bronte Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Icyness, I agree it's not ten steps back--next time you get to the week mark you'll remember how bad you feel right now and will be strong enough to not contact him! We learn from our mistakes, eventually... Day 7 for me, not feeling too tempted to contact him today but I am really missing him. Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Day 10 - Yeah Icyness, it's not 10 steps back. I've broken NC twice so far. There's nothing easy about this. Going with your heart is okay. Don't beat yourself up. It WILL get better. (a mantra I've adopted from a friend, thanks!) Been okay today. Missing her like crazy, all the laughter, and general silliness. Missing hugs. My pillow isn't making it. Held out against an overwhelming desire to email today. Keep hopeful everyone! Link to comment
icyness Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 You guys are all awesome! Thanks a bunch; I really do appreciate it. Link to comment
needafriend Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 DAY 1: WISH ME LUCK. I know he doesn't really care about me and just wants me for FWB which I don't want. Me too! Good luck! Day 4: Trying to stop waiting (or caring) for him to contact me. Deep down I know it's not gonna happen... which hurts. But I feel my attraction/idolizing to him dying more and more each day. Link to comment
fruitapus09 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Early day 24 Went to a friend's house for the first time, and actually felt a little panic and queasy when I realized how close she lives to the man I am NC-ing. Why? Was I afraid I'd do something crazy and drive by his house? Was I afraid that he would see me somehow? Was I HOPING he would see me? I don't know, just felt nervous about it. It turned out to be fine, I didn't have to go past his street or anything to get there. Reading The New Codpendency. I have known i have had these issues for many years, I am the child of an alcoholic, and my two longest relationships were with alcoholics. I don't have the control issues now that I had with my exes and their drinking, but it is still good for me to read and remind myself how trying to start a new relationship brought out all of this behavior again. I wish I had another chance with this guy. The book says you need to surrender everything and just let whatever will be happen, but it's hard for me to be like that. Besides being a codependent, I am a problem solver by nature, and I sometimes think you have to take action, or nothing will ever happen. I am way calmer about everything now after taking this time to get my head together. It is hard because I want a second chance and don't know if I will get one. Link to comment
DrowsyWithHope Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Day 13 Last night I slept the best that I have since this happened. Today I feel optimistic and pretty good. I've joined a bowling league and a restaurant meetup group, of which I'll be going to the first meetup this week and I'm really looking forward to it! Last time I went through NC (for 2 months), I had intended to get out and meet new people but kinda put it off. It feels so right now, like I am ready for this. I just don't want to stay holed up in the house like I did last time. I feel like I closed one door and now it's time to open a bunch of new ones. Drowsy Link to comment
bronte Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Day 8 Getting to the point of NC when you start to worry that your ex has just completely forgotten about you and couldn't care less whether they're hearing from you or not. I know it's silly to feel that way, trying to distract myself as much as possible... Link to comment
SnowFox Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I'm about 5.5 weeks since last phone contact - so I count that as the start of my NC. I am working on total acceptance. I think about him all the time, but I just remind myself he doesn't want to be with me. Link to comment
wish_on_a_star Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 DAY 23...getting better day by day. Today is his birthday, yet I have not sent a card or anything...hope I made the right decision because he did make it clear not to contact him..I feel so bad Link to comment
getting_on_ok Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I sent a card on her birthday and she was very cold to me. Asked her how she was and told me to take care. Two days later she drops off my stuff with a card that reads I hope all is well, I thought you might want your stuff. And that's it. Link to comment
needafriend Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Day 1 again. Whoops. Texted him last night as I heard about a death in the family. He would be devastated. Ah. I knew it was wrong (for my healing) but right (for my soul). Didn't get a reply, didn't want one. Don't care about that... But I start again. Link to comment
bronte Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 needafriend, that sounds like a reasonable violation of NC to me--the point is not to become entirely unfeeling or cold, but just to stop making the unnecessary contact with our exes that only ends up hurting us... wish_on_a_star, I'm sure he knows that you want him to have a good birthday...If he asked you not to contact him then you've absolutely done the right thing in not doing so. I can imagine it's hard, though! Still on Day 8, went to a boring meeting tonight that I didn't have to go to just to be sure I wouldn't be home moping. Got caught in a thunderstorm on the way home and remembered cuddling up with my ex during a similar thunderstorm last summer--then caught myself and thought about cuddling up with Ewan McGregor instead. (Sadly not based on an actual memory! ) Link to comment
fruitapus09 Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Day 25 For whatever reason want to cry today. Woke up thinking of him as always. Link to comment
foolsrushin Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Day 6 After finally falling asleep, I woke up a short time later in tears and have not stopped crying since. This is a horrible place to be and I sympathyze with every person here. I really don't see how this will ever get better. I try to see myself with someone new, but the thought just gives me a sick feeling in my stomach. I don't know what to do to make it feel better. I try to go out, but when I do, I feel like I'm a drag to the people around me and that I would rather be anywhere else. I feel claustrophobic and leave, but the next place that I go to feels the same. No matter where I am or what I do, I feel the same. People say keep yourself busy, but it just isn't working out. I am lost in the devastation and feelings of despair. I just keep telling myself to think positively, but to me, that means thinking about when we'll be back together... the whole thing's demented. Link to comment
quirky Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 big cyberhug x I know so well what you mean. For me this is the second time we break up so it's easier but the first time I felt EXACTLY what you describe. I never knew pain like that existed. You feel so cr@p that being strong is your only option. And then you become strong and you forever own that strength. It will take time and the most important is not to panic with the power of these emotions. No point thinking of yourself with another guy, I couldn't fathom that thought. Trust that life holds in store something good that you are not yet aware of. Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 I'm going back on full NC- no checking blogs. Back to day 1! Link to comment
bronte Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Day 9 I went to sign the lease for my new apartment today and got very sad--I just finished a degree in May and the plan had been that I would move back to my hometown to be with my ex (obviously then bf). There was a lot of uncertainty about that plan due to my not knowing what jobs would be available here, but I've ended up finding a great job that suits me perfectly and a reasonably nice apartment...Everything's working out fine and I wish he had just been more patient and understanding about the whole thing, instead of FREAKING OUT about it all the time and making us both so stressed and unhappy. Seriously, I now have the perfect job and work three blocks down the street from his apartment. So much potential for happiness...potential wasted. Link to comment
SnowFox Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 I am not counting days- I'm in the 5-6 week range though. Haven't cried in about a week. Cried on the way home from work. He is on my mind 24/7. Link to comment
needafriend Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Day 2 -- trying to go cold turkey. No Facebook profile checking! Before I started no contact I noticed he has been chatting up some ladies. Wanna know what's going on. Good luck to him I guess. Hope he's happy. Hmmm do I? Can't stop thinking about him. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning...... it's him... allllll day. It's so frustrating. Mind over matter... as they say Link to comment
bronte Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Day 9, continued... Major, major meltdown tonight. Everything just seems meaningless without him sharing it with me the way he was supposed to. I wrote him a letter (not intending to send it) and that helped a bit, just to write the emotions down. I'm probably going to have to see him in person in about three weeks, to give him back some of his stuff. I keep feeling torn about whether I should make that as brief a meeting as possible or try to get him to talk to me in person about how we're both feeling about the break-up, since we broke up over the phone and weren't able to see each other in person. My head says one thing and my heart says the other...I guess I still have time to figure it out. I think that's the most ridiculous thing about this break-up, how much time I spend thinking about hypothetical situations and conversations which will probably never happen. I'll probably obsess about it for weeks and then he'll tell me to just leave the stuff on his porch... Link to comment
Bestfriendgone Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 6 weeks since NC now. I was doing fine then reality started to just sink in. He's not coming back. and i'm back to nearly square one. Crap! Link to comment
BriarRose Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I was doing fine then reality started to just sink in. He's not coming back. and i'm back to nearly square one. ....No, this actually means you are moving forward. Going on only day 4. He emailed me, I deleted it without reading it. Link to comment
quirky Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 day 16 feeling absolutely awfull today... Cannot fathom what has happened. A great sense of loss. Link to comment
getting_on_ok Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 5th week, miss her still but what Im I going to do Link to comment
bronte Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 There must be something in the air, quirky girl, I'm still feeling terrible too, missing him so much it physically hurts. But so far I've been strong and not contacted him. Trying to remember that doing so wouldn't give me what I'm missing, just more pain... Day 10. Edit: Oh, and I'm craving this chicken recipe he used to make...Should have thought to ask for it while we were pretending to be friends immediately post-break up! Now I'll have to wait till we actually *are* friends, and that could be years and years from now...and I bought a stupid $80 pan while we were dating because he said it was the only kind of pan you could make his chicken in. *kicks wall* Link to comment
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