mwacuk
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mwacuk started following Why do I waste my time , Feeling really confused , My sick girlfriend cheated on me with her ex and 3 others
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In my opinion, it sounds a bit odd that she's declared openly that she's 'found the love of her life', I know she is only 20 and many girls that age are quite immature, but still sounds odd. I'd be tempted to dismiss it as nothing, ie - at best it's some sort of Euphemism for something else. At worst, she simply saw someone she found very attractive. If I were you, I'd dismiss it out your mind and keep seeing her is if you'd never seen it. Good luck 👍
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My sick girlfriend cheated on me with her ex
mwacuk replied to Turan26's topic in Relationship Advice
This very fact does leave a sizable amount of girls in their 20s available as many guys in their age-group are essentially IT incels for even average guys that age and slightly older even to meet in person and have relationships / fun with while so many guys are occupied at home on tinder, discord and incel forums One could make the argument that providing you are confident to actually leave your house and talk to girls in person, it's never been easier because there's simply less competition 😁 -
My sick girlfriend cheated on me with her ex
mwacuk replied to Turan26's topic in Relationship Advice
You're right. Online if treated simply as a way of initiating first contact is absolutely fine. The big mistake many guys make with online is, 1, they think they can 'build' attraction and a relationship purely online (you can't) and 2, they rely on online only to meet woman/girls without ever thinking they have to leave the house. My motto is - take care of you social life and your dating life will take care of its self (and it's always served my well) Note, social life is friends you actually see, collegues etcs. It is not people at the other side of the world you talk on discord with at 4am -
My sick girlfriend cheated on me with her ex
mwacuk replied to Turan26's topic in Relationship Advice
I'd suggest, getting out and creating a social life and meeting girls that way, rather than the seedy world of hiding behind a screen to meet girls. People can become so deluded because they spent a few months exchanging messages online. If you'd met her through a mutural friend or at work, it's unlikely you'd have had any of this drama, plus she would have been more compatable -
She's been my friend for the last 18 years, and we've had an amazing time together and nothing up until 4 months ago has ever happened between us. I agree, I have feelings for her and last week she said the same to me. I want her back as I had her before this mess. It's going to be difficult to separate the romantic part of our relationship and build boundaries. She isn't just a girl I met a few months ago. I'd love the idea of being exclusive with Chloe, but that can never be and I admit is based on a fantasy which ignores flaws she has that rule her out
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Jamie really isn't okay with her doing this. Jamie and Chloe absolutely are not in an open relationship. Jamie has said to me that when he has challenges Chloe about this, Chloe has blackmailed him and said he was being 'controlling'. Jamie has said that he 'trusts' Chloe, obviously my prospective changes how trustworthy Chloe is simply because of what happened between me and her. And just to be clear, me and Chloe prior to the holiday were very open with each other about each others affairs with others outside our own relationships. While she could have lied to me, I don't feel she would have had any reason to. Remember me and Chloe were best friends (plutonic) prior to May. I don't believe Chloe is 'running around with other men' beyond kissing a few when drunk. She seemed very candid when discussing this both previously and since our affair. My concern is, what happened with me and her may 'normalise' going further than just kissing (I have no concrete evidence to say this is the case) I don't want to be in a relationship with Chloe. I would struggle to trust her fully. But, going forwards I need to be friends with Chloe and rekindle the friendship to resemble something similar to what we had before. What will make this very difficult for me and what I fear is the impact on seeing her going on to have further affairs because our affair may have changed her outlook and the hurt that would cause. I'm desperately trying to hang on to my best friend. What I need help/advice is whether this is something that is possible with time and if anyone has ever gone down the journey of best friends, to lovers and back again successfully?
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It is tough when you really like someone who has rejected you and you have to keep seeing them due to situations. Your best way to get her out your head is to try and meet other girls, failing that concentrate on your regular friends. You'll be surprised how many relationship opportunities with mutural friends that can throw up. Try not to get too invested in a girl before you get to rejection. It's hard, but if you can get to rejection as quickly as possible you'll avoid being to invested in her. Good luck 👍
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UPDATE sorry for the long post It’s coming up to four months since me and Chloe’s holiday and despite us making some really good progress, things really are still a mess, at least in my head. Firstly, I decided to have another really good go at rekindling my relationship with Gemma. I need to know I’ve done everything I can to make this work. I still feel the relationship is really cold and affection seems hard to come by despite my best efforts. Chloe is still with Jamie, but Chloe has complained to me again that she is feeling that Jamie is cold to her and she is unsatisfied with her sex life. Since the previous post, me and Chloe have cooled our relationship, but have relapsed a few times up until late July and have now managed about six weeks without any intimacy beyond hugging. My problem is now how much I trust Chloe, and this is tearing me apart. I want to be clear, Chloe has not been around, she has had sex with two men in her life (me and Jamie), as friends prior to the holiday , we have always been very open about what has happened with other people to each other, and I have no reason to doubt that. However, Chloe had told me prior to the holiday that she had kissed other men on nights out (I go out with her more than anyone else and I have never witnessed this) so I assumed this had only happened once or twice. Since the holiday, because my level of curiosity has risen, I have began talking to several of our mutual friends and they have told me that this is actually quite a regular occurrence, but they have all told me that Chloe has never gone off with any of these men or done anything more with them. Since our holiday, Chloe was joking to Jamie in my presence about how she passionately kissed a gay man (I’ve checked and said man is indeed gay and is in a relationship with a man). Chloe seemed to believe that this was perfectly fine, even to confess to Jamie. I later asked Jamie, in private, how he felt about this and Jamie then confessed that Chloe had actually kissed men when they were on nights out together and this had caused to major arguments between them. But he did say that he does trust her as she explained to him that she enjoys the validation this brings and has only done this under a lot of alcohol and would never do anything more because she simply wouldn’t feel trusting towards another man like she does him. I had also spoken to Chloe about this as this hit me hard knowing she regularly did this and she told me the same thing, except by extension she also felt safe and trusting with me also. I believed she had done this once or twice, not regularly so this has been a shock to me. Despite this, this has really knocked my trust for Chloe. I have this horrible idea in my mind that while me and her have cooled, the void will now be left, coupled with our affair may have ‘normalised’ being intimate with other men for Chloe and she may simply cheat again on Jamie. About two weeks ago, me and Chloe were meant to be going out for a meal and Chloe cancelled at the last minute then when she spoke to me the next day she said that despite the space we’d already had, she felt we were meeting for the wrong reasons and she felt guilty. I met for a meal with my ex, Cassie (from 15 years ago) that night instead (all above board and Gemma is aware). I’d mentioned it in a separate conversation with Jamie a few days later, but he’d told Chloe, unknowing to me) Last week Chloe came to mine for dinner (Gemma was away for a few days) – Chloe confronted me about me meeting Cassie and was quite clearly bothered by this. My plan that evening was to keep everything plutonic with Chloe, but Chloe started talking about how much she missed me and wishes she could be back on holiday with me and how she wanted to do that again. All the feelings came flooding back for both of us that night, no intimacy but we cuddled a lot. It kind of took me back as I thought Chloe didn’t care anymore, but the idea of me seeing another women other than Gemma had clearly stirred up a lot of feelings she had for me. I’m still so confused. After that night, I was so close to telling Chloe that even being friends was not going to work and we need serious space, but after a day, I can’t do it. I need her so much as a friend, but it’s like ‘friend Chloe’ and ‘lover Chloe’ are completely mixed up now and can’t be separated. The really cynical part of me believes this guilt she talks about is just a front because she’s realised that anything with me is too complicated but with someone else would be fine. Maybe I’m just overthinking it, but it would kill me inside if I found out she was cheating on Jamie with another man, it would kill me inside to imagine her doing that just because I love her. I watched her cheat on Jamie with me, how good she ‘acted’ for the first few weeks after we got back and I just don’t quite ‘buy’ that she suddenly feels much more guilty now, especially after what I have learned about what she does on nights outs. I’m really struggling to let this go. I wish I could, but I find myself in dark places overthinking about what Chloe might do and have the bittersweet of the memories of our holiday coming back at random times. How do you let go? This has killed my confidence and grounding.
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Is there anyone at work you can talk to about this? I mean, you don't need to tell everyone, but would it not help if someone at work had your back and could understand what you're going through?
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I can't quite work out whether he is suffering from despair or if he actually has it quite good and is treating you like a doormat and he's actively conscious of the fact any change to that situation will make him worse off and therefore talking about it risks him having to change his little life to help you in some way
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I'd avoid bars or online dating entirely to meet women, have a wide social circle from family, friends, colleagues etc and you'll meet enough people through them to last you a lifetime
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You are right in principle, but if we can move on from this and Chloe remains happy with Jamie I don't see what the benefit is of him ever finding out. If me and Chloe can permanently stick to our word today, what are you suggesting we admit to him we've both screwed him over so at least he can choose to be free of us both? Are you saying Chloe should end it with him just so he has the opportunity to meet a more loyal partner (and by extension friend)?
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OK so me and Chloe met for lunch and we've made the decision to stop what we're doing. We've both agreed that we still love each other and the feelings will never go away but as far as any actual intimacy is concerned, that will now stop. Chloe has suggested that if we are ever away away together we can have a bit of fun, which suggests she deep down still clings to a future occasion where we can be intimate; she has also said she would get with me if we were ever in a position for that to legitimately happen. I agree with her second point, not the first as that's just carrying our affire on in my eyes. I've told her that I will be breaking up with Gemma in the next few months (not immediately as Chloe suggested because this could cause suspicion and upend everything if anyone makes the connection between the holiday and the breakup) , no idea how to even go about it but wish me luck. Chloe (and Jamie) will support us through the breakup. If no one finds out what's already happened then if this can end with Chloe and Jamie's marriage salvaged that will be an amazing end for all involved. Wish us luck
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Well because I saw this whole thing unfold from the start, I know exactly how she (and we) got here. Also, on some levels me and Chloe have a deeper level relationship than Chloe has with her Husband
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No that's not how it is at all. I'm in love with Chloe, she was never 'played' I never set out to pull her. We mutually fell for each other. As much as the setting for this is awful, there are no ulterior motives from either of us. I've known Chloe half my life, she was everything to me before, I trust her 100% that she has just fallen into this trap with me.