THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[ACarrington]

2 weeks of no contact!

 

I feel like I will probably never hear from her again, despite what she said...

[dimnickel1980]

Feeling a little depressed again. Parents seem to think this won't last but a month, but i think differently. Don't want to care anymore. also feel like i'll never talk to him again.

[fruitapus09]

Day 2 (would have been day 11?)

 

At least the sexual thoughts are fading somewhat. Been thinking that way about him since the night we met, so hoping this will make it easier to forget him.

 

I feel so silly for finding it so hard to forget him. I guess feelings are real and can't be switched off. I think I thought he had so much potential when I met him that I assumed everything would work out, so I've been building this up since mid-May. I thought we could take it slow and casual, but it ended up fast and intense. And I feel like I've missed out on something.

 

I can't tell any of this to my friends anymore because they don't get it. Everything else in my life seems to be fine, so why am I putting so much value on this one person?

 

I think timing was a big factor here. If he was ready and I was ready, I think this would have worked out a lot better.

[troubbble]

Long time NC. Not sure how long. I guess its a good sign that i'm not counting.

Thinking about her less and less. Could be NC could be the crazy cocktail of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds my doctor has me on. Either way, its a relief.

Can't wait to see what happens the next time I run into her. If its anything like the last time I'll fall apart. Hope that's not the case.

[jayceex17]

Day 36 of NC...it gets harder because you start to lose hope that the other person is not going to call back...i guess thats a good thing...ive pretty much lost hope in her calling....oh well...hooray for me and to everyone else who's stayed strong!!

[fruitapus09]

Day 4 (would have been 12)

 

Even though I am sure this guy thinks i'm an idiot and will never call me again, I am having a hard time throwing away his phone number (written on paper now, already deleted from cell phone). I feel like I've been acting crazy over him, and now that I'm calm, I'm embarrassed. Still not beating myself up over it, no matter how crazy I feel, there is someone crazier.

 

Our mutual friends know that we hooked up the night we met (they facilitated it by dropping my stuff off at his house while we went for a motorcycle ride - kinda setting me up for returning to his house, and one thing led to another, etc.)

 

They also know that he called me a month later because he had to ask for my phone number.

 

But they don't know that we ended up hanging out with each other twice after that. So unless he's told them anything, they are none the wiser. However I might be seeing one of the friends, who happens to be one of my best friends, tomorrow or next week. She has helped me through several breakups, but has different opinions about dating guys. She thinks I should date a bunch of them, fall in love with none, and use them for dinner, work on my house etc. Yet she wants me to eventually have a serious relationship and get married. I don't think I can handle dating either way right now. I won't go out with people I'm not truly interested in because I hate dating.

 

So instead of directly thinking about this guy I am thinking about what I will tell my friend about him. So still thinking too much. I don't want to say anything that will get back to him, and I really don't think this guy will have said much to his friends about me that will get back to me, but I still worry about it. I worry about running into him at some future party or event. I plan on saying hi only if he is near someone else I know, but otherwise staying away.

 

My friend will likely bring up another guy she wants me to meet, and I think I have to tell her I am not ready to meet anyone. I grew feelings for this other guy way too fast, and when he acted weird the last time we were together, I internalized everything and got insecure and blew it. Yes he was acting different, and I was really pissed that I came over expecting a motorcycle ride and got 3 hours of Star Trek sitting in the dark not touching and barely talking. But I still regret telling him off for it. I don't like to be mean to people. That's why most of my long term relationships lasted way too long. Then I apologized and probably came off clingy.

 

People say you need to learn to ask for what you want, so you don't become a doormat, but it comes out all wrong in real life and can push people away or make you look desperate.

 

Why is trying to have a love life so hard? Luckily I am going to be very busy at work for awhile so hopefully that gives me less time to think. But it is hard to balance that out.

[Beardy]

This NC s**t is a real rollercoaster. Was doing fine for a while, then everything seems to reset for no reason at all. I can't believe 5 1/2 years of love and affection has come down to this.

 

I'm worried that not talking to her will make it easier for her to move on, if she hasn't already. Not sure I want to move on... did for a while, even had a date lined up for last Saturday, which in the end I was too busy to make.

 

Basically, c**p day. Want her back. Want to know where she is and ask her what she is thinking. Tired of having to pretend like I don't care with my friend... tired of the constant struggle.

 

Sorry for the rant.

[actzipild]

I have been down all day. I cannot concentrate on anything at work, have been staring at YM the whole day, counting the hours.

 

She told me last nite she dreamed of me. At the moment it felt good, that at least she has me in her mind. Then it occurred to me that I cannot tell her I have been dreaming about her when I was sleeping, that I was thinking about her when I was awake.

 

Most likely it will be also a crap evening. But I am still holding on.

[dimnickel1980]

i also feel strange for some reason. i wonder too if he's already forgotten me because of nc. then again, we were so intertwined into each other's lives and personalities.. i'll never truly go away from him. i just wish he would be himself again.

[user1988]

Day 10, 2nd attempt at NC

 

Beginning to think he'll never call and moved on.

[Gateway]

day 36:

 

 

I don't know why it gets worse, this is crazy. I havee tried everything but my mind just drifts back to her and before i know it im in an almost dream state thinking about her. I was hoping something would have happened by now but no dice. She did txt me on the 30 mark saying she missed me but I was too stupid or too hurt still to txt back and hping she would again that way I know she did really missed me. I just hate and am ashamed of what I have gone through emotionaly the last month and scared I will let her or someone else hurt me again.

 

It's just crazy. Broken hearts are no joke it took me 35 years to have mine broken and I'm sorry I ever told anyone or thought to myself about someone else to "get over it".

[dimnickel1980]

more angry and uncaring emotions than anything. i keep thinking of all his broken promises... shows me what type of person he is. he's not going to call because he is an * * * * * * * lol

[Amasa]

Yesterday was not my best day ever. I cried alot and wrote ranty post on here and on a private journal. I saw him twice yesterday (pickup n dropoff) he has quit trying to make conversation when he does which is good for me.

I did drive by his new house that he has with his new gf yesterday. It's on a road I go down anyway so I'm not a stalker, but I probably should have avoided it anyway, and am going to in the future.

The last email I sent him I told him that he had been cheating on me since I was pregnant and that I thought he was a selfish child and I hated him.

He wrote back and said that he hadn't been and I was making stuff up.

 

I really want to write him back and tell him that an emotional affair is the same as a real affair. I remember him talking about this young girl at his work hitting on him and how dumb she was to think she could have him when he had a wife and babies and a house.

 

Flash forward a year and look at us now. I don't think I'm going to send it (i'll probably write the email 100 times) What's the point? He's with who he wants to be with.

[looking4ward]

Here again, ho-hum. Finishing day 1 NC. It's the only way I have to get me back. Gonna give myself a week to be sad and then I am done with it. It's not worth my time to suffer so much.

 

-K

[doiiiieeezie]

Back to day 1.

[fruitapus09]

Day 7

 

Getting a little easier as I now know that he won't be calling me. So I'm not looking at my cell every 10 minutes, which is a definite improvement.

 

Glad to have this forum because I can't talk about this with anyone in real life anymore. They all just say move on, "just date" this summer (don't form any relationships), etc.

 

If it was that easy, I wouldn't be on here anymore. I haven't seen him in almost 3 weeks, but I still think about him. I wake up some mornings thinking of what it was like to wake up in his arms (even if I only experienced it twice).

 

It does occur to me that if I try again at the end of 30 days, he might still reject me. I'm hoping to just ask him to meet me for a drink somewhere, no drama, no strings etc. just to see what happens. But he might say no, or ignore me, and that will be hard.

 

It also occurred to me that I don't really know him that well. Maybe the weird moodiness is his "normal" and the guy I met the first night was him acting. But I don't think so. We spent the entire morning together talking and cuddling and the chemistry was so strong that I felt like I had known him forever. But if I do get a second chance, what if I find I don't really like him at all and end up deciding I don't want to date him after all?

 

I think this is hard because I know I let myself get out of control, and I messed this up. I'm hoping that its a case of bad timing, he is still getting over his time overseas, and I'm getting over my 6-yr ex and maybe in time it will work out.

 

Thinking about chemistry, I've always been a little bit of a touch-me-not, so even the slightest contact with someone other than a boyfriend would make me draw away. I've been working on this, making a point of hugging my friends etc, and I've gotten a lot better. But with this guy, as soon as I got on his bike and put my arms around him, I felt like it was right. And when we embraced and started kissing, the sensation was so strong that it actually took my breath away.

 

So when my friends imply that i just imagined a connection out of hope that I've met my next boyfriend, I just want to tell them that they have no idea. I

've gone on plenty of internet dates where I built up a lot of hope, and then in real life there was no chemistry at all and I knew it.

 

That's why giving up on this guy is so hard for me.

[and again]

Day 3 of n/c got an urge to txt ex to say " in going to ring you next week when i get credit, because i feel like a mug and i shouldnt do"

Me and ex had gone into a kind of friend relationship, even though i wanted more i never let on not once, was taking it really slow as ex has a lot of self esteem, depression commitment issues due to have always bein treated like crap by ex`s. We have slept together a few times even though she would panic the next day saying even though i enjoyed last night i feel every time we have sex i am holding you back from finding some one else who wants and can deal with a relationship.

Any way over the past month, she has dropped some major hints, ie wanted us to buy a house together with her two kids as friends, but share a bed. Txtd me saying you looked good tonight wish i was good enough for you. Said if i asked to marry her might be shocked as she may say yes.

I let them al wash over me and didnt really reply to her questions. Then tuesday night dureing phone chat, she was saying how down she was etc and if wasnt for her kids wouldnt care if alive or dead.I asked her if she still loved me, fancied me , trusted me all answears where yes. So i said put your trust in me then and lets take it slow become a couple again and work through things.

She replied saying you want more than me we are meant to be just friends, its best we stop contacting eachother. She has also said time and again she would only ever have a relationship with me and will never have a one night stand.

And thats where it stands now, i feel as though she has lured me into saying those things to her, and its either because of 3 things.

1 she is scared stiff of her feelings and getting hurt and putting barriers up as she has admitted to me in past.

2 she takes it for granted that i will always be there even though she says she doesnt want me to be.

3 she is telling the truth and a bit evil

Any body else ever been through this very confuseing situation, and what the hell should i do?

[Beardy]

5 1/2 relationship. 2 1/2 months since her breaking up with me.

 

So, 21 days NC.

 

Was hoping hitting that 30 milestone would feel good, but this week has been plain horrible, almost as bad as when we first split up, and for no apparent reasoon, so I'm not expected much for next weekend.

 

Today is better though.

 

My ex has chosen to ignore both my sister and mother's birthdays this week. I know most on here will think that's perfectly OK for an ex, but these people were her friends (especially my mother), they holidayed together, they've helped her through some very rough times and welcomed her with open arms into the family. Now she's cut them out without saying a word.

 

I sent her mother a birthday card last month and her family a letter thanking them for the good times and all they've done for me and to explain that I wouldn't be emotionally capable of seeing them for a while but hoped to see them in the future. My ex couldn't even do that.

 

At least this distance is letting me see the real her, or at least the worst of her.

[Amasa]

Today is worse. Saw him when he picked up the girls, he was looking super hot, probably wearing new clothes his fabulous gf picked out for him. I almost started crying when he opened the door.

Now they are off being a little family frolicking somewhere, while I sit here and cry.

As I was driving earlier and started crying, I flashed back to the last time we broke up and I realize that I am in for that same crushing unending pain all over again. Ohh what a dark time in my life that was, and now I'm on my way back there again. Where I will sit and rot, unable to let go of what I should have let go of a long time ago. Unable to see the reality of the situation. Always holding on to this little glimmer of hope that he will realize....something. And knowing the whole time that all I need to do is let it go. Just let it go and it will be better. Sure, I will try and force myself to do that, I may go out and get a new guy that I will never care about as much as I care about my ex. The happiness will never be there like it was. And I will be a depressed shadow of myself watching my life go by.

No, instead I will hold onto every email and re-read them a thousand times. Write him a million letters (that I won't send) to try and find just the right words to say so he can see he loves me.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

[SnowFox]

It sounds like a lot of us are struggling right now.

 

(((group hug))))

 

I stopped counting the days of NC - its been roughly 3 weeks give or take a few days.

 

I broke it yesterday though because when we broke up, we only discussed his issues- he was in a crisis involving his kids, his job, and finances.

 

I never said a word in either the few emails we exchanged or the 3 phone calls we had about any of my feelings.

 

We were together the past 1.5 years but have a 13 year history, so I just really needed to get some things off my chest.

 

I spent the past few weeks working on drafts of this email and the final version was really great - I feel a sense of closure now that I sent it.

 

I do not expect a reply and if he emails back, I am not sure if I will even read it. I created my own closure through writing to him.

 

One thing I can say is that I have no regrets in this relationship. I don't regret a single thing I have said or done to him. I can walk away feeling like I gave my absolute best. I don't think I could feel this way if I hadn't sent the email because I felt like I had so many unresolved emotions that I needed to express.

 

I still consider myself NC though because I am healing from the pain of the break up. I have 98% given up any hope of reconciliation. I am sad but not traumatized like I was a few weeks ago.

 

My ex and I had something really special and if I am honest with myself, it is truly his issues that keep us apart, not mine.

[looking4ward]

Starting day 2- doing ok. Gonna stay the course, need to get myself back together.

[pdoog]

Day 96!!!

 

And I still have up and down days. but I am much much better dealing with it now.

 

hang in there guys and gals.

[Tigerfan]

Day 10 strict NC. Day 15 of not a word from her. Day 76 since I saw her last.

 

I felt much better last night and this morning. Tonight, not so good. Tonight is the one year anniversary of our first date. It was Saturday night, July 12, 2008.

 

This is not easy. I miss her.

[Bestfriendgone]

Day 24 of strict NC. i'm nearing the 30 day mark. So far still alternating between several good days and several bad days. mornings are the worst. Haven't seen him for about a month now. Broken up officially for a month.

 

It does get better. Hang in there.

[looking4ward]

Doing sucky right now. Can't sleep - it's 1am where I am. Entering day 3 NC, obsessive thoughts, had to log on the computer to check my email (of course nothing from him) and then needed to post to ENA. Going to stay strong- I refuse to beg or plead my case to him. I'm worth more than that (even if I was just the rebound chick).

 

Gonna try to sleep.

 

-K