Copeland

Thanks for you advise guys..RayKay especially. I think you had hit the nail on the head. But i'm sure too you understand, making that move, setting the wheels in motion.. its a big leap of faith. One that needs to be taken, but one that takes a lot of courage. It'll come. At some point, risk have to be taken. In one way or another.

Hi, well, let me explain a little how things are. I have been with a guy for just over 2 years now. Its been nice, but it lost a lot of its edge. We have never been the average couple. We are completely different people; I'm very social and don't mind being with people I don't know - he doesn't like going out, won't introduce himself to people and hates small talk, I like to go to clubs/pubs/bars with my friends and have a few drinks - hes T-Total, I like to dance - he doesn't understand why people dance, I like romance - he says 'fancy a shag'. See where I'm coming from. Well.. basically everyway possible, we are opposites. I'm sure you all asking how on earth has this lasted so long. The answer is I'm not sure. We have a common interest though. Gadgets and children and with my sisters two children we come together and it all seems right. But I know this isnt enough and not a reason to be together. We spend time together now, it's nice company, but I wouldn't say its any more than that. I'm not convinced I'm attracted to him as I once was and my imaginations sometimes runs wild when I see or meet new people. Not that I would stray whilst with him. I respect him and wouldn't want to hurt him. He's not easy to deal with. difficult to talk to and when every I say I want to talk about things, it usually results in us both getting upset, falling asleep and then being forgotten about the next day. He says he has never been happier before in his life. I feel happy, just not fulfilled. We have talked about what each of us wants from life and its clear that we want to be heading in completely different directions. Perhaps its the comfort zone factor thats keeping us together. Its easy, its familiar and its forgiving. I don't mean to sound ungratful, but its not enough for me. I think its time to move on for both of us, I just don't know how to make the first step.

If things didnt work out the first time, do you think there is a posibility of them working this time. If the answer is no, or youre unsure, then I'd think perhaps a little more about where you actually want it to go. If the friendship isnt very stable to start with, it makes it very difficult and strained if all of a sudden there are all these feelings added into the mix. My personal suggestion would be to try and rebuild the friendship first, but not to get your hopes up, not expect too much and then there is less risk of disappointment. If things go well, then perhaps you can talk about how you're both are getting on... and perhaps even start to talk about wheat went wrong between you before. You never know, with a bit of effort you might see in each other what you saw that first time. Only time will tell. Be patient and don't scared him off to quickly by swamping him with emotions that first off he might wonder where they have come from. Goodluck! Let us know how you get on.

so... let me just put everything into context.. is this someone you like who is seeing someone else and if so, how long has he been with them? and has he done anything to make you think that he would be interested in something outside his current relationship?

depends how much I like the person.. If i like someone a lot.. I try not to ask a lot of questions in case it hurts.. If i like someone... but am not.. sooooo much.. I I ask lots of questions and dont make detrimental comments as such.. but my tone of voice kind of gives away the fact im not that impressed...

worryingly.. apart from the tan.. you have just described me. So there are people out there that are "cosmetically" right for you. There is nothing wrong with being choosey and certainly nothing wrong with knowing what you want... not knowing what you want is often a lot of people failures. As another said, it also depends on what you look like and what the other person is looking for, but then thats not something you can be expected to be able to control. Be yourself, and look for what you're looking for and attracted too, but.. DONT LIMIT YOURSELF. There is nothing wrong with giving some someone a chance that you like, or has some of the qualities youre looking for. Knowing from experience, things can surprise you when you allow it. Copeland

wooo,, thanks,, sounds like an option,, will check it out

If you have a partner who you connect with on a very deep level, live together and share a really special bond, what happens when the sex life fails? When does a loving relationship turn into just a friendship or partnership? Obviously I agree that a relationship should not be based around sex, but I think a sexual attraction is still very important..and sexual attraction within a loving relationship should thereforeeee give a basis for some type of sexual activity. Although I ask for things to happen, there is an unwillingness to try anything new or different, if anything were to happen at all in the first place. The only type of sex happens if once a month and only in the bed, in the bedroom, its penetrative sex, basic and simple the end, no frills, no effort and no surprises. Any suggestions on brightening things up? [/b]

I don't supose you are able to tell us a bit more about whats happened in your life? whats made it so bad or caused you so much pain?

Stupidly no. There is various background in IT, ranging from service management, UAT, data analysis as well as experience in banking, communications, business improvement process, team leadership, debt management and even organisation. Believe me, knowing where to go when you want a career change and you have that range of skills is not as simply as you might like to think. CopeLand

okay, my perception of this situation is changing slightly now. This email you received, does to me sounds like hes curious, however they could just be in a friendly way. After all, he never did make that call to you saying he knew what he wanted and why on earth you want to get back to stage one again!? Yeah its exciting getting a message from an ex, it is for me, but ts doesnt take much to bring back all the obvious things that meant it didnt work the first time. Goodluck with things, CopeLand

I think she is possibly feeling a little bit overwhelmed and a little bit under pressure to deliver something. The easiest thing is to say 'no' when youre not ready for something or not sure about something, (though some people make think otherwise). It's all about feeling comfortable - in this type of situation, from my point of view. How do you think she feels?

Anyone have any ideas or know of any links for people that are looking for a change in career, but really have nothing in mind? The advice will be greatly appreciated by my ex-housemate. kind regards, CopeLand

so how long was it before you got something from his saying he knew what he wanted?

Hey Mike, sounds like you have really got a thing for this girl, which is good and you seem to be able to express what youre feeling - even better. Although this quality is very important and much sort after in later life, you perhaps might want to ease the pressure off on this girl a little bit. Its good that you know how you feel and know what you want, however, being still quite young, you have to respect that this girl as yet, might not know what she wants and might feel a bit resentful if you pressure her into things. Perhaps if you try and busy yourself with other activities, I don't know, go out with your friends more? go places? get yourself into your work a bit it might make it a bit easier to get a bit of distance between you. There will be things soon enough that will give you the chance to perhaps work with her where you straight away have a common ground to meet on. At the moment... you think its possible she's a bit daunted by the fact someone feels so much for her?? It's gonna be hard matey, but I'm sure if you just give it a bit of time and a bit of space things will get much clearer. CopeLand