Falling for another man...

[theboxer69]

This is my first time doing something like this, but I could really use some help. Ok, I was married in June to a really caring man, but before the wedding we were fighting constantly and I just thought it was due to pre-wedding stress. Honestly, though, there were days that had we not been engaged I would have broken up with him because I was that miserable. But we were engaged and I couldn't see myself hurting him by dumping him before our wedding. (I realize now that it wasn't a good choice b/c I"m only hurting him now) So I stayed and we got married. We went on a honeymoon, which was nice but it really wasn't very romantic because I just wasn't feeling into it. Then we moved into our new house and things have continued to get worse. We hardly ever talk, we argue if we do, and I have no desire to be physical with him. I don't even like it when he rubs my back or anything. Then about a month ago, I started hanging out with another guy friend I know. We were out drinking one night and we started kissing. It has now led to us seeing each other every once and awhile and we kiss some times. We've never been anymore phsyical than just kissing, but I do realize that I'm being unfaithful to my husband. But the other man makes me so happy. I want to be around him more than anything. When I'm with him I feel like myself again, I feel happy, I get butterflies, and everything just seems right again. My husband and I had a huge talk the other night where we both admitted to being unhappy. We agreed that we'd try to make things better but that if things didn't change, we both couldn't live our lives this way. My main problem is, that I'm more afraid of losing my other man who might get tired of waiting for me than I am of losing my husband. I feel like he might be fading away b/c he doesn't get to spend as much time with me as he'd like. I could just really use some thoughts, advice, etc. to help me through this. I know I should love my husband, try to work things out, and cut the other man out of my life. But if I did that I would be truly miserable. The other man and I are falling for each other in a very deep and loving way. In fact, I can't wait for the next time I get to be alone with my other man. Help, please!

[redhearts]

You never wanted to be with your husband, but you had pity so you went through with the marriage. Which was a really big mistake. So how I see it you don't want to be with your husband so you might as well give him a chance to be with someone who loves him.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

You were married a month when you started kissing some other guy?

 

Sometimes you just have to admit reality and cut your losses. You shouldn't have married to begin with, and certainly aren't taking it seriously if you are off snogging someone else within a month of the wedding.

 

If you make a big mistake, it is better to admit it quickly and rectify it. In this case, i would say just immediately go for the divorce. Your husband doesn't deserve the embarrassment of being cheated on right after the wedding, and you obviously aren't into him (or into marriage and the responsbility/fidelity it entails).

[Aviatormy]

I agree. If you are stubborn enough to not try and work out your marriage, you should save your husband the grief and file for divorce. He does not deserve to have his WIFE going out behind his back and kissing other men.

 

I feel for both of you but I put the blame on you for not standing up for what you felt before the marriage. Weddings are expensive and are supposed to be permanent. Really think hard about this whole situation. If at all possible, cut this other guy out of your life while you make your decision about what you want to do with your marriage. You can not possibly make a conscious effort to do the right thing while you are hooking up with this other man, it's not fair to your husband.

 

I think you need to ask yourself this "can I love my husband again like I loved him the day I met him? Can I give him the chance and time to help me rebuild that love?"

 

You are being selfish right now and the best thing to do is cut the other man loose until you finalize everything with your husband.

 

Good luck

[ColdHands...]

I feel sorry for your husband. I wish I could say something nice to you...but what you've done is bang out of order. Guess the only thing to do is go for the divorce...

[SapphireNoir10]

It sounds like you and your husband are both unhappy. It would probably be fairer to let go of the relationship with your husband. Let him go and find someone else and perhaps try with this new guy. Don't be surprised if it doesnt work out and you end up regretting it. This might not happen. Im just saying prepare yourself for the worst.

 

Be honest with your husband.

[ImThatGirl]

If you are not willing to complete cut the other guy out of your life... even thoughts of him, then go file for divorce.

 

You have no interest in making your marriage work. You already have your head set.

 

I'm surprised your husband isn't filing honestly. Doesn't sound like you treat him so good and seriously.... during your honeymoon, "you weren't feeling it?" And a month later you build an emotional attachment with another guy... one that is already moving onward towards a physical relationship as well. Your poor guy.

[george237]

You should have never married him but now that you are you shouldn't be cheating on him. If you want out get out but don't continue to see this dude on the side until your separated.

[tangi39]

You were only married in June ?

 

Two questions-

 

1. If you felt so unsure why did you get married in the first place ?

 

2. If you were THAT unhappy why didn't you talk to your husband before going behind his back ?

 

I think you need to answer these questions honestly for yourself.

 

You need to tell your husband. And proceed from there. He deserves to be with someone who does love him- Either with you loving him as you should or with someone else. How would you feel if yo saw him with another woman ?

 

STOP seeing this OM immediately. No contact, period. Tell him you need to sort your marriage out . Please slow down with your feelings, though too.

I'd be telling this to you even if you were single- You are using him as the

source of happiness in your life, which is not healthy.

Don't use another person for a temporary fix of happiness.

[HeartGoesOn]

What a way to start off a marriage!!

 

This is just a case of "playing house", you're married, and living the single life at the same time, that's not how it works.

 

Not to sound religious, but whatever happened to. "Forsaking All Others"?

[doyathink]

I wish people would take marriage just a tad bit more serious.

[redhearts]

Tell your husband you cheated, that'll make it easier.

[rocio]

My main problem is, that I'm more afraid of losing my other man who might get tired of waiting for me than I am of losing my husband.

 

This line says it all. It says exactly where your priorities are.

 

I think the obvious thing to do is to cut all contact with the other man until you are single. You may not like to hear this, but relationships created out of dishonesty and betrayal don't usually work out.

 

In your case, though, it seems that what you are really concerned about is your relationship with the other man. Then, I suggest you file for divorce today.

[doyathink]

This line says it all. It says exactly where your priorities are.

 

I think the obvious thing to do is to cut all contact with the other man until you are single. You may not like to hear this, but relationships created out of dishonesty and betrayal don't usually work out.

 

In your case, though, it seems that what you are really concerned about is your relationship with the other man. Then, I suggest you file for divorce today.

 

I agree....

 

I think if more ppl would wonder how it would feel if the situation were reversed, and their partner were the one doing this to them....how would you feel? All this can do is break hearts.

[PixelPusher]

Tell your husband you cheated, that'll make it easier.

 

She already has. Cheating (to me) doesn't just mean sex... she has already cheated on him emotionally and physically.

 

Ugh... trying to swallow my disgust.

 

To the OP: Divorce your husband as quickly as possible. You're never gonig to make this marriage work because you're already pining about the other man. How can you seriously think about saving your marriage when you're more concerned about the other guy leaving? All he is is a safety net, anyway. "Well, if my marriage doesn't work out, he is still there..."

 

Seriously. You never should have been married and I feel sorry for your husband. Don't prolong his pain by letting him believe this marriage can be saved.

[E. Dane]

He's right...

 

Do what you have to do; make your decision. But try not to have contact with this other guy while you're figuring this out. It will hurt like hell and it probably sounds unimaginable right now, but believe me, it's pretty much the only way. Plus, I guess you can look at it as a test for this guy's "love" for you. If you do end up filing for a divorce and if after a no-contact period he still feels the same for you, I guess that's not a bad sign. But if you're afraid his feelings for you are going to fade, it's obvious that what you have is not very solid.

 

The main thing is: do not let this snowball into something that will cause even greater pain. Been there, done that. Actually, I am facing a similar situation right now, only I am "the other woman". I urge you to take some action ASAP.

[HeartBrokenInPL]

The original poster sounds like an idiot Feel sorry for the husband.