muggle

I was with my ex for almost 4 years and even though it was not all rainbows and unicorns, it was a very beautiful thing that we shared called LOVE We were in LDR for the last two years and that's where things started to get rocky. We did not get to see each other often and a bunch of other external stresses lead to our first break up in Summer of 2012, which only lasted for about 3 weeks. It came as a surprise to me but according to him, he had been thinking about it for a while. So, I pretty did all the usual things you are NOT supposed to be doing, i.e., begging, crying, wanting to get back together...well it worked the first time around. It lasted for almost about a year but then April 2013, we got into an argument over nothing, which was the result of his work related stress (he got fired 2 weeks after the break up). We broke up again...he wanted out, so I let him. But, the very next morning, I realized that it was such a rash decision, and once again did all the things I should not have..beg, cry, drove 4 hours to see him thinking that maybe seeing me may change his mind, wrote a sweet letter, etc...well none of that did any good. But, a month later, after losing his job, he moves back home and we got to see each other a lot at dinner parties (we are family friends). We eventually got back together, talked about things that needed to be worked on, and this time we knew we were in it FOREVER!! But, we had to end things September 2013 due to external problems (family related). But till this day, I know deep down that we are still madly in love with each other. I know he wants us to be together so badly, but are both scared that we will just end up hurting each other again. We had been in LC but have not talked to him in 3 weeks. I am not really sure what the future holds, but I really want to let the universe know that whatever it has in store for me, I really wish that he remains a big part of my world. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Honestly, this is our biggest pitfall ever and I truly believe, that if we get through this, we will be stronger than ever. Maybe this is what we really needed. An awakening! I know many would argue about holding on to false hope and such, but I could care less. Yes, I am utterly upset and am going through sporadic emotional fluctuation, but I am learning to be happy. The whole idea of finding "soul-searching" you may call it haha I am hitting the gym, hanging out with people, strengthening the foundation of my faith and pretty much doing all the right things. So, I truly believe, that if there is love, anything could happen. It's quite unpredictable. So, enjoy life, learn to appreciate yourself and the people around you and get back up!