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MC

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  1. MC
    An old friend of mine just called me. He didn't know of the break up and asked me whether everything was ok with me. He called because he had seen my ex hanging out with her new guy. In fact he just saw them together and called me right away. Well I'm sure he thinks that he is helping me out by telling me, and he maybe thought that she was cheating. But by talking to him I feel terrible. I'm very popular in my community so this is almost like an embarrassment for everyone to see her with this other guy. Although I guess people don't really know who is the dumper or dumpee. But six years of seeing us together is a while. His call had me thinking whether I burned a bridge by saying that we shouldn't contact each other. He made reference to this when I told him about no contact. I need reassurance here. PLEASE. Did I just made a big mistake - did I burn my bridges. You have to forgive me here. RJ, GeeCee, SLBG and others what do you think? SLBJ your situation with your first ex gives us some hope, I guess. We're in this together buddy.
  2. MC
    SLBG, this is all new to me too. This was really my first long term relationship (6 years) and first time experiencing a break up. I've not had many short term ones either. I've really learnt a lot from this experience. A lot of your feelings are similar to mine. Sick around buddy. One day we'll have a happier story to tell. It's inevitable.
  3. MC
    GeeCee, RJ and SLBG, thanks for the support and advice. You don't know how much this means to me. And I really mean this. Yes RJ, I took your advice as well as that of the others. As you said, she will call - I'm convinced that she will. It's plain to see that she still has feelings for me. Her words made it very clear and the look in her eyes (I still know that look) clearly demonstrated it. I didn't have much time to think about telling her to stop contacting me, I was desperately looking to emerge victorious after being turned down for a kiss and sex. But I believe that as painful as no contact is, in my case it will do more good than harm eventually. As all the advice has shown, I could either make her miss me and then she will return, or I will heal. Typing the word 'heal' gives me such a great feeling that it WILL be over and I will be happy again. I know that I have to try my best to get over this. And I vow that I will not contact her. I know that it will be hard and I will feel like giving up, but with your support I think I can pull through. I have a feeling that she will return. For example I tell her how I know that we will never be together again and she won't agree. Apparently she hasn't totally shut that door. Her words indicate that she sees a possibility of us being together in the future. This is why I believe that no contact is very good for my situation. I don't want her to believe that my life is on hold, waiting for her to return while she solidifies her present relationship. Last night I realised that I'd lost some weight. Yeah, break up is hard. Maybe one day I can prove to be a success story. (Not me alone but all of us who keep working hard to have our ex return.) Oh how I long and pray for that day. But for now let's take it one day at a time.
  4. MC
    So I made a big mistake which had me feeling like crap but I think I corrected it at the end. My ex came home to borrow my camcorder. There she was watching me right in the eye and drawing close to me to try to kiss me, I was trying to turn away, in fact I did so a few times. Then she said that she was testing me. She started talking about our past- the good times and so on and I started asking questions about where we went wrong. She said how she still misses me. She came close and I attempted to kiss- even have sex and to my amazement she resisted. Then I felt like real crap. All my hard work now meant nothing. I felt like a complete fool! I had to correct this. (While she was home her new guy called and she lied about where she was.) I had to figure out a way to free myself. So I told her that I think I just made a big mistake by trying to have sex with her and I feel like a complete fool. I told her that from today we shouldn't speak anymore and while I care about her and wish her well, this friendship thing is a burden I can't bear. I told her that maybe someday in the future we could be friends but from now on it was really over between us and we shouldn't contact each other again. There I was going on and on, repeating myself all the time. I was sounding a bit harsh and kept telling her that it wasn't my intention. She was very quiet when I told her this and I know she was feeling really bad, probably upset. I really feel that I did the right thing even though right now it has me in tears knowing that we will probably never be again. I'm really tired of all her games of calling me baby, using the word "us", and making it seem that probably one day we will be together again. I think this woman simply wants security from me in case her present relationship doesn't work. I really can't take it. This is killing me. It's better if I never see her again. All or nothing at all. I asked her to give me back the camcorder because I wanted no links, bearing in mind that she would have had to contact me to return it. I told her that whatever I said to her doesn't mean that I'm her enemy. This is so painful! I don't deserve to be feeling so miserable. When will this ordeal be over???!!!!
  5. MC
    I'm praying for you Geecee. Good luck! You come accross as a very strong woman and you will make it.
  6. MC
    It's very true- a real gamble. I'll take my chances I think, and not answer the phone. I don't like the idea of she keeping contact so as to have me as a back up plan. I want her back but sometimes the anger towards her keeps boiling inside. Am I strong enough to refrain from answering? - Only time will tell. This morning has been really tough for me- I keep thinking about her and wanting her to call. This is tough! But I know I'll feel better later.
  7. MC
    Well after about 31 hours, she called this evening and I did not answer the phone. I'm trying to do some no contact but I'm wondering whether it means that I shouldn't take her calls, or whether I should let her initiate contact but answer her calls. Perhaps the best way for her to really miss me is if we don't talk for some time and this would mean not taking her calls. If it's really important she can leave a message. What do you think?
  8. MC
    Metroman31, Never ask her to get back together with you again. You're only pushing her further away and belittling yourself. If you want her back don't contact her. Let her miss you. Browse through this forum for lengthy discussions of this strategy and how it will benefit you.
  9. MC
    I believe I'm really messing her head up. She must be thinking - Why isn't this guy begging and pleading? When you beg and plead it pushes the ex away but ironically it's just what they need to feel happy and comfortable with their decision of leaving you. Perhaps she has been trying to test me. Maybe she came home only to see whether I was as strong as my little contact/no contact game was suggesting. And whether I would make a move on her. Probably she asked me whether I missed her this morning to hear me say OH YES BABY I MISS YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!! And how I can't stop thinking of her etc, so that she can turn around and kick me (break my heart again). Well I'm not going to contact her and as all of you have suggested. I'm gonna keep portraying that I'm really doing pretty fine. If she thinks she is just going to walk right back into my life, I'm sorry.
  10. MC
    I wouldn't say that she wants me back right now (today). But it seems that she is considering the possibilities of taking me back a few weeks or months down the road - She hinted to that. She "jokingly' said that I'd better be ready for when she comes back. She seems to be questioning her decision to leave me but has enough pride to not say so directly. She said "I'm sure you'd take me back if I asked." Then again she may just be trying to see whether she can use me. Forgive my confused state. One thing I know for sure is that she is missing me and is contemplating whether or not she should stick to her decision of leaving me. And one more thing- She calls me baby, love and sweety now!
  11. MC
    My ex (girlfriend of 6 years) left me almost 3 weeks ago and started seeing someone else. Thanks to the advice offered on this site I stopped the begging and pleading thing a few days after the break up and she's the one who normally initiates contact. When she does, I say nothing about the relationship. I pretend to be happy and moving on with my life. She stopped by my place yesterday for a few minutes and I made no moves on her. I dropped her off when she was ready to leave and she said how surprised she was that I didn't try to kiss her. "Wow", she said and started touching me. She had a smile on her face. She started talking about the possibilities of us getting together in the future and how even though were apart there's still a "bond" between us. This morning she called and asked whether I missed her and I threw it right back at her. She said yes. I want her back. Where do I go from here? Any advice?
  12. MC
    This may be a rush to judgement, but it seems that this no (or minimal) contact- no begging- pretending to be happy and enjoying life- stategy really works. My ex has been contacting me today and using "excuses" to do so. For example: Were you the one who tried calling me earlier? Someone has been calling me and their number doesn't show up on my caller ID. By the way she asked me to pick her up today because she was near my home and wanted to use the bathroom. Hmmm. I did. She stayed there for about 15 - 20 minutes and I made no moves on her. She kept asking questions about who I'm seeing. (She knows that I went out with someone.) She even said that there was a bond between us and 'jokingly' said that I'd better be ready for when she comes back. When we left my place she said that she was surprised that I made no attempts to try to kiss her. "Wow", she said and started touching me. She 'jokingly' said - "I'm sure you'll take me back if I decide to return". This is a girl who is seeing someone else right now and broke up with me less than 3 weeks ago..
  13. MC
    Determined and SincerelyHurt, I feel the same way you do. Me and this girl had something good going for 6 years and now it means nothing to her. If throwing 6 years down the drain is so easy for her why do I have to perpetuate pain within myself. Who the h#ll she thinks she is - worth more than me? My resentment is growing everyday. My interest keeps diminishing.
  14. MC
    She called me last night and I didn't answer the phone. Instead I called her this morning. So I just mixed in a little contact after 2 days of no contact. She asked me why I hadn't called and how she thought that I was becoming her enemy (since I've not been calling). She said that lightly. I told her that I'd been busy. Conversation went well. Asked her about her mom (who is sick), and work. Asked her other general stuff which she was happy to respond to. She asked me whether I was seeing anybody already and I gave a vague, cheerful response. Told her to stay sweet and said that I had some things to attend to. Conversation lasted less than 4 minutes. So we had a nice chat but I don't know where this is headed. Her relationship with the new guy seems to be really going on strong. They're spending a lot of time together. It's been a little over two weeks now. But I was with her for 6 years! Any advice/suggestions?
  15. MC
    Danimal77, excellent post. I think it's time that most of us decide for once and for all that we're gonna just do the no contact thing and forget all other silly tricks. No 'shortcuts' here. I am determined to stick to no contact because it's the only chance I have of getting my ex back or moving on as a stronger person. This is my vow.
  16. MC
    Interrupting no contact was so tempting and I succumbed after 48 hours - Although I didn't mention anything about the relationship. Since I didn't mention the relationship, was calling her ok? A few days b4 she mentioned that she wanted to borrow something from me so I used this as an excuse. I asked her when exactly she would be needing it because someone else wanted to use it. (Just a silly excuse but I don't think she noticed.) She asked me why I hadn't called her and I said that it's because I didn't have any reason to at the time. She then asked how I was doing and I said fine. I asked her how she was doing and she gave me the same response. She told me that she happened to see my mom in town and said that she (the ex) would call me in the morning. Very short conversation and she is the one who ended it. I hate that! Don't know why she kept the conversation so short and I'm upset that I'm not the one who ended it. Since I contacted her last night, I feel worse. Especially because I realised that when I called she was going to meet her new bf. Got confirmation from her sister. Yesterday was one of the easiest days since the break up but this morning is awful. The longer she takes to contact me the worse I'll feel. I think I'd better stick to no contact even if it's hard. Do you think I'm ruining any chance at getting her back? Wish I could just erase her from my memory. I keep asking myself why I have to go through this. During the relationship I believe she loved me as much as I loved her yet it was easy for her to leave. Why can't I just be like her and not worry about the fact that 6 years went down the drain? I believe that the fact that she has someone else is what is making it so easy. Wish I could just find someone else in a hurry to fill the space, then we'd be on equal terms.
  17. MC
    Not sure if you're reading me right but the fact that she wanted to sleep with me doesn't mean that she wants me back. Who said that she wants things to work? She doesn't. She even told her sister how happy she was with her new guy. I'm the one who would readily accept her back, providing that she gives up on her new bf. She probably just wants to be my friend so she could have a back-up, in case her new love doesn't match up to what she expected. She knows I love her and that she could get me back in an instance. By the way, I really want her to come back. Just that I have to think of myself now so as to help me get over her and heal, in case she never comes back. If not I'll be agonizing forever.
  18. MC
    Not sure whether I can be more specific on this public forum but the other girl probably made little problems appear bigger to me. I'm blaming myself a lot here - not sure I'm being fair to myself. Guess what. I called her last night and told her that I don't think she should come home today because I'll be very busy. I could sense the astonishment in her voice - she wanted to know what exactly I would be doing, why would I be busy. I didn't say. She asked me again but I didn't say. I could tell that she wasn't happy. Looks like she really wanted to come by my place. I was very happy when I left the phone. I think I really gave her something to think about. Don't know what the effect will turn out to be but I think that this decision was a good one. After all, I don't know if I would have achieved much by letting her come home to see me. She needs to miss me more. I'm not going to contact her. By the way, I slept better last night than I ever did since the break up. (I didn't get up at three in the morning to cry.) Hey, if I just made a big mistake then hard luck; I tried. Do you think I'm on the right track?
  19. MC
    Congratulations danimal77. Your present situation gives me hope. Like you and most others, I did the crying, pleading and begging thing (to my ex) for a few days. Thank God I stumbled on this website in about three days after the break up. This is when all the pleading stopped and I implemented no contact. Honestly, I've contacted her a few times but never about the relationship. She's usually the one to call. Anyway, congrats once again. I really want my ex to change her mind. Whether I accept her or not is another story. It seems that after about twelve days now since the break up, I'm starting to feel a little better. No contact really works! I'm still shattered but if I were still contacting her, begging and pleading, I know that I would have been in a greater mess. My self esteem would be no more.
  20. MC
    I was wondering whether I should apply the no contact rule fully. I am taking her calls now but I wonder whether I should refrain from answering them altogether for some time. The fact that she wants to come over and probably have sex with me should mean that she feels something for me. Should I play hard to get? She told me this morning that she'd be calling later. (I know that she probably won't cause it has happened before.) Wouldn't it be to my advantage if I don't answer the phone when she calls? Perhaps that would make her think some more about me/us. I guess if she really wants to contact me she could leave a message on my voicemail. Any advice? If she really wanted to see me today she would have come home. She had an excuse and said that she would come tomorrow. So apparently she doesn't have such a strong desire to visit me. Am I a little too available, despite the fact that I haven't contacted her in almost two days and she was the one who contacted me? I believe that there are ways of getting my baby back but I just don't know what they are. Please help me!!! Please bear with me.
  21. MC
    Hoping&praying, You make some excellent points. This decision is a very tough one. Having one up on the other guy by having sex with her still sounds like an appealing idea. When I see them together, I'd always be able to laugh at him in my mind (while he probably looks down on me). Maybe I can have sex with her knowing fully well that sex will not change her feelings towards me and not see it as a means of making her love me again. With no expectations, I probably wouldn't be shattered. But then again she may just end up feeling guilty for cheating on her new guy and I would be history- who knows. I'm going to ensure that I give this some serious thought before I jump in. When she comes home, I'll have to make sure that I take it one step at a time and judge everything correctly before going ahead. If she ends up not making a move, I will not bring up sex. But if she brings it up... I dunno. Sorry guys, I'm confused.
  22. MC
    First of all let me say that the earlier years of our relationship were awesome (we treated each other like king and queen) and that it wasn't until months ago that things started to take a turn for the worse. Without giving any specifics, it has to do with making her feel small (she always told me that) and highlighting certain faults she had. I always did this when we had arguments and misunderstandings, towards the end of the relationship. Then I would mention how incompatible we were. Compliments, pampering and so on diminished day after day. Didn't support her enough, she claims. At one point I even broke up with her for a couple of hours until I quickly told her sorry and that we would work things out. Things were fine for a few days after we made up. She is quick to anger and I would normally retaliate with anger. She would nag and nag and this would breed more and more distance between us. At times it seemed that she was deliberately intent on getting me upset. During all of this we managed to have some really great moments together where I'd treat her like a queen but then arguments would start again. There was another girl who was liking me. Never got intimate with her though. In retrospect it seems that I was starting to like that other girl and figured I don't really need my girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend). My ex was really my first so it probably had to do with me not knowing what was out there. Not being able to compare the relationship to any previous relationship and thereforeeee wondering whether this one was the real deal. Wanting something better. Now I realise that I really love her (my ex) and that I can never be with that other girl because I don't love her. Never miss the water till the well runs dry. Now it's sinking in that no one is perfect and despite all the faults that my ex had she really wasn't all that bad. If I had a second chance I'd treat her so much better. This break up has taught me a lot. I guess I reaped what I sowed. Even if she never returns, I know that this relationship taught me a lot and that I can never make these same mistakes again.
  23. MC
    She didn't call the whole of yesterday but this morning she called saying that she couldn't make it today but will come by my place tomorrow. Keeping my fingers crossed although I don't know what I can gain by she coming over. Sometimes I wonder whether she is trying the no contact thing herself - whether she wants me to call her and tries her best not to call me. Apparently someone called her this morning and hung up. Caller ID didn't register and when she called me 3 hours later, she asked if I was the one. It was me playing a game but of course I said an emphatic no. The reality of this break up is that she is still thinking of me. Whether these thoughts change into wanting to get back together, and whether there is anything I can do to create an environment that will engender this is another story. The fact that there's another guy makes things very difficult for me. We didn't speak for very long on the phone. When she said that she couldn't make it today I told her that was fine with me. She then said that she would call me later. I won't call her!
  24. MC
    Many times I feel like calling my ex because I feel that it's really been a while since she hasn't called. Some how I don't succumb and a few hours later she calls. Afterwards I feel so happy knowing that my patience paid off.
  25. MC
    What should I do when she comes by my place and starts acting flirty and sending "let's have sex messages"? Should I act uninterested? If this would make me look more desirable to her after she leaves then that's great. On the other hand, maybe I would just be closing a door and she would never think about getting sexual with me again. Perhaps I would be losing out on one last chance to do it with her. If I do nothing and it makes us more distant, to a point where we never have sex again I'll be kicking myself. As a guy, being able to get her in bed despite the fact that she's left, will surely give me an ego boost. This situation is really tormenting me. I'm up at 3 am after having cried a little earlier. Sometimes I feel okay but most of the time it's really painful. I'm not going to call her tomorrow. I hope she does. One more thing. She wants to come home to help me clean. What's on this girl's mind? Why the heck does she want to be my friend when she is seeing this other guy? I'm hoping that it's because she still loves me and that if I play the friendship game and not push her away by begging her to return that eventually she will come back. Why can't I just forget her? I'd better just find someone to fill the space like she did and be on equal terms with her. How soon I can do that, I don't know. Pleeeeeease help a drowning man who is probably clinging to a straw... a confused man. Help. What do you recommend?
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