waffle

Or maybe she's suffering from Controlling Boyfriend. That your relationship has lasted 10 years, is amazing. How many years has this harassment gone on?

Yeah, funny how that happens. Lack of sex in a relationship is not the problem, it's a symptom of the problem. And your problems here are many. She has someone else. Rather than giving her an ultimatum, you should just end it yourself. Why give her the choice between you and this other guy?

What I'm saying is if someone puts info out there publicly and makes themselves traceable, especially someone with unusual details, then they can't be surprised when people look them up and contact them via other means. So I change my answer: go ahead and contact her on her FB or social media in general. You know others are.

They can ask all day but they can't force someone to give out their personal details. If someone has an unusual name, that is all the more reason to not give out your real name. Who cares if it doesn't "look good" to a bunch of clowns that aren't being truthful about much themselves as it is?

People who have mortgages and own businesses and have assets and kids, etc. do it every single day. What makes you so special? The reality is you are exactly where you want to be. In your case it sounds like you are enjoying re-visiting your "player" days, who knows what her motivations are. Maybe she just wanted to sample some strange. In any event, quit making excuses about your "loveless relationships" as an excuse to carry on as you are. As my grandpa used to say, "s#!% or get off the pot." If your relationship isn't satisfactory, then you don't bring in a third party as your back-up, you either learn to live with it, you fix it, or you leave. It really is that simple.

YIKES! To play devil's advocate, if she is dumb enough to put pictures and her real first name out there for all to see, then frankly she's probably already been stalked by others and has come to expect it. It's part and parcel of not being very careful with your personal information.

Sorry to hear this. They really do become a part of the family and leave a hole after they're gone. 💗

Likely she's going to be (or already is) having unprotected sex with others and you get to start wearing the magnums, Big Boy. 😉

The last guy I ever met off a dating site, he was so obnoxious in messages that I told myself I HAD to meet him to see if he was for real. I knew I wasn't interested and he was probably my exact opposite, I don't remember us having even one thing in common, and I thought to myself "I have to meet this guy to rule him out." And I did. Now, it turned out he was better in person (although a full six inches shorter than he claimed, but that was not surprising as they all were. And about five years older--again, extremely common) so I don't know if he was quite as crazy as he came across, but I'm not sure the full extent of the crazy would come out in the first meeting or even the first few meetings. He was close to 70 and had never been in a long-term relationship (despite wanting one, according to him) so that told me a lot. He did mention about halfway through the meeting, "you don't seem interested." I verified I was not interested in him (although I really did dislike him less than I thought I would). Not sure what made me think of that. Well, maybe I know. A lot of these guys (and I'm sure women too) are simply not stable. They can fake it for a while but it eventually comes out. It doesn't really do any good to try and figure out what their deal is . . . because at the root of that, are you looking to assign some of the blame on yourself? Or are you looking for confirmation that his craziness is NOT your fault? Either way, their issues are their issues and not your fault. In the future though (and I know this has been said here more than once) do not allow some clown to go off on you and call you names and insult you. The minute that starts you hang up on him. I still think there could've been alcohol and/or drugs involved. And he wants to create a legacy? Okay. 😐

So . . . how exactly did this come about? Meaning how were you able to take her dating profile and find her Facebook account?

This would be my suggestion. I looked up £40.00 and that looks to be about $50US. Is it worth it to spend that, do you think? If so, do it--and if not, then . . . don't. But I would not do it through Facebook.

I would not rule out the possibility of substance abuse. That often presents this way.

I'm glad things seem to be going well . . . ? Our kitty, I don't know what to think. Last night and this morning there has been a lot of blood coming from the tumor near her eye/nose (she scratches at it a lot) and also out of her nose, I believe. Just yesterday I confirmed our appointment at the animal oncologist, feeling optimist she'd make it, but today I'm not so sure. I see some blood on the carpet about halfway up the stairs, too. Fortunately this is not new carpet, ha! She is sort of moping today. But tomorrow could be different. Maybe I mentioned this has been going on for several (3+) months. When I was out of state the past couple of weeks, I had one of the kids staying at my house and apparently the cat had a couple days of looking and acting "sad" and not eating but then perked up again. We never know what to expect day to day. This is very stressful. 😞

I think this is the smart way to do it. Anything else seems contrived ie "I'm looking for a serious relationship" and then you try to find someone to fit? That seems backwards to me. It makes more sense to take each person as they come and ask "does this person fit into my life? How?" And if you are finding that these are not your highest quality men on dating apps, that doesn't mean you have an attitude, it means that's your experience (and the experience of many, many others out there). It IS a s#! show. Articles have been written about why women despise dating apps so much and how dehumanizing they are, do you think that's all BS and the reality is women really are having trouble choosing between all these intelligent, good-looking, successful gentlemen on these apps? lol. It's like going to Carp Lake and then saying "hmmm, I'm only finding carp." That's not an attitude, it's a fact.

The hardest thing I've ever had to do, to date, is have the funeral director open the door 2 hours before the public viewing, and be the first one of my family to walk in. The casket was across the room, and open, and my heart sank because even from the door I could tell it was her. It was a full week after my daughter's murder, because it took a few days for the autopsy and for the medical examiner to release the body, and all that time I was thinking, "maybe it's not her. Maybe there's a mistake. Maybe she just pretended she was dead, and she's really alive somewhere." Even though I knew that wasn't the case, even though the funeral director told me she had been shot in the forehead (I asked, he didn't volunteer that information) and cautioned me that he'd do his best but wasn't sure we'd be able to have an open casket (he did an amazing job and we did). But when something as traumatic as that happens, it is too much for your mind to take in and too much to make sense of. Sanity has to come in smaller doses in these cases, and over time. Then I saw her in the casket . . . and it was her--except it wasn't her. It was a lifeless and still version of her, it was the outer shell but she was not in there. My child was gone. And I wanted to turn around and leave. I didn't want to do this. And in that instant I asked myself "you're going to abandon your daughter?" So I went in. And two hours later I smiled and greeted family and co-workers and friends, and her friends, and former classmates and former teachers who told me "out of ALL of my students, she is one of the last ones I would've picked to have this happen to her", and so many other people, people I hadn't seen in I don't know how long. And people talked about how strong I was. And I stood up in the front of the church a couple days later and talked about her as a little girl, and growing up, and learning to drive, and graduating from high school. And how she had stayed at my house that weekend, and I saw her right before she left, and what we talked about, and three hours later she took multiple gunshots to her chest and abdomen, and one in her forehead. In public, in broad daylight. Unless you've experienced that living hell, first-hand and personally, you don't have any idea how you would handle the questions that may come, how you would handle the extreme stress and trauma, and you don't get to say what you would or wouldn't do because you don't have the first clue. You don't get to say you wouldn't lie about it, because you don't know that. I've lied about it. I've been asked by the lady who does my highlights every 6 - 7 - 8 weeks (so I see her fairly often) how many kids do you have? And I told her. And I didn't say one was dead. She asked their ages at my first appointment, and I told her their ages, and the age my oldest would be--even though she never reached that age. I don't know if I will ever tell her any different. I might. I might not. All I know is if I ever found out that someone I knew--co-worker, acquaintance, whatever--had had this experience and chose not to talk about it, and I found out . . . instead of calling them a liar I'd give them a hug. And likely a few of my tears.

If you follow any advice on this thread, follow this: ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

So given this, the best message you can come up with, to express your interest, is: * "welp hola if you wanna talk about anything, heh, enjoy your weekend namaste." ?? or *a selfie of you waving ?? Boring. Do you have anything to actually SAY? Is anything going on in your life that you could mention or discuss?

Unfortunately this is true. The number of men* online who aren't wrapped too tight is excessively high. *could be women too, but women were never in my target demographic so I personally wouldn't know.

What LootieTootie said above. Negotiating someone else's behavior/proper treatment, never works. They are who they are and they act how they act, your choices are 1) accept, or 2) reject. Don't hand down ultimatums and second chances hoping she'll "change" (and using words like "disrespect" and "priority" are vague anyway, and will get you no where), decide if this is what you want and if not, then bye. It may be a moot point as she may be on her way out of the relationship anyway.

This could be the standard line she gives all guys. Her actions show that she's not serious about you. Not only did she not tell you she was heading off for vacation, she's giving you very minimal information now--and even that little bit was only because you reached out first, she offered nothing. My bet is she's there with someone else.

This guy clearly is unstable and has issues. My guess is that one or more of his "better options" has rejected him and he's ticked off about that and taking it out on you because you're a willing target for this. Don't waste any more of your time on this guy.

A memorable one for me. I am in Washington DC right now, and my youngest daughter who is with me treated me to Old Ebbitt Grill which is right around the corner from the White House. We did selfies in front of the White House, in fact, while we were waiting for our table. We were told that every past president from the 20th century onward--and even some from the 19th century--has eaten there (not our current president yet, but he did as VP). It was amazing. Something to remember. (She's a really good kid)

I can, unfortunately, as my young-adult daughter was murdered a few years back, and honestly I wouldn't even know where to start with some of these comments here.

Living together is a personal choice and not some sort of "rite of passage" in a relationship or any sort of indicator of the strength of your relationship, so I completely agree with you on that. However, it's pretty clear reading your other comments that you are not getting the opinions here that you were hoping to get. You seem like you're here to defend him and his poor behavior towards you. Which is fine, but say that from the outset rather than ask questions that you--by your reactions--really don't want the answer to.

So inside of 24 hours you're talking about uprooting your life, and committing, and calling her "the one"? Have you had problems in the past with making poor choices by being impulsive? Clearly this person has done this before and knows how to manipulate the online conversation. Keep an eye on that money you hope to have later this year and don't send any to her with the intention of her coming to visit you. You are NOT in a relationship despite your use of that word in the title of this thread. Relationships don't happen instantly with people far away that you don't know.