bobowe

This is a reconciling process, been on a date, last night, so I am just looking at next steps, there is a VERY good chance of this becoming a story of reconciliation...

Hey Asher, As you are the man who seem to know all the answers from past experience... In my post, I mentioned about the silly drunken comment I made about not moving in together as we are not that serious anyway, because she always maintained she liked her space and so did I... etc etc which she then took as I am not that interested in her for the long haul... (Yup I know, "they" say one thing, and mean a whole different thing... HA HA, ladies please don't judge me, but you are complicated creatures. HOW do I show her that I want to be with her with a LONG time, she has the added pressure of her work, so this was the tipping point for her, combined with work stress and this comment... a really STUPID silly comment in passing... Been thinking all night about what I can do to "fix" this? I am not contacting her, and I have already made myself clear during breakup, that that was not what I meant and I want to be with her and her alone... So I am not doing it again, but I cannot figure out how I can get through to her with actions, that I want her back and for an eternity, not just for a night of wine... If I can unlock how I can show her I am committed to her, without saying it, but with actions??? Any ladies reading this, please advise what you would like to see in a guy who made a mess like I have... ??? Here is what she said during/after break up and I said I cannot just be friends with you, good luck with your future plans: This is the actual message, sent the next day after break up: "I could prove to you that you'll never be just a person from my contact list. You are so so so much more than any person on my contact list. You are so special to me. You are such a wonderful and gentle person, you are different to anyone I met before. All I do is work, I'm getting fed up with this, my life has been all about work for last several years and still I've got nothing and can't afford anything. It's all crap, I'm chasing something that maybe doesn't exist, but missing on life and all the great things. I miss speaking to you. Only several hours ago you were still by my side So either I'm being strung along, or let off "easy?" Anyway, back to my question, how to prove to her I'm not that kind of guy, I want to be there forever, how do I show this through actions rather than words?

ASHER, thanks for taking your time on this, much appreciated!!! I promise to keep posting on this process, it might work, it might not... But man, I'm on a mission to get this one back! She is not only stunning, but like I said, the most amazing girl I ever met!!! Lets see, I might not post anything for a couple of days, but will as soon as I have any movemenets, be it only a date or text message... Thanks again!

Hi Asher, Quick update, so late this afternoon, she was near my work, and asked if we can meet for a quick wine after work. I went and met her, never mentioned how I miss her, and I really do, all I wanted to do is grab her and kiss her... But I sat there, I said what was going on with upcoming interview, and she talked ALLOT about her new office and the company move.. I never let slip how much i wanted her back, we just chatted about "life" and stuff. Fairly fluffy conversation. Walked her to the station, peck on the cheek and a hug goodbye. She mentioned walking to the station that she is happy things are looking good for me, and also that she feels crap for being away (She's going home to see family) for my birthday coming up end of June. So I stayed calm, I made good conversation and she did most of the talking... Had a nice glass of wine, and for me it felt super awkward sitting there knowing was coming of this... I did say to her when I met her, she looks very good, and said when I left her that she is a very pretty lady! But other than that, no more compliments of gestures, never grabbed her hand, or anything... So guys, my question is, shall I just keep chipping away like this, the odd date here and there, or start thinking about writing a hand written letter and saying to her I want her back? So confused... All I want is for her to change her mind/feelings, but she has sooo much pressure at the moment, and it was apparent with the odd big sigh when she talked about all her pressure... She also said she would love to come visit me at me new place if I invite her... Is this just being nice, or maybe she is slowly reaching out? What is the verdict: NC? keep pursuing the odd date over next few weeks? Let her contact me? Initiate the next meeting/date? Or just leave her alone for a few days then contact her back? Shall I thank her for meeting me tonight and tell her how lovely it was too see her? Man I love this girl!!!! She means everything to me!!! Was it odd date the first time, even though sparks did not fly off? Did you just keep at it?

I have a kin of reconciliation story, but early days: I would like advice in my situation, I think reconciliation is possible here, as she wants to meet up, and she is the dumper… So I need all the help you guys can offer! As MUCH as possible. PLEASE!! I have read each and every single post on here! Still a little confused as to LC/NC and being unavailable... OK, so quick summary, you can read my previous posts… But her is my current situation. So, met a girl, after my ex, took me a while to move on, but I did. Met the most amazing lady in the entire world. We dated for almost a year. I’m 36 she’s 32. Things were fantastic, two very romantic holidays together, numerous amazing dates, weekends etc after work meetings… A month ago, after a lovely day out, she turns around and says shall we just be friends… Like a red hot dagger through my hart, no warning, no clues, just the normal I just do not know what I want right now, my work (own company) is just demanding so much, and I feel I cannot give you any time, and that is unfair onto you. I never demanded any more of her time than she could give, knowing how stressed and focused she is… Fair enough I begged a little, asked her to reconsider…. But she would only like to be friends… At the same time, she did say, I mean more to her than anyone she has ever met, she would love for me to be part of her life, and she wants to be part of mine, but just not dating anymore… It still hurts just typing this. She did mention as well, she started feeling so, after a drunken comment I made when I was looking for a new place to live, that we won’t move in together yet, as we are both not that serious yet. She always manifested we will not be moving in together, as she & I liked having our own space… So my comment was just to keep her happy that I won’t push her too move in together, because I need to move…. Anyway, seems this made her panic. I would move in, marry and have kids with this girl tomorrow, I told her this before… She also said she wants kids and the whole nine yards, but she first needs to gain her independence and does not want to rely on a guy for this…. I just said what I said about moving in together, as it was what I believed she wanted to hear, and let her come too me when she as happy to move in together… Both been f*cked around before, so we were both cautious. Anyway, we have had some LC, and I am trying to go full NC, but she will still text or phone me to catch up with what she is doing and generally checking if I’m ok, what I get up too, she still means the world too me, and I can sense she definitely still cares about me. Here’s the thing, I know she has not got anyone else, 100% guaranteed as I am very good friends with her flat mate, who just last night told me, “there is no one else, she is way too busy with the move to think about anything else” So maybe it is just work stress, as she is in the process of moving her office into a new location, so allot to do to get things ready, business bank accounts, legal work etc etc… So on Sunday, she said “I would like to meet later this week when we are both less busy…” So I guess this is kind of her trying to reach out, will see. So my question is, as there are soooo many conflicting “success” stories about going NC, LC, staying friends or just plain walk away, and forget about it… See if she comes back… But if she said she wanted too meet for a coffee/wine after work one day, do I take that as “lets see how we feel when we meet casually…?” Who knows, maybe I act all happy and nonchalant, she might start to come round slowly? I will keep you all posted how this goes, good or bad! Anyway, advice would be greatly appreciated…. This lady makes me feel amazing!!!! I know there is never the one, but I was with someone for 11 years, whom I thought was great, but this girl, is mind blowingly smart, funny and just great all round! I have never felt so certain and confused at the same time. I just have to win her back, at all cost… I am a happy guy, positive, funny and all that! So I am sure I can swing her round if given a chance, aka “her wanting to, or craving me back in her life”

I actually have a story: Friend of mine, dated on annd off over 20 years, they met at school... They constantly broke up, got back together, and broke up again... etc etc etc... They finally made up and have now got two beautiful daughters, and married...

AWESOME story BoomShine!!! I am hoping mine one day read's the same!

Shooting tar: Well, I'm actually hoping we can get back together... So I would like to share my succes story should it happen... Hence why I posted here...

What do you guys make of this email, and shall I just forever forget and let this one go, even though it is killing me! Or give her space and see what happened in weeks or months to come? my ex want's us to remain friends...She dumped me, on my birthday while on holiday by the way... NO REASON GIVEN apart rom after 11 years, just does not feel it anymore, and wants to see if there is anyone possibly better out there... We broke up in June 2013, together for 11 years, engaged for 3, and planningto get married in April 2014... and since then, have been seeing each other for coffee or dinner... So I said on a few occasions to myelf, this is like dating without the relationship. I eventually send her an email that she is confusing me a great deal as she bought me some very expensive clothes for Christmas and actually invited me to her mom's house for a BBq... I went there, and her mom and sister both said , you guys are still like teenage lovers... although nothing going on like it should be in a normal relationship... So she wanted to meet me for coffee Saturday morning to just go talk about money I owe her... I sent an email saying that after 6 months she is still using me as her best mate and I am sorry, but just being friends is not going to work for me, even though I know this is all this is... I also set out all the good thing we had, what we achieved as acouple...and how I have changed in the lat 6 months. Lost a ton of weight, training and excersising etc.... Stuff you can really see changed.... ANYWAY so this was her reply.... Here is the email: Morning – I wanted you to kno’ that you have made your position very clear & I promise that I understand what you are offering. In the same vein, I hope that if you ever change your mind one day about being friends, you will also let me know? I would like that very much, but appreciate that that decision would need to come from you. Having done a lot of soul-searching, I do think it would be very difficult for us both to meet up, so will post your things. Please can you hang on to the necklace-paintings until such time as you and Frankie decide to move & then perhaps he can arrange to meet me (or I can come past and pick them up?) I can’t think of anything else right now. Good luck with the job-hunt, hope you find a company who appreciates what an asset you are! Take care, I only want good things for you ~ ***

Hi Sharky988, I read the guide... Oh, no trust me, I only said contact can open from Dec, if she want's to.... BUT I am not going on holiday with her... I am going to visit my family and friends, she is going to hers... There is no intention of doing things together... Trust me, I have learnt being the "emotional support" is not good... She had it easy... So I am good now, just checking to see if there were a good story or two out there, bound to be... People get married, divorce and get back together... It does happen, just because you never had the formal marriage, does not mean you did not live as married couple... Less negatives, only positives

Hi, I am still looking for an example/answer... My ex of 11 years, engaged for the last 3, broke up with me in June 13. She said the normal, “it’s not you, it’s me, I am not in love with you, but still love you” we remained friends until about Oct time... I also did allot of pleading and debating to get back together, but also maintained some fluff light hearted conversations when we hung out… Which was good, she could see some of the “new me,” I lost a load of weight, did a half marathon, eating healthy, hanging out more, less of a couch potatoe and doing more things, like I always was… Basically realised I became a bit negative with my views on the world, and neglected her somewhat, although I always cooked dinners, did dishes helped tidying up, hang curtains, aseemble furniture, did DIY chores, dates, drinks and planning stuff…. and I was always in love with her… Never ever did I actually think she is a , or I want out. My work was just becoming very stressful, and it brought me down a bit. I was also saving money to buy a house, which she took as, he never spoils me… Even though we managed awesome holidays each year, two or three sometimes a year. I was just saving up, to get out of our rented house, and create our space that was uniquely ours. I am 35 & she is 33. We were planning on getting married in 2014… Just to add to my “life” a week after she dumps me, I lose my job, the one that made me so stressed and grumpy… So in essence, I lost everything because of that job… Working again, but it took two months! I guess part of the reason I remained friends for so long, it was a comfort for me, as well as a emotional comfort for her…. She told me on one Sunday at the end of September that she still thinks I am the perfect guy, she just do not know why she feels this way… But she made it clear she does not want to try again, and wants to go on the prowl from next year, to see if she can find someone else… Then the FB backlash, some of our mutual friends defriended her, she told me that this is scuppering my chances, as I must have said something to them, that made them hate her… On another occasion, her closests girlfriend’s screamed at her for ing me around in her opinion… Again I got told it must have been something I said to her…. NOT TRUE!!! I have no control over their actions… Anyway, most our mutual friends took my side as the dumpee, because they feel she is just selfish and did not even think of talking things over after 11 years together… We actually bought some things for the house, went for lunch and got great couple photos taken on the day she dumped me, which was also my birthday, FYI….  I got dumped, out of the blue… Realised she was just stringing me along, having her cake and eating it…. That is why I asked her for NC until Dec time….. (too late?) We are both from the same part of the world, and we booked flights to go visit our families over Dec13 , way back in Jan 13…. So hence no contact from Oct - Dec, as we are bound to bump into each other at the Airport. (UK to South Africa flights by the way, 12 hours of weirdness to come in metal can in the scan) I made it clear, if she wants to contact me, she may…. Question is this. Have I completely ruined my chances of ever getting back together again? I do love her dearly, even though she turned me into a full blown mental case over this… I am doing OK after this, our 3rd week of no contact… And I do feel I have grown and learnt from this, but I do not want a friendship, unless it is because we are a couple again… If you know of any such stories, or have own examples similar to me, please share?

Please see my thread I have posted on this thread before, things looked up for a bit, then all went south... Has anyone gone through something similar as me, and have they managed to pul things back together? Would love to hera at least one positive story of similar situation...

For us boys and girls alike! “He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” – Bob Marley

Hi Lynn, I truly hope so, I have already made a big step towards being my old self. Like you, I cannot be friends with her alone, unfortunately, my feelings is to strong to "just be friends." As the "we are now on a break, rather than a break up" line came from her, without me asking for it, I am going to take that as a positive, and just giving her the space now, until she hopefully, contacts me back after her trip. We have had a serious discussion on Saturday, and yes there was tears, but it was necessary as we actually have not had that talk at all... SO, on Sunday, we decided to meet up for old time sake, and we had a nice afternoon talking and laughing, only a small amount of serious conversation, but most of the day spent having fun, had some lunch, went for a long walk along the river, decided to go to movies, and then had dinner... All and all it was a nice day! So, I am feeling a bit more positive, but like I said, feelings have not returned, so there is still a BIG chance, this might never happen... HOPING it will happen!

Hi Lynn, I am technically still broken up with her, she dumped me on 25 June 2013... Moved out 30 July, and we have had contact up until 06 Aug... Then called off all contact until I bumped into her at a pub 24 Aug... we had a nice chat, and since had some contact, and spend the weekend talking through all matter of things... On Sunday evening after a day of laughing and chatting about not so serious issues, I dropped her off at the train station, and she said "I am going off on holiday 7-14 Sept, and we said we have gone from being broken up, to being on a break... We are now in no contact, until after she comes back from her holiday, and she will said she will make contact once she figured it all out on holiday and will see if her feelings for me has returned... SO, we had short bursts of no contact at all... I guess you can call it, limited contact. NO CONTACT is extremely TOUGH! Like I say, I am not "out of the woods" yet, but it is a small step towards HOPEFULLY reconciling! I will be the happiest guy in the world if she comes back!!!!

OK, very early days, but I was told yesterday, by the ex I love so dearly, that we have gone from broken up, too being on a break... Her is to hope that we can make this happen for us again. I will keep you posted good or bad... Oh and if you all could direct positive energy "our" way to let this happen, that will be super!!!

Hi ENA'ers Here is my "story" still fairly fresh open wound. I have been with the love of my love for 11 years, engaged for 3 years, and planning on getting married in April 2014. Then on my birthday, she decides to tell me that things between us was over. To say I was devastated is the understatement of the century! Her feelings was along the lines of that she was not in love with me anymore, but still loves me. She want's us to remain friends. I have begged, pleaded and then some! We have gone through a rough patch in the last year, my job was extremely stressful and we ended up living past each other and got complacent with each other. The love became a slight bit distant. She still lived with me for a month after split, trying to find a new place to live etc. This made it extremely hard on me, and this is why the "begging" lasted so long, probably lost everything in the process of this begging... ??? We have gone no contact and will see if she calls me at some point to meet up, or just to talk. We actually are still good friends, we have not screamed at each other or got angry through all of this. I just became sad and depro a bit... Trying to keep my chin up and all that... When were on holiday in Spain, over my birthday when she dumped me. I had that revelation that I am going to change everything around between us when we get home. I had the light bulb that moment and realised she means the world to me, and I would rather quit my job and find something else than loose her. I was so excited, first time in the last year that I had a clear mind... But she "jumped the gun" on me... All of our friends and both our families love us both and all of them is hoping we can get out sorted out and make up... So that is good, no one is telling us it is the best thing that ever happened, breaking up... So non of that, plenty of fish in the sea nonsense. So, my question is, has anyone found, or know of a story they can share, where the girl fell out of love, moved out and said she does not see a future together, but want's to remain friends, but then eventually came back and tried to reconcile? I would take her back in heart beat, she one amazing lady, and deffo a soulmate for me! I do believe people fall in and out of love all the time, but once they broken up, is there any hope you think of ever getting back together?