Getting back together really does happen!

[disme724]

What he said. Don't wait for HER to say it's over, say it's over YOURSELF. That is what's going to help you most of all through this. You don't need anyone's (dis)approval, just your own!

 

yea that's what i'm trying to get in my head..but we always got back together before after a couple of weeks and i don't know if she testing how much i want her or what that's what keeps me going back to same spot..i'm really trying to put in my head that its over but then "what if" comes in..

[surfjon]

YES!

 

Very often, and it seems more a female thing, they will not tell you it's over. You have to do it yourself.

It's tough, but there comes a time you gotta just walk and let it die. You will get nothing from her, no explanation other than "I'm not sure", but this is where you bail the F out.

[Chan Guo Wei]

what exactly she mean when she post "Be strong enough to let go and patient enough to wait for what you deserve" in her facebook

[Thriller]

Wow. This thread is hitting home. Just recently my ex and I have parted ways. In retrospect his life is a sh*tshow. Too long to go into detail, but just know he has so much going on his life that he can't be there for me the way I deserve. I am hopeful for a reconciliation down the road but he needs this time to work on himself and I am going to take the time myself to heal and in the end this should be WIN/WIN. Either we find our way back to each other if it's still there, and the relationship will be stronger or I will have found my peace and am in a better place and have attracted another great partner. I have no regrets, none. I was pretty graceful in the breakup, indeed I was upset. I would've done anything for him but all the stuff that is going on is bigger than me. After a few days I wrote him and truly wished him the best, and that I understand and respect what he needs to do now and that I will always be there for him and his son (we were very close). He called the next day thanking me for a wonderful email and all that, he invited me to his place that night to talk some more. He was very attentive, doing all the right things with my favorite wine, candles, showing attention. We did spend the night together and it was a great evening. It was like old times before all the stresses, we laughed easily, talked easily and he was opening up. The next day when I left I told him I know that this doesn't change anything but at the very least I am glad we're talking. Wished him well and said see ya later. I'm hopeful, but again I know it'll take time and I am committed to healing myself above anything else. Hope this helps. I do feel it is important that you put yourself first during times like this. It is tough, I am having ok days and low days...but it'll get better. I know it will.

[Chapalain]

I hope my ex returns to me one day soon. After we split over a week ago I've been completely miserable - no sleep, no food (I've dropped about 2 inches on my waist I'd reckon).. One day I hope for a call where she says "I made a mistake, please take me back"

 

And you know what? After all she's done to me.. I'd take her back. No hesitation. Tell me the pain eases, guys? Tell me it gets better, when you can sleep in the bed you once shared, and wake up many hours later and feel good and fresh, not cold and hollow?

 

Do you think that, a girl who once declared she'd marry me on a leap year February if I didn't do so myself, and discussed the names of our children, will one day soon be mine again?

[PosType]

I hope my ex returns to me one day soon. After we split over a week ago I've been completely miserable - no sleep, no food (I've dropped about 2 inches on my waist I'd reckon).. One day I hope for a call where she says "I made a mistake, please take me back"

 

And you know what? After all she's done to me.. I'd take her back. No hesitation. Tell me the pain eases, guys? Tell me it gets better, when you can sleep in the bed you once shared, and wake up many hours later and feel good and fresh, not cold and hollow?

 

Do you think that, a girl who once declared she'd marry me on a leap year February if I didn't do so myself, and discussed the names of our children, will one day soon be mine again?

 

It gets so much better Fuhman! While I can't tell you whether or not your ex-girlfriend will come back, everyone here going through what you're going through can guarantee that it does get better. It will take TIME, but when you realize how much you have going for you, you start to see the opportunities and blessings around you, and its the greatest feeling in the world! I honestly believe, being dumpees, we eventually realize we're in a much better position because we learn from our mistakes. Whether we can say for the dumper, I'm not sure. But just remember that when you start looking past her and into your own life, the blessings will come, and you will come out a much better, stronger person. I've read a lot of "they always come back" here on enotalone, and I can't say how true that is, but you realize over time that you deserve so much better than what your ex did to you, and either way and if she doesn't come back, you will find someone better. That is a fact!

 

On topic:

I had a guardian in my life who died recently. When I was struggling with my break up, he told me about his first wife. They broke up and weren't in contact for 8 months to a year. Eventually they got back together and got married, till his wife died about a year later. So yes reconciliations happen! Just be open to anything to happen, and your life will be amazing!

[PVOutdoors]

In my belief as long as you live a positive life and do good things while you live this short life, alot of your ex's will circle back.

 

It's happened to me with every girl I had a close connection with. I have always kept a low profile on my lifes success's. Im currently 25, college educated and a proud business owner.

 

Ive been through it all. I was particulary harsh to my exs my younger days then ignored them. Especially one who royally screwed me over. She kept my belongings and immediately started dating another guy with a criminal record. I blew up, cut my losses and used the no contact rule. I eventually grew a pair and sucked it up, got over it and 4 months later she texted me 3 different occasions in the span of a month. I just ignored her, wasnt worth it. Shes gone back and forth with the dude and got pregnant. Shes now stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I heard shes miserable.

 

My buddy and his girlfriend of over a year live together. I really envy them. His girlfriend hooked me up with a close friend that lived 2 hours away. I was hesitant at first but she has always had the mindset of moving down here eventually (better jobs & area) so that helped. We developed great chemisty, saw her every two weeks and began dating. Shes 4 years younger and going to college. Unfortunately this past weekend I got blind sighted. She couldnt come up with a better reasoning than using distance, work and school as an excuse. Which she assured me in the get go that the distance thing was not a problem and we would work through it. She would go as far as to sending love letters, always telling me she missed me and wanted to be down here with me and her friend. She even assured me that less than a week ago.

 

I held my pride, kept my mouth closed, and supported her decision which Im sure was a curve ball for her. I know most of her ex's gave her a rough time. My conclusion is she still has a bit of a wild child left in her, shes young, confused and hasnt fully discovered her self yet. That reality will hit as she inches closer toward graduation in a year. Am I going to sit around and wait. Not a chance. Its tough but I'll get over it. I will not contact her, but Im sure I'll run into her again soon knowing she'll want to visit my buddies girlfriend.

 

So be it. I left a postive mark on her and I'm sure she'll reflect back on it in time. First and last impressions meen everything. I just believe living a positive life and devoting yourself to that relationship for the time being is enough, not smothering/pressuring her, respecting her life/goals. Alot of girls/guys (younger ones especially) will dump you, move on to the next and not find greener grass.

[CocoaBean]

Not trying to be rude... And I have my story too, but lets keep this thread to what it is about.

 

Real stories of people getting back together!

[jjjman]

My parents broke off with each other when they were dating. After about a year, they got back together and now married for 25 years.

 

I hope she will come back to me one day. I really love her...................sign.

[bungalo]

I got back together at least 6 times with my ex....but she always effing left time after time...mercifully for good finally in June of 2010 after five years of torture

[Ne Moe]

I know of another couple who were off and on again a fair bit. They even had a child together and they were apart for a few years. Not sure of the ins and outs but they got married when the child was ten and are happy out now.

[CityGirlLuv]

My best friend and her husband dated when they were 13 but broke up like a year later. They grew up together and she was always in love with him but he had his ways. He used to do drugs and dated other women but you could tell he too loved her. They dated others, said things that were horrible, etc. It got to the point where she was even ready to move on and said she'll never date him again. It'd just never happen. Well he finally cleaned up his act and they dated from 2011 got engaged in early 2012 and got married in Oct. of 2012. They still have issues that they need to work on, but I can tell they love one another deeply. Hes a good guy just did some bad things in the past.

[Javabear]

My parents are getting divorced after 25 years of marriage and my mom is currently seeing a man she dated for a couple years during high school. They continued their friendship over the last 40 years and have been together for about 6 months now. So, really, anything is possible.

[the dude91]

Well my Fiance and I broke up after almost 4 years together for about half a year. She did her thing and I did mine. Actually what happened was she left me for another guy, she thought that she seen the grass was greener on the other side, turned out to be full of sh*t since he ended up abusing her physically and mentally. Anyways I still wouldn't take her back for awhile because when she came to me asking if we could work things out she said that she didn't want to stop being friends with that guy. They were best friends in high school before the whole thing blew up. Anyways after she realized I wasn't giving in she agreed to never speak to him again. That was a start to a new relationship, both old an new. I changed significantly, stuck to rules of this site with strict NC, I broke a couple of times and regretted it and fell for bread crumbs once. But NC isn't really about getting them back, it's about changing yourself and improving oneself. Even if they do come back asking to talk that doesn't mean just giving into their whims. But anyways, we're going on 5 years now and planning a wedding, high school sweethearts even though I'm older by a few years. Getting back together does happen, just not all of the time and it doesn't always workout unless you work yourself out. Also, it working out doesn't always mean working it out being with them, it means working it out being happy with yourself whether you're with them or not.

[Picara]

A good friend of mine dated this guy for 9-10 months. He was an ***hole to her, blew her off constantly, ignored her, got pissed off about everything she did and made a scene, he drank a lot, etc. She had enough and they split up. Didn't talk for a couple of months, started talking again every now and then, and finally met up a couple of times and slept together. They ended up getting back together about 5 months after the break up, even if she was aware that everyone around her thought it was a mistake.

 

They've been together for about 1.5 years now and moved in together 1 year ago. She told me that a few months after getting back together, he told her he had bad abandonment issues because his parents left the UK and moved away when he was 15 (he stayed with his grandmother), and a previous break up had left him in a very bad state. When he met her, he kept her at arm's lenght and treated her badly because in his head he "knew" that she would leave him too, so he wanted to be done with it as soon as possible. I guess he thought about his issues and has been working on resolving them during the break up and after getting back with her.

 

So, it worked in this case, but she has some issues too (hasn't been single for about 10 years, gets very attached even when the relationship is dysfunctional, etc.) so that might have contributed to them getting back together. I think a more emotionally healthy person would have walked away from a guy like this and never looked back, and if he had been healthier himself, he might have had some trouble with the side of her that gets overly attached in a very short time. They seem pretty happy now though, and I really hope it lasts!

[pettypink]

I have a few new stories! Unfortunately, it looks like recon isn't in the plan for me as my ex has a new, beautiful girlfriend. But! I can post about a few of my friends

 

1) I mentioned this before, but my friend whose girlfriend broke up with him last July got back together with her earlier this week. They were LC, to NC, to LC during the breakup. He was devastated (got sent home from work for being a mess one day). They were still hooking up occasionally, but she wouldn't commit to being back with him. He got fed up and went NC. She went on to see another guy (not seriously), and he tried to meet new girls and date them. It didn't work out with these new girls. He was pretty bummed, but went on. He entered himself into lots of marathons and committed himself to his grades and working out. His ex started talking to him again randomly, and they were in contact everyday for about two months. Finally, last week she went to a wedding and they were texting. He got jealous of some guy and asked her to decide. They met up last weekend and decided to get back together and try again.

 

2) My one other friend was dating a guy for 3 years (they broke up once for 2 weeks last year) and went through a rough patch in February. They broke up, went LC, and are now back in contact - talking about working things out. Their problems were more about life though - his new business, her stress as a lawyer, his family's illnesses, etc. It'll be a long time before they are officially back together, but they are on the path there. This same friend told me that if a couple was meant to be together, if they were truly going to reconcile - everything in the wold will conspire to make it happen. You can't do anything about it except to live your life to the fullest, grow as a person, learn your lessons and whatnot (especially if you were dumped). If it is supposed to happen, it will.

 

3) A friend of mine dated her boyfriend from high school until now (last year of uni, so about 4-5 years). They were on and off a lot, and I think she finally had had enough and dumped him for good in 2011 - he didn't treat her right. She spoke about how she could do so much better. She met a new guy at the end of 2011 and was totally in love with this new guy. She spoke to me about him as if they were going to get married, her parents knew about him, etc. I believe this went on for 8 months? I recently got back in touch with her and she says she's back with the first boyfriend as of a month ago. I'm not sure how or why, but it happened.

 

4) These aren't really real...maybe not even healthy, but I thought I'd post them anyway: Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are apparently back together (LOL).

[maron]

adding to the recent contributions (and pettypink, Justin and Selena still count regardless of healthy or not, unfortunately. lol! haven't you seen these stories? no one really knows what's going to happen and as irritating as it sounds, the same applies to your situation):

 

1) wanted to link this story to the thread: . maybe it was added before, maybe not.

 

2) co-worker told me her story about how her and her husband got together. they dated in high school then broke up. post-break up, they both dated others. he moved out of state for one year, she stayed near (if not in) their hometown. she liked the new guy(s) well enough and with his girlfriends after her, one girl was a long-time crush of his and they broke up anyway. she said she thought it was strange that at least one girl he dated after her came up to her and said "well, you ruined him for the rest of us. because even though he was with me, he still had feelings for you." they weren't friends and because she's older, this was before e-mail. they were not the hangout type friends, but they would talk sometimes and felt that they needed to be on civil terms at the very least due to the many mutual friends between them. yes, she went through the "we're never getting back together" phase with him, too. i know for sure because at some point in the conversation, i interjected with the taylor swift lyrics as a joke and we laughed about it. hah!

 

3) from the same co-worker: this is either her daughter or daughter's good friend. we talked about a lot of things and it was hard to follow the flow of conversation sometimes. the girl and guy broke up and became friends afterwards; the guy went in the armed forces (i'll keep it general because any of the branches are pretty tight-knit, you know?). he had girlfriends afterwards but when he found himself single and needing a date for a ball, he asked the girl and she went to where he was at for the weekend. she'd been thinking that there could be something, but when she was with him, she realized that she doesn't have feelings for him. his mannerisms showed that he still had feelings for her. she felt really bad about it as the guy was a good guy, it's just that her feelings told her she was over him.

 

tomorrow is friday, so i hope everyone's weekends will be off to a great start.

[pettypink]

I'm just full of these stories recently haha. I had a girl-date with an old friend of mine from high school recently and this is her story:

Her and her boyfriend met in grade 10 (I was crushing on him at the time lol) and started dating pretty quickly. They dated until grade 12, where they broke up for 3 months because I think he might have cheated. They got back together and dated for another 2 years. They then broke up again and he started seeing another girl. This was a pretty long breakup - 1 year or so. They got back together last year and are still together. I'm not sure if they'll stay together forever, but they might.

[futuremrssw]

Nearly all of my friends have broken up with their boyfriends at some point ! Mostly the men dumping them and then came crawling back some for weeks and some for months and maybe one or two for a year . Come to think of it I can't think of one long term relationship which has not had a break up ! Maybe it's our age we are in our early twenties however my friends mum and dad got divorced after being married for 15 years had a year apart where her dad saw other women her mum did not and they got back together after about a year , and got married last Christmas my boyfriends in a rebound relationship but I know he will be back which is the worst because I can't move on because I just know ! I'm a true believer in everything happens for a reason and if its meant to be it will be !! Patience people patience

[cintasatu]

Just got through reading this entire thread and it's helped me keep my chin up. Kind of sad that it ended haha.

 

Hopefully people keep adding more stories and someday I will add mine as well.

[cervidae]

I have a couple of stories. I dated my first ex 6 years ago but it was a rocky relationship. To this day, I still hear from friends that he'd do anything to have me back. When I became single a month ago, he was the first to get back in touch.

My other ex broke up with my once and came back 2 days later, we stayed together for another year and then called it off. 4 months later he was begging for me to come back, saying that I was the most amazing girl he'd ever known. He even tried to committ suicide when I said no... Obviously that was a highly toxic relationship. Not really reconciling stories, but it shows they can come back even after dumping you. But by then, you're probably over it!

 

Two good friends of mine have always had a bumpy relationship-- clinginess from her side, too much independence from his side. They argue all the time, but have sacrificed so much (she moved from Ireland to the US to go to school with him). Last fall, he wanted to call it off because he was going away on an out of state internship. She was in hysterics-- absolutely inconsolable. She texted him endlessly looking for some kind of comfort, and it eventually got to the point where he said he doesn't love her anymore. She eventually accepted it and moved forward, and he eventually decided that they were right for each other. They're doing better than ever. She says without the struggle and the independence she gained, it never would have worked.

 

Another friend of mine had her boyfriend of 3 year break it off, saying he didn't love her anymore and that he wanted to see other people. She remained strong. He came back a month later begging for forgiveness, but by then she was too angry at him to consider. He had to put in months of work and trust rebuilding to get her back. Now they're back together and doing great!

 

Even in situations where the dumper has thought it out and didn't make a split decision, sometimes they still realize they made a mistake. The key to happiness for the dumpee is to move on and heal. You can still heal and leave a space in your heart for someone-- but if you truly let go, it's a win-win situation for you. Either they come back, or you find happiness within yourself and find someone new.

 

Hoping my most recent ex returns someday. It was the first non-abusive relationship I've experienced but I admit that the problems that caused the split were mostly my fault. You can hope, but don't cling. Be open to anything happening and you will find your peace.

[22n32]

^^^^

Guys are way more likely to come back, its far less likely women came back, just the reality of it..

[mhowe]

^^^^

Guys are way more likely to come back, its far less likely women came back, just the reality of it..

 

Guys tend to say what they feel in the moment, then possibly regret it when they have had time to think about it. Women tend to try and work it out, but start to disconnect emotionally before.they broach the "break up" topic...so they have already begun to leave.

[gotexans12]

Here is one: My brother and his fiance now. She was actually a friend of mine that met him. They dated for maybe 3 years then he broke up with her. Then he went to date another girl for maybe 2 years. My friend was devestated. She love my brother. She did the begging, showing up to the house, calling. He would have none of it. My other sis in law gave her some advice. She told her to be patient and don't get angry like that. She fought for my brother love. After my brother broke up with the other one my friend contacted him again. They are now back 3 years and are getting married in cancun next year.

[cervidae]

Oh, forgot one... one of my favorite professors jokingly refers to his wife as his "2nd and 3rd wife". I don't know the details, but they did get divorced but remarried later. They're in their mid 60's and don't have children, but he goes on and on about her during his lectures. It's obvious he truly cares about her, even though they have their differences (i.e, he is agnostic and she is very Christian).

 

About the guys coming back more than girls... yeah, I would say women tend to debate and ruminate over their decision more beforehand. My recent ex claims he put a lot of thought into his decision before breaking it off with me, but he never showed an inkling of withdrawing or distance himself until the morning of. In fact, the night before, we had made plans to see a movie and he told me he loved me, so I'm not so sure. I for one know that I've never gotten back together with someone that I personally broke it off with-- instead I stuck around until there was absolutely no more love in my heart for that person. I hate regretting things, and I guess I never wanted to look back and wonder "what if", so I stuck around and tried to make it work even if the relationships were very toxic... I don't recommend that.

 

Women also have a wider social support to turn to-- guys don't tend to have a big group of friends waiting in the wings to watch sappy movies and eat ice cream with after break ups. I guess girls tend to go over the thought with many different people as we consider it.