Men: what made you want to start an FWB

[Caterina]

I'm curious about the mind of men who wanted to get an FWB situation from their friends. Why? What were your true motivations?

 

There have been men who waited years to gain the love of the woman they wanted, but today men say, "Why can't we just be lovers and friends?"

[CallingAllAngels]

good question, and I can't wait to see the answers.....

[15 Storeys High]

Okay, well, speaking as a bloke....right now. I don't think I'm all that into a relationship....i'm still dealing with stuff and my sex drive has deserted me but before all this...I liked sex, I liked kissing, I liked the whole shebang......And I guess if my sex drive suddenly reappeared I'd feel like I'd want that kind of experience back.....the closeness, intimacy, adrenaline, the pleasure.....just sex in general....the making each other feel good, the physical rawness of it. Basically to just get the physical pleasure and have a bit of physical unattached intimacy I suppose. Just to get a release, a bit of a smile every now and then without having to worry about what you say, what you do, where you go, all the stuff that matters in a relationship.

[Sparkie]

At the risk of sounding like a shallow tool.....

 

1. guys get emotional closeness from women largely through sex. FWB achieves that without having to find a gf

 

2. Mentally, you are still 'free' and won't have to miss out on other opportunities to meet a gf, even if there aren't any.

 

3. Curious to see what you are like in bed / nude

 

4. Ego boost

 

5. Avoids 'loneliness' feelings when 'single'

 

Hope that helps

[bmwm3]

well for me its been for several reasons... i enjoy being in a loving commited rel... but as we all know it takes lots of work, time, energy...

 

for me starting fwb was because i was focused on my business and i lacked time to put into a rel.. but still needed a companion of a women..

[i_win]

I think because a guy sometimes doesn't want the responsibilities that come with a relationship. Especially coming out of a draining relationship...it can be difficult to muster up the energy again and sometimes it takes a long time to recouperate. Or perhaps he's emotionally unavailable and yet still wants the physical needs.

 

I definitely wouldn't recommend this for someone that still wants to keep the friendship after the sexual relationship ends. Usually that friendship dies as well.

 

It could also be there until something better comes along or someone that is more his type at a relationship level.

 

I tried this once and I'm glad I did because I realized that they just aren't for me at all. Especially after having a great couple of relationships...there was just something missing that made it not nearly as fun. There wasn't love there and I didn't truly want to be with them and it made me feel empty after a while.

 

Although I have to admit that when the weather gets cold the idea of having someone I can be close to on cold nights is nice.

[Caterina]

I thought so. The thing is, so many women foolishly think FWBs are more than they are.

 

I was one of them, so I'm not condemning them.

 

Women who are in FWBs are often incredibly delusional - believing that their fwb will be a partner, or cares about them, or will learn to love them. I wish the women would wake up, b/c they hurt themselves so much by being in denial. I'm not talking about women who claim that they became fwbs purely for sex. I have a difficult time relating to those type of women.

[i_win]

I thought so. The thing is, so many women foolishly think FWBs are more than they are.

 

I was one of them, so I'm not condemning them.

 

Women who are in FWBs are often incredibly delusional - believing that their fwb will be a partner, or cares about them, or will learn to love them. I wish the women would wake up, b/c they hurt themselves so much by being in denial. I'm not talking about women who claim that they became fwbs purely for sex. I have a difficult time relating to those type of women.

 

I completely agree. I think if a guy wants a relationship with a girl, it will be apparent very soon. If a guy isn't into it from the beginning I think chances are slim that eventually he will see the woman in a different light.

 

And I think it's delusional...yet I have seen a lot of friends waste years of their life with a FWB who they hope one day will turn into something more. They just end up alone and have wasted years that they could have spent out there searching for someone that truly loves him. Kinda sad, really.

[Seraphim]

I used to be one of these deluisional women. I thought he might end up caring, what a joke.

[CallingAllAngels]

I used to be one of these deluisional women. I thought he might end up caring, what a joke.

 

I'm so sorry......

[Seraphim]

Ahh it is ok Allie, I had my part in it, I allowed it. I accept my part in his treating me like crap, I let him which means I treated myself that way. However intially he lied to me and told me he loved me. Then later he told me, "I never loved you, you are only lust and lust by nature is very selfish. If I had what I wanted elsewhere you would never see me." I am sad to say I still did not learn after he said that even. I have learned to wise up since.

[Caterina]

I see it all over the threads, and some of the women are so sweet and would make some man out there SO happy (they're better people than I am) but they settle for an FWB and deeply yearn for something more while ignoring all the things the guy is telling/showing her.

[renaissancewoman101]

Can FWBs ever turn into relationships, even those FWBs where it is not just pure sex, but time is spent together outside the bedroom, like spending days together doing things, going out for meals, etc?

[Seraphim]

It never happened to me Ren.

[CallingAllAngels]

Can FWBs ever turn into relationships, even those FWBs where it is not just pure sex, but time is spent together outside the bedroom, like spending days together doing things, going out for meals, etc?

 

I'm not sure that FWB do stuff like that Renny.......

[CallingAllAngels]

Ahh it is ok Allie, I had my part in it, I allowed it. I accept my part in his treating me like crap, I let him which means I treated myself that way. However intially he lied to me and told me he loved me. Then later he told me, "I never loved you, you are only lust and lust by nature is very selfish. If I had what I wanted elsewhere you would never see me." I am sad to say I still did not learn after he said that even. I have learned to wise up since.

 

That SUCKS!!!!!!!

[Caterina]

Can FWBs ever turn into relationships, even those FWBs where it is not just pure sex, but time is spent together outside the bedroom, like spending days together doing things, going out for meals, etc?

 

Maybe, but I don't think so. The Fwb men usually know you desire them, and they don't mind your company, but they want to use you for whatever they can get-- whether emotional support or sex. They don't want a relationship, and they don't mind to some degree catering to that so that they can get certain things. At least in my experience.

[Seraphim]

It is ok Allie,because eventually I told him to bite my.......and did not want him anymore BUT he wanted me still.....OH BOO HOO

[CallingAllAngels]

Maybe, but I don't think so. The Fwb men usually know you desire them, and they don't mind your company, but they want to use you for whatever they can get-- whether emotional support or sex. They don't want a relationship, and they don't mind to some degree catering to that so that they can get certain things. At least in my experience.

 

I've never heard of a FWB situation where people hung out together...did dinner and stuff. That's more like a "relationship"

[renaissancewoman101]

Maybe, but I don't think so. The Fwb men usually know you desire them, and they don't mind your company, but they want to use you for whatever they can get-- whether emotional support or sex. They don't want a relationship, and they don't mind to some degree catering to that so that they can get certain things. At least in my experience.

 

Sad thing is, even with them wanting emotional support, even after the sex is over with, the "relationship" still ends. Wish there was a way to stop that from happening.

[CallingAllAngels]

It is ok Allie,because eventually I told him to bite my.......and did not want him anymore BUT he wanted me still.....OH BOO HOO

 

Good GIRL!

[15 Storeys High]

I'd never intentionally initiate a FWB things with a lady that I suspected had feelings for me. I would only ever do it if I knew they were just in it for the sex also. If I had any inkling they wanted more I wouldn't even contemplate it.

[Seraphim]

Yeah that was the thing, when it started he implied there was more by saying, I think I am falling in love with you. Then later he blamed me for everything by saying, you fell in love with me not the other way around. DIRT BAG.

[CallingAllAngels]

I'd never intentionally initiate a FWB things with a lady that I suspected had feelings for me. I would only ever do it if I knew they were just in it for the sex also. If I had any inkling they wanted more I wouldn't even contemplate it.

 

That's because you are a stand up kind of guy...

[CallingAllAngels]

Yeah that was the thing, when it started he implied there was more by saying, I think I am falling in love with you. Then later he blamed me for everything by saying, you fell in love with me not the other way around. DIRT BAG.

 

................................ unBELIEVABLE!