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MC

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  1. MC
    In my case, I believe that I've gone through many of the steps to getting her back. She told me yesterday that she and her new boyfriend have had major arguments because she is always talking about me. He has told her that he thinks she still loves me. She has told me that she loves me and misses me many times. How do I not mess things up at this point? How do I get her to want me back and to say those invaluable words? This is what I want to know. It seems that advice is really hard to come by as to what should be done at this point. It's amazing how everyone has so much advice to give immediately after a break up. I'm referring to no contact advice and so on. To those of you who are doing contact, you better be ready for when they start missing you. What will you do if/when you get in my shoes?
  2. MC
    My ex broke up with me 7 weeks ago and started seeing someone immediatey. (Is this what you call a rebound relationship? Help me here.) It is evident that she hasn't gotten over me. I was with her today and she told me that she and her new boyfriend have had major arguments because of me. He says that she is still in love with me because of the fact that she talks about me all the time. I'm an artist and he gets upset when she sings my songs. She still calls me baby and sweety. We were together for six years. She even keeps my photos in an album at his place. This guy should realize that he made a big mistake by dating and falling in love with someone who still has feelings for her ex. Someone who was just out of a relationship. Will their relationship work? Only time will tell. But it's nice to know that this guy can't look down on me. That my name has to keep ringing in his ears. She even has a tattoo of my name.
  3. MC
    Hi there. I have a few questions to ask. (I REALLY want my ex back.) What is the best approach I should take from now on to win her back? What should I avoid from now on? How should I balance contact and no contact? What would you have done if you were in my shoes? Please give me some guidance. I know my situation looks hopeful and I don't want to mess up my chances. I would really appreciate your advice here. PLEASE. I know that some of you are no where close to where I'm at, ( I once thought that there was no hope in my situation too) but even your take would be deeply appreciated. Thanks a million for your valuable time.
  4. MC
    I must admit that things look a little promising, but for now that is all. I don't know if we'll ever get back together. She doesn't seem to have made up her mind about getting back together yet. As for me, I still have terrible days and nights where I think about her and feel like crying. The tears just don't come out. I even dream about her sometimes. Sidenote: She's calling me as I write. I'm not gonna answer. Hahaha. Wonder what she wants to tell me. Anyway, let me continue with my post. Update: She came over today because she wanted to borrow some cash from me. I was a bit skeptical about that but I still lent it to her. Anyway we talked a little and she told me some amazing things such as: She and her boyfriend have had big arguments because of me. She talks about me a lot and that gets him very upset. She has our photos in an album at his home. He told her that she still has feelings for me. I'm an artist and when she sings my songs it gets him upset. Today she told me that she still loves me and misses me a lot. Her feelings for me were very evident. I think I did very well today. I didn't act needy. I acted like a real man. I was in charge of the entire conversation and spoke firmly and with conviction. I could tell that she was impressed. I acted like I was doing well. (I also gave her quick hints that I was still interested in her but I didn't over do it.) Why doesn't she just dump this rebound and ask me back? I really don't know what is keeping her back. She's crazy. Is she hiding something from me? For now, it seems that I need to implement some no contact. I have given her a little today and now I need to give her time. What do you think?
  5. MC
    BigSyke, Why do you have to keep saying "black guy"? Are you a racist? Sorry, but I couldn't help but notice the number of times you made reference to the guy being black.
  6. MC
    I see what you mean. But you've got to take things very slow and see what happens. I wish you all the best buddy.
  7. MC
    Well she called today and asked that I come and see her. I told her that I would and then called her back an hour later to say that I was pressed with work and would have to do that some other time. Then I suggested going out for lunch together instead, tomorrow or sometime next week. I told her to let me know when she would be available for that and that was the end of the conversation. Later on, I was driving and it seems that one of her friends saw me with another girl and must have called the ex. (Small community) The ex called me (angry and jealous) saying that I lied to her about being busy and that I should have simply told her that I wanted to hang out with one of my girlfriends. I reacted angrily asking her why her friends were tracking me down, and then cooled down. I told her that I really was busy. I didn't attempt to explain what I was up to and when she asked, I lied about the girl being with me. I'm thinking. Why is this girl so angry because I decided to spend time with another girl instead of her? She must realize that she has no "authority" over me and that I am a free man. She acts like she is still the one. Like she is still my girlfriend. It's crazy! She can't expect things to be the same. She has her new man and I don't tell her anything about him. This is why I believe no contact is so important. Never beg someone who left you. Try to turn the tables quickly and be the one in the driver's seat. I want my ex to come back but even if she never does, I will be left with my self esteem. I will be able to hold my head up high like someone who doesn't give a f#%k. Even if I do.
  8. MC
    Shocked&dismayed, Here's my take. Why should you be the one asking her out? Is it because you're the guy? If she really wants to meet you wouldn't she request it? She left you, buddy. If she wants to get you back she'll have to make some effort. You need to ensure that you're in the driver's seat. Give her some attention only to hint that you still care and then leave things hanging. Make her think. Asking her out is very risky. If she turns you down you're back at square one. Do a little no contact to make her miss you a little more. Think of yourself highly. Put yourself before her. She threw away a good thing and she is the one who has to make most of the effort now. Don't be totally distant to make her think that there is no chance of you guys getting back together, but at the same time, don't be too available.
  9. MC
    I'm not sure what post you're referring to and what you really mean. Please explain.
  10. MC
    So you've implemented no contact for a few weeks and it's obvious that your ex is missing you. She even wants to meet with you, (although she's still seeing someone). What should you do? I ask this question because everyone seems to be talking about no contact, but further steps have been neglected. Even if you go with no contact and your ex starts questioning her decision, you could still mess up everything. I'd appreciate if someone could provide some guidance as to what should be done after no contact begins to work in your favour. In my case, the ex has been calling and even wants to meet with me. I've never been so lost as to what to do. I really don't know how to handle this at this point because there doesn't seem to be any real info on this. I'm really afraid to mess up everything. What is the next step after no contact?
  11. MC
    Do you think you're strong enough to see her and not bring up relationship stuff? If so then fly to see her. If not you're only setting yourself up for pain and further heartbreak. You said that you'd been asking to see her for all this time. BIG MISTAKE. You have shown that you are very needy. You have really put her in total control. You need to let go if you want her to take you seriously again. You need to let her see that you can live without her.
  12. MC
    I suggest that you stick to no contact. I understand how tempting it can be to ask your ex to go out with you, but in my opinion it shouldn't be done. It doesn't work. She is the one who left and she is the one who has to beg you to get back with her. If she wanted to she would. Asking her to won't help; it will just make you feel like a fool and put you through the pain again. Leave her alone. If you two will get back together she will have to do the chasing. Use no contact as a means of healing yourself. Your ex coming back is just a possible bonus. Put yourself first. If she is happy so can you. After all she is not of a higher value than you are. If she can do without you, so can you. Good luck my friend.
  13. MC
    She called again on Friday and said that although I had asked her not to contact me she just had to. She had an excuse for calling but I didn't point out that I knew it was only an excuse. She still gives hints of a possibility of she wanting to be with me in the future. (I'm convinced that this is because I don't beg her to come back, she sees that I'm happy and I have applied no contact to my situation.) Even if we never get together again, I'm happy right now to know that this girl doesn't exactly take me for granted. I was able to speak to her with confidence- as a man who is doing well in life - a man who isn't helpless. I believe that I'm increasingly gaining respect from her. NO CONTACT WORKS! PERIOD! Don't make excuses. Don't try to think of reasons why you should not follow it. Just do it. Letting go has worked wonders for me. I still miss my ex a lot, still love her and want her back. I still have some moments when I feel down. But with no contact, it becomes less and less. You have to accept that your ex is not yours anymore and move on. This is what I've done and it is working wonders for me. Start dating again. Go out with others even if it's just as friends. When you really think of it, no contact is not hard. As far as I'm concerned it's easier than bursting your brains trying to think of various strategies to get your ex back. With no contact, you're not doing 101 things. In fact you're doing nothing. At first it appears to be the hardest thing you ever had to do, but give it time and you will see. Another thing, don't initiate contact. Your ex will call. I see dumpees calling their exes after a period of no contact. This is a big mistake and I don't think anything could be achieved by doing that. Your ex is the one who should call you. If you call your ex you're defeated. What would you have gained? Some folks are afraid that the ex will never contact them again. If your ex cannot do something as simple as initiating contact/breaking no contact, do you think they will do the harder thing, which is reversing their decision to leave you? The ball is in their court. There's nothing you can do so DO NOTHING. Don't contact them. They will respect you like they never did before. You will appear more valuable to them. Let them see that you have a life without them and it will attract them to you like a magnet. I cannot say for certain that my ex will come back, but I know for certain that I have created an environment which will make it easier for her to do so. Don't delay your decison any longer. Implement the no contact rule now and stick by it.
  14. MC
    Guess what, Twelve days into no contact (remember I asked that we not contact each other anymore) and she calls. At first I miss the call and she calls back within half an hour. She calls me from a number that I'm not familiar with. Although I suspected it was her I wanted to make sure, so I answer. On hearing her voice I pretend that there's a problem with the service and that I can't hear her. She calls again from a different number twice and I don't pick up. She finally leaves a message on my voice mail to the effect of: (her voice indicated that she was upset) I don't even know why she's calling and yet I don't answer. That what I'm doing is so sweet that I have no time to answer the phone. She says that she is calling to deliver a message that a guy gave her for me and if this is the case the guy will have to tell me himself. I suspect that this is an excuse or a lie. Well that was last night. She calls my cell phone this morning and I don't answer. She calls again on my home phone. The caller ID doesn't work so since I wasn't sure it was her, I answered the phone. She says: Looks like when you're having sex you don't answer your phone. I simply say (politely) : I'm very busy at the moment, could you call back later? To those of you who know my story, what do you suggest? How do I handle this contact initiated by her? Let me add that I've been doing quite well lately thanks to a girl I met who I've been having sex with. I've really been having fun, going to parties and stuff. She is the real party type. I don't love her but the sex is great. I think I might live a player life for a while. Something I've never really done before. I'm editing this post because she just called again. I didn't answer. Help! I really don't know what I should do.
  15. MC
    Same here, except for the part about who did all the talking. This guy doesn't know what he has gotten into. My ex can be very rude. She doesn't give up easily. Anyway, good for them. I wish them luck. One thing I know and it's that this situation won't stop me from achieving my goals and dreams in life. If we never get back together, I'm determined to let her see the progess I've made in life, and let her wish she had some of it. She must regret! I'm gonna make sure she does by trying to create a great future for myself.
  16. MC
    Nimrod, I was in your position a little over a week ago. Here's my thread: link removed At the end I had to tell her that we shouldn't contact each other anymore. I'm not sure whether this did more harm than good but I kinda think that in the long run it will benefit me. It's one week since I spoke to her or saw her and I wonder how much she thinks of me now. Whether my no contact is working. But something keeps telling me that if this girl missed me then, she should miss me more now. She must be dying to hear from me. At least this is what I hope. When we last spoke she spoke about the possibilities of us being together some time in the future, she was calling me baby, love and so on. This is when I ruined everything by trying to kiss her and have sex and she refused. I immediately told her that I shouldn't have tried to kiss her and have sex and that for my own sanity we shouldn't contact each other again. She alone knows what is going through her mind right now.
  17. MC
    Yeah. I really love my ex. Sometimes I try to be strong and think positively about how my life can still be great without her, but other times I have to accept the truth. The truth is that I would pay lots of money and part with my most prized possessions if this would guarantee getting her back. But I guess sometimes we have to understand that the ball is not really in our court. We can try doing some no contact to improve out chances but at the end of the day we're powerless. Well considering the fact that dumpees are regretting their decisions, this gives us some hope. Same with my ex. She will have to adjust to new circumstances, his bad habits, attitudes, their differences and so on. At least she was kinda used to my faults and knew how to deal with them by now. It's not going to be easy for her. There's a lot of work to be done on their parts. But whether she comes back or not, it's nice to know that whenever they have arguments (inevitable) she'll reflect on what we had. It must cross her mind that she probably should have stayed with me. I know my ex and I know that this is a MUST! Very soon the honeymoon will be over and she will realise what she has. Who this guy really is. Right now he is Mr Nice Guy but later on his true colors will show. But how long does it take to start showing your true colors? Weeks, months? Then she will realise that I wasn't that bad. This may be a selfish and terrible thing to say, but I hope he doesn't treat her well.
  18. MC
    I wouldn't send that letter. I don't see this letter serving any purpose. It seems that the reason you want to send her this letter has to do with your own impatience. You want to take control of things but that's just not the way it is. She's the one who left and she is the one who has to ask you back. If she wants to she will. And if she comes back she has to prove that she's worth it. You have already applied no contact so keep doing what you're doing. Start thinking of the possibilities of she never coming back and picture your life without her. Just take it easy my friend. Don't try to orchestrate thinks too much. Let her go. You WILL be happy without her. I know how much you want her back but when you find someone else you may reflect on this and it would just be another life experience. They say that if you love someone, set them free and if they come back then ... you know how it goes. After five years of being together she knows the kind of person you are. If she doesn't come back then she's not worth it. You have a lot of love to give. Give it to someone who can reciprocate that love. One more thing. Your situation seems a lot like mine. I must say that there have been times when I questioned whether my ex was the right one for me. I had thought of leaving. I would wonder what it would be like to have someone new. Well now she's left and is enjoying life with her new guy while I have no one. After having someone to share stuff with for so long, it's hard being alone again. But I have to keep wondering whether it's my ex I really want or whether it's love and a good relationship. It's true that we had great times. We stayed together for six years! She's really done me wrong and doesn't care. If she cared she wouldn't have left. So why am I still making her the center of my life?
  19. MC
    SLBG, I was hoping that you'd post. Your situation is a bit similar to mine. I agree with your advice. Sometimes one can get really weak and feel like giving up. I feel a little better now. SLBG, I don't think you should make any moves on your ex. You shouldn't have asked her for a hug. Don't be apologising too much either. Nothing about "turning back time". This doesn't help. Remember that you shouldn't show any signs of being needy. Why is she saying that you didn't make her feel important? Wasn't she the one who left? She is the one who treated you like trash. Don't feel guilty buddy, be strong. And don't let her have all the control. She left you. She could have tried harder, you guys could have made it work, go to counseling or do whatever. She chose to end it, so don't let her blame you. Whatever you did wrong in the relationship, you're not perfect. No one is. My friend stick with no contact. This applies to me too. You can't force her to love you. If she really wants you back she will say so. Pride shouldn't get in the way. When you were pleading and begging when she left you, you didn't let pride get in your way. I imagine you did crazy stuff like I did. If she really wants you she'll do anything. Don't let her think that you're at her mercy. After all you don't want her to come back to you if she doesn't fully love you. One thing that has helped me a little is to hang out with female friends. Go out on dates. One thing I know is that when I'm out with a girl my ex becomes less important to me. Sometimes I think about how nice it would be to be with someone who I love just as much as I loved my ex or even more. All I want is love. It doesn't have to be with my ex. We believe that it's our ex which we want back, but sometimes it's really love we want. Reciprocal love. I hope I can follow some of the things I've written here.
  20. MC
    Six days of no contact and I'm feeling very weak today. I miss her so much. This is the longest we've spent without talking to each other since we broke up about a month ago. She was all for the friendship thing and would call me every now and then. She would call me baby, say how she missed me, talk about the good memories, say that there was a bond between us and that we may be together in the future. I asked her 6 days ago to stop contacting me and she hasn't. I hope I didn't ruin everything. She told me that my statements that she shouldn't contact me left her feeling embarrassed. It was obvious that she was quite upset. I'm wondering whether she hates me now. This is hard. When should I contact her? Should I? It may sound like I'm retarding my steps here but this is very difficult. Perhaps no contact may simply make her think that I'm not interested in her. HELP!!! Encouragement! Advice!
  21. MC
    Accidentally posted twice so I've deleted second post.
  22. MC
    Detox5, Thank you for your kind comments. I re-iterate: Those of us who are grieving over our exes let's all start thinking of the first person, singular. Think I, I, I, I and me, me, me, me, me. Hey, your ex sleeps well at nights, why don't you? You had better start taking care of your own self. If you don't take care of yourself, who will? Make yourself be responsible for your own happiness. Treat yourself. Give to yourself. Love yourself. Think myself, myself, MYSELF!
  23. MC
    RJ, I believe you summed up my feelings here. You're so correct. What's the point of being friends with a woman who has treated me like crap and is now sleeping with some other guy? After all what she's done to me - sleepless nights, unproductive days at work, worry, weight loss, and the list goes on and on, how the heck can I pretend to be her friend? This just doesn't make any sense when you really think of it. Why live such a big lie? Well I'm becoming more and more convinced that no contact is the best route. Why degrade myself? So she thinks that I can be her friend after all the damage she's done. Well, baby, I'm sorry. Don't call my phone again. It's over. Sometimes I'm so angry at this girl for what she's done. If she can be happy with someone else, so can I. During the better part of the relationship there was reciprocal love yet still she was able to find happiness with someone new. Well so can I. I refuse to be this woman's doormat. I'm putting myself first. One day we may be together again, one day she may return and I might have moved on with someone who I probably love even more than her. This is just a stage in my life - one of the many challenges that are inevitable and only serve to make you a stronger and more complete person. I'm starting to take care of myself and put myself first. I just did something to my look and I love it. In the future, I know she will regret it. No matter if it takes years. She will see the progress that I've made in my life and see her loss but it may be too late then.
  24. MC
    I have been thinking of how much of a blessing this site/forum is. Without this site I'm sure that I would be much more miserable than I am now. If I hadn't come accross the no contact policy where would I be now? It's through this site that I learned that begging and pleading only pushes your ex further away and how keeping a positive outlook can help you get over. If it weren't for this site I would probably have been like a puppy following my ex around and begging her everyday to come back. My self esteem would be at a minimum. I'm forever grateful. The advice and support from this forum is phenomenal. By the way, I'm on day two of strict no contact and I'm not turning back.
  25. MC
    GeeCee, I say go with no contact. I have been following your other thread and think that no contact would be the best move at this point in time. By the way, you've got company. I started strict no contact two days ago and this time I'm not turning back.
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