waffle

Sounds like he's figured out that it's his kids that don't like the evil stepmother figure. There's more to this situation.

And when you do have the kids, what happens then?

Prison record for attempted murder, combined with admitted anger issues? Hard pass right there.

And yet somehow you seem to not know why . . .

This is literally the least of your problems here. And frankly, his interest in other women was not "new found" trust me. Frankly if I were you I'd be thankful to get rid of him and gladly let him pursue those other women, and I'd get myself to a therapist posthaste to try and figure out why my man-picker is so incredibly off. If you suffer from anxiety from past trauma, then what about this guy seemed like a safe guy to be with? Under those circumstances this is the exact sort of guy you need to stay far, FAR away from.

Actively choosing to be poor and then complaining about being poor aren't going to help you. If you can't afford basic necessities, then your focus needs to be on that and not on dating. Unless your motivation is to find someone to provide the financial help you seem to need.

The good news for you is the younger, easily-controlled women that you hope will prop up your delicate and fragile ego/confidence, can be purchased. With cash (and investments, real estate, etc.). Unfortunately the older you are, the higher that price is. Might be time to look for an additional job.

Translation: "Younger women are more easily controlled, and I need someone I can mold in to what I want and need with little to no pushback. Older women are smarter and will see through me, and will be far less likely to put up with my bs."

This is mostly how I feel. I think online was originally a good idea as it made sense to tap into that and use it to our advantage. Unfortunately it has, as they say, "jumped the shark." Men use it as Dial-a-P**sy. And the more they've paid for the app, the more entitled they feel. Women (as I understand it, they're not in my target demographic) use filters for pictures, in other words they end up being not hot enough in person, is the biggest issue. I've never once heard a man complain about a woman misrepresenting her personality/job/accomplishments/interests, etc. in her profile, only her looks via the picture(s). Every single word in their profile could be false but the only thing that matters is they weren't pretty enough when compared to the picture they posted. I'm part of a singles group and the biggest issue is it's 2/3rds women. There is another group 30 miles away with the same experience. Not necessarily a big deal, it is what it is, but most online dating apps are 2/3rds men* so to me it makes more sense for men to put the phone down and start participating in life. *except the "over 50" apps. Those are almost overwhelmingly women. Because men over 50 aren't looking for women over 50.

If they are agreeable. You're all about your rights but does the other party have any rights? What if they aren't interested in bisexual people? When I say I would want to know up front, I mean UP FRONT. Meaning before I'm asked out on a date, so I can decline. A lot of straight people only want straight partners, but yet others are okay with it. Those people are your target market. To fail to disclose this is deliberately being deceptive.

At what point do you usually disclose this? I would want to know up front.

Good thing he ain't my son.

What exactly is "fine" about her? I'm guessing she is attractive.

Agree. The number in the phone is the very least of your problems. It does happen that numbers are recycled. There was a guy who gave me his number some years ago and when I put it in my phone, it was already in there under a former co-worker's name. She had moved and apparently arranged for a new number and by coincidence this guy ended up with it. He did say it was a fairly new number, and he and my former co-worker did not know each other at all. Incidentally, the guy ended up being mentally unstable and I declined fairly early on. I'm just saying in rare cases coincidences like this will happen. But those will happen as a stand-alone event. The OP has a whole lot more going on here.

This is always a more complicated issue that is rarely solved by "just go on a date night/go more often." Zero Physical Contact is not the problem, it's a symptom of the problem. Unfortunately men (I'm generalizing here because it's almost always the husband, and it is in this case as well) can only see "I'm not getting sex" and set out to try and get sex as his goal. So he rubs her back and tries to get her in the mood, or maybe does some extra chores, or maybe does start to initiate more date nights. Maybe even takes her for a weekend getaway without the kids. But women see through that. They know it's all transactional. He's making extra effort so now she's going to be expected to put out. OP has confirmed this when he says he rubs her back and "gets nothing in return." He's only doing it hoping to get laid. This makes things worse. The answer for the husband lies not in what you're doing, but who you are. Are you someone who puts in effort when you're expecting something in return, or using your regular responsibilities as some sort of collateral for the sex she's now expected to provide since you're (always/usually) such a helpful husband? Or are you a genuine partner in this marriage that takes responsibilities seriously, and not keeping score as far as what you're getting or not getting in return? Therein lies the answer.

It's actually quite common. And I suspect it will become even more common as the internet continues to take the place of in-person relationships. Shoot I can name two people off the top of my head who are my age (50+) who've never even been on a date much less a relationship. Not nearly as rare as we'd think it might be, but when it's you in that situation I get that it sure does seem that way.

It isn't about too much or too little attention, it's about who the attention is coming from.

Literally every single woman I know has said this exact same thing. Including me.

Maybe I don't understand the question then. "Wait patiently" for what? You mentioned in a different post "waiting for divorce to be filed" as if it's something that just happens automatically at some point. It doesn't. I'm divorced and I can tell you with 100% certainty that in order for a divorce to happen, someone actually has to be proactive and file. He has told you it's not going to be him because he's afraid of this and afraid of that; yes we know he has a list of reasons/excuses, we're not disputing that. He is telling you plainly that he is not going to be the one to be proactive and make this happen because he does not want to divorce. He doesn't want to lose his money or the equity in his house or his kid's college fund, etc etc etc. So he's not going to file . . . you're waiting for the wife to file then? Your "future" with him depends on his wife and what she does or doesn't do, while he sits around passively making excuses about what he "can't" do to take control of his life? Her inaction of the past five years should tell you the likelihood of her taking control of her life as well. 🙄 Finally, read your choice of wording. He lives with his wife, but he stays over with you. Read that again while you're trying to convince yourself you're not the side chick.

This man has lots of excuses (as they all do in this situation) but this one is my favorite. ^^^ If he was interested in selling the house, he would've done it in the last year when the housing market was the best it's ever been, houses selling tens of thousands over asking, etc. This man is not getting divorced. Why should he? He is in an open marriage with you on the side, gets to keep "his money" and his home. Assume you're going to be the side chick for the foreseeable future and ask yourself if you're okay with this. Maybe you are. Otherwise, don't date "separated" men from the outset.

Sorry, not replying to anything but the only "setback" I've ever noticed is the lack of appealing men in my age bracket. Plus I don't find dating fun so why do it if it's a chore?

I don't know if you're simply saying that for shock value but . . . Vegas has quite a hooker./stripper scene so you could kill two birds with one stone. Promoters used to stand out on the sidewalks and hand out flyers to passers-by. Last time I was there (a little over six months ago) the Strip has been re-vamped and re-structured to the point where it's not as walkable anymore and consequently I didn't see any of that going on. But you know it's still there.

I don't understand why calling her is being debated when she lives far away and apparently has said before (according to social media?) that she's moving to a particular city and seemingly did not. What is the point? If you were going to ask her out to dinner that's one thing, but . . . ?

So you've been specifically told you're ugly, and are universally rejected both online and in person. Assuming your appearance is the sole problem, what sort of responses or solutions can anyone here give? We have no control over your facial features.

I don't know about guilt but I do think she's looking for validation.