RebelHart

I didn't say I wanted to break up, I told him I wasn't sure I could be with someone who put his ex before me. His ex was sending abusive messages to me and to him about me just because their son was texting me. It was only memes and stuff but she didn't like that he was bonding with me and got jealous. She started saying she would stop him seeing his kid unless he saw him at his house alone and took the kids phone away. He didn't defend me and didn't stand upto her when she was making demands. Instead he started staying at his place when he had his kid. I told him I didn't know if I could be with someone who wouldn't defend me and would let his ex dictate our relationship and his life that way. If we are a couple I should be bonding with his kid. I could understand if I was awful to his kid and then him being kept away but it was literally just because we were bonding. His ex doesn't want him around me but when she needs a sitter so she can go for a night out and has no one else... guess who's good enough to be around the kid then? She even dropped their kid off at his flat alone when she knew he was at mine and we all had covid. She called him a terrible dad because he wouldnt leave my house when he had covid to go and be with their son that she had left alone outside a flat she knew was empty. We had to get him a taxi to us and he ended up sick too and she kicked off because he brought him to my house. She has tried multiple times to split us up and he never defends me but gets defensive if I point out what she's doing and defends her. Of course I am going to tell him I'm not sure I can be with someone who will allow that. We don't technically live together. He has his own place but is at mine everyday and night so may aswell live with me. That's why he doesn't help with bills. I don't mind too much cause I know he still has to pay rent for his place but sometimes when it comes to energy bills and food I do get a bit fed up that I do it all my self when him and his kid use alot but I pay it all. (He has him at my house now.)

He doesn't help with bills but does help around the house but the other stuff is bothering me.

He's not an alcoholic.

He's not an alcoholic. He rarely drinks.

He seemed upset that I said I didn't want to marry him now. That's why it felt like he still wants me to want that.

At first he said he didn't believe in marriage because relationships fail after marriage and its just a piece of paper. I pointed out he's been married before and that he wanted to marry me before so asked what changed. I asked him to be honest. It was a calm conversation, no arguments but it hurt still. Obviously I wasn't expecting a whole list.

A few weeks ago my boyfriend asked me to marry him when he was blind drunk. I told him to ask me again when he was sober but the next day he was absolutely disgusted at the thought of marrying me and told me to never listen to anything he says when he's drunk. His reaction hurt me and it has been playing on my mind ever since. A few days ago I told him how he made me feel. We've been together a year and earlier in the relationship he told me he wanted to marry me some day so naturally I thought someday it would be a possibility. I asked him why the thought of marrying me now seems like the worst thing in the world for him and what made him change his mind..... he had a list! A long list of reasons why he will never marry me. They are ridiculous things too. Things like in the first month of our relationship I told him I didn't want to be with him if he would stand by and allow his ex to be horrible to me for no reason after she sent abusive messages because their son messaged me and she didn't like that we were bonding. Or because I have depression/trauma from ex. My kids don't always clean up after themselves and I will clean it instead. I also told him after not to worry because I don't want to marry anyone who is so disgusted by me and he responded by saying "you might change your mind some day" which just confused me more. He doesn't want to marry me but wants me to want to marry him. He won't marry me but is in a relationship with me. Wth? I've spent my whole life being told I'm not good enough and now someone else literally has a list of reasons why I am not good enough.