Getting back together really does happen!

[nohopeatall]

did you guys have any NC? how long is the break?

[Gibi]

I broke up with my boyfriend on 1st December. He was the dumper. We were together for 6 months, but on the last mounth I had some problems and we begin to fight often. He couldn't handle it anymore so he broke it off. He immediately start dating another girl, but in between we were also friends with benefits even if I knew it wasn't right. I was hurt, and I also did begging for a week. He seemed that he didn't care at all about me. On 22 December he called me and he confess he made a mistake and that the new girl is nothing compared to me. We talked for about a week and then I decided to take him back. I did not do NC at all, and after we get back together he told me he was glad I did not because he doesn't think that he had the courage to ask me back.

[LilSprout]

This thread is a bit of a life saver for me I'm aware of the dangers of false hope but considering when I tried to accept my ex may never come back I did nothing but lie in bed crying, skipped work and generally just stopped doing anything, I find thinking he may come back a great motivator for me to get on with my life and improve myself.

If I dare say I think the chances of me getting back with my ex are relatively optimistic too, not saying it will happen but we had a good relationship, we just have some serious personal demons to deal with and that will take time. We will see, we will see.

 

I have got a story. At the beginning of Uni I met a guy, we'll call him Carl, we eventually ended up getting together, little did I know that a mere 3 hours before Carl ask me to be his gf he had broken up with his current gf (we'll call her Sally) over MSN! Carl and I dated for 2 years and it was a very rocky relationship, he had many self esteem issues, was struggling with Uni, was withdrawn while I made loads of wonderful friends and was more social than I'd ever been before. He could also be very controlling, jealous and paranoid; he did a lot of things in the relationship I was not happy with but because I wasn't that into him anyway it never really bothered me, we also broke up numerous times and got back together (all for the wrong reasons). Yeah all around an unhealthy relationship.

 

Eventually we did break up and 2 weeks after we officially parted ways (there was a time where only we knew we weren't a couple anymore) he and Sally get back together! As far as I know they had NC from their break up for about I would guess 8 months or so? Then LC later on; I think she did beg for him back a few times as well when Carl and I were in the 2nd year of our relationship.

 

Him and Sally now live together and seem really really happy together. He appears to learnt a lot in the 2 years he was away from her and really improved his life and how he is in relationships. Carl and I are still friends and chat online on occasion, I can definitely see them getting married in the future. I'm really really happy for him

[beesknees910]

Ladybug, I'd love to hear more of your story if you have the time

[doicare]

Craziness I read this entire thread, some interesting insights.. I will not hold out for reconciliation however this is a nice thread. I have 3 stories.

 

1) my sis broke up with her bf around the age of thirty. She was kind of hung up on her ex from 10 years before. She took a couple months off and moved out. He laid pretty low, understand he had been drinking quite a bit of wine in the meantime, though he had a very good job and was responsible nonetheless. She was a wreck but wanted some distance to explore her feelings for her ex who left her years before but was back in the picture (he too came back too after years of lc and he was flying accross the country to see her.) my sis was pretty confused but ultimately she ended up realizing how much she loved her current bf. They were also lc. They got back and married 1.5years later. They've been married since 2001 and I now have 3 kick ass nephews!

 

2) my best friend broke up with his girlfriend after med school to explore his options. They remained in contact. After a few months he realized that the grass wasn't greener. He never let her stray too far as he knew she was a catch. They too got married in 2007 and have 3 kids too.

 

3) my friend from a few years ago was cheated on by his gf, he took her back willingly. He was smitten with her for the 6/7 years they were together. She ended up dumping him a few months later. She slept with countless guys after (even tried to seduce me at one point while dating him, though I was recently single and more her friend, I got super pissed at her and had security escort her out of my bed naked and from hotel room.) she moved to Europe and I think would sometimes contact him. He was a total wreck but eventually moved on and found a sweet girl. Two years after she came scrambling back realizing how incredible he was. He was I can attest to that. He told her had she come back anytime a few months prior he would have said yes in a heartbeat but it was too late and he said no. He got married to his then gf and has a baby now. Not quite a reconciliation but the dumper did return.

 

There u have it 2 girls who came back and one guy. I think a lot of couples who end up together often break up at some point. It's not to say they will come back to u, and just because married couples do often break up at some point, the opposite doesn't necessarily apply.

[Ladybug2502]

It is far too long and far too complex to tell. He was my first love, first kiss, first everything -- so I was devastated when the relationship ended each time. But, each time that it ended, I managed to pick myself up and just get through the days. We were in very limited contact (maybe one text, usually from him, every two to three months) during those breaks. He was in an online/LDR during our longest break (a year) and I was mostly single, but enjoying life. I lost about 20 lbs in that year and made a decision to go back to school. He moved with me to another state, then he became depressed because he felt he wasn't being productive; thus, left again. We stayed in LC during that break and I kept truckin' on with my life. We connected again over a new venture he had picked up while back in our home state and spent the majority of my time in school in a LDR.

 

I WOULD NOT recommend the roller coaster ride to anyone. It's horrible and messes with your emotions. But, for whatever reason, I always felt that he and I were never "done." I did not wait for him to come back. I kept living for me, because I enjoy life and what it has to offer. I figured that he would come around when he was ready and sure enough, he did.

 

Ladybug, I'd love to hear more of your story if you have the time

[beesknees910]

Ladybug, I'm glad things worked out in the end for you! Congrats on the engagement

[H3nk1]

I am so happy for you!

 

Your story resonates with my own.. But she was the one who left me, for the second time due to my depression. I do love her and feel like we are "not done" too. I think she rather followed "reason" before feelings as we stagnated again. And I respect her fully. I was her first everything, and I know I am all she wants when I am my best.

 

Sigh. If you have any advice / comments, feel free to let me know.

[Ladybug2502]

I am so happy for you!

 

Your story resonates with my own.. But she was the one who left me, for the second time due to my depression. I do love her and feel like we are "not done" too. I think she rather followed "reason" before feelings as we stagnated again. And I respect her fully. I was her first everything, and I know I am all she wants when I am my best.

 

Sigh. If you have any advice / comments, feel free to let me know.

 

All I can say is, even though it basically goes against my own story, is DO NOT rely on that feeling that you are "not done." It is not accurate nor reliable, especially if there's been a previous break-up. It can AND WILL set you back and you might end up waiting for her to come around. My story is one where we did get back together and things ended up working out, but typically, couples don't (and shouldn't) get back together if there's more than one break-up.

 

I told myself it would be fine if he didn't come back because I had things I wanted to take care of in my own life. I took the position of, "whatever happens, happens" and just took care of me. You mentioned that you have depression; if so, are you getting help for it? What are you doing to make your life better? Speaking honestly as someone who knows what it's like to be with someone who has depression, it can be exhausting and disheartening seeing your partner go through it. I did all I felt I could do at the time before I withdrew from him myself.

 

Focus on YOU now. Do what makes YOU happy and get help if you aren't already (it's the best thing you can do for your depression). Go NC - delete her number, block her on Facebook and any social media, etc. Just live YOUR life. By doing this, you will heal - just give it time. You will have setbacks; acknowledge them but don't wallow. Move past them. Just keep going. If she comes back, she comes back; if she doesn't, she doesn't. Keep going forward in your life no matter the outcome.

[sophi3]

I have a question, how do you start LC after months/years of not talking?

[H3nk1]

I know it is limiting holding on to hope. Yet it is there and I guess will be for some time..

 

I am getting help. Much more so than before. I must, and I will. I needed a second slap in the in the face to finally admit I had neglected dealing with my core issues. It was so deep rooted and intrinsic to my thoughts. 2013 was the worst year in my life for several reasons. And she leaving me crowned it all. It all fell apart and I had nowhere to run besides to appreciation of my situation and role in its creation.

 

She truly gave it her all. I noticed her slipping which made it all worse, and made me push her away even more towards the end. It is just how you describe it on her part. She has told me herself. And I witnessed it first hand.

 

How I will ever forgive myself for allowing this to happen, and loosing this girl, and myself, I cannot comprehend.

 

I know she cares greatly for me. Thus I will probably send her a letter eventually when I am stronger. Telling her how I am finally doing what was long overdue, that I am deeply sorry and that I want all the best for her..

 

Other than that, I am in NC on the 4th week now. It hurts so much to know I have no credibility left given she gave it one more chance 1.5 years ago. And that there is little to nothing I can do about that.

 

I just hope she one day can also see her own role in not making it work after our first reconciliation. And that she will allow herself to release her inner feelings for me by trusing me again in that it truly is different this time around.

 

I have to move forward. Yes. It is just so hollow right now as the one I loved gave up on me when I was at my lowest and was finally coming to terms that I needed to help myself..

 

All the things she said to me (and my brother which she contacted after the BU) underscores that she wants me to help myself. I hate this pity, really. And I want to prove her dead wrong for giving me up..

[LilSprout]

I have another I heard at work today. I don't know full details but I'll tell you the jist of it.

 

My boss's sister was with a guy for 10 years before they split up, she moved back to her home town and reunited with one of her first boyfriends. They got together and are now having a baby! Apparently she calls him the 'love of her life'

[bobowe]

What do you guys make of this email, and shall I just forever forget and let this one go, even though it is killing me! Or give her space and see what happened in weeks or months to come?

 

my ex want's us to remain friends...She dumped me, on my birthday while on holiday by the way... NO REASON GIVEN apart rom after 11 years, just does not feel it anymore, and wants to see if there is anyone possibly better out there... We broke up in June 2013, together for 11 years, engaged for 3, and planningto get married in April 2014... and since then, have been seeing each other for coffee or dinner... So I said on a few occasions to myelf, this is like dating without the relationship. I eventually send her an email that she is confusing me a great deal as she bought me some very expensive clothes for Christmas and actually invited me to her mom's house for a BBq... I went there, and her mom and sister both said , you guys are still like teenage lovers... although nothing going on like it should be in a normal relationship... So she wanted to meet me for coffee Saturday morning to just go talk about money I owe her... I sent an email saying that after 6 months she is still using me as her best mate and I am sorry, but just being friends is not going to work for me, even though I know this is all this is... I also set out all the good thing we had, what we achieved as acouple...and how I have changed in the lat 6 months. Lost a ton of weight, training and excersising etc.... Stuff you can really see changed.... ANYWAY so this was her reply....

 

Here is the email: Morning – I wanted you to kno’ that you have made your position very clear & I promise that I understand what you are offering. In the same vein, I hope that if you ever change your mind one day about being friends, you will also let me know? I would like that very much, but appreciate that that decision would need to come from you. Having done a lot of soul-searching, I do think it would be very difficult for us both to meet up, so will post your things. Please can you hang on to the necklace-paintings until such time as you and Frankie decide to move & then perhaps he can arrange to meet me (or I can come past and pick them up?) I can’t think of anything else right now. Good luck with the job-hunt, hope you find a company who appreciates what an asset you are! Take care, I only want good things for you ~ ***

[pippy longstocking]

bobowe you are better off starting a thread of your own for your question

[bobowe]

Shooting tar: Well, I'm actually hoping we can get back together... So I would like to share my succes story should it happen... Hence why I posted here...

[LilSprout]

Hi bobowe.

 

This thread is for telling stories of ppl getting back together that have already occurred. I've read your other thread about your break up and it seems very fresh and relatively serious. I'm not saying there is no chance of getting back together with your ex but there does not seem to be any clear signs currently and I would say that posting in this thread with that kind of outlook may damage your healing/give you false hope. What if she doesn't? It's always a possibility. Concentrate on you right now and what you need not the strong desire to be with her (I know it hurts). Do you have any other stories of ppl getting back together you would like to share?

 

 

I'm off to see a friend of mine today and just remembered his parents. His parents split up when he was 3, his dad had cheated on his mum. Afterwards they would talk because they obviously had a child so there was no NC. His mum saw other ppl and his dad had 2 pretty serious relationships. But when my friend was 15 his parents started talking more again, they were both single at the time and over time they developed feelings again and eventually got remarried They recently moved to the coast together and are a lovely couple, such sweeties.

[Ms Darcy]

She has made it clear that she is not interested in a relationship. She knows you want her. She does not want you. That is what her letter means.

[LilSprout]

Anyone got anymore stories? I've been trying to remember any I know but can't recall at the moment. I just like reading these from time to time

[doicare]

Well, I have two more -

 

Im staying overseas with my partner and his family for a few weeks overseas, and he's been with his girlfriend (they officially arent married) for probably 15 years, I believe after 5 years or so they split up. Im not sure who did the breaking up, but I understand they werent getting along. He was just starting his working career (with barely 2 pennies to rub together), meanwhile she was a model of some sorts back in her day - she's still very pretty. Anyhow, I believe they split for close to a year and in that time, he dated, had some fun, and she started dating some guy back coincidentally from my country. He was rich and was flying her out, I guess wining and dining her. My colleague, felt totally bummed and thought he had lost her and didnt think he could compete with his high flying advances. I think they were more of less NC, and Im guesssing there were periods of LC in there. After a few months (about 12) of this, they bumped into each other and apparently she said she's miserable with this guy, he was boring, and he wasnt the same as him. I think they pretty much got back together from that moment on. They have some rocky patches at the moment, but that's something else for them to resolve.

 

I think if they are willing to address their problems, their relationship can be restored.

 

2) A client of mine was visiting us last week, he had also split with is gf. Im not sure about the details, but they were apart for a few weeks, maybe a few months. They are married now. They have one girl. The wife sounds a little crazy, and they also are not getting along at the moment.

 

Ive read quite a few posts on this site. From what I gather, it usually comes down to the dumper changing their mind and realizing they had the best situation with their ex. NC, LC, staying friends all have varrying degrees of success. Im not sure really which one is the best, but giving the dumper space with some kind of time out, in all situations is the best, and getting your confidence and life back is another key factor. Ultimately it's the dumper who has to come back, and is has to be under the pretence the the dumpee is not making any demands. Even hanging out may be seen from their side as demanding, so Its really a fine balance.

 

Personally Im a week shy of two months from D day, after a 3.5 yr relationship that ended unusually abruptly. I realize that the best is to not deny my basic right to pleasure, happiness and feeling good about myself. Im starting to date again, and have girls falling over me, girls who have depth, are kind and straightforward, have worked for the UN, doctors, lawyers.... My ex never made me feel wanted, told me she was unsure about her feelings for our entire relationship. I feel good about myself, business is going well, everything is, and the one negative thing is no longer in my life. I loved her to pieces, but sometimes that's not enough. So for now Im focusing on finding positive experiences, like hitting the gym, drinking less, and dropping those last 5 pounds, I while it would be nice to have her come back, if the right girl falls into that, then as far as im concerned, I'll have everything I need. Ex or no ex. Ultimately the most important is being happy with your life, and only you have the power to change that.

[pettypink]

I've got a couple =) I went to a party last night and a girl there was in the process of getting back with her ex from high school (we just graduated uni) -so 4-5 years later! A few other friends of mine have also recently gotten back together after about 10 months of being apart, and another couple was apart for 5-6 months that just started talking again last week and liking each other's stuff on facebook. Hope that helpss

[Boomshine]

I have two. I've been helping another forum member, Duxd, since Oct 1st of last year. We've had plenty of email, skype, text, and phone conversations over the past couple months, and the personal overhaul he has gone through has been nothing short of incredible! People in his own life hardly recognize him as the same man he was before, and he's most definitely a much better, stronger, healthier person than he was when he made his forum post back in September after the breakup.

 

Since then, not only has he been getting back on the dating scene again, and being VERY successful with women in that regard (they seriously just can't get enough of of the guy!), but his ex is also back in the picture, and as of Tuesday, they are now starting to casually date as well. All the past perceptions she has of him are really starting to fade away as he shows her through his actions how he's become a better person. And although there was hope in his mind that maybe one day this would happen again, his rebuilding of himself was done strictly for himself. He pulled himself out of his depression, went and made himself a healthier and happier man, and then like magic, his ex comes back into the picture.

 

The other story is my own. My girlfriend broke up with me at the beginning of October (just a few days after I started helping Duxd), and went full No Contact. I still kept her as a friend on FB, but I didn't initiate any conversation in any form whatsoever. I was completely ready to uphold it indefinitely, when she reached out to me on Halloween morning because of car troubles (though I'm sure there are plenty of other reasons she wanted to talk to me as well. She just used that as the excuse to reach out). We've been hanging out casually and whatnot since then, and although she's currently seeing another guy (they're not bf/gf though), she and I have started getting a little more romantic again as of late. My story's basically the same as Duxd's above with how I went and sought out answers, and reconstructed myself into the stronger person I've needed to be for the sake of making progress in my own, individual life. Some people may not consider this to be a "getting back together" story, but this is how it starts, and with time, who knows what will come? All I know is that for right now, I'm currently enjoying where I am in the present moment and having fun. I'm not worried about titles or exclusivity or any of that garbage. All I care about in this relationship right now is being able to spend time and have fun with a woman that I care about and love. And I'm getting just that, so I call it a win in my book.

[bobowe]

AWESOME story BoomShine!!!

 

I am hoping mine one day read's the same!

[erklat]

Boomshine, I wish best of luck to both of you? How did you reconnect? How did they become aware of the positive change?

[bobowe]

I actually have a story:

 

Friend of mine, dated on annd off over 20 years, they met at school... They constantly broke up, got back together, and broke up again... etc etc etc... They finally made up and have now got two beautiful daughters, and married...

[mochi8]

Here's my success story. My husband and I started dating when we were in our 20s. We dated for 7 years. We broke up because 1. he got bored, 2. he doesn't know what he wants, 3. his mom didn't like me (well, this is resolved now). We did NC for two months. He was traveling with his family for a month. It was hard the first month. All I was thinking was trying to get with him. Nothing was working. Eventually, I started reading about self improvement books, hanging out with friends, hitting the gym, spending time with my dogs. As the two months passed, I was starting rebuild my confidence of being single and spending time doing things I normally didn't do when we were dating. After 2 months of NC, he started messaging me about what I was doing. Again, we have a lot of mutual friends, so finding about what we are up to was not hard. Slowly, we started meeting up and texting each other. Until we finally met up and he confessed he missed me. Slowly we worked out our issues. There is always problems, but we learned to discuss with each other about the problems. We just got married last December and now we are expecting a baby girl in May. So always stay positive. If it is meant to be, it is meant to be. Break up happens very often, because being in a relationship or marriage is an ongoing work. It takes a lot of work to stay with one another. There are always obstacles on the way. Most importantly, in NC, don't think about contacting or how to get back together. If your other half misses you or loves you, they will contact you. The memories and experience of loving someone will always remain. They don't just fade away. Giving each other the time to think things out is good. That's why NC was very useful. There is no time frame when you get back with someone. It can take months, years, but if it is meant to be, it will happen. Stay positive and strong. I know these are tough times, keep yourself busy.