Seraphim Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 That's because you are a stand up kind of guy... Thank GOD there are some left! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 ................................ unBELIEVABLE! Yeah that make all kinds of sense huh???? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 What REALLY cracked me up was....when I was hurt beyond bearing and suicidal he had the NERVE to say he was having headaches cause he felt bad for hurting me and he never had someone hate him before and that hurt him. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Yeah that was the thing, when it started he implied there was more by saying, I think I am falling in love with you. Then later he blamed me for everything by saying, you fell in love with me not the other way around. DIRT BAG. I've had this happen to me before, and I believed the guy. But then when he turned it on me, I was flabbergasted, but then I also doubted myself since I never thought he would turn out this way. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 uh huh beware of thoes men Ren, run the one minute mile. Link to comment
sbux_addict Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Yeah that was the thing, when it started he implied there was more by saying, I think I am falling in love with you. Then later he blamed me for everything by saying, you fell in love with me not the other way around. DIRT BAG. Oh my gosh, I hope we're not talking about the same guy! LOL! Yeah, happened to me too. What the heck is up with these people? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Oh my gosh, I hope we're not talking about the same guy! LOL! Yeah, happened to me too. What the heck is up with these people? Not unless your guy was a rich banker Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 This is why I watch the feet not the lips with one exception - I won't assume exclusivity based on actions or words other than "I want to be in an exclusive relationship with you." It's not because I don't trust men, it's because I don't think it's wise to assume exclusivity or the desire for a relationship based on protestations of love, especially if sex is involved. Link to comment
Caterina Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 Ahh it is ok Allie, I had my part in it, I allowed it. I accept my part in his treating me like crap, I let him which means I treated myself that way. However intially he lied to me and told me he loved me. Then later he told me, "I never loved you, you are only lust and lust by nature is very selfish. If I had what I wanted elsewhere you would never see me." I am sad to say I still did not learn after he said that even. I have learned to wise up since. Cold!! I've never heard of a FWB situation where people hung out together...did dinner and stuff. That's more like a "relationship" No, I had a very very good friend who I hung out with on a daily basis and fell for. He knew I fell for him and still only wanted me for sex. He said he would take sex, but no relationship. I'd never intentionally initiate a FWB things with a lady that I suspected had feelings for me. I would only ever do it if I knew they were just in it for the sex also. If I had any inkling they wanted more I wouldn't even contemplate it. You're a good guy; unfortunately not all men are like this and a lot of women, like myself, fall for it. What REALLY cracked me up was....when I was hurt beyond bearing and suicidal he had the NERVE to say he was having headaches cause he felt bad for hurting me and he never had someone hate him before and that hurt him. The more you talk about this guy, the more unbelievable it seems- he's like a villian with how terrible he sounds. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Cold!! No, I had a very very good friend who I hung out with on a daily basis and fell for. He knew I fell for him and still only wanted me for sex. He said he would take sex, but no relationship. You're a good guy; unfortunately not all men are like this and a lot of women, like myself, fall for it. The more you talk about this guy, the more unbelievable it seems- he's like a villian with how terrible he sounds. Oh believe me he was a piece of work. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 What now stuns me is that I wanted to kill myself after I was so USED by this jacka$$. Link to comment
Caterina Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 I've never heard of a FWB situation where people hung out together...did dinner and stuff. That's more like a "relationship" Friends hang out, thus it being called friends with benefits. If they were just getting sex and not hanging out, it'd be the official booty call. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Answering the original question--I got into FWB because I got along well with the women in question, and because I was attracted to them. As far as I know, none of my FWB have/have had romantic feelings for me, though one became a bit stalkerish. Early on, I only wanted a sexual relationship if I had strong romantic feelings for the other person. But after a lot of pining, rejection, and frustration, I eventually decided that it wasn't worth the effort. There are more satisfying things in life to focus on, and FWB is low-effort and thus practical for me. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I think that men who desire friends with benefit situations are just being realistic as to what they want generally or perhaps with just a particular girl. A FWB situation is the best of both worlds because he gets what he wants from a particular girl, yet he retains his freedom, so that he doesnt have to deal with the complexities of having a relationship. FWB situations seem to start out that way but then devolve into a quasi-relationship that ends up having relationship rules and consequences. I would say that FWB situations is just an intermediate stage and certain people seem to like being in those type of situations. In the beginning, FWB can seem beneficial but when emotions get involved then the situation slowly begins to self destruct. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Can FWBs ever turn into relationships, even those FWBs where it is not just pure sex, but time is spent together outside the bedroom, like spending days together doing things, going out for meals, etc? I've had 2 relationships like that, actually. But I would say the "benefits" stuff was partial. Link to comment
Nixee Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Can FWBs ever turn into relationships, even those FWBs where it is not just pure sex, but time is spent together outside the bedroom, like spending days together doing things, going out for meals, etc? I think the whole trouble with the term "friends with benefits" in and of itself is that it is a bit of a misnomer in the way it is usually meant. Once sex enters the picture for most people in these situations, it is kinda like true friendship, and everything else, has to exit the picture. Anything that will risk feelings developing. That is a true sex-only arrangement. However a true friend-with-benefits would imply actual friendship, wouldn't it? Someone you talk to, hang out with, share things with? I ponder this often... because in my mind, when you think of it that way... the closer the friends become... suddenly there is very little distinguishing this type of relationship from a real relationship relationship. Make it official, establish exclusivity, put a cherry on top. But I dunno... maybe that is just me. Perhaps my views on relationships are fairly relaxed too. Truthfully all I really WANT in a relationship is a best friend, with benefits, who is exclusively mine. I know relationships entail more than that as they progress.... but this is the heart of it for me. .... But to answer Ren's question... I don't have an answer. I'm currently seeking an answer I guess you could say. I cringe at thinking that I've been involved in something like this, but I'm not sure I'd define it this way. But yeah... I think where there is potential, there is possibility. If both people are interested in seeing each other outside of the bedroom as well as in... then to me that seems like two very important criteria for a relationship are being met already, and it is possible if both parties can become emotionally ready. Link to comment
Pegasus Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 For me, there are two reasons: 1) I like her physically but she has some bad personality traits which I wouldn't want to deal with every day because every girlfriend for me is a potential wife. 2) Sometimes I just don't want to go through all the tests and stupid games women enforce when starting a relationship. I'm just tired of it and this way I at least get my sex drive satisfied . In most cases it's a combination of both. P. Link to comment
Caterina Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 My wanna be FWB went through some tests and games even though he never got sex, lol. I was tempted, thank GOD I didn't. I think I probably would have fallen in love, but now I don't have to worry about that- I've moved on for the most part. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Yeah keep moving, it is NOT worth it. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Somewhere along the line the term 'no strings attached sex' mutated into FWB. I think most FWB are really no strings attached, or at least one person wants it that way, and there really isn't much friendship or out of bed activities involved. So people can kid themselves to think that 'friends' can turn into 'romance', whereas 'no strings attached' better represents what most guys want out of it. They want to hook up now and again strictly for sex, with no other expectations or reponsbilities involved. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Somewhere along the line the term 'no strings attached sex' mutated into FWB. I think most FWB are really no strings attached, or at least one person wants it that way, and there really isn't much friendship or out of bed activities involved. So people can kid themselves to think that 'friends' can turn into 'romance', whereas 'no strings attached' better represents what most guys want out of it. They want to hook up now and again strictly for sex, with no other expectations or reponsbilities involved. Exactly that BSBH! And I was the idiot that wanted more...LOL Lucky I grew a brain and left. Link to comment
jenm Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Just wanted to say that it is possible for FWB to turn into something real. I'm talking from experience. In my situation, though, it was a *real* FWB in the sense that it was a really strong friendship, and then slowly some benefits ended up coming into the picture. And then feelings were addressed. So it wasn't an agreed-upon arrangement or anything. I guess it was like a slow transition from friends to more. That being said, still not entirely sure what's going to happen, so I may be speaking to soon. Link to comment
sbux_addict Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 This is why I watch the feet not the lips with one exception - I won't assume exclusivity based on actions or words other than "I want to be in an exclusive relationship with you." It's not because I don't trust men, it's because I don't think it's wise to assume exclusivity or the desire for a relationship based on protestations of love, especially if sex is involved. Well, not necessarily, I think it should be a combination of both. In my case, he did say he wanted me to be his girlfriend, he wanted to be able to take me when he's hanging out with his friends, he wanted me to "his" and be able to hold my hand in public. He even said he wanted to declare to the whole world that I'm his girlfriend. What happened? The next day, he backtracked and we mutually ended the F buddy deal. We never did anything outside of sex. So, yeap, it made me even more cynical about what guys say... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 Well, not necessarily, I think it should be a combination of both. In my case, he did say he wanted me to be his girlfriend, he wanted to be able to take me when he's hanging out with his friends, he wanted me to "his" and be able to hold my hand in public. He even said he wanted to declare to the whole world that I'm his girlfriend. What happened? The next day, he backtracked and we mutually ended the F buddy deal. We never did anything outside of sex. So, yeap, it made me even more cynical about what guys say... Sorry, I meant that it should be both but that relying only on actions and assumptions without "the talk" is usually a bad idea. Of course his words should then be backed up with consistent actions. I think it's a shame if you let this one person make you cynical about guys just because they are the same gender as him. Please don't....... Link to comment
Caterina Posted September 23, 2008 Author Share Posted September 23, 2008 Just wanted to say that it is possible for FWB to turn into something real. I'm talking from experience. In my situation, though, it was a *real* FWB in the sense that it was a really strong friendship, and then slowly some benefits ended up coming into the picture. And then feelings were addressed. So it wasn't an agreed-upon arrangement or anything. I guess it was like a slow transition from friends to more. That being said, still not entirely sure what's going to happen, so I may be speaking to soon. That was never an FWB. An FWB is when he tells you its not a relationship. Link to comment
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