Getting back together really does happen!

[alb]

The difficult thing is how to build trust again... If someone dumped you how are you sure he will not do it again? How do you know that you are not the safety net? In one way they show you that they dont respect you, especially in cases that you were dumped for someone else... I think that it is intresting to know the way their problems were solved and how they build trust again.

[itsallmental]

This thread inspired me to join this forum, I'd like to thank everyone for their helpful posts! In my case, it's not that I'm holding out false hope, in fact, I think theres a chance she'll come back to me, but it helps to read about people who've reunited. It in someway helps me to move on for myself.

 

My relationship lasted 7 months and ended 1 week and 4 days ago, it was a LDR (about 2 hours away) she's a freshman in college and I'm a Junior. She felt she was losing her feelings for me, had interests in other people, and felt that it wasn't fair to me to feel that way. She also said that She loved me and I was the kindest person she's ever met, but that she felt smothered and needed freedom at this point in her life. It obliterated me, I've been struggling everyday, my mind going in circles. Since the break up I've messaged her a couple times, she ignored them for days and then said that casual conversation wasn't a good idea right now.

 

It's a month until summer break, and I hope that by then I will have moved onto a point where I can think about things more rationally, or she'll start to come back to me after she's had time to think, heal, and miss me. I struggle to decide what I want, and what's best. In the meantime I've been staying active and ontop of my school work.

 

What do you guys think will happen? Does it seem like she may come back? Is what I'm doing now the best way to go about things?

 

The hardest part for me is not knowing how she's doing, or what she's doing... I have no idea if theres another guy, if shes hurting too, or is she's moving on.. I guess only time will tell... Any pointers or things I should remember?

 

Thanks everyone!

[Mangiafuoco]

A success story, by Kamila on Loveshack

link removed

 

It's not really about the ex coming back, it's about the ex making a decision and sticking to it.

 

I have a friend that has broken up with her boyfriend because he didn't know what he wanted with her and their relationship.

 

She broke up with him and kept low contact with him. She told me: "Never break contact with a man if you want a chance of getting back together..." That advice I never followed and my ex-bf never came back.

 

So she kept low contact with her ex-bf for over a year, and he returned and asked her what she wanted. She said she wanted marriage and kids, nothing more, nothing less.

 

Now, they are married for 2 years and have 2 kids. As far as I know, they are happy.

[Geekinthepinkx]

Post:

 

I dated my high school sweetheart for two years starting in grade 11. We broke up after two years and both saw other people. Over the next 4-5 years whenever we saw each other (we still had mutual friends) we would sleep together. That connection was always there. A few times we'd try to rekindle things but the timing was just never right. I was a fool and married someone else when I was 25 and it obviously broke her heart. That marriage was destined for disaster and my wife and I separated. When we were separated, I began seeing my ex-gf again, things were going great and we fell back in love immediately. About a month in, my then wife said she wanted to try and work on our marriage again, so I stupidly ended things with my ex-gf and broke her heart again. We didn't speak for two years.

After those two years, by random chance, my ex-gf and I separately went for brunch with our parents at a hole in the wall restaurant in town. We avoided each others glances and didn't speak once. It was so hard to not say hi to her or her family. She emailed me the next day and said she didn't want to ignore each other anymore. I called her and we spoke for hours and arranged to meet in person. The spark was still there. It was so obvious that we were meant to be together. We started seeing each other almost every day and after 3 months we moved in together. In August of '12 I proposed and this past July we got married. We've been together 3 1/2 years this time and are now expecting our first child together (she's 13 weeks pregnant today). I've never been happier with a partner and I couldn't imagine life with anyone else. She's made me a better person and I've grown so much with her and she knows me better than I know myself sometimes. It's so cliche to say that if it's meant to be that it will be but in our case I truly feel that's exactly what's happened.

[pettypink]

Hmm another one - A friend of mine was with her ex since last July. They broke up in early March and just got back together yesterday...Not a long break up but I guess it counts?

[Mangiafuoco]

Hmm another one - A friend of mine was with her ex since last July. They broke up in early March and just got back together yesterday...Not a long break up but I guess it counts?

 

Would be nice to read more details about this reconciliation

[pettypink]

Would be nice to read more details about this reconciliation

 

Well I think they met at her friends party and immediately started dating within two-three weeks I believe. She's been in long term relationships before (2-3 years each) but with this one it was different. After they broke up (he said he wasn't sure if he was ready to settle down with anyone/anything at this age - he's 23 or 24), she told me she thought he was the one They remained in light contact and then got back together. Not sure who initiated.

[Geekinthepinkx]

Copy from another user

 

My brother and his girlfriend broke up a few years ago, mainly because she was too clingy and some religious differences. She went completely NC with him and even though my brother tried to move on he eventually realized that he wanted to make things work with her. They're still together and talking about marriage in a few years once she's done with school (working on her Master's)

 

My sister and her ex first got together 6 years ago. He proposed to her 4 years ago, but eventually the relationship became unhealthy and my sister broke up with him. She immediately re-bounded and he did a lot of crazy things, including showing up at our house drunk to confront her and her new guy and we had to call the cops. They eventually got back together (God knows why) but recently he broke up with her and even said "now you know how it feels to have someone do this to you." Good riddance in my opinion-he was very supportive at first but has become an awful person.

 

My favorite story happened to a couple I know from my church. They dated in their early 20's and the guy went as far as to propose when they were 23. She turned him down because she wasn't ready for marriage. they remained friends but lived completely separate lives for the most part. He joined the Peace Corps and she finished nursing school. They both dated other people, including him dating her best friend, but I know in her case all the guys ended up being compared to *him*. They got married 2 1/2 years later and have now been together close to 30 years. She said that the years apart helped them both grow as individuals and ultimately strengthened their relationship.

 

A friend got married this summer to a guy she had dated in high school (7 years ago). They broke up but he continued to be friends with her little brother. She dated at least 2 other guys during that time and eventually they found their way back together. She said if she hadn't had those other dating experiences she wouldn't have been prepared to be the wife her husband needs.

[zyketti]

I hung out one of my best friends all day yesterday, because if I didn't I would probably have sat on my ass all day and accomplish nothing. We got talking during one of our meals and he just said, "You know, I really admire your dedication and persistence. Your persistence and dedication in starting your dream career, and now, also with your ex." THen he shared me a story.

 

He said, he knows of this one couple that has been most successful in his eyes. THat is saying a lot, because one of our best friends is married with a daughter and they seem more happier than ever. The couple he mentioned had few ups and downs, mini-breakups, and the usual arguments. The girl strung the guy around, because she was always looking for the better guy. She kept him on the side waiting for the perfect man to appear. Eventually, she broke it off, and started seeing this one guy. Apparently there was a lot of drama involved, but one thing was for sure: the boyfriend never gave up, and he persisted. He did non-contact for a bit (not too long though), and over the period of 2 months, he somehow gained her back. They've been happy ever since, married and she's now 5 months pregnant.

[koshka]

Me and my ex are back together I posted here a couple of months ago asking for help on how to get him back after he broke up with me...

 

 

 

What happened after this is I decided to leave Japan one month earlier than planned, as I felt I needed the support of my family and friends. I made it very clear to my ex that I still loved him and wanted to give things another shot, but at the end of the day the ball was in his court. We said that we would meet up 2 months later when he finally moved back home from Japan too, and discuss whether we wanted to try again. I really thought that he wouldn't change his mind, because surely if he wanted to be with me, he would have realised it in that month that we were separated but still living together.

 

So I spent my time at home getting myself back on my feet. I kept myself busy, worked on my business, got a new job, joined a gym, and hung out with all my friends I hadn't seen in a while. I never did NC as it's just not in my nature to ignore someone's calls/mails. I didn't initiate any contact, maybe only once or twice, but he frequently sent me random messages or pictures every day or other day, to which I would reply in a usual happy and friendly manner. I saw lots of photos of him out with friends partying and assumed that he was doing just fine, which only led me to believe further that we wouldn't get back together. One week before he was due to come back home we Skyped to discuss something about the apartment. I didn't mention anything to do with the breakup, but told him how much better I was doing. It was really nice to talk.

 

One week before we were due to meet up, I almost called off the whole thing. I was so convinced that he was coming over to end things once and for all and thought saying goodbye for the last time would just be too much to handle. Some people on another relationship forum even told me not to meet up with him, to hold my head up high and move on. I spoke to a friend about it and he told me not to do anything rash, and that I'd waited this long to meet up and could regret not going through with it.

 

So we met up. I was pretty nervous. We hung out for a couple of hours then found a quiet place to talk about 'us'. He told me that he'd really missed me during this time apart, and that seeing me on Skype and in person only made him wish more that I was back in his life. He told me that he could see a future with me, and felt it would be a shame to throw away so many memories. We both agreed that we really needed the time apart. I needed it so that I could find myself again and regain my independence, as I was leaning on him so much.

 

So yeah! We've been back together now for 2 weeks, and it's all going really well. We're living a couple of hours apart at the moment, but it's nice as we both have our own things going on. He texts and calls every day.

 

For anyone in my position I would advise these things; give your ex partner space (especially if they're a guy) to think about things. It seems to take guys longer than girls to realise how they really feel about something or someone. You don't necessarily have to go no contact, but leave 80% of the initiating up to them. Don't bring up the relationship too often or too soon. Find your own and do the things that make YOU happy. See your partner coming back to you as a BONUS and not a necessity.

[tufa4311]

Hey all, I think I've posted on this thread before but it's been a while so I don't remember. What are the rules for this thread? Should you post only if you have a story of reconciliation or can you simply talk about reconciliation? Second, I read a lot about boyfriends and girlfriends but what about ex-wives/husbands - have people on here remarried their ex's?

[Never]

I'm not against this thread. I like it a lot but i have to be honest, stories like this make me feel sad. So, the woman dates a guy. She messes him around. She believes she can find someone better and so drops him to see if she can. She fails to find anyone better so she settles for her fallback guy. Hmmmm...

 

"She kept him on the side waiting for the perfect man to appear." Eeeek.

 

I guess some people really don't mind being strung a long and eventually settled for. I just hope for their sake the "better" person their partner is looking for doesn't appear years from now..

[stillbelieving]

Hey everyone! So its been exactly 1 year since my ex broke up with me. I was near suicidal...I swear nothing felt like it could be more depressing than losing him. It's so stupid but there was a time I actually prayed to just die...that's all I wanted, was to die because I knew my ex would not come back. 6 months ago & up to now....my ex still msgs tryna get back. If u read my story you'll know why I don't wanna get back with him. This site helped me so much & I thank each & every single one of u that gave me advice...it meant the world to me knowing that ppl cared to help me. I found such a great friend in Brokenheart99, u seriously got me through some VERY dark days & I'm so thankful to you...glad to have u as my friend All I want to say to anyone going through a breakup now is...hold on, hang in there...there's always hope. Let life take its course...please don't stay home in depression. Go out, get dressed, upgrade your look & be the best version of yourself that you can. When my ex broke up with me I stayed home in misery thinking that if I went out he'd assume I don't care about him. Well if ur ex broke up with u he's not being caring toward u so you should do whatever u want. Meet new people, look hot...just feel good about yourself. Thankyou Ena & everyone who helped me. Sending lotsa love & hugs to anyone going through a rough time right now....pray & hold on...everything will get better. I promise.

[zyketti]

I'm not against this thread. I like it a lot but i have to be honest, stories like this make me feel sad. So, the woman dates a guy. She messes him around. She believes she can find someone better and so drops him to see if she can. She fails to find anyone better so she settles for her fallback guy. Hmmmm...

 

"She kept him on the side waiting for the perfect man to appear." Eeeek.

 

I guess some people really don't mind being strung a long and eventually settled for. I just hope for their sake the "better" person their partner is looking for doesn't appear years from now..

 

I know what you mean.. I have too much pride to be someone's fallback guy.

 

I guess.. I have one weird story and one good story.

 

Weird story: one of my close friends chased this one girl for an entire year. The girl was already taken when he first met her, and I guess he fell in love quickly. He chased her, and tried to talk to her back and forth. They ended up having a short stint for a couple months, but she decided to go back to the ex, and tried to reconcile. My close friend never gave up (I know I would have…). Then months later, I see her and my close friend going back at it… There was a period of time when she wanted my friend to take off all the photos of them together, and to cut off communication. But anyways, it seems like my friend is happy, although I am afraid something is going to backfire. I guess the moral of the story is, persistence can sometimes work out?

 

Good story: One of the female friends I have, dated this guy for 4-5 years. THey did long distance for couple years in the middle of the relationship. They broke it off because outside of their relationship problems, they didn't know if they would ever be together in the same city. They were both too stubborn to move out of their city to live with one another. They broke up for 6 months, and had time for themselves to really look at their lives. They're now back together, after the girl left the city to be with the boyfriend and they're planning marriage.

[Sad girl]

You all are lucky one Well i think its depends on the reason that people broke up. If its a betrayal no matter how much love you both have it is impossible to be back together i think. But for all those back together are deserve to be blessed i admire you both

[GraceDignity]

Hey, I joined purely to give you all this story... which isn't quite finished.

 

My ex and I were together for nearly 4 years after meeting in Uni. We moved in together and lived together for about 3 years. In our 3rd year of dating though, I began to panic with all these people saying "You're too young to settle down" and "Why don't you enjoy being single and enjoy your youth?". I felt trapped, suffocated, and I began to distance myself from him in the worst ways (not inviting him to hang out with my friends and I etc)

 

Anyway, so we "took a break" which he interpreted to mean we were "broken up" about 5 months ago. We kept seeing each other, sleeping with each other, texting each other... in fact it didn't feel like we were broken up at all. I went on 3 dates in that time, it never developed into anything more with any of those men.

 

Then about a month ago, I was out walking and I suddenly felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. I rushed home absolutely bawling and called my ex, asking for another chance (he moved home to live with his parents after we broke up). He was hesitant and confused, but we met up and talked through things. We met up again, slept together (he isn't the type of guy to use a girl for sex), and then he left. Throughout this month he has been confused, hesitant, and weary of me. I have been an utter wreck (crying to him on the phone, blowing up his phone, wanting to jump on a train to go see him). He has stipulated that he'd like to sort out his job and life in general before making any decisions involving us.

 

In the last week though, after a massive mistake (the train incident, despite him wanting space), I had a wake up call. I pulled myself together, refocused myself on my work, reconnected with my friends and generally began assuming it was over and pulling my life back together.

 

Next week, I intend to talk through it all with him again. I'm going to be calm but happy and loving and positive. I know I don't need him any more to be happy or functional, but I think having him would sure as hell help

 

So there you go, a story about a dumper (girl!) realising all her mistakes and coming back. I did the clingy/needy thing when I realised, but now I'm going to just get on with things and see how it all goes. Fingers crossed (he says he still has feelings for me, so I have hope!)

[stuckandfed]

I thought I had a hope of reconciliation. My ex broke up with me a month and a week ago because I was neglectful, but I had hope I could reignite things after this summer when we could be back together. I made the mistake of chasing her for about 3 weeks, then have been NC. I only pushed her away more, when at the beginning of the breakup she was very unsure of it. Me appearing needy only made up her ind.

 

But...yesterday I saw that she went on a date with this male model guy that goes to her college. And now I think it's a wrap. I don't see her not falling for this guy, and he's certainly going to ruin any chance of her missing me or anything. Even if it won't be a long term thing, it's for sure going to get in the way. I shouldn't be thinking this way anymore, though.

 

It sucks. I feel broken today, probably just as much as when she first ended things.

 

Lesson to everyone: Do not chase. Even if she broke up with something you did wrong, take some time and then take the opportunity to apologize and see if you can fix things. But don't do it right away because he/she will know it's just a desperation move and not genuine. But if she/he still turns you down, go NC. Set a goal: 2 weeks. And then re-evaluate at that point. More than likely, it'll be best to continue NC. Then go for a month. I find the hardest part of a breakup is to grasp the fact that it's over forever. That you'll never talk to her again. And that's why NC is so intimidating.

[JJ2980]

To stay in line with the thread I have a success story to report. My own. My ex and I broke up in October 2012 and we've just got back together. What happened? After a year of NC I decided to reach out and ask how the ex was. We became friends again. And I was there to support her through some recent stresses and it made her realise that of all the people in her life I was the one who was always going to be there and so she asked if we could try again. We still have work to do but it'll be that way for the rest of our lives.

[overthemoon86]

To stay in line with the thread I have a success story to report. My own. My ex and I broke up in October 2012 and we've just got back together. What happened? After a year of NC I decided to reach out and ask how the ex was. We became friends again. And I was there to support her through some recent stresses and it made her realise that of all the people in her life I was the one who was always going to be there and so she asked if we could try again. We still have work to do but it'll be that way for the rest of our lives.

 

JJ2980, that's really amazing! Congratulations and I wish you both all the best

[Reaper23]

Hey there all

Well I came upon this thread after it was mentioned to me by a friend. So I decided to check it out. So far all these reconciliation stories have given me hope that my ex will come back to me one day.

My ex girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me about 3 months ago. We met when we were both 18 and fell in love instantly and moved in together within 3 months of dating. We were inseparable ever since, until this past year things started dying down. We have pets together and share a lot of the same friends. We became each other's best friend. A few weeks before it happened, she told me she wasn't sure if she was still in love with me anymore and that was like a knife to the heart, so my natural instinct was to try and woo her back and I got super clingy hoping it would win her back (she mentioned she felt this way because she was feeling neglected). By doing that I think it annoyed her. Around the time she told me this, she had made friends with another guy that I had a bad gut feeling about from the get go. They started texting day and night and I began to have suspicions about them. I asked her if there was something going on between them and she denied it, but I still had a gut feeling about them. Also, my ex girlfriends phone was hacked into and I thought this new guy had something to do with it because it started as soon as he came into the picture. I secretly confronted him behind her back and told him to leave her alone for a while and he agreed but eventually she wondered why he stopped talking to her and she confronted him and he told her I told him to stop talking to her and that I accused him of this hacking situation. She flipped out that I contacted him like that and broke up with me on the spot and I was heartbroken. 2 days later I found out they had began flirting and getting closer and I flipped out and we got into an argument about it. They have been talking to each like this for about 3 months now and I found out they both have feelings for each other but she tells me she still loves me and doesn't want me out of her life. She even told me that there is no stability with him and she doesn't see it being long term. I'm afraid it just might be long term. We still live together in the same room and she still doesn't want me to leave but lately I've been wondering if it would help her realize she's losing me. Were both 23 and I've been supporting her financially this whole time. This new guy is 19 barely works and is still in school, he also doesn't drive so she always has to go to him. Sorry for the long story but can I get some insight on what to do, I know this thread is for success stories but I need some advice

[marshmallito]

Sorry Reaper, yours is not a reconciliation story yet. My advice is start your own thread in the breaking up section. Repost your story and put some paragraphs in so you get more readers and advice.

[Tawny]

Former figure skater Johnny Weir and his husband apparently reconciled a couple of days ago. Caught a lot of people off guard, because divorce papers had been filed, there were allegations of domestic violence, and both sides said some pretty ugly things about the other. They'd been split up for about two months or so, I think.

[littlebird]

Got a new reconciliation story, unfortunately don't have many details. Was speaking to a colleague of mine today, she recently got engaged. To my surprise, she told me that they actually split up last year. They were together for about 6 years, broke up (don't know if mutual or not) and were apart for 6 months. They still saw each other sometimes as they had a lot of mutual friends, but generally led separate lives. Then after 6 months he told her that he still had a trip abroad booked (from when they were still together), said he was still keen to go and asked if she'd like to come too. She was unsure at first but agreed to the trip, and they've been back together since and got engaged on another holiday last month. If I find out more details, I'll post here

 

She also said that being apart for some time was actually good for them as they've been together for so long since they were quite young. She also said that it is important to let go of the past and forgive the other person for some of the mistakes they might have made.

[Beduldac]

I'm not against this thread. I like it a lot but i have to be honest, stories like this make me feel sad. So, the woman dates a guy. She messes him around. She believes she can find someone better and so drops him to see if she can. She fails to find anyone better so she settles for her fallback guy. Hmmmm...

 

"She kept him on the side waiting for the perfect man to appear." Eeeek.

 

I guess some people really don't mind being strung a long and eventually settled for. I just hope for their sake the "better" person their partner is looking for doesn't appear years from now..

 

So you are arguing never take her back no matter how you feel?

[Never]

So you are arguing never take her back no matter how you feel?

 

I'm not arguing anything. I'm just stating i would rather find someone who wanted me because they loved me, as opposed to someone who only wants me because they couldn't find anyone better.

 

I just wouldn't want to be someones consolation prize. I *personally* wouldn't be happy knowing that.

 

I do believe in reconciliations under different circumstances though so i do believe in second chances.