Hey,
For over a year and a half now i have really hated my life. i have thought several times about committing suicide but never followed through with it. everyone keeps telling me not to, that there are other ways to deal with it. i have tried everything. I've been on prescription anti depressents, i've been to counseling, i've prayed to God, i've even just tried talk to my friends. i can't seem to get rid of these feeling or thoughts. I feel so alone/so crapy inside. the pain i have as collected up since i was in high school now comes out after the first girl i ever opened up to (i have never opened up to anyone else before) and ever loved, rejected me. this happened over a year ago and i can't get over her or stop thinking about how much it hurts inside. so much pain all at once. i have a very strong relationship with God. I've had it over 2 years now, almost 3. in fact, it's basically the only reason i'm still alive, but i can't hold on to it any more. as far as i'm concerned, i'm already in hell and i don't see me ever getting out of this place, thereforeeee i should kill myself. even then i, nor any other human on this planet, can say that i would go to hell for killing myself. that can only be determined by Jesus Christ, He is the judge no one else can say that i will go to hell (that's what i believe, just so u know). i don't know what to do. i feel so lost sometimes, but then i also have those times were i have absolute clearity of thought and a reason to keep going. that doesn't happen as much anymore, the reason to keep going that is. i just want to die or at least not feel pain any more.
