waffle

Were any of his indiscretions/"adultery" documented? Grievances filed, etc.? If not, why.not? Frankly, these are very strong accusations to make without documented proof. At best it sounds like sour grapes on your part that others were being promoted over you, and at worst it's slanderous.

lol that was not a compromise, that was you getting your way. Should she have agreed to it hoping you'd change your mind? I don't know. But I don't know that I'd call it a "lie." She was the only one compromising here and at some point she probably woke up and thought, "hey, wait a minute . . . " You're at a stalemate right now--you won't budge and she won't budge. So it looks like it's Game Over.

Is he a teen? How old is he? I can't imagine an adult actually saying this.

That's one of the first things he said to you, ever? 😮 That would be my sign to run fast in the opposite direction. It may not be true; he may just be trying to give the impression that he's in demand--that lots of women want him. Regardless of if it's true or not, that's a classless thing to say to someone you just met. Does he sound genuine? lol no. He sounds disgusting.

I'd like to know myself. I googled it and got a '70s R&B group.

As if the absence of those things meets everyone's standard of beauty.

Thanks for all the kind words. I know some of the problem is the fact that my oldest daughter--the one who was murdered a couple years back--named both of these cats. And they are very distinctive names too, I would be very surprised if anyone else has ever had a cat named these particular names. I also have pictures of her with both of these cats. One--the one that just died--was a "prop" for her senior pictures! The other one--the all black one--I took a picture of her with that cat after the senior picture sitting was done. I am so glad to have these pictures today! At any rate, this seems like just one more piece of her that's gone. 😞 This is a pic of the two cats, taken several years ago. The all-black one on the right is the one that died back in August and she was our OC (Original Cat). The tiger-striped one on the left is the male cat that died last week, and he was our first stray. We still have one more stray that we took in about 7 years ago, a female Calico, and also my mother's cat that I inherited when she died 4 years ago. I think we'll keep just the two for now, I'm in no hurry to get back up to four cats. But our calico cat seems kind of sad, like she knows her friends aren't coming back. They were great additions to our family, and lots of fun, and they are already missed.

Then he'll be broke AND dateless. 😐

Women hate dating apps too, for the same reason basically. It's nothing more than a Vegas Hooker Lineup; women selling their looks and hoping to be chosen, and men evaluating to see if the women are F-able and then whining and crying if the women aren't the supermodels they're entitled to stick their **** into. It's dehumanizing and no woman I know enjoys being treated like a piece of meat. This is why men who have no luck online assume it's because they're not good-looking enough, because that's the only yardstick they use to measure women by and evaluate them, so they figure the same is being done to them. I suppose that explanation works because to want to know the REAL reason they're not having any luck might mean making some changes, so just chalk it up to looks and say "I can't do anything about that" and . . . nothing changes.

And why on earth do you want to be with an alcoholic anyway?

That's not what he said. When he said you might change your mind someday, he was talking about you marrying someone else. Your relationship is over. He's letting you know that. If you hang on at this point rather than officially ending it, he will lose even more respect for you (if that's even possible--seems like his respect for you is completely gone). Do you live together? It's time to start "uncoupling."

I only had to read as far as "Tinder" to figure this one out. He was hoping for effortless sex that you'd offer up right away and save him the trouble.

Did you get your $20 back from this loser? edited to add: no real income I assume means no real job, begging money off his GF, tries to harass her into getting an abortion. That's a real piece of *excrement* right there.

In a previous thread I detailed the illness and death of our black kitty. She died in early August and right about the same time I noticed our male cat was losing weight and felt bony. Took him to the vet, turned out he had "fatty liver." Went on medication but at 14 years old (same age as our cat that had just died) I could tell we were just prolonging things at best. He still wasn't eating. If you've ever tried to force-feed a cat . . . yeah. He held steady for a while, then a couple of days ago he declined suddenly and rapidly, and late at night he was so weak we decided we were going to have to take him to the after hours emergency vet and have him put down. It's a good half hour to 45 minutes away and about halfway there he died. We (my youngest kid was with me) continued on and when we got there we had them make sure he was really gone. He was. But then we had to take him back home with us because since they hadn't put him down, we were responsible for making arrangements. We like to do the clay paw prints, so I spent some time today calling around and found a place I can take him and they will do the cremation and paw print. Doing it Wednesday after hours (for an extra fee, of course). In the meantime he is in a bag in the refrigerator in my basement. My life . . . I swear. 😐

I totally get this.

OP did say this ^ ^ ^ No crime in being single.

Maybe start with this. Why do you think that is?

Men like this count on you waiting for him. And the fact that your question is/was "am I losing him?" and wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt is an indication that he is right. He will definitely be back.

Not unusual. Singles groups and other in-person activities are about 2/3rds women, and online dating apps are about 2/3rds men. So what does that tell you? Online is very low effort, send a bunch of "how YOU doin'?" messages and sit back and watch who responds. Shift that to social media and I don't think women are "creeped out" about it so much as they recognize how lazy it is and they also get many of these messages, hell I got two today before noon. One more after noon. Women also know that it's a fishing expedition--they are simply one of many being contacted. OP mentioned he had "several" women he wanted to contact this way. No one wants to be one of many. But we know that's what's going on.

I would also question where her head is at.

Just be aware that he will probably come back at some point, all apologetic and with lots of excuses. If you engage with him again at that point, the message you're sending him is: you can treat me poorly and I will accept it. For that reason you can be guaranteed 100% that he will disappear on you again. Don't do it.

There's your answer. Continue your search for someone better. But don't lie to yourself and say you're in love with her.

Interesting that you're still hoping to continue with him after he has clearly made every effort to push YOU away for good.

I'd definitely pass. What he's telling you is that if things ever turn serious with him, you're going to be expected to help support him financially while his money goes to his ex (who is often the woman he really loves) and his daughter . . . and then on top of that--when he is using you for a wallet--he prioritizes them over you as is very likely to happen, that's a double-whammy. Also, every divorced person in the history of the world has blamed debt on the ex and/or claimed they were "fleeced" in the divorce. You will only be fleeced if you allow it--but yes, many allow it, so that should tell you something. The reality is you have no idea if the credit card debt is really the fault of the xW. Usually it's some of both.

Isn't this what friends do, though? I agree with the poster above; this sounds more like FB (F*** Buddy) than FWB Yet you're basically exclusive with him? This does seem confusing.