waffle

You will notice that no where on there does it say "they are unattractive." Because that is never the reason. Usually it comes down to one thing: you have to be able to offer a woman the relationship she wants. Has nothing to do with looks. That's an excuse.

Good questions to be asking. Just make sure that the man you got back is actually worth having back.

Why would any of this matter if you "don't do breaks"?

I agree with the others; this guy has fast-tracked the "relationship" because he needs a place to live. It isn't possible to overstate what a bad idea this is.

Things will change for you when you realize there is no "future" . . . that's an abstract and vague term. The future is NOW. This is your life; are you happy with it?

That's an interesting word to use, two months in. How much of your time does he "deserve"? I would caution you against re-arrange your schedule out of desperation/fear of losing some guy. Because it sounds like that's where this is headed.

Her cancer fight ended last night. We took her to our local vet who ended her suffering. I told her that she was strong and brave, and that I was proud of her and she had been a good kitty for us. Glad she is no longer in pain and I don't have to worry about her. Waffel's kitty, 2008-2022 (photo cred: one of the kids)

Real, publicly-acknowledged relationship or not, the heart doesn't know the difference at this point. Very sorry to hear this. I agree with Catfeeder above, keep this man in your heart and operate in ways that would make him proud of you. Excellent advice and it was very well said.

Then this is where your guilt ends.

I left town and came back last night, and am leaving again tomorrow mid-day. Back on Monday afternoon-ish. I made an appointment at our local vet for Wednesday evening (they have evening hours every Monday and Wednesday but Monday had no availability) but she is very weak and I'm not sure she'll make it that long. The kids want to be there so that complicates things with their work schedules. It's hard to know how long she realistically has so the vet gave me an emergency number in case things get really bad, and things appear to be heading in that direction. However, I did see her drink a fair amount out of her water dish last night, and more this morning. She didn't eat anything though, and hasn't for over a week that I know of. Down to less than 5 pounds.

Sounds like you are trying to date out of your league. Very common. I always feel bad for those people because there is never any solution for that . . because being told to be more realistic about the kind of woman you can actually get sounds like settling because you're not getting what you want. But wanting what you can never have and hoping for the exception to the rule is a fool's errand. No real comments on the career issue because I am at the point in my life where I will gladly choose happiness over money, and I do so on a regular basis.

The animal oncologist opted not to do the chemo treatment yesterday, and we made the difficult decision to pursue pain killers and plan to schedule her to be put down early next week--assuming she makes it that long without eating or drinking. 😞 Ugh. This is the difficult part of pet ownership.

But you were still married when you started this thread, and you outlined the reason why you are still married. This sounds like a mess. Married guy living with a female who's neither his wife nor girlfriend but is interested in a relationship with her. I agree with the poster who asked how any quality woman will now want to date you. It sounds like you shot yourself in the foot.

Wear something really skimpy and then drop something right in front of him, and bend down slowly to pick it up. Whether your boobs or your butt is your best feature determines if you're facing him or away from him while you carry out this maneuver.

Honestly I wouldn't overthink it. I haven't rented in about 30 years so I know A LOT has changed in that amount of time (namely the rent rates, holy cow!) but from what I remember, my only real question was what is their income requirements. Some apt complexes wouldn't approve you unless you made 4 times the rent, some would allow triple the rent. Some had waiting lists (the vast majority do nowadays, I'm told, or at least in my area). It's not at all unusual to be told you're on a 6-month to a year waiting list. I just read on FB from a friend last night that her young adult son was looking at a small one-bedroom apt advertised for $900 (which sounds outrageous to me--my mortgage payment on my large two-story house on acreage is less than that) but when they got there the price had been raised to $1,100. People were telling her that's still a deal as the going rate is $1,100 to $1,300 for a small one bedroom (YIKES!) and still others told her there's lots of bait and switch going on so you can expect the prices not to match what's advertised. And what are you going to do? If I were you, OP, I'd start contacting some of these places and see if there's a waiting list and what their income/credit check requirements. Because that's another thing, some are denying potential renters for not having enough of a credit history. Even if you don't have negative credit, having little credit is just as bad and if you have no rental history it might be a tougher road than you think. Of course, markets vary so it might not be as bad (or it might be worse) in your area. Good luck to you. I wouldn't want to be a young person right now just starting out, I can tell you that.

If I remember this right, your relationship has been on the rocks/mostly over for quite some time anyway. So this is really for the best. But I know it hurts anyway just the same. Hang in there.

I shared some about my cat's issues, here: What has changed in the three months since then, is that we do now have a firm cancer diagnosis. Cat is down to 5 pounds give or take a few ounces and we are seeing an animal oncologist as of the beginning part of June. The cat has had two chemo treatments, third one is scheduled on Wednesday. This has been very stressful not to mention hard to navigate all while still trying to have a life. Kids and I are planning on being out of town later this week into the beginning of next week, and I am now planning on coming back for a couple days (about a four-hour drive one way) plus we have someone coming in once a day to check on things, on the days I'm not here. The kids will (or should be) okay by themselves for a couple days, they're young adults now. This is also very expensive as I knew it would be. This is actually my daughter's cat and we are sharing the cost so that neither of us has to go broke, ha! I don't know how wise it is to spend all this money but I've always felt that money is means to an end, but not the end. So I'm trying not to think about what I could've done with that money. I can't in good conscience give up yet, but honestly she seems to be declining slightly even though I've heard that cats tolerate chemo quite well (I'm not sure . . . she threw up her steroids the two days following her last treatment). The oncologist knows this and I'll update them again tomorrow. It also looks like the mass is spreading to her other eye. We've been told this might buy her a year. I can't gauge if this is "worth it" or not. Some days I/we have trouble getting the cat to eat, and she acts lethargic and I think oh boy, this is it . . . and then the next day (or maybe the day after) we'll see a marked improvement. Yesterday was not such a great day, today is marginally better, and my fear last night was that I'd wake up and find her dead. I have this fear a lot. 😞 So I'm just giving an update and documenting my journey with this. I remember calling the kitty oncologist back in March (?) and them telling me she couldn't be seen until June, and thinking "she will never make it that long without treatment." But she has. So far.

"She's straight." I wouldn't be so convinced of this were I in your shoes.

If that was me I'd say never mind, go ahead and keep your profile active and I'd do the same. Exclusivity is not something that can be negotiated, you either are or you aren't. The partner who is concerned about not losing money on the dating site is not ready to be exclusive. Period.

He is displaying classic behavior of someone who has found someone else. What sometimes helps is doing the opposite of what you told him to do--instead of remembering the good times, focus on his faults and times that weren't so great (like his behavior over the last couple of weeks, for example). I'm sure he has other faults too, go ahead and make a list. It can take a while but at some point you start to realize that you are better off without him. It doesn't happen overnight, it's a process unfortunately. In the meantime, it really is a blessing that he deleted you from his socials. Feel free to trash talk him to your friends. That might sound petty but it can give you some perspective, in addition to feeling like you're getting a little bit of "revenge" as it were. Put yourself first, and I mean WAY first, and do whatever makes you feel better.

To be fair, the theme of the first post is "I'm a good catch, why can't I find a good man?" so I didn't get the impression that she was having trouble appealing to men in general, but wondering where the GOOD ones are. Which is a valid question.

Sadly these will often be negatives when it comes to finding men to date/marry. These will all be positives for men as the more successful they are, the more women available to them there will be. It works the other way for women--the better you are, the worse the men are going to look. A successful woman will often end up attracting unemployed men looking for a sugar mama. Men and women are not looking for the same thing in a mate. Men are looking for attractiveness first and foremost, and women are looking for successful and powerful men. People often don't realize that and assume that what is appealing to them will be appealing to the opposite sex also. This is why we get men here who aren't having any luck and assuming they're ugly, and women not having any luck and assuming they're not successful enough (or wondering why their success hasn't translated into results).

My experience has been that when one party can de-escalate, by apologizing for breaking the house rules, for example, when you're in the wrong and you know it, it usually (I'd go so far as to say never) doesn't get to the point of being tossed out. Honestly, I'd be livid as a parent. But then I've also had the state police show up on my doorstep to tell me "your daughter has been murdered." So yeah, we can sit here and giggle to ourselves that these young ladies are being adults by sleeping with whoever and lying about it and telling Dad to suck it up and "be an adult" for having rules and enforcing them, but if the rule is the parent(s) wants to know where you are and who you're with, darn straight you better not lie about that info and if you do, make it right as a young person because the ball is in your court where that's concerned.

If these daughters were such "adults" could they not have said, "sorry, I didn't realize blah blah blah, here's what I'll do next time instead." (or whatever the situation is)?

Interested in what, specifically? Are you hoping for more dates, or are you transitioning to "hang-outs"?