Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal

[annie24]

Thanks all.

 

Well it turns out that Carol and Bill "broke up." It happened on wednesday, but she didn't tell me until today. She said that he showed up unexpected to her neighborhood, then he said he wanted to take a sunset walk, so they did. she said Bill just had great things to say about her, nothing bad.... and Carol didn't tell me exactly how he said it (she doesn't even remember the words I don't think) - but the jist is that he doesn't want to be in a relationship. She said he was hugging and kissing her and wanted to go inside her apartment at the end of the night.... but he didn't have any concrete "reason" why he doesn't want a relationship with her. i think she's hoping he will miss her and want her back. She said he only had the most positive things to say about her, but then she doesn't understand why he doesn't want to be with her.

 

I told her I think that he just has a "list" in his head of what he wants in a woman and for whatever reason, Carol doesn't fit the bill. I don't know what it is that Bill wants (I don't even know if he knows what he wants), but I just don't think that carol is it. she seems sad, but I hope she just moves on from this. I told her in the future, she should have this conversation after 3 months, not 8 months. I mean, after the first "friend" card was the right time.

 

sigh.... oh wells. Had some friends over for brunch (including Carol). it went well.

[petite]

In my opinion 3 month is the relationship mark. If one person can't make up their mind after 3 months, it's pointless to 'date' them. Hopefully this won't happen to Carol again. Live and learn.

[annie24]

In my opinion 3 month is the relationship mark. If one person can't make up their mind after 3 months, it's pointless to 'date' them. Hopefully this won't happen to Carol again. Live and learn.

 

Yes, definitely. i think Carol was trying to be patient and didn't want to pressure him. She said she felt pressured by her girlfriends to ask him. But that's because, like she said, people would ask, "how's Bill?" and she would say, "I haven't seen him in 2 weeks" and they would be like, "what do you mean, you've been dating this guy for a good part of a year and you haven't seen him in 2 weeks??" So, she said she felt embarrassed. The point wasn't to make Carol feel embarrassed but that's a long time not to see a guy that you're dating, especially if he lives in the same city as you and it's not a long-distance relationship.

[annie24]

So, there's this guy from work - he's a few years younger than me. Attractive, tall, goofy.... and with a gf. I, especially lately, have been getting a different vibe from him, like he's kind of interested... but I won't go there because he has a gf and they live together. Well, today, we wound up leaving work together at the same time and walked home from work together (he lives near me). I ask him about his gf, their vacation plans, etc... Last year, he told me that he and her planned to move to xxx city in a few years when they graduate. But now he told me that she might move to yyy city instead. So, yeah.... obviously I wouldn't try to interfere in their relationship - maybe they're totally happy together and he just likes me as a friend. I get a sense though sometimes....

[Ms Darcy]

Thank Goodness that Bill mess is over. Finally he said something about his feelings.

[annie24]

Thank Goodness that Bill mess is over. Finally he said something about his feelings.

 

I hope so... when Carol told me, she started off with...."Bill and I broke up.... but we might get back together." then she told the story. And then she admitted at the end of our conversation that if he goes 2 weeks without wanting to see her, then it's likely he won't miss her now that they are "not together." I just think Carol deserves a guy who thinks she is as great as she actually is.

[luminousone]

Happy Belated Birthday Annie!

[luminousone]

I feel bad for Carol but I also feel glad because he was just keeping her as a placeholder until someone better comes along.

[annie24]

Thank you for the birthday wishes!!

 

Brag of the day: I got 2 bottles of laundry detergent, 4-rolls of toilet paper, and a cat toy for $2.56. Yay to $13 in CVS extra care bucks!!

 

Cat toy for the cat birthday party I'm going to tomorrow. lol. The owner is also celebrating her birthday as well (her and the cat have close birthdays). We'll be having picnic in the park. The cat will not be attending, so I'll send the other birthday girl home with a cat toy.

[Ms Darcy]

Gotta love the CVS extra care card!

[annie24]

Today, I bought a gallon of distilled water, 2 packages of flavored almonds, and 1 Nad's body wax strips for $6.53 (I had $5 off in extra care bucks, and another $5 off a purchase of $15 or more). Yay!!

 

In other news, Carol is hoping to win back Bill (she bought those horrible "get your ex back in 30 days" books). boo. I made a bad face at that. SMH.

 

Another friend told me she was on a date on Thursday night, and her date told her he was married (but separated for a few years), not divorced like his profile said. She said she walked out, did not finish her beer (they were at a bar), she just walked out. Good for her!!!!!

 

As for me, I rejoined OKcupid - been chatting with some guys. we'll see...

[petite]

Good for her, he lied. No point wasting time with someone that hasn't divorced after several years. Why wait?

 

As for Carol, one day when Bill does find the girl he wants to be his girlfriend she will wake up, and will only have herself to blame. Bill's made his stance clear, it's up to her now if she wants to wait around for some dude that clearly doesn't want her.

[luminousone]

Today, I bought a gallon of distilled water, 2 packages of flavored almonds, and 1 Nad's body wax strips for $6.53 (I had $5 off in extra care bucks, and another $5 off a purchase of $15 or more). Yay!!

 

In other news, Carol is hoping to win back Bill (she bought those horrible "get your ex back in 30 days" books). boo. I made a bad face at that. SMH.

 

Another friend told me she was on a date on Thursday night, and her date told her he was married (but separated for a few years), not divorced like his profile said. She said she walked out, did not finish her beer (they were at a bar), she just walked out. Good for her!!!!!

 

As for me, I rejoined OKcupid - been chatting with some guys. we'll see...

 

Oh no!!! Carol, Carol, Carol...

 

Good for your other friend!

 

That guy was what my ex was a few years ago. We didn't get a divorce for 5 years because of the health insurance and my breast cancer. And then he complained because no one would go out with him on a second date... Some guys just don't get it...

[Batya33]

Ugh about Carol. One very attractive -inside and out- friend of mine pined after a guy in her volunteer organization for at least 3 years- he would flirt with her, spend platonic time with her (full days, date-like activities) and she wouldn't go on other dates, etc. Finally he told her that he'd been secretly dating a co-volunteer for most of those three years -someone she was friendly with. She'd never actually told him she was interested in that way but she certainly showed her interest.

 

She is now in her late 40s, single (maybe happily so, can't tell), has let herself go physically, but I think that 3 years in her late 30s/early 40s really caused a lot of damage to her relationship-wise. But nothing could really be said to her to convince her otherwise. I remember once, exasperated at his behavior (while waiting for a train to arrive at a train station he put his head in her lap to rest and was very flirtatious) I blurted out that he was leading her on and she defended him (!). I never said another word (and really hadn't before that). Sometimes it's just too hard to listen to someone act like a train wreck.

[browneyedgirl36]

Indeed. I WAS that trainwreck for awhile, and reading stories like Carol's make me CRINGE. I was actually dating the person I was all worked up over, but still -- he clearly wasn't going to ever commit to me, and I twisted myself into pretzels to be the *right* person for him so that he'd change his mind. What a waste of time! It really COULD have caused a lot of damage to me, but thankfully it didn't. I kept an open mind, kept myself in good shape (physically AND mentally) and finally met someone great, once I had Mr. Wrong out of my system.

 

I hope Carol will one day see what she's doing to herself -- it's a lonely and painful road to walk. I have a family member who has re-united with her really awful ex-husband (her third husband) after being divorced from him for YEARS. She's so afraid of being alone that she'd rather be in a relationship with someone who treated her horribly in the past than be by herself. She's nearing 70 and, I think, is doing the whole "I don't want to die alone" thing. Sadly, she's totally compromising her self-respect by going back to an emotionally abusive, controlling person who I can guarantee hasn't magically changed since she was last married to him. This is what Carol has to look forward to if she manages to "win" back Bill. Ugh. I'm just doing all kinds of cringing here.

[annie24]

I know - I'm cringing so hard here. Ok, so he spends forever "thinking" about the prospect of a relationship with her, and then turns her down. So I'm going to assume this guy did actually spend some time thinking about being Carol's boyfriend and then said, 'nah....' So why would a "get your ex back in 30 days" book help? I think that can maybe work if there was some passion there the first time, but probably not if he's not even technically "her ex." blah. double blah. She told me and a gf last night that she was going to hang out with her old FWB. We both said great!! Carol said, "isn't that self destructive behavior?" I said no, at least it's sort of moving on. As long as she isn't pinning her hopes on him either (he's due to move accross the country at the end of the summer).

 

anyway.... sigh. I've reopened my Okcupid account and am chatting with some guys. One ("Jason") I have a "phone date" with sometime tonight. He's early 40s and a writer in a big city a few hours away. He said he would like to chat on the phone first before meeting. Jason writes very well and seems very smart.

 

Another guy wrote to me - his profile is decently written, he's "cute enough" (as Carol would say) - but at the end, in the additional information section, he writes that he has a huge penis and that some women have had problems with it, so he wants to put that out there. omg.

[annie24]

on another topic, all my spanx mysteriously have disappeared (for those unaware, Spanx are a kind of underwear used to smooth out body lumps and bumps, especially under thin clothing). I have two pairs of spanx-type bike shorts which are now gone!! There was one sketchy looking woman in the laundry room 2 days ago, but maybe i'm imagining it - why would anyone steal bike shorts?? My grandma always used to accuse people of stealing her underwear - she'd say, "The neighbor kids took my underwear!!" I said, 'Why would they do that grandma?' She said, "To play with it!!!!" Then I'd go downstairs and see that they were in the back of the dryer. I'd take them over to her and she said, "They must have returned it." Lol. I'm turning into grandma here. I went to Nordstrom Rack today and bought another 3 pairs with my "Nordstrom bucks." Hopefully these stay put.

[annie24]

Oh no!!! Carol, Carol, Carol...

 

Good for your other friend!

 

That guy was what my ex was a few years ago. We didn't get a divorce for 5 years because of the health insurance and my breast cancer. And then he complained because no one would go out with him on a second date... Some guys just don't get it...

 

Are you better now?

 

I know, sometimes things happen and you can't get divorced easily for financial reasons. i remember there was a question on Okcupid like, "can money buy happiness?" I actually answered yes, but simply, I think it can help you get out of messes like where two people can't afford to get divorced. Maybe I should clarify my answer on there, I didn't state why.

 

A friend of mine is, I believe, still married to her ex. She's been living in the US for the last 4 years and has a serious bf here for the last 3. Her ex is dragging his heels on signing the documents contesting parts of it - primarily the child support arrangement (maybe he's finally signed them recently, I don't know). The don't even live in the same country. I know things happen and sometimes the laws can make it difficult to get legally divorced.

[luminousone]

Yeah yeah yeah- I had surgery in late July 2009 and have been on an estrogen blocker since. All is well. I go to the oncologist once a year.

 

Well, it was a strange thing to be still married for so long. And yet we were split up. Somewhat in limbo. I did appreciate my ex holding out as long as he did so I could retain the health insurance. Later I got it through his dad's company and now I have my own plan through the ACA.

[annie24]

I'm glad you are better! That was decent of your ex to keep you on his insurance.

[annie24]

A lady I know and her husband have been trying to have a baby for almost 8 years now. They gave up a year ago and started going through the adoption process. They made their struggle public on Facebook and that's pretty hard. Well, it turns out, she's 3 months pregnant now, and that is so awesome. I am so happy for them.

[petite]

Awww that's fantastic! I love hearing good news like that. Hope she has a great pregnancy.

[annie24]

The best part is that the baby is due on her birthday!! She seems to be doing well so far, but foods she previously loved, she can no longer stomach, and vice versa. Funny how pregnancy does that! One of my friends was lactose intolerant, but once she got pregnant, grilled cheese sandwiches and ice cream were the only thing she could eat. lol. She said she never knew the joys of ice cream and her little boy was the cause!

[annie24]

so, Facebook suggested that I add Logan as a friend. 5 minutes after we broke up, I blocked him, so he must have started a new account. This account didn't have a profile picture, so I wonder if he used an account to start creeping on me?

[annie24]

On another note, I had a 1 hour conversation today with "Jason." We met on Okcupid. He lives in a big city that's about 2 hours away by public transit. Like me, he doesn't have a car, however, I don't think it would be a huge issue given the ease of public transit between our 2 cities. I think it's almost easier than dating someone who lives in a suburb here, just because then you might have to take 3 different buses vs. 1 train.

 

He's very intelligent, he's a writer. He asked me a ton of questions about myself. Conversation was easy. He brought up some deeper topics - do I want kids, what am I looking for. We're both looking for a long term relationship but are unsure on kids. I said I would have kids, but only if the man really wants kids and the relationship is solid. I said that I also know at 35, I'd better make a decision soon, but in a sense, i'm deferring it to the man here. If it's the right guy. I mentioned that my ex (Logan) really wanted kids, but it was clear that it was not the right relationship. He said that he respected and admired that I am waiting for the right relationship and am planning things out.

 

He said he was going to call me last week on Saturday, but I didn't get a call until Thursday night. He said he got caught up with work, I said no problem. But I only talked to him for 30 seconds on Thursday night and said i would call him later because it was a bad time. I didn't call him back until today. I told him today that on Thursday, I had a bad stupid day (I went to the grocery store, got to the checkout, realized I forgot my wallet at work, went back to work, got the wallet, went back to the grocery store, got the groceries, and then was walking home when he called me). I told him I wasn't in the mood to talk, and friday I went out with friends, so that's why I didn't call until Saturday. He thanked me for not calling him while I was in a bad mood and appreciated that I know myself well enough to just stay away, lol.

 

He said he wants to talk on the phone a little more before we meet. I said ok. He said he doesn't want to talk endlessly on the phone, but feels more comfortable if we take a little more time chatting. I said ok. We briefly discussed if he wanted to come here next weekend, he said he's tempted and will think about it. There's an art museum here he wants to see. In his city, I have a few friends I would like to see. He told me he would feel better if we arranged it so that I got to see some friends, because he didn't want me going out of my way to see him. I guess I understand what he means, but I think he's being a little too cautious? He's very much the "I don't want to waste your time" kind of guy (which is why I think he was asking such detailed questions about relationship goals). I said that I'll contact those friends, see what their schedules are like, and then maybe we can arrange something like I go see my friend for lunch or dinner, and then see Jason afterward for a drink or coffee, and then head back home.

 

so.... we'll see. I told him to call me mid-week to catch up and see what's going on. he said ok.