Claims to have never masturbated - is she telling the truth?

[Unknown123]

Hello.

 

Sounds like a silly question probably. But basically I have a long-distance girlfriend who I've been with for two years. We're both 18, and because of the distance, haven't ever really had much intimacy. I'm having issues trusting her lately because of numerous lies she's told (not about major things, but the small things add up), and her making agreements not to do things, but instead she just stops telling me about it, etc.

 

Anyway, we've been unable to contact each other for a week or so due to several reasons (no phone, no Internet, etc.) and I miss her and recently started wondering about this. When we first met she told me she was a virgin and never masturbated before - fair enough. But she has a very high sex drive apparently, and seems to be horny quite a lot when we talk (from afar). So yeah, that just made me wonder if she really did and simply wouldn't tell me.

 

So then I've been reading on here and other places, and the more I read, the more worried I'm getting - enough to post this thread. Everyone seems to be saying 99% of girls do and simply lie about it. So what do you think? What's the likelihood of it being a lie? Again, it probably sounds silly, but to me this is very important and integral to the relationship. I want her to be sexually innocent and more importantly, honest.

 

So I guess I'm just looking for help convincing me that she could be telling the truth about this - because everything else I read says otherwise.

 

Thanks a lot for your comments in advance.

 

Edit: I also have some faint hope that the reason everybody says 99% of girls do, is because such discussions take place on forums like this, where people are more likely to do it.

[volpe]

my god. who cares? why is that any of your business.

 

why do you care if she masturbates or if she lies about it. it is her personally business!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

if she doesn't want to tell you then you don't need to know. people have the rights over their own body... if someone wants to touch themselves or not touch themselves it doesn't hurt you and it doesn't mean that they aren't innocent. there are 8 year old boys that masturbate. does that mean that they aren't innocent???? people are sexual, it is part of being human!

[blender]

Yep, it's none of your business, if she "has or hasn't".. you have to respect her privacy.. and not classify her privacy as a "lie".. please know that it's not emotionally healthy to be so insecure about what someone is telling you, or obsessing on "little white lies".. your not going to "own this girl".. she is her own individual self..and you can learn to respect her privacy.. and trust her too. But your issues with trust, may have more to do with your own self, then they have to do with her..maybe?

[volpe]

also

We're both 18, and because of the distance, haven't ever really had much intimacy. I'm having issues trusting her lately because of numerous lies she's told (not about major things, but the small things add up), and her making agreements not to do things, but instead she just stops telling me about it, etc.

 

I wonder... if maybe you are pushing her to lie by being controlling? Because your question is one that is very controlling... researching how likely it is that she masturbates???!!! what the ??!!?

[Dako]

Unknown,

Do you masturbate?

[DN]

I am not clear: are you more concerned that she may be masturbating or that she may be lying about it?

 

If your concern is about her masturbating, then I agree with the others - it is none of your business.

 

If you are concerned that she may be lying and her truthfulness about other things may be in question that could be a different issue.

[jettison]

Unknown,

 

I have changed my avatar for you. But beyond that, people jerk off. In general, that's what they do. There's a fair chance that your GF has also jerked off, but whether she has or hasn't, lied about it told the truth about it, it's literally none of your business. In fact, pressing the issue with her is rather classless.

 

So my friend, drop the weapon and step slowly away from the inquisition.

 

xo,

jetts

[Unknown123]

Unknown,

Do you masturbate?

No.

 

also

 

I wonder... if maybe you are pushing her to lie by being controlling? Because your question is one that is very controlling... researching how likely it is that she masturbates???!!! what the ??!!?

LOL, the 'what the?!?!?!!' on the end made me laugh. But er, no. I'm the sweet/nice/honest/dedicated type, I'm the one always making sacrifices or accepting things just to keep her happy.

 

my god. who cares?

I do. I already stated that it's important to me, and you should realise everyone places different values on different things. Not everyone thinks like you do (although I expect the majority on a place like this will). My girlfriend does, in fact, feel the same way as I do. She wants to be innocent and remain faithful and what not. I was simply wondering, with the difficulty trusting her lately, whether she would out of frustration with the long distance relationship. I was just asking for opinions on how likely it is. Not whether it's right or wrong. Maybe I'm just trying to trust her again, and thereforeeee need like, evidence of some sort to reinforce the belief that she tells me the truth, if you understand. So I can trust her again and feel safe.

 

I am not clear: are you more concerned that she may be masturbating or that she may be lying about it?

 

If your concern is about her masturbating, then I agree with the others - it is none of your business.

 

If you are concerned that she may be lying and her truthfulness about other things may be in question that could be a different issue.

Both, but a lot more about whether or not she's lying about it, yes.

[avman]

There is a difference with needing trust as it relates to your relationship, versus private items. You are talking about trusting her to reveal every private thing when you ask. And no, you aren't entitled to necessarily know everything.

 

Now if there are issues with other guys and things like that well that's something to be worried about. But this issue isn't something to get all bent out of shape over.

[zachiphus]

I do. I already stated that it's important to me, and you should realise everyone places different values on different things. Not everyone thinks like you do (although I expect the majority on a place like this will). My girlfriend does, in fact, feel the same way as I do. She wants to be innocent and remain faithful and what not.

 

everyone and their mom masturbates.... that isn't meant to be a joke, i bet everyone's mom really masturbates....

 

 

and u said u want to remain faithful... masturbating is normal, there is ntohing unfaithful about it, do u feel like you're cheating on her with your hand or something?

 

and when u said no, you don't masturbate i laughed my balls off. u r telling me since your early teens to now, u have never ONCE masturbated? for some reason i find that hard to believe.

[Unknown123]

Well I'm even more down after reading these replies really. Meh.

[jettison]

Well I'm even more down after reading these replies really. Meh.

 

 

Well, it's ashame that you have a rather unhealthy view of human sexuality. If you do not masturbate, then what do you do? Do you have sex with your GF? And if not, won't that come someday? And if it does, how are you going to have the slightest clue what to do if you're not even familiar with how you work? Think about that. And if your GF has never masturbated, then how comfortable do you think she's going to be getting naked and penetrated by a man? She's likely not.

 

I'm not sure where you're getting your information from, but someone is feeding you some rather unhealthy information here.

[Shadows Light]

Whether or not your GF masterbates is none of your business. AND.... if she's lying about it... well, some of us are really private about it. And if she knows you don't approve of masterbation or you have this view that materbation is immoral in some way... of course she won't tell you.

 

I think you need to educate yourself more on human sexuality.

[Dako]

Unknown,

 

You stated you don't masturbate.

 

How do I know you aren't lying?

[Unknown123]

Unknown,

 

You stated you don't masturbate.

 

How do I know you aren't lying?

There's nothing to gain from lying about it - I'm the one asking for help here.

[dietrying]

It's possible that she doesn't. I didn't do it at all until I turned 18, and I would have been offended if someone accused me of lying about it because they think everyone has to be doing it.

 

You won't know for sure, and it's really not the kind of thing you have to know. I think that lie would be ok since it would just come out of embarrassment and protection of her own privacy. It's not ok to lie about another guy for example, but it's her own body. Maybe she thinks you would be disappointed in her since you seem to have the attitude that it is bad.

[Miss Firecracker]

I hope you realize that a place like this is full of real people from real life. We are all as real and every bit as normal as anyone else you would meet in your life.

 

And it is absolutely none of your concern if she pleasures herself in her own bed at night. And you should change your attitude really fast because women these days can do with or without a man. And if any man had the audacity to ask me a question that personal, I'd be gone like the wind.

 

You need to get into counseling to get over this controlling behavior. At the very least, read up on the subject.

[Miss Firecracker]

Not everyone thinks like you do (although I expect the majority on a place like this will). My girlfriend does, in fact, feel the same way as I do.

 

Well, if you knew what we would say, why did you ask us? And I don't think you are so sure your girlfriend feels the way you do. Otherwise you wouldn't be here, would you?

[Unknown123]

It's possible that she doesn't. I didn't do it at all until I turned 18, and I would have been offended if someone accused me of lying about it because they think everyone has to be doing it.

 

You won't know for sure, and it's really not the kind of thing you have to know. I think that lie would be ok since it would just come out of embarrassment and protection of her own privacy. It's not ok to lie about another guy for example, but it's her own body. Maybe she thinks you would be disappointed in her since you seem to have the attitude that it is bad.

Thank you for the helpful post, it's really appreciated.

[shikashika]

She might.. she might not.

 

 

I think what many posters, myself included, are trying to understand is ...why does it matter if she masturbates or not? What is it about masturbating that you do not like?

[BettyG]

Unknown, a lot of people have said some really useful and honest things here. I suggest you take these comments very seriously and have a long hard look at your behavior and beliefs. It might do you some good.

[Stereohead]

It's a different point of view you have Unknown.

 

I don't see the big deal about hiding masturbation...or hiding anything in general from that someone special.

 

She may or not masturbate, but that's a lie that shouldn't bother you (Doesn't concern you really). despite the fact it's a lie, and if she didn't care to have you in that business... she could have told you just that. She could have said that's her business if she did or not.

 

A lie is a lie. And it does hurt your partner when you feel they're lying to you... I'd wonder why they couldn't just be open with me, not like I'd think of them differently because they masturbated or not...

 

I guess. You should avoid that topic. It's her personal choice... just like it's yours. masturbation tends to keep the sexual passion in a long distance relationship... At least that's what I thought ...but that's an awfully personal topic. And a large percentage of people get embarrassed or shy about it... Don't worry about it sweetie! Let it roll of your back

 

Just make sure she knows if she doesn't want to tell you something she can tell you just that and you'll drop it... unless it's something serious you feel she 's lying about... I guess my point is. Don't feel bad because you're concerned worried about a lie that she may or may not be doing. Give her some trust. If you can't trust her, you won't get far in the relationship

[johnagent1911]

WOW Why isn't everyone making a big deal out of this? So the guy wonders if his girlfriend ever touched herself thinking of him?! Holyhell. Hey did she ever ask you about touching yourself? If she did then you HAVE every right in my book to ask. SIMPLE as that...

 

My ex's and I use to talk about this. (We were only 18 and fresh in college.) It's okay to ask questions.

[volpe]

thats not the point. the point is that he is wondering if she is lying or not and is worried she might not be innocent.

 

it is trying to drraw a circle around her sexuality, a very small, small circle and say that if she steps out of it, he will be upset with her.

 

she may or may not be, but like i said, it doesn't matter. if she lied to you, so what? i agree with the other posters, it doesn't hurt anything, anything except for what in your mind she is allowed to do.

 

if she masturbates it is not a bad thing. she could be thinking about you. getting off thinking about you. and women actually need to masturbate in order to know their bodies, and to get to the point where they can orgasm during sex. a lot of women don't.

 

do you want her to have an orgasm? or does that seem not innocent?

[Bonzophuebes1]

Hey man,

You can go on and on about you being the dedicated type blah blah. In the end, it comes off as controlling for one but for 2 what would change if she did masturbate? Nothing, it is not cheating. I mean, she is probably thinking of you when she is doing it. I in fact think it is a big turn on when my wife does it, especially when we are having sex. Who cares man? If she is lying about somthing so mundane than I think it is coming from pressure from you to be this PURE IMMACULATE UNTOUCHED THING and she is excited about you and wants a release especially given the distance. Do you masturbate and does she care. THERE ARE 2 TYPES OF PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD, THOSE WHO HAVE MASTURBATED AND THOSE WHO WILL.