surfjon Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Hi all, Been posting here a while. It's getting down to the real thing now. We've been split up 6 months now out of a 20 year marriage. A few weeks ago she handed me a bunch of financial disclosure forms and stated that she had an attorney and that he "could handle everything" should we both agree on the divisions. We both own a house, she owns a large business which she started with her family about 4 years ago. We both have our names on 5 acres of North Carolina land which we own with my dad and stepmom. We have life insurance policies and I have a 401k. I have always paid all the mortgage/power/etc. She takes a very small salary and reinvests the profits in the business. She owns the business with her mom and sister as well. Her company pays for her car and our kids insurance. My question is, my "gut feeling" is that I should at least have my own attorney to consult......... I shouldn't try to go thru this on my own should I?? She's getting a bit more adversarial as of late, dragging up things her oh-so wonderful family did to help us buy our house, pointing out how they've contributed to the kids savings accounts........which I truly appreciate, but her mom and grandfather are millionaires. I was busy paying the mortgages, power, etc.............nobody saved for me, my mom struggles to buy propane to heat her house and my dad gets off no monie unless I pay him back interest, my family has not helped, is that my fault?? Would I be a fool to let her attorney handle everything?? I want to be very fair, she deserves that but I mean, if it's HER attorney, he's not looking out for any of my interests is he?? Any advice is appreciated........................ Link to comment
metrogirl Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 I would definitely consult with an attorney. She may have had her attorney write out a very crafty clever division that leaves you with little to nothing. You need to make sure that you are not hoodwinked and you get your fair share of the assets. Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 No, no, no. Always have your own attorney review everything. Even when making pre-nups where you are both supposed to be "happily" doing it and not have motive....you are supposed to have your own lawyer (and an ethical lawyer won't act for you both). Hers will not be looking out for your interests, you don't have the legal knowledge to know what is going on, she has shown to be adversarial & I doubt her lawyer has considered the circumstances and what YOU put into it (particularly as they are only hearing HER side of the story). No WAY would I agree to this would going over it with MY lawyer. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 My question is, my "gut feeling" is that I should at least have my own attorney to consult......... I shouldn't try to go thru this on my own should I?? Follow your gut. If I were you I would definitely get your own attorney. If you don't look out for yourself no one else will. Link to comment
Timebandit Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 "Should I trust HER attorney to handle everything??" No Link to comment
DN Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 No, no, no. Always have your own attorney review everything. Even when making pre-nups where you are both supposed to be "happily" doing it and not have motive....you are supposed to have your own lawyer (and an ethical lawyer won't act for you both). Hers will not be looking out for your interests, you don't have the legal knowledge to know what is going on, she has shown to be adversarial & I doubt her lawyer has considered the circumstances and what YOU put into it (particularly as they are only hearing HER side of the story). No WAY would I agree to this would going over it with MY lawyer.I agree with this. Her lawyer is paid to look after her interests not yours. Link to comment
owmart Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 One thing i found out about my stbx, she is an evil selfish and vindictive woman who only cares about what she wants. I would advise you to get your own attorney. Maybe i'm just bitter, but i wouldnt trust someone who would drag me though court for a divorce... Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Nope. If nothing else, get an attorney to review absolutely everything before you sign it. Link to comment
Aday5578 Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 In my opinion, I would go with my gut BUT if you totally trust that she would not screw you then why not. In my divorce my ex-husband let my attorney handle everything and everything came out fine. I didnt screw him, it was not a bad break up. We split everything 50/50 BUT i did tell him if he wanted he could have sombody look over the paperwork. But in the end he said he trusted me..BUT we have total trust in one another...too bad the marriage didnt work but in the end we are still friends, the best of friends. Just couldnt be married. Link to comment
russ978 Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Hi all, Been posting here a while. It's getting down to the real thing now. We've been split up 6 months now out of a 20 year marriage. My question is, my "gut feeling" is that I should at least have my own attorney to consult......... I shouldn't try to go thru this on my own should I?? NEVER ENTER INTO AN IMPORTANT AGREEMENT WITHOUT HAVING YOUR OWN ATTORNEY REVIEW THE PAPERWORK. Especially when buying a house and ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY if getting divorced. Don't let her lawyer handle it. Get your own lawyer. Get your own lawyer and don't let her lawyer handle it. Don't try to save money by trying to interpret all the documents on your own. Don't sign anything relating to your divorce without your attorney present. Get your own lawyer. There is no alternative that will lead you down a better path but all other paths will lead to a less than ideal settlement. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Get your own attorney. My husband divorced his ex-wife without having an attorney of his own. The entire time I've been married to him, it's been one thing after another to clean up because his ex is an irresponsible witch. Had he had an attorney to look out for his interests through the divorce, I wouldn't be out about $10k in savings cleaning up things that should've been wrapped up and dealt with before the divorce was final. I'm a little cranky about this today because our lawyer just call us with the latest news on the last (?) mess that ties them together financially....and she is being her usual pain-in-the-rear self about it all. So, yeah. Get your own attorney. Might cost you some now, but I think your choice is pay now and get things taken care of....or pay more later and get screwed over to boot. Link to comment
Ash Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Not sure about the US, but in Canada when this sort of things happen, you sign a declaration claiming you've been advised that the lawyer on the other side of the case (her laywer in other words) is not representing your interests and you've been advised to consult an atorney but have passed on it. I tried to do it, told my ex wife that I'd sign an agreement that was fair. Her and her lawyer came up with an agreement, it was not fair, so I didn't sign it as is. It should have worked out better than it did. I think what happens is the "other side" knows they're in control so all it takes is for either your wife or your lawyer to decide to be greedy, or take advantage and you won't know. There are too many factors to consider to figure it all out for yourself unless you're quite versed on division of assets, value in the matrimonial home, value of all properties at marriage and separation dates, present and current incomes, pensions, savings, life insurance to secure support obligations, etc, etc. You may have all the relevant data but not be quite sure how to analyze it. For example, around here pensions are taken into account at the time when they'll likley be cashed in, so the lawyers have software that understands all the relevant tax laws. It's okay to let her and her lawyer to most of the legwork, but when they have the documents all ready to go, take it to your own lawyer. Know what it is personally that you are prepared to live with, and if everything was done reasonably fairly you may end up only paying your lawyer for a few hours of his/her time. If you end up in a battle, each of you paying your lawyers, then you were going to lose out in the long run anyway because of an unfair deal from her. Link to comment
confusedmama Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 I firmly agree with all the other posters Get your on lawyer!! Write what you think would be a fair settlement and see how close the 2 agreements are. You can settle out of court with both lawyers and the 2 of you present and with a document that is workable for both parties. My ex started on this path and then realized that I had a brain and we are still fighting 4 years later. I won't deal with him except through my lawyer. You are the one who looks out for you. She may not be trying to get one over on you but you all have plenty of assets and kids and you need to be sure that it is the best deal for all involved. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 If you all had very little to manage in terms of property division or if you all were already in agreement about everything, then you could. But you have complicated property division issues to work out and you cannot do this without an attorney to protect your interests. Now many times people will give up stuff they should not because they just want out. An attorney will help you avoid that. Your payments on the mortgage and your contributions count, big time, if you can show what they were. Since you know she is combative already, then you also know that the property division might be hairy, and so it is definitely better to get someone else to deal with that mess. Someone who cannot be manipulated, and that's your attorney. Link to comment
surfjon Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 Thanks everyone, I did contact an attorney yesterday who I am going to consult with. It was hard to find someone because she and her family own the largest court reporting firm in South Florida and many attorneys are clients of hers. Naturally, she'll have the best of the best. Additionally, for the last 4 years I basically carried everything financially so she could "build her business" which she always told me they would sell in a few years for several millions of dollars. I believe she'll come out the best after all this, I only work for someone, she has this multi-million dollar billing service.................... Thanks for everyones input, I thought I needed someone, but very little money any more. Link to comment
owmart Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Thanks everyone, I did contact an attorney yesterday who I am going to consult with. It was hard to find someone because she and her family own the largest court reporting firm in South Florida and many attorneys are clients of hers. Naturally, she'll have the best of the best. Additionally, for the last 4 years I basically carried everything financially so she could "build her business" which she always told me they would sell in a few years for several millions of dollars. I believe she'll come out the best after all this, I only work for someone, she has this multi-million dollar billing service.................... Thanks for everyones input, I thought I needed someone, but very little money any more. From my experience, I care if I win, but even if i lose i will know i didnt let my evil stbx walk over me without a fight. This is a war now my friend. The person you knew as your wife is now a free agent who is only out for her self interests. begin to fight for yourself. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Thanks everyone, I did contact an attorney yesterday who I am going to consult with. It was hard to find someone because she and her family own the largest court reporting firm in South Florida and many attorneys are clients of hers. Naturally, she'll have the best of the best. Additionally, for the last 4 years I basically carried everything financially so she could "build her business" which she always told me they would sell in a few years for several millions of dollars. I believe she'll come out the best after all this, I only work for someone, she has this multi-million dollar billing service.................... Thanks for everyones input, I thought I needed someone, but very little money any more. PLEASE GET YOUR OWN ATTORNEY!!!! I know "right now" everything is probably pretty "okay" between the 2 of you... But...in MOST cases, there is no such thing as an "Amicable Divorce". (NOTE: I said MOST CASES...) As someone who JUST got a divorce, I wish you the very very best. It's a long road my friend, and not one I would wish on anyone. ~Allie Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 She has a mulit-million dollar billing service that she built while you supported her and she paid herself a very small salary in order to reinvest? While you may see yourself and having no entitlement to any of that, an atty may see it differently. She couldn't have built that business without your support. I'm not saying fight her tooth and nail, but do be fair, to her, but also to YOURSELF. She is not looking to be fair to you, only to herself. You should do the same. An attorney will help you see what is really fair. Link to comment
surfjon Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 Thanks again all, She and her sister are partners with her mother in the business. I see in my financial disclosure forms where if you have a company, you have to provide the last 3 years of tax returns, but only if you are a minimum 30% partner. I have a feeling her mother kept them below that threshold for just this reason. I believe the sisters each have a 25% interest instead of 33 1/3 %. I believe they were planning this for a while. I'm contemplating Chapter 13 and she's out last night at Van Halen with some dude....... Things will get better. Link to comment
Ash Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 All the more reason to see an attorney! Link to comment
surfjon Posted February 26, 2008 Author Share Posted February 26, 2008 Wow, Due to the fact that she and her mom own the largest court reporting firm in South Florida, I have been turned down by at least 10 attorneys so far. I was afraid this would happen. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 Wow, Due to the fact that she and her mom own the largest court reporting firm in South Florida, I have been turned down by at least 10 attorneys so far. I was afraid this would happen. I wouldn't worry too much....this world is full of lawyers and if you persist, you will eventually find one who can help you. I remember one time thinking about pursuing a law degree and was advised against it because the law profession was so overpopulated as it was. Best thing to do is KEEP TRYING. Link to comment
owmart Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 Wow, Due to the fact that she and her mom own the largest court reporting firm in South Florida, I have been turned down by at least 10 attorneys so far. I was afraid this would happen. I can't believe that. Keep looking though. Don't give up. Remember you are fighting for your future. Link to comment
surfjon Posted February 27, 2008 Author Share Posted February 27, 2008 I finally found a guy, WOW!! I had no idea what it costs to secure an attorney and I understand this guys $2,500 retainer and $250 per hour rate is cheap too...... what a waste, what a loss, I feel like I want to throw up. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 I finally found a guy, WOW!! I had no idea what it costs to secure an attorney and I understand this guys $2,500 retainer and $250 per hour rate is cheap too...... what a waste, what a loss, I feel like I want to throw up. BUT...in the END surfjon, it will be WORTH it, because he will have YOUR interest at heart. BELIEVE ME, her attorney only has HER interest (and her millions) at heart... Watch and see how things start to turn in your FAVOR now. In fact, you can ALWAYS ask that your attoney's fees BE PAID BY HER...did you know that? You can negotiate anything now! Good luck...man it's a tough road. One I'm nearing the end myself. Wouldn't wish it on anyone. ~My best. Allie Link to comment
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