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eNotAgain

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  1. I was dating 2 guys and both of them told me they were in love with me. The Guy A asked me to be his girlfriend and I agreed but for a few days I was talking to Guy B still because in my heart I honestly couldn't decide, I liked them both equally in different ways. I ended up choosing Guy A because he asked to make things official before Guy B and because he seems the most promising in terms of future planning. Guy B I had more sexual chemistry/attraction to, but in terms of future planning, it seemed like there was a dead end. Both are equally very caring and supportive of me. Guy B doesn't make nearly enough money to support himself as he still lives with his parents and he's 30 but he has a job that is passion-based, helping people in mental health. He gets paid for it, but not enough to live on his own right now and said he loves his job so, I was thinking about how the financial burden would fall on me if we ever lived together. Guy A makes more money, lives alone, we have the same sleeping schedule (night owls) and has started talking about wanting to live together. Guy B is a morning person, I'm not. Obviously its not just about money - I'm not saying I chose Guy A for that reason but I am at an age where I'm wanting to settle down and they are too, so these kinds of topics become more and more important. It's not shallow, as I know I'm going to get those types of comments. It's a reality of life, finances are important in relationships. Guy A does have jealousy issues. Guy B has insecurity issues. When I told Guy B I cant see him anymore, he literally begged me to stay and said this is crushing his world. This made me want to cry because I didn't want to stop seeing him. I just felt like I had to otherwise Guy A would find out. Who knows it may not even work out with Guy A in a few months. Maybe I made the wrong choice and should have chosen Guy B - this is what has me feeling really upset right now and knowing how much it hurt Guy B, when I didn't even want to stop seeing him is really sad. I need some advice. I couldn't continue seeing both of them as it would exhaust me (already has) and one of them is bound to find out.
  2. I was on a date with a guy who I thought was really handsome 2 days ago. He said I was beautiful and held the door open for me as we walked out after the date. I thought it went well but apparently he didn't because after I left, I texted him "Glad I met you." and he never replied. I guess he didn't like my personality if he thought I was beautiful. I have gone on a few bad dates recently after finding out I was cheated on last month, I was definitely on the rebound. But I actually really liked this guy two days ago and thought it could go somewhere. Now I'm just left feeling more confused, more rejected, and my confidence is on the floor. I dont know what I'm doing wrong on these dates. For him to not even give me an explanation or anything is harsh. I know he doesn't owe me anything but...I feel like I'm flawed in some way that I'm unaware of. How can you not take rejection personally?
  3. I have been on 4 dates with different guys since finding out my boyfriend cheated on me right before valentines day. I didn't like any of them and quickly cut the date short, which made me feel even worse. They all tried to kiss me and make advances which made me feel really uncomfortable and sad that I was even on those dates. One guy was a total A-hole and I nearly ended up crying. I reached out to a guy I really liked who I stopped seeing in order to continue the new relationship with the guy who cheated on me, and he rejected me. Made me feel like I missed out on that opportunity out of my loyalty when I didn't even get the same courtesy in return from my bf. I should have just kept seeing him at the same time. Ugh. I liked only one other guy but definitely not as much as I liked my ex. We slept together on the second date (I know, I was just really depressed). When I asked him if he was seeing anyone else he laughed at me and said he's talking to other women but not seeing them (lies) and said we've only hung out twice. I felt like an idiot. I also drank a lot that night which wasn't a good look probably. So I have decided to not go on anymore dates, its just making me feel more rejected, more depressed and no one is measuring up to him. He's still with the girl he cheated on me with. He literally got into another relationship while I am struggling to move on at all. Whoever said the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else. Clearly didn't know what they were talking about because this sucks.
  4. I know I shouldn't care, but do relationships with the other woman last? Are they going to ride off into the sunset together because he chose her over me? I know its petty to even ask but I'm still really hurting and it matters to me. But even if they dont last, it doesn't change the fact that he chose her. I can never forget that part. I find myself comparing me to her and she seems more professional than me. As a doctor, he probably found her more wife material. Sucks.
  5. My (now ex) boyfriend has been cheating on me for 1 month. I have been so devastated after finding this out that I havent been able to eat for 2 days (other than a few slices of bread) and I keep going over and over everything in my mind unable to focus on anything else. We were together for 4 months. I was head over heels in love with him and falling deeper in love every time I saw him. He was saying so many sweet things to me about the future together, even bought me a ring and a necklace, talking about how amazing he thinks I am and how he's been looking for someone like me for a long time, saying my ex's were stupid to cheat on me, etc. This month everything changed. He suddenly started going days without responding to my texts. He blamed his job, working 12 hour days. He stopped calling me babe. Texts and conversations became dry. No emotion from him. When I would say something sweet such as, I am so lucky to have you - he literally pushed me off of him and changed the subject (due to his guilty conscience, now I understand why). He made up lame excuses to cancel date plans last minute. I stupidly believed it was the stress from his job because thats literally what he told me. I found out he was sleeping with a girl who looks similar to me. This really hurts. All the emotion apparently went to her, because he is just seeing her now - not a bunch of other girls, he was just cheating on me with her. I think that hurts more for some reason because all those sweet things he was saying to me, he's now saying to her. She has this huge white straight beautiful smile from pics on her instagram and I feel like absolute trash now. I sent her a message on instagram telling her he's been cheating on me with her but she never replied - probably won't. Which means she's probably believing whatever lies he's telling her about me right now. Like oh dont mind her, thats my crazy ex who cant take a hint, or something. Valentines day is coming up. I already bought him a watch with his name engraved on it. I feel so stupid now. He's probably going to spend valentines day with her. I need some words of encouragement because this truly hurts and my confidence plummeted. I obviously broke up with him when I found out but he chose to ignore me when I confronted him. Please dont say "It was only 4 months." I know it was short, but that doesn't mean the feelings weren't big.
  6. Actually I won't go into detail but I JUST found out with proof that he was in fact cheating. I broke up with him.
  7. No. He literally got me an expensive gemstone ring and a necklace for Christmas. Its Valentines day. Wasn't trying to win him over with gifts.
  8. I'm so confused. He literally said "We are still together." though, so is it a break up or him just needing space?
  9. Sucks. I texted him at 1 pm today asking him if he still wanted me to come over tonight or if he needed time to relax alone this weekend - because the last plan we made was to see each other on Saturday before we had that talk about him wanting space where he said "IDK I think I just need some space to myself to decompress. We are together but I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings..." So I just wanted to clarify the plan. He never texted me back. Its now 1:30 AM. He could have said no, but chose apparently to not say anything which is incredibly rude. My friend thinks he's doing this on purpose to try to get me to break up with him first so that he isn't the bad guy. I really hope thats not what he's doing. Next week is valentines day on his first day off. I won't text him at all anymore & I will wait and see if he even talks to me at all on that day. If not, I guess I've got my answer. This whole thing makes me feel like crap. I already got his valentines day gift and it was an expensive watch with his name engraved on it. Now I dont know what to do with it.
  10. I actually brought this up to him via text yesterday because yet again he canceled. I said "Ok. Is everything ok? I havent heard from you much. if you just need space I am 100% willing to support you in giving you space but if you genuinely dont want to see me again I need to know so that I'm not in a gray area wondering what's up. Is there someone else? Whenever a guy pulls back its usually because of another girl." I gave him an out right then and there. He came back with "No there's no one else. Its hard to explain. I am feeling really stuck in this job and I'm in a contract so I cant quit. Everything is really piling up on me and I need to do something different, so I am trying to have some time to myself to decompress. We are still together but I dont want to hurt your feelings. So IDK I just need to get back to being in a happier place. This doesn't feel like the typical "guy stings girl along", I have to be honest. I can tell he is almost breaking from the pressure of his career. To the point that I hope he doesn't "off" himself. I'm not kidding. He seems extremely stressed out even when we're together. To the point that he self medicates with alcohol and other things. Thats why I think this is a special case. Otherwise I would agree with those of you who are saying he's just not that into you. This guy is an introvert who has tons of pressure on his shoulders and seems to be hanging on by a thread.
  11. Hes not that into me? He's my boyfriend. Its not like we're casually dating others. If he really wasn't into me anymore and lost interest, wouldn't he just say so?
  12. We were supposed to see each other tonight but he contacted me earlier in the day saying "Hey sorry can we see each other this weekend instead? I need to drive 3 hours north to get (something done on his new car and show his parents the new car he bought)" I said oh you got a new car? (something he didn't tell me until just then) and I said sure we can do that. I am honestly getting frustrated and resentment is building. No hey babe? No, I miss you? Just hey. I just dont know if theres another woman or if this is his M.O. I guess you guys are right when you say it really doesn't matter, what matters is how long I want to put up with it. I dont know what to do though because if I bring his lack of communication up to him when I see him again, isn't it just going to push him away because dont guys see that as just nagging? I like him enough to stick with him but I know this is going to wear me down eventually. 7 days without a single text is a bit much. By the way...he told me all his ex gf's cheated on him. I wonder if its because he applied the same communication style to them?
  13. To me it sounds like she's using other people as a buffer on your dates. Does she just think you're a friend or do you two actually call these hang outs dates? Does she even know its an actual date? I would definitely bring this up to her and say "Lets do something just you and me." next time, or something like that. Is she an extrovert? Some extroverts dont see anything wrong with this because they are so outgoing and such people persons that they are always surrounded by people. But I do think she's using them as a buffer, meaning she may like when the attention is off of her and theres other people to interact with so its not awkward. Does she feel safe around you? Some women bring friends on dates as a safety issue. What she is doing is a bit bizarre though.
  14. You are making decisions surrounding the idea of having kids and that is going to land you in hot water because you will end up choosing someone out of desperation if you continue with this mindset...and trust me, divorcing someone you have kids with is hell. So this idea you have that you're running out of time is really going to trip you up and do nothing but land you in a situation you regret. Please turn your mindset around. It will lead nowhere good. You are not running out of time. Matter of fact, stop putting so much emphasis on having kids. Just throw that idea out of your head for a little while. You have the next 10 years to have kids. If you are concerned, then you can freeze your eggs too. But Ive seen so many women do what you're doing - get married right away after they think they found the one finally, pop out two babies, then they're divorced within 2 years. Happens all the time.
  15. Here's what I would do. I wouldn't text him anymore, see if he ever texts you again and how long it takes. If he never does, thats your answer. IF he does, thats when I would say that you weren't sure if he was joking or not when he said what he said but you didn't really appreciate it because now you feel confused and you dont think you're both looking for the same thing. Honestly...this may be a scary text for you to send but if he cares about you AT ALL he will clarify things for you in order to not lose you. If he says wow ok crazy lady you're being too emotional jeez or anything of the sort, you know he never really cared about you to begin with. Who knows, maybe he WAS joking and just has a bad sense of humor. But based on the other comments, it sounds like thats just his personality and he wasn't joking....never meeting my mom?
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