HeavyD]

GIRLs you are wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous, witty and fun to be around.

 

Lol girls... They're f'in wiley!

 

But seriously careber does have a point. Yes, so you may have been the one who destroyed the relationship. OR, you may not have. In either case, you need to take the higher road and see it as a learning expirience. The more you beg/plead/bargain/blame, the more your chances go down of any reconciliation, and the faster your dignity goes out the window. I think everyone here needs to look at things in a different light.

 

By this I mean, take a giant step back. Your life is FAR from over. Whether you're in your 20's or 60's. If it makes it easier, think of it as a break. Something indefinite. I think the vibe around here sometimes turns into you're done, over, move on, next. But we need to share hope and encouragement on how to better ourselves, and ultimately gain as much as possible from our experiences.

 

Now don't get me wrong. IT HURTS. GOD it hurts. I have never been through anything like this in my life. When I was 16 one of my close friends was jumped by 3 guys and murdered by knife. That grief and pain was nothing compared to this. But that being said, I have also learned more from this girl (or lack of) than anyone I have come accross. Stay positive, stay upbeat, and most of all, stay strong.

[HeavyD]

Well guys, I think it's safe to say my journey is over. I thank you all for your help through this, I can't imagine what it would have been like without this place.

 

After 41 days of 98% NC, I finally got to talk to her this morning. It was only through text, but God did it feel good to hear from her. After seeing her new boyfriend status last night, at first I was shocked. Then numb, then resentful, and finally, where I am now - A place of semi-happiness. Ultimately, that's what I want for her. And right now that is NOT with me, so I need to accept it for what it is. I texted her last night after thinking long and hard about it. I thought you know what, F-it. I may never get to talk to this girl again, and I certainly won't if I don't try. So I said the following:

 

"Hey kid - Just wanted to say hello. Look I know things ended really ugly, and I apologize for anything I did to hurt you. But it makes me smile to see that you are out having fun and pursuing your goals! I noticed that you and _____ are official now, congrats on that as well. You must be excited to start school? Good luck, and I know you'll do well. If you need help half way through the semester when you're bombing art101, you know where I am haha... Best wishes _____..."

 

I really wasn't expecting a reply at all, but I certainly got one. She replied:

 

"I heard you came by my house to apologize/drop off a bday gift? (I guess her mom did tell her). That was really nice of you, and I'm sorry I was not home to hear or accept it."

 

After the messages I had received last week, I couldn't believe she responded, let alone kept it positive. There were a couple more of small talk chit chat. School stuff. I told her I would still like to give her the gift, but I wasn't going to force anything. She said she's been really busy lately, but would let me know when she got some free time... That's a call I don't expect. I cut off the conversation before I said something stupid by telling her I was proud of her school accomplishments, best of luck with everything, and to take care.

[jaygirl]

I am starting day 1 here now. I just had a long talk/cry with him where i was cursing and crying, and telling him how much God had to punish him for what he did to me.

That hopefully should be the last.. I really want to stick with this. I need to get him out of my mind. right now it seems like i cant do it. feels like i would die if i do it.

[brokenheart311]

nc day 97!

since break up day 167!!!

 

I might see her tomorrow night. I have been invited to a mutual friend's surprise b-day bash. I told friend's wife that I would show up after work, she said she didn't know if ex would be there or not....I told her it didn't matter to me if she was or wasn't. Still not sure about if I am ready or want to see her again. It would be pretty crushing if we both showed up and she brought a new guy (I have no idea about her relationship status). I guess I'll make my final decision about attendance tomorrow night...of I show up and her car is there and I have a bad feeling in my gut I'll just go on home and text friend that I have a test to study for and need to not go out. (not a lie, but I have tonight and some of tomorrow to study already).

[iduncare]

looks like i might be able to break my record.

 

Start of day 2 but might have many more days to come.

 

Last week i started LC, and plus we had some misunderstanding on sat, think he is pissed with me.

 

He is usually the initiator but haven't heard from him. Mayybe it ll stay that way.

[jaygirl]

please what is LC?

Anyway i was almost tempted to break NC this morning! he sent a text saying how much he cherished me and if all we had was all just for memories. i had already typed out the reply, but took the advice to wait before sending. i would delete the message soon

[stargirl1980]

Day 2.

 

NC is sooo much easier when they pretty much give you no hope. Now I just have to work on actually forgetting him. That parts alittle harder. Seeing the wrong thing on TV can make me start crying.

[star111]

Day 3

 

received an email from him. wanting sex. havent seen him in over 3 months. i started the email thread....and he usually doesnt respond. of course, the second i get busy with work....had a range of anger emotions about what he had said since last contact then was just focusing on me. and 'forgetting' about him for the day. then there is the email. im not responding. im on here writing instead... doesnt care about me...just wants what he wants.

I'm waiting in anticipation to feel what 30 days of nc feels like!!

[miket]

Day 1 part 2

 

I had a very busy day at work today so didnt really think about the ex. I came home and went for my football match and had a really bad match aswel - I really wanted to come home to a text message or email from her, and I REALLY wanted a cuddle from her after a * * * * e day. That has depressed me a little bit, but im really tired and going to get to bed soon and start a new day.

 

Hopefully tomorrow brings some joy.

[Intelek]

It's been 17 months for me...and I still get sad everyday bc I'm choosing not to have her in my life anymore...mind you I was in a 8yr relationship. I wonder if its easier to move on when the relationship is shorter

[sarge1991]

Day 2...again

 

I saw her last weekend we talked things are more clear. I still want her back and she knows, i just need to focus with school now...

[Anonymous3]

Broke NC today, it was my choice. We ended on uncertain terms, for no apparent reason, and I had to get my feelings out in the open before I exploded...it feels good.

 

The ball is in her court, and I've left the door wide open...so we shall see. It was day 17 of NC

[Singler]

Day 4..... he changed his number, guess it will be easier for me now.

 

And I just remembered he never even got me a card or anything in valentines day!!! I bought him a coach wallet and paid for dinner (he was going through a rough time)

 

man oh man, what was i thinking.

[stargirl1980]

Day 3.

 

Getting easier all the time.

 

My mind finally started putting the puzzle pieces together, and saw that there were alot of signs that I might've been the "other woman"- that he was using me to cheat on someone else. (Which would make him a special kind of * * * * * * * . He'd told me how his best friend was sad, cuz his fiancee had cheated on him.) I mean, the hotels, fooling around in the car, suddenly getting angry about my txting...

 

If it was true, that he was using me like THAT- I'd never want to talk to him again. I kinda wish there were a way for me to know for sure, to clear it out of me. But I can't really think of anything that wouldn't totally burn bridges if I were wrong. I am more worried about getting tested now...

 

I'm dreading the day I see him again. I might be getting a new job at the local mall for the holidays- at a videogame store, no less- so the odds of running into him seem kinda high.

[Greggie]

Day One

 

I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years after he wanted a break because he says he is not in love with me anymore. I have already been through the exact same scenario, where he wasn't in love and asked for time (turns out there was another girl, but his feelings for me redeveloped when she was never interested) and it hurt like hell, and when I took him back, I did so on the basis that he promised never to hurt me like that again, and now he has.

 

I can't say with 100% certainty that if given the opportunity I will not take him back (regardless of his lack of feelings for me, I am still hopelessly in love with him, miss him like crazy already and can't even bear the thought of spending Christmas without him), but all I know is that crying and begging him will do me none good. I need to learn to be independent, to be less tolerant even, because I have been trampled over in this relationship and need to gain my self confidence back (though I have no idea how).

 

I have no self restraint when it comes to this kind of thing (basically my heart is on my sleeve and if I feel like calling, you can bet your everything that I'll be calling 20 damn times until he finally turns his phone off) so this is going to be inexplicably hard. I mean, one month?? I can barely wrap my head around one day.

 

And I don't know, it was in fact ME who broke up with him; he just wanted like a week's break. But the bottom line is, he is not in love with me. Why would I be with someone who is not in love with me? I am worth being in love with, I can find OTHERS who will fall in love with me (hopefully?). Sorry, confidence is shattered after two years with this guy, so those last sentences are kind of hard to believe.

 

Current mood: Heartbroken

[HeavyD]

Hah wow... I thought all this was over. She just makes this easier and easier...

 

She broke NC, once again, for the third time since our break. Hopefully the last. We had agreed after my reconciliation that at some point in the distant future, we could meet up and I would give her the gift. I've been thinking about it the past 24 hours, and decided that it's reallllyyy not that good of an idea. Not only would it set me back, but it might put her or the new BF in an uncomfortable situation.

 

Ironically, that's exactly what she texted me. Here's what was exchanged. I can't believe she's turned into such a gutless and cold person...

 

Her: I don't think it's really necessary to see each other, not sure why you want to. Might be better just to mail whatever you're giving me. (selfish)

Me: That's weird I was just thinking about that too... It's not fair for me to put you, or _____ in an uncomfortable position, and I want to respect your guys' boundaries. Treat him like you did me, and you guys are sure to have a thriving and healthy relationship. I hope school went well today if you had it, and like I said I wish you nothing but the best. If you ever need anything, I'll be in touch... take care of yourself _____

Her: I wouldn't treat him like I treated you. It's a completely different relationship. One that I will treat as unique and a step above the rest.

Her: He's completely different, which is good. He's an amazing man, and I don't need your "blessings" or whatever this crap you're feeding me is.

Her: Stop acting like a guilty little boy, and talking to me in this sympathetic way. You never did it before, don't do it now.

Me: Rrelax. I'm happy for you _____, that's it. No hidden meanings, no sympathetic gestures.

Her: Whatever Dan...

 

It's like she's pissed that I'm NOT pissed? Either way, screw giving her the gift. I want to give it to the kind, caring person that I dated. Not some heartless b!tch who is now EXPECTING it.

 

NEXT...

[star111]

day 4

 

attempted to respond to his email twice. but hit save to drafts, as opposed to sending. hopefully tomorrow i will wake up and it will be a bit easier. i went through waves while working- over thinking about him and things. which i shouldnt be doing. i need to be focusing on me and the good in my life. i hate that i waste any energy on this. i dont know what i am getting out of fixating. he is gone, i need to get on with my life. he's not the only one out there that will love me with their all.

frustrated.

[sarge1991]

Day 3

 

Had a real good day....looking forward to the weekend!!

[brokenheart311]

Hah wow... I thought all this was over. She just makes this easier and easier...

 

Her: I wouldn't treat him like I treated you. It's a completely different relationship. One that I will treat as unique and a step above the rest.

Her: He's completely different, which is good. He's an amazing man, and I don't need your "blessings" or whatever this crap you're feeding me is.

 

It's like she's pissed that I'm NOT pissed? Either way, screw giving her the gift. I want to give it to the kind, caring person that I dated. Not some heartless b!tch who is now EXPECTING it.

 

NEXT...

 

wow, this is pretty heartless. Pretty obvious that she's trying to illicit some sort of negative response from you. Some people can't fathom that their exes will be ok without them. Good for you it's over man.

[HeavyD]

Hah yea... This was kind of the icing on the cake. I'm gonna give it to my other friend. I hope that in a month I get a text from her saying "uhhhh did you ever send it?"... It's AMAZING how dependent some people are.

 

Granted, as dumpees a lot of us feel that way right after the breakup. We feel like we need that person back and can't live without them. But she is in a completely different position, so F-it. I have a date tonight, and I'm sure as hell not going to let my resentful self-loathing ex ruin that! Cheers all...

[Mustachio]

Im on day 8 right now

 

Made it 5 days last time, then she accepted a months old friend request on facebook and the urge to call just shot up... she is now not my friend on there and she is blocked.

 

Made it 8 days before that, then she called me, not a great conversation... just the "i just wanted to see how you were doing" call, of course i fought.

 

She will call again at some point relatively soon, not sure if im going to pick up or not. And if I do, not going to say much and definitely not going to talk about our relationship unless she brings it up

[sarge1991]

Day 4

 

Good day so far, haven't thought about calling or texting her much at all.