Getting back together really does happen!

[Boomshine]

The point of this thread is to let others know that getting back with your ex is possible. Chances are very, very slim, but it happens. However I can't but agree with Sharky. FWB is not getting back with your ex.

 

If you settle for less then congrats. Let's see how you feel when she finds a real guy to settle down. It will happen eventually.

 

Neither of us are looking to be in a relationship right now, as I said in my previous post. Even if Jennifer Lawrence came to me and told me she wanted to be my girlfriend, I still would be capable of doing so because of my station in life currently. This is just one step in the road towards potentially better things. But I'm not looking to have a serious, dedicated girlfriend. Some day down the road, I WILL be able to again, and if things are better then, she might be the one. She's not looking to "settle down" with anyone either. And I love how you say "real guy" as if I'm not a "real guy." When she's ready to settle down, she may find that she wants that with me. Time will tell. Her feelings for me have only been growing in comparison to what they were months ago. Who's to say there's a ceiling or limit on it? This could be the path that leads to her falling in love again. I'm not settling for less. I'm accepting EXACTLY what I want right now, and nothing more. If she wanted to be bf/gf, and I said yes, that would be settling for something I don't want. Just because we were bf/gf previously doesn't mean that we have to go immediately back into that either.

 

My point is, my story's not done. I'm simply giving an update along the way.

[sharky988]

This is exactly what you said last time.... then she went off with someone else and you posted all this vitriol about her here .... now she's broken up with him and taking up with you again as FWB and suddenly you're all great and fine with that?

 

You ARE posting your story here as an example -- and in doing so, encouraging others to follow suit and settle for scraps and FWB.

[Geekinthepinkx]

if you feel like you and your ex shared a lot of love, don't feel like it's never going to happen. don't hate them for acting cold. And don't always listen to the people on here who tell you it's never going to happen. There's a lot of angry, rejected people on here.

[bison67]

If love is present anything is possible, patience and faith are key. Live you life, hope for the best, treat people well, stay positive, and the rest will fall into place.

 

With the person i have grown into since the breakup my friends cant see a way my ex wont want me back in the future! We share lots of mutual friends so im sure she will hear something! Either way i have grown from this experience and become a better person, things will work out no matter what that means.

[maysan]

This is exactly what you said last time.... then she went off with someone else and you posted all this vitriol about her here .... now she's broken up with him and taking up with you again as FWB and suddenly you're all great and fine with that?

 

You ARE posting your story here as an example -- and in doing so, encouraging others to follow suit and settle for scraps and FWB.

 

If he wants FWB then that's his business, it's none of your business. Stop attacking him. Weren't you the one that told me that this is a public forum and anyone can post their opinions? Why are you criticizing him for posting his story? Besides, he didn't encourage everyone to take the same view as him; he didn't even state that they are back together. All he's advocating is hope, forgiveness and love. While I agree that sometimes hope can be a bad thing, there's nothing wrong with loving someone right? It's an emotion that you can't control, so is there anything wrong with embracing it?

[Kendahke]

It works when both people want the same thing for the same reasons and will put in the same effort to make it happen.

 

When it is just one person who wants it and the other is half-a $ $ ing it or isn't being honest, but is just falling in out of familiarity/convenience sake, then it's not going to succeed.

[sharky988]

maysan if you've read all of Boomshine's threads, you'll see that he does try and push his relationship as an example of how calculated contact can be used to manipulate an ex into taking you back -- based on what he's read in those "how to get your ex back" ebooks they sell online. So yeah, I do think it's harmful for those people who are recently broken up and especially vulnerable to those types of scams -- and yes, I'd hope anyone with a shred of self-respect would aspire to be more than an on-again off-again FWB with someone they're in love with, and I'd always encourage others not to settle for so little as well.

 

And now I'm done with addressing your critiques on my posts for good, my friend. Best of luck to you!

[Dadoftwo]

Did they ever tell you what changed their minds as far as the separation?

[Geekinthepinkx]

Please post successful reconciliation stories which is what the thread is ALL About. this is NOT a debate.

 

I got one. One of my best friends who was in a controlling relationship for a few years finally found another gal to date. They had been dating around 2 years I believe when he broke up with her. He told me he convinced himself that he didn't want to marry her. Focused on her negative traits, and of course *poof* that's what his reality became. He broke it off with her, and was just starting to get into the dating scene about 2 months later. He was on his way out to a date when she called him(I dont think she knew he was about to go out). She told him she was dating this guy, and things were about to get serious. She said that once she got serious with the guy there wouldn't be a chance for them to get back together. She then went on to disprove all the reasons that he brought up for breaking up with her(women, many men can't resist logical reasons. Men, do not play the logic game with women). She then said he had a month to decide if he wanted to get back together with her(he told me she didnt even need to do the month thing). Then he asked if he could talk to her some more on the phone, and she said no. Then she hung up, and he didn't go on the date. He went out with her instead. They got back together a couple years ago. I'm a groomsman in their wedding this summer. They have a strong relationship, and compliment each other. I know for some of you it's hard in the early stages. It always is. It's still hard for me, since I'm hoping I'll have a similar story as my friend. Remember, the person you want(the reason you're reading this probably is because of them) liked you when you were on your own and focused on yourself, and giving to others. Be that person again.

[Geekinthepinkx]

I thought everything between my ex and I was over for good. When I say I did everything wrong, I mean it. I texted him long messages so many times that went unanswered, I called him in the middle of the night, I showed up to his house, I cried, I got angry, I betrayed his trust, I was clingy, desperate, jealous. The only thing I didn’t do was cheat on him, but other than that I basically screwed myself over to the point where I believed we would never make up and get back together.

 

He said that he wanted nothing to do with me and that he never wanted to be with me again, and that once he makes up his mind that’s it. I did convince him to start talking to me again but it was always me reaching out to him first, and all of his texts were one-worded answers. He said that we were cool, but I didn’t believe it. Things just seemed so awful and hopeless.

 

BUT then earlier this evening, I was with one of our mutual friends. Out of nowhere, he sends her a text asking if he should ask me out on a date, and then tells her he thinks he knows what he wants. He then calls her and she puts him on speaker phone, him not knowing that I’m right there listening. He says “I want someone who cares about me and loves me for who I am. No one has ever cared about me the way she has. I’ve been thinking a lot about us being separated and the arguments and it’s just not worth it. I want to give it another chance but I’m afraid she won’t take me back, I should have been better to her and I’m worried I don’t have a chance now.”

 

OH. MY. GOD.

 

He doesn’t think he has a chance with ME!? The over emotional ex girlfriend who only tells him she loves him way too much and tries too hard to make up with him!? Here I’ve been thinking he’s really not interested at all and that we’ll never be together again, and then I hear him say that he’s probably gonna ask me out on a date sometime later this week and that he wants to give things another chance.

 

Naturally my brain is going “Don’t get your hopes up, it’s a trap!” but ughhhh I am so happy right now you don’t even know. I actually started crying I couldn’t believe it lol. I’ve been reading your site for months and I’ve been so jealous of the success stories and to now think I might be one of them, nothing matches the way I feel right now. I really don’t know what’s going to happen but I’m hoping for the best!

[footballlover]

Just try to relax and take things very slow. I hope you have spent some time analyzing your faults as well as your ex boyfriend's so that the issues will not reappear again in this new relationship. Don't be afraid to be honest with him about what happened between you guys but learn to also forgive and forget if he demonstrates sincerity in being with you again. I'm having a tough time of this myself. I chose drinking over a girl who would have literally done anything for me and now one of her closest friends, who is also my friend, told me I need to back off before I lose her forever and wait until she is ready to speak to me on her terms. He has always been right about her behavior and us so I trust his judgment. I've since given up drinking and I'm working on myself just waiting until the day that she hopefully decides to speak to me again. That is the kind of mindset you need to develop now, you are your own woman and not dependent upon him for happiness. Love deeply but don't lose yourself and who you are no matter what.

[bison67]

We sound very similiar, drinking was an issue that drove my girl to leave me and many issues in our relationship. It wasnt how much i drank or how often but how i behaved while drinking. I havent drank in 3 months now since she left me, i feel great and my life is going great. I just miss her and hope she will notice someday, thats her decision though. Either way im proud of myself and im going to stay sober.

[littlejulietjo]

Omg Geekinthepink, your story is so similar to mine. I did all the same things you did and he told me he was certain that there is nothing left between us. We broke up just before Christmas and I did NC from end of January til the other day. Since we broke up, he's been sleeping with his coworker and chatting to Filipino women on fb and skype.

I got a friend to message him the other day (Sunday I think) to pay me back the money he owed me and included my bank details in that message. He replied to her saying that I should message him and not get her to.

Anyway I didn't message him. But about 10 mins later got a fb message from him - my grandma died on Friday night and he liked my status about her (first contact he had with me since early jan), he said 'hi Jo, I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I will transfer the money but I would like to catch up to do so unless that isn't possible.'

I did a nice friendly happy reply like I always have and said I am busy til the end of the month and we could grab a coffee then. He said that's fine see you then.

 

I don't understand why he wants to see me seeing as I pissed him off so much with my begging and neediness at the end where he just didn't want to see me at all. But now he does? He didn't have to all he had to do was send me the money. And it's weird like on thur (just a few days before he messaged me) he told some friends he wanted to go to Philippines in July to see a girl.

 

 

Anyone able to give me an insight?

[jphcbpa]

Are you really sure you want him back? Think about this very long and hard. Not about a fantasy, but about the reality of this.

 

You need to be VERY careful here. You are extremely exposed and vulnerable right now. FRAGILE!!!!

 

You need to be the complete opposite of what you were at the end of the R and post break up.

 

What have you learned about yourself?

 

What have you fixed (really not enough time has gone by)?

 

What is going to be different?

[Geekinthepinkx]

Another story for you guys, this one is the worst breakup I've ever seen and it resulted in a reconciliation and another recent marriage.

 

A good friend of mine was dating this girl for about three years. They seemed to be a pretty happy couple. On a Thanksgiving, he went to spend dinner with his girlfriend and her family and some of her relatives who were in town. They had finished eating and were all sitting around the table talking and enjoying themselves. My friend's cell phone rings and it's a number he doesn't recognize, but he thought nothing of it because people had been calling him all day to wish him a happy Thanksgiving, so he figured this was more of the same. He picks up the phone only to have a voice scream from the other side "You got me pregnant!" It was said loud enough that his girlfriend and his girlfriend's mom heard it quite clearly. His girlfriend completely flipped out and my friend was summarily kicked out of the house by her dad.

 

She, of course, wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. Over the next year, my friend went to therapy and really worked on his problems. His ex went into another relationship after awhile. After a little over a year, my friend just wanted to apologize to his ex face to face and nothing more. She was still ignoring him, but she finally decided to see him. They met up, he apologized, she hardly said anything and was incredibly cold the whole time. After that, about a month or so later, she called him back and said she accepted his apology. Over the next few months, they would meet up more and more, until finally she broke up with the guy she was seeing and got back together with my friend.

 

They just married two months ago.

[littlejulietjo]

My ex just started sharing 'bitstrips' of him and the Filipino girl he has been chatting up. Stuff like 'XXXX wants to blow GIRL a long distance kiss' and 'XXXX gives GIRL a dozen roses.' And this was after he messaged asking to see me. I'm so confused. He's never used his fb this much before ever etc I don't know what to think.

[Geekinthepinkx]

Wanted to share a reconciliation story i read

 

My friend dated this guy for about 5 years. Got engaged and everything. The last 3 months of the relationship, he started to act really cold and distant. She knew something was odd but didnt want to call him out on it. She assumed that it was due to stress because he was busy trying to get his master degree.

 

After Xmas he told her that he's no longer in love with her and that he can't picture himself being with her in the future. Couple days after the break up, she called him and demanded more answers because it didn;t make sense to her. He ignored all her calls, and when he did pick up, he kept telling her "i don't love you anymore."

 

She cutted him off after that and went into NC. But she was REALLY depressed, and didn't listen to anything her families and friends had to say. She started to drink and went out every night.

 

after 3 months of NC, she applied and got accepted for an internship in Boston. She wanted to get away from everything and everyone, and wanted to be by herself in a new environment for awhile.

 

After 8 months of NC, she was getting herself together, move on, met new friends in Boston. Around this time, her new friend set her up on a double date, and guess who was her date? yup, her ex!! The whole night they acted as if they were strangers to one another. After the date, they went into NC again, and about a month later they happened to cross paths one more time.

 

Now they are starting all over again, from the beginning. She gave him back the engaged ring from the pervious relationship.

 

I guess destiny really played a part in their reconciliation.

[Geekinthepinkx]

Another amazing stories!

 

Couple 1: They were together for three years. They broke up lots of times, maybe maybe five or even more. She loved him from day one, he had issues with commitment and also had a wild lifestyle and was more used to being single. Anyways they always seemed to just get back together despite both claiming when they broke up each time that it was over for good! The (seemingly) last time they broke up she moved away (about two hours drive away). She was sick of being taken for granted, and even when she came back to visit they would be friendly but she was so over him and wasn't even interested in getting back with him. She met someone else in the new town, and was seeing him for about six months. Long story short, she met up with her ex again. They slept together. Didn't get back together though. She fell pregnant, moved back to her own country (thousands and thousands of miles away). He moved to her country. They have a beautiful little baby are happily married and are buying a house together and they are so happy and in love!

 

Couple 2: My friend went out with this guy, they dated for 6 months or so. He dumped her, came crawling back a few weeks later she said no! THREE years later, found each other on facebook, they got back together and dated for another 6 months or so. Broke up again. And now 1 year later, they are kindof tentatively seeing each other again. I think they are destined for each other.

 

Couple 3: He dumper her, out of the blue, saying that she can't stop him living his life (or some such rubbish). Six months later, he comes back, saying he made a terrible mistake and she is the love of his life. She laughed in his face!

 

Couple 4: I know of this couple that got back together after being apart for about 8 years or something! They were each others first boyfriend/girlfriend when they were teenagers. I don't know the details of the break-up. But eight years later having both dated other people they got back together and are getting married!

 

Couple 5: Broke up. Not sure of the reasons why. Had a big fight and she just stormed out. I think they just moved in too quickly or something. Were both looking forward to single life. Were broken up maybe six weeks or two months. Still in the same group of friends so were in contact. They got back together! Two years later, they moved back to their own country and are looking at buying a house, and talking of marriage and babies etc. They are made for each other.

 

I know of lots more couples that got back together. One friend was engaged to the same girl twice. They broke up and got back together numerous times. But at least they gave it a shot. They are good friends now even though they are both seeing other people. Other friends have gotten back together, have had another few happy years together and eventually broken up.

 

I think the key is to have hope! Stay positive and remember the person that you used to be before you got into a realtionship and lost yourself. That is the person that they fell in love with. Enjoy this free time, make yourself happy and who knows what could happen. Life is long and none of us know what the future holds!

[Mangiafuoco]

JohnGalt just posted this on eNotAlone. I copy here, another successful story, enjoy

[Monsieur Gamma]

I knew of a girl who was with her boyfriend nearly 4 years. He dumped her a disappeared for about 2 years. She was distraught. By the time he came she was planning her wedding to someone else. He begged and pleaded, but she refused to go back.

 

Er....I just realised that this isn't a reconciliation story - but at least the dumpee had the opportunity for reconciliation if she wanted it!

 

She was also very smart not to have ditched her fiancée for some low cast numbty.

[muggle]

I was with my ex for almost 4 years and even though it was not all rainbows and unicorns, it was a very beautiful thing that we shared called LOVE We were in LDR for the last two years and that's where things started to get rocky. We did not get to see each other often and a bunch of other external stresses lead to our first break up in Summer of 2012, which only lasted for about 3 weeks. It came as a surprise to me but according to him, he had been thinking about it for a while. So, I pretty did all the usual things you are NOT supposed to be doing, i.e., begging, crying, wanting to get back together...well it worked the first time around. It lasted for almost about a year but then April 2013, we got into an argument over nothing, which was the result of his work related stress (he got fired 2 weeks after the break up). We broke up again...he wanted out, so I let him. But, the very next morning, I realized that it was such a rash decision, and once again did all the things I should not have..beg, cry, drove 4 hours to see him thinking that maybe seeing me may change his mind, wrote a sweet letter, etc...well none of that did any good. But, a month later, after losing his job, he moves back home and we got to see each other a lot at dinner parties (we are family friends). We eventually got back together, talked about things that needed to be worked on, and this time we knew we were in it FOREVER!!

 

But, we had to end things September 2013 due to external problems (family related). But till this day, I know deep down that we are still madly in love with each other. I know he wants us to be together so badly, but are both scared that we will just end up hurting each other again. We had been in LC but have not talked to him in 3 weeks. I am not really sure what the future holds, but I really want to let the universe know that whatever it has in store for me, I really wish that he remains a big part of my world. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Honestly, this is our biggest pitfall ever and I truly believe, that if we get through this, we will be stronger than ever. Maybe this is what we really needed. An awakening! I know many would argue about holding on to false hope and such, but I could care less. Yes, I am utterly upset and am going through sporadic emotional fluctuation, but I am learning to be happy. The whole idea of finding "soul-searching" you may call it haha I am hitting the gym, hanging out with people, strengthening the foundation of my faith and pretty much doing all the right things. So, I truly believe, that if there is love, anything could happen. It's quite unpredictable. So, enjoy life, learn to appreciate yourself and the people around you and get back up!

[Gnaime]

I just recently talked to my parents and heard the story of their marriage and reconciliation. My Father has had addiction issues early on in their marriage which has caused some tension obviously. He started working the AA program and went to an outpatient program maybe 6 years ago. Doing well, until he slipped again. This was about 3 years ago, she was so fed up she kicked him out. She was "done" with him in her words. My brother and sisters all thought it was through for sure. Well about a month and a half goes by and he gets serious about recovery, my mother starts going to alanon and working things out on her end. He finally makes contact and she agrees to meet, he wrote her a letter explaining all of his internal troubles and things he has been doing. They part ways again for about another week until my Mother asks him to move back in. He declines stating that he feels like he has more work to be done on himself first. Another week goes by and he moves back in, and I can honestly say in the 26 years I have been on this planet I have never seen them more in love. This has been a few years now they've been back and better then ever.

[jphcbpa]

beautiful. I know a man in alanon who was engaged, they broke up due to her drinking, got back together, married, she drank again, they divorced, dated and are now remarried.

 

it takes what it takes sometimes. I LOVE RECOVERY!!!!

[Brotherhood67]

Until she realizes that marriage is the one thing that makes her drink

 

Lol, that's what I call persistance !

[jphcbpa]

Until she realizes that marriage is the one thing that makes her drink

 

Lol, that's what I call persistance !

 

hahaha what is awesome is that he has become content and happy regardless if she is sober or not. that is the POWER! Same with us here. We heal, become happy/peaceful regardless of what our ex partner does or does not do. We are powerless, but NC give us power to get to a place of indifference.