Boomshine

Neither of us are looking to be in a relationship right now, as I said in my previous post. Even if Jennifer Lawrence came to me and told me she wanted to be my girlfriend, I still would be capable of doing so because of my station in life currently. This is just one step in the road towards potentially better things. But I'm not looking to have a serious, dedicated girlfriend. Some day down the road, I WILL be able to again, and if things are better then, she might be the one. She's not looking to "settle down" with anyone either. And I love how you say "real guy" as if I'm not a "real guy." When she's ready to settle down, she may find that she wants that with me. Time will tell. Her feelings for me have only been growing in comparison to what they were months ago. Who's to say there's a ceiling or limit on it? This could be the path that leads to her falling in love again. I'm not settling for less. I'm accepting EXACTLY what I want right now, and nothing more. If she wanted to be bf/gf, and I said yes, that would be settling for something I don't want. Just because we were bf/gf previously doesn't mean that we have to go immediately back into that either. My point is, my story's not done. I'm simply giving an update along the way.

Wow, apparently you miss quite a bit when you put someone on ignore. Maysan, thank you so much for the kind words. Reading all that made my day. BH, that would be great if what was said had any truth to it. Though I've chosen not to post entirely about my goings-on here lately, other than small updates on this thread, that does not mean I'm lacking any understanding in my situation. My lady didn't have and "real boyfriends" in the period where we weren't sleeping together. She had an exclusive FWB (exactly like she and I had been last year), which wound up not working out. She got past the Honeymoon Phase and realized what she was seeing in the beginning wasn't lasting. And I will gladly appreciate anyone's opinions when they are presented so in such a manner; but attempting to deliver them as if they're cold, hard fact, and everything I'm saying can only be absolutely wrong isn't helpful or constructive in the slightest. I no longer have any confusion or drama in my situation. And unlike last time around for us, I'm no longer trying to pull strings and manipulate the situation so that she becomes my girlfriend again. Last time, I had asked for exclusivity before we'd even started anything, I told her I didn't want to be secretive around our friends, and I had even changed my FB status to "In a Relationship," though we were only supposed to be FWB. I was trying to lock her down, and completely disregarding the Golden Rule of Love: "Always love in a manner in which the other person feels free." I was still needy, weak, and insecure. Better than I had been first time around, but they were still prevalent. Now, I've been going to therapy, have a much GREATER grasp on everything, and have even eliminated my anxiety. I know not everyone is going to support my decisions, and that's perfectly fine. But I'm not going to stop what I'm doing because someone with little idea to the particulars of my situation as it currently stands (as MUCH has changed in the past couple months) tries to convince me otherwise. You guys are just going to have to have faith in me. Especially because the whole reason I'm posting here is simply to give faith to others. The whole reason of this thread is to let others know that ANYTHING is possible. That's what I'm trying to help do. But if I'm to be berated for it because of my past behavior and previous posts (you know, when I was much less healthier), well I don't HAVE to post here. I'm not sharing my story to validate myself: Living happily and achieving what I want is vindication enough. I'm posting for the community. And I don't deserve this level of harassment for it.

Hey all, wanted to give an update on my situation. About a week after I posted the message I quoted, my lady went and talked to the guy she was seeing. I have NO information on the details of what they talked about, BUT I do know they are no longer sleeping together. As far as I know, they haven't even spoken since that night almost a month ago now. Well, since then, she'd talked to me about how she'd been contemplating hooking up with me again, and sure enough, we became friends with benefits again the day before Valentine's Day. I've finally learned everything I've needed to in order to live a successful and attractive lifestyle, and it's clearly working, because her attraction is back and stronger than it ever was in 2013. She's talking to me almost daily (with her initiating 70-80% of the conversations) and we're seeing each other around once a week. Neither of us are in a position where we'd be okay being in a relationship with ANYBODY though. She's still working on resolving her depressions and GIGS, and I'm currently 30 miles away from her, living with my parents for the time being and without my license for the next 37 days. We still love each other, though neither of us is IN LOVE with the other, and yes there IS a difference which I can gladly explain. But for right now, things are fun, easy, carefree, and just how they should be. We're not exclusive, so I'm continuing to see what's out there and available, and she's focusing on figuring out what her purpose in life is. And we're actually ENJOYING each other's company again as opposed to feeling obligated to spend time together. Reconciliation is definitely possible in almost every situation. The key factor is how much the involved parties WANT to change and be better. And personally, I'm ALWAYS trying to better myself to become the best I possibly can be.

It's only sad if you frame it that way, hon. But look at it this way: Even in his departure, he's doing what every person who comes in our lives is supposed to do - Help us learn about ourselves and grow. To become better! Will you two be apart forever? Only time will tell, and you two (and you two ALONE) are telling that story. BUT, you've picked up some valuable lessons! Like, you've started to learn the Golden Rule of Love: ALWAYS love in a manner in which the other person feels free. So long as your actions always uphold that standard, you know whether you're doing the right thing or not. I think you're absolutely doing the right thing here! Give everything some time, let him have some space, and see what happens in the coming months. Karma has a way of paying you back just how you deserve, so if you take this time to focus on yourself and your needs (which it definitely sounds like you are - I say congrats and huzzah to counseling!), the universe will pay you back tenfold in a way it deems fit. YOU, ultimately, are in charge of your destiny, who you're becoming, and where you're going. Do this work on yourself, and get yourself ready for the next big love of your life, whether new or old (to steal your phrase)! You never know when they'll be knocking at your door, so you best be ready for it!

I have two. I've been helping another forum member, Duxd, since Oct 1st of last year. We've had plenty of email, skype, text, and phone conversations over the past couple months, and the personal overhaul he has gone through has been nothing short of incredible! People in his own life hardly recognize him as the same man he was before, and he's most definitely a much better, stronger, healthier person than he was when he made his forum post back in September after the breakup. Since then, not only has he been getting back on the dating scene again, and being VERY successful with women in that regard (they seriously just can't get enough of of the guy!), but his ex is also back in the picture, and as of Tuesday, they are now starting to casually date as well. All the past perceptions she has of him are really starting to fade away as he shows her through his actions how he's become a better person. And although there was hope in his mind that maybe one day this would happen again, his rebuilding of himself was done strictly for himself. He pulled himself out of his depression, went and made himself a healthier and happier man, and then like magic, his ex comes back into the picture. The other story is my own. My girlfriend broke up with me at the beginning of October (just a few days after I started helping Duxd), and went full No Contact. I still kept her as a friend on FB, but I didn't initiate any conversation in any form whatsoever. I was completely ready to uphold it indefinitely, when she reached out to me on Halloween morning because of car troubles (though I'm sure there are plenty of other reasons she wanted to talk to me as well. She just used that as the excuse to reach out). We've been hanging out casually and whatnot since then, and although she's currently seeing another guy (they're not bf/gf though), she and I have started getting a little more romantic again as of late. My story's basically the same as Duxd's above with how I went and sought out answers, and reconstructed myself into the stronger person I've needed to be for the sake of making progress in my own, individual life. Some people may not consider this to be a "getting back together" story, but this is how it starts, and with time, who knows what will come? All I know is that for right now, I'm currently enjoying where I am in the present moment and having fun. I'm not worried about titles or exclusivity or any of that garbage. All I care about in this relationship right now is being able to spend time and have fun with a woman that I care about and love. And I'm getting just that, so I call it a win in my book.

I would be MORE than glad to help you out! Send me a PM, and I'll get you on the right path toward coping with your breakup and reclaiming your life for yourself once again. Seems I can't PM you yet though. The magic number may be 10 posts. Sorry for my misinformation earlier! Go post around a bit, and when you can, PM me right away. I'll give you my email and help you in any way I possibly can.

You can only PM after you've made 5 posts, I believe. Also, you're quoting a post from over a year ago. Chances are, he won't see it.

Oh come on Jon, that's pretty harsh. So things didn't go right with this one girl. But just because you gave her a second chance and it didn't work out, you're going to deny anyone else, someone who will have no ties to this woman, even the consideration at a second chance? That'd be like going into the DMV to take your practical driver exam, and just before you get up to take your test, the DMV announces they won't be giving any more practical exams at all because the last person just crashed, and so obviously everyone else they test is also going to crash, and ask you to leave without even giving you a chance.

Well, reconciling is never guaranteed, so I don't know if I'd considering it a strange situation so much. Let me put it to you this way: Not everyone is of the same mindset that I am, or that you are. Personally, I'm of the idea that if two people have broken up, but have rectified their mistakes from yesteryear, and both are interested in it, then there's no harm in giving things another shot. Even if it winds up being a mistake and you two break up from it, there's always more to learn, so as long as you can always look at the positives from things, I don't see a harm at all. However, there are other people on this forum and in life in general, who have a mindset along the lines of "An ex is an ex for a reason." As if that reason could have never been potentially identified and properly resolved. I agree that an ex is an ex for a reason, but I think to hold someone to that reason when they're displaying that they've learned from it is just ridiculous, to say the least. The point I'm trying to get at is, your ex unfortunately may fall into the latter category. There are plenty of people in the world with a "One and done" mentality. Good people, bad people, caring people and selfish people, all alike in that regard. Or maybe she doesn't feel ready herself yet. Maybe she needs more work within herself to feel comfortable with the idea of being in contact with you again. At this point, it's all up in the air, so yeah, the best thing you can do is what you said in the last sentence: "But Ill just keep working on myself and whatever happens happens." Not everyone comes around unfortunately. But if there's ANY chance of someone coming around, you're on the right path for it. By being you and doing your thing. It's what got you that girlfriend in the first place! You weren't living your life for her BEFORE you two got together, so you know that's not how you attracted her. Same case now! Be you, and see what you "lure" in.

YES, exactly!! THIS is the "success" that we need to be helping others seek and eventually find on these forums. I guarantee most of the situations people post about on this board about wanting to heal after a breakup or win an ex back could be resolved with guiding these souls in this direction. Hell, I only found these answers myself because after the breakup, I wanted nothing but to win her back, so I started reading eBooks on how to win an ex back and whatnot. And they laid it out crystal clear for me: It's never a 100% guarantee that you can, but if you have ANY chance of winning her back, it'll only be after you win YOURSELF back first. And truly do so. Not just a ruse or an act you put on, but truly and legitimately find yourself again. So I did. And not for her, but for me. I was tired of being depressed. Tired of losing sleep. Tired of having no appetite though I was constantly starving. And tired of having her on my mind ALL the time. So I went out, and started working on me in all the ways that I needed to. And a month after I moved out, she got a hold of me, I asked her out for coffee, we started reconnecting, one thing led to another (only naturally, never forced), and it's been 7 months today that we've been back together. And that's exactly what life is about. You gotta learn how to make the best of what cards you get dealt in life, because nothing we have is forever. Treasure the experiences, and use them to make yourself better. LM, I loved your post. Thank you. It put a huge smile on my face.

And there's an even better chance if they do some serious introspective to find out WHY this truly happened. My girlfriend and I broke up December of last year after 4.5 years. And after she did, I did some serious looking within to realize I had changed drastically. As in, I'd fallen into a depression. I went from being a spontaneous, fun-loving guy with places to be and faces to see, to being so madly in love with her that I threw ALL other focuses in my life out the window. "Who needs sports and hobbies? I've got my best friend and lover!" It took her breaking up with me to realize I was in a depression. I was dependent on her as my sole source of happiness. And when I lost that, it snapped me back into reality. It made me realize I should've had more in my life this entire time. That even with how happy she was making me while we were together, that I should've had my other sources of happiness in my life to keep me a stable and well-rounded individual. But I was so stubborn, and while I was falling into this depression, I had convinced myself that I was just growing up and this was who I was becoming. But no one should ever identify with a depressed version of themselves. Ever. I think if a lot more people can think in that manner, turnarounds and reconnections could be more prevalent than they are. ESPECIALLY if guys stop trying all the stuff they show you in Hollywood. Professing your undying love to the woman who just broke up with you is NOT going to win her back. And we as a gender really have to stop doing that... That'll happen. Trust is earned, especially after it's revoked. Give it time, and see if things get any easier. You sounds like you're doing great though! It is what it is, man. The past is the past, and you gotta leave it there. She may just need to warm up to you again to become like what she "used to be," or she may not identify with that version of herself anymore. Keep us updated though! I really loved reading your story a few pages back, and I'd like to hear more about how things go! Cheers to you!

You're riding in the limo with Love Fist, and they're all drinking booze in the back, until one of them shouts, "Oh, that's not vodka, that's BOOMSHINE!"

Haha, thanks! Wish I could say it was original, but I jacked it from Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Lemme know what you think of the read!

Oh, they exist. My girlfriend broke up with me after almost 4 years in April 2012. We kinda stayed together still for the next 8 months until our apartment lease was up, then went our separate ways. NC for 1 month, started talking again, hanging out, and within 6 weeks, we were back in bed together. Things were a little rocky from the start, but we've been together again for 4.5 months now. Albeit, she's not my "girlfriend" officially, but that's only because of an internal hangup she's having with herself that doesn't really have much to do with us. And anyone we know would (myself included) would argue that we have all the foundations there that we essentially ARE bf/gf. That aside, she and I both still have the relationship we want from each other, so it doesn't matter so much if she's my girlfriend or not. The fact of the matter is that we have a relationship with each other which is satisfying, fulfilling, and loving, and in the end run, that's what counts. Some may call my story a getting back together story, some may say it's not. But I think when you stop putting such an emphasis on titles, and focus on the key aspects of a relationship, then not only did we get back together, but we're stronger than ever, both individually and as a couple.