jamman

Hey Kynd1 I am quite familiar with your type of situation, since I am very much the same. On many occasions I dwell on all the same issues. Diagnosis: schitzophrenic, bi polar, manic depressive. Possible?? Not at all. I am a fully functional individual with lots of opportunity, as are you. The thing is all people deal with emotion in many different ways and some like you and I can go to the furthest depths. All people have psychotic traits at moments in their life. Doctors would like to tell that it is an imbalance and in a sense experiment with using drugs until they find you a happy medium that stabalizes you. Well you can do this yourself without drugs. Remember you do have deep seated issues that need expression and resolve, its hard but dealing with this is your only chance at pulling out. There is a really great program that was developed in the states for people dealing with crisis to chronic pain to stress and the results are phenomenal but you would have to work very hard. Do a search for the name John Kabitt Zinn or mindfullness meditation and you will find some insight on the stress reduction program. Unlike others I will say that yes it is your right to commit suicide it is your choice and no one elses, but remember once you made the choice you no longer have the right to make any more choices. Thats it, over. You choose a very interesting sign on name Kynd1, probably because you are, and within every living being is the inherent will to live and create fulfillment for the betterment of everything. You do have this too so how many choices do you want to make? One last choice or an infinite amount of possible choices? PM me anytime if you want to talk. Let the music sing through you!!! Jamman

I have posted my story a few times here before with some questions, and thanks for everyones responses. My ex and I have been slit up for 2 months and it was a immediate break without any signs or following conversations about our relationship or what happened, just over(1 really good/ very bad last night). She has never contacted me even once and we live 4 blocks away. We spoke 2weeks ago and she said that she has almost stopped crying everyday(I still do), and that talking was selfish of me to find answers, so I said I would not call. Our love was the greatest we both have ever known and I know we still both love each other and are not involved with anyone. I have in 2 months changed all the things that brought about our break-up and she knows this. Anyway I love this woman so much, I don't know if I should leave 3 daisies (her favorite) at her doorstep on Valentines so she Knows I love her. I know I sound desperate but I am no where near beginning to get over her. I don't even miss what we did together I only miss the way we beautifully communicate in every way and now that is gone. Will I hurt her or myself by doing this small gesture, no card no words just 3 daisies???? Will this push her even further than the nothingness now? Any suggestions would help, for I am lost in love. Let the music sing through you!!! Jamman

Hey Brother I agree with Avman the all the way, this woman is playing you, and I can't imagine how confused this must make you. Obviously something was not working for her with the two of you and now she is having second thoughts. She sounds as if she was testing the waters with her boss and now is re-testing the waters with you, but this is not fair to you or your self esteem. Yes she does have feelings for you and you her, but don't you think she blew it, how can you trust her again? These are just some things to think about, for YOU. Go no contact and heal my friend you are the most important and still young. Then you will find someone who truly loves you and does not bring about ridiculous confusion someone who does care for your feelings, I don't see that this woman is holding yours in high regard right now. Give everything to yourself, treat yourself like a king and be one. Hope this helps. Let the music sing through you!! Jamman

I never would have guessed from all your posts that these things would be happening to you behind the scenes. My thoughts are with you. Even though I don't have children myself I have seen alot of my friends go through break-ups with children and I may have an idea for you. If it is at all possible I would have one final lay it on the line conversation with him, and help him realize what is most important here his idea of a relationship or the lives of your kids and his relationship with them. If his answer is not the children then try to make him see this responsibility, and that you want to make it as easy for him as possible to have contact and he should be thinking of them. Make it clear to him that they are your priority and that any contact and discussion regarding your relationship is unhealthy for everyone involved including him. Start by whenever he calls or contacts and he starts into anything besides the children or something that is of immediate attention, just cut him off everytime, over and over. Another thing is to call him when needed and always the topic is the children, never anything more. Eventually he will get the picture, and will never be able to spite you for you really are doing what is best for the kids life, well, and yours and his but he does'nt need to hear that! hope this helps I have seen it work many times. Your a strong and vital force Let the music sing through you Jamman

Hey everyone this is my third post regarding my break-up 7wks ago. To me it has only been 4days, to her it has been 7wks. We were so in love like both of us had never been before, and our compassion, communication and strenght to triumph in the best and worst times was amazing. She is the strongest most understanding woman I have ever met, until now, now she has turned off like a light switch. Well the reason for any of our problems was I was an alcoholic, mind you a fully functional one, good job,my own recoding studio, friends entertaining etc... I just could not quit for her and this was pretty much the only thing we fought about and we did'nt fight often. History is we fell in love at first sight last march and within the month were ready to get married and spend the rest of our lives together. Well just then I began having serious relationship problems with my parents, sounds weird since I am 1yr from 30. I hid my inner turmoil from her for six months until september. She begged me to express my hurt and deal with my emotions, then she(and councilling) helped me realize that even though they are my only 2 family members I had to cut them out to feel real love within myself. I began drinking even more, and then she left me. We got back together and I cut back totally. One night we had a party it was the best loving night we had had in months then I blacked out and we had a huge fight verbal and physical. This was Dec 11th. She left and never has contacted me herself since. Her one so called 'friend'(even my ex doesn't trust) started stirring the pot, rumors, public humiliation, and violence etc... I'm a total friendly peaceful emotional guy all this killed me on top of her being gone and the guilty chritmas $%#@%*& calls from my parents I got so bad over christmas (what christmas?) I drank the holidays away alone with no one I thought I loved or loved me.I could'nt eat for weeks, go to work, all I could do was drink I even got into other stuff just to keep going. All I could think of was the best way to die, so I tried some things, I felt like there was no love left period everything was gone even physical& emotional feeling. Anyway I woke up I knew how close I was to death I made my friends get me locked up and I quit drinking and have been sober since Jan 2. Well things are back on track for me only thing is now I feel. Now that she is gone my love is alive and killing me. In the past month she has told my friends and my mom so I hear she loves me and misses me and that it hurts so much. I finnaly saw her 2wks ago and we talked it was so good, caring,new, she said she had her guard up and we should'nt talk anymore it was too emotional. I asked her what was happening if this was the end and she said she thought so but I could'nt have my answers. She said she did'nt feel any regret or hate etc... and she loved me for all I am and for giving her her dreams back. Well this gave me hope and I kept going on believing, we still love each other so much. We never talked much about what happened though we left in good spirits. Next I decide to go out for the first time sober and her roomate(this is her "friends" brother) throws me up against a wall a couple of times threatening to beat me up for yelling at his sister. Well I've only ever been in 3 fights or so, so this scared the *&^# out of me. I knew where not to turn so I went to see the ex/g/f since I did'nt know what this was about, and we had lunch. She was cold and non compassionate saying I brought this on myself with her friend and her roomate was standing up for his sister my . We started to talk about us and she said this is not why she came and said this was wrong. I said can't we talk just once. She said she did'nt love me anymore, I said she was lying. She said well what do you want me to do give you hope? Anyway she gave me my christmas present and we parted with a hug said we love each other and we both said I miss you then walked our separate ways. That was 4 days ago. This situation is so weird and some of you probably think I'm messed up. I don't know what to think my pain is so much it is physically hurting my heart and stomach. How can we be in love and drop it. Most of our relationship was very healthy too, until the last little while, and she promised she'd help me through the family stuff. Well I feel more love and pain then I ever have but she's gone and so are my parents, these things won't leave my mind. I want her back so much not for comfort or to be around each other, just to share all the love we have and be giving again for all we are to each other. I could'nt take it, I did'nt know if we are allowed to talk, I've been trying to stay away as best I can but I had to call her today. She seemed sort of alright with it but said she wanted nothing intimate ever to happen again.We talked and she said it was for me not her, that she cries everyday lately it's going away, so why am I calling. I said I don't want to loose her as anything friend or lover. She said that I won't let go, well until 10 days ago 4days ago she told me and my friends she loved me/in love and misses me. This confuses me but maybe its true but were just over. I hurt so much I cry too much, I think too much, I'm scared I'm a wreck, even though all other aspects of my life couln't be better. Where to go from the love of your life to 2 months of pure chaos and confusion. We both love each other and I know she's gone but all I want to do is rip this love right out of me but it still would'nt go away. I can't even take my own advice anymore. where to turn. Sorry this is long its like a bad life story but I have to vent. Where do I go from here????oh so many questions. any insights would beee so great JAMMAN(all jammed up)

It is hard to maintain feelings isn't it? let alone figure anyone elses out. I would wait until he calls again and ask him to be honest with how he is feeling and what "kind" of contact he is trying to make with you and what his intentions are. Chances are he's confused as well so your answers may not come easy or even be in total reality, and opening up could lead you both into undefined territory, but that is the risk. The good thing is this may lead you both to a complete mutual understanding and you may both be able to lay out guidelines for contact or not depending on each others difficulty with the situation. Be honest and ask him to give you that honesty as well. If you are both unsure of your feelings then I would suggest no contact for some mor time. Until he calls check out my post Help Is Within You, posted in the healing after a breakup forum. There is a great technique that may give you some real peace and help. Let the music sing through you!!! Jamman

Hey Everyone Theres this really cool member neallo that has made me decide to stay a little while on this site so for the moment I thought I'd share an excellent way of helping ourselves heal after a break-up. By no means is this going to work for everyone or will it work for an individual all the time, but it does help build strenght over time. So the first step is to begin by realising what is around you NOW. Look around yourself at this moment ask yourself what you see and appreciate it. This is what you have Now. Take comfort in whatever you are doing, drinking tea, washing your hands whatever feels good about this because this is what you are really experiencing NOW, nothing else. When our minds begin to stray into contemplation of the past or your ex or good/bad memories STOP. That is not real now, is it. See when we go to the past we try to dump it into the present and then our minds/emotions try to make sense of it a billion ways creating a barrage of non reality in which we continually try to project into the future. What future???The future we want based on the past, based on familiarity, or how we think it 'should' be? If we can maintain a constant NOW within ourselves our thoughts and emotions become more controllable and gain a clearer perspective free of distortions. Don't think of what He/She/You did good or bad, or how great great you were together or how you'll never have the same thing etc... Thats not happening NOW. The more you can say to yourself "this is not real right now" when those thoughts come up you will feel much better and have a better chance at understanding yourself and making the future everything you want. I am not saying to forget everything relationship was or is or could be thats impossible it comes up all the time, just try to stop those thoughts as much as you can. Look around, watch what you are doing, this is the only thing that is real NOW, not what your mind is thinking about. We all know our minds can be very confusing , contradictory, and overly critical leading us through vast highs and lows. So whenever this happens use the technique mentioned in tis post.Try to do this as much as you can and you will achieve everything you want. Oh yeah, some may say"But I'll forget what I had" or "I'll lose how I feel" no, you'll never lose your experience your love etc... Try this out you'll be surprised. 'This is what is real now Jamman

Hey I really feel for you and your situation, mine is similar but not the same. First off you have not been practicing the no contact rule, your still writing, that is contact. I know cause I found "the one" too and after 5 weeks I only am beginning to get the rule myself, as of yesterday. One thing that I can say is that the benifit of absolutely no contact, meaning calls, letters text message etc.. is that she will find you and love you for who you are over time. She will if so inclined find answers to both of your problems if left alone to figure out what she really wants. If its you she wants then your lucky my friend, if not you'll have to deal with that as well, but over time you will feel better too. Don't listen to me but start the absolute no contact, one day she will be right in front of you,then it'll be your choice from there. Good luck with your recovery. jamman

First of all I would like to thank the two persons that responded to my post " she left without a word" your input was really excellent, for anyone else reading this see that post for prior ramblings. The thing is I am having a hard time moving on from my 'ex'. I have quit all drinking and am dealing with my emotions on a very clear plane of consciousness even though I've only been clean 3weeks. I came to the conclusion on saturday that I was not able to move on if I did not have some type of undrstanding and some final communication with her though. I could not stop pondering so many questions and they stopped me from doing anything in my free time and my thoughts kept going in circles. Taking some advice I finnally decided to end it myself even though I did'nt want to, I just had to save myself so I could move on. I went to her house on saturday night with the intent to give her back all the "love" gifts she had ever given me and say goodbye,my intention was to destroy everything as a means of personal survival. I knew this was a mistake but was the only way I could go on. While walking over I realised I had no plan if our talk went good, so I decided I would just be the person I am. When I got to her house she was pulling in the driveway we exchanged a few very nice casual words. She asked me to have a smoke with her and we talked, everything wen't really great. She told me she had her guard up and that she still did'nt want to talk or see me because it was too emotional. There was no hatred or anger on both of our parts and this was said by us both. She said she could'nt "do this" and I said I was'nt ready also. I asked her if she was letting go and she said she thought so. See thing is everything still seems so unclear we want to be together but need time to heal and rebuild ourselves from what happened from my addiction and the results it inflicted on us both. I know that a few members here have told me to give myself a year but the way my mind, health and recovery are going I think I will be ready much sooner. From all communication between her and my friends and now the wonderful loving easy parting the other night with our kindness hugs and understanding, it is obvious we don't want to part but have to. She has made her choice and I understand and told her that I think that her decisions to end communication were right for us both, in good ways and especially after what happened(see post"She left without a word"). All of her questions actions and comments to others and myself are of a love and hope with me, though on the other hand she does'nt want to talk or see me anymore.Still I am being very positive about any outcome now and I have so much hope of getting my sweets back. See when we parted we hugged and she caressed my hand and said beautiful things to me. I asked her if she could just say goodbye if she was really letting go. She playfully kicked me in the bum and frustrated said you can't always have your answers. I told her I loved her and left( we were both smiling). I know the no contact rule should go in to strong effect now, But does anyone think I have a chance once I am doing better in myself and she has regained her personal strength. Thanks to everyone Jamman By the way I never gave her the gifts she gave me back, Guess I forgot to mention that to her.

I am 28 years old and am in love with the most wonder ful woman i have ever met in my life. She is 25 and is in love with me and thinks i am the greatest thing to ever happen to her.We both are very logical good people with great lives. Sorry if this is long but I am really confused. We were together for 9mo's, Knew each other for 5yrs(as aquaintences) and fell in love in one night. Our relationship was great and we were completely compatible, fulfilling all of each others desires and experiencing a love both of us had ever known. Problems began 3months ago when she sensed my deep pain and feelings of abandonment from my parents. She started to help me to deal with deaths of my friends and family members and tell her my inner secrets so I would not hide anything from her. This brought about many nights of long conversations and me coping with things I was not ready for. I should say that since these deaths I have drank for 6yrs and when she started to get me to open these emotions I doubled my drinking. She left me in november right as I started councilling. We got back together for a month and I cut back my alcoholism and we were having a great loving inspirational relationship moving forward with wonderful ease. A friend of ours was moving away and she encouraged me to throw a going away party for him(DEC18), although hesitant because of my drinking I did. That night we had the best time ever, dancing together singing skipping down the street, lost in each others eyes every minute, okay you get the picture. Well we went to my house and I completely blacked out, we had both been drinking all night but I drink twice as much. I guess we got in a fight? Last I remember was her getting out of bed and screaming at me that she was going home. Not knowing why I grabbed her arms and said why are you leaving , then I tried to hug her and she flipped out I was clueless as to what happened before she went to bed. I know this sounds ***ed but I don't remember anything much. For a week she would not answer my calls until I finnally called her at work. First she said I called her a bitch and freaked out about her ordering a pizza then said I kicked her while she was in bed. She said I scared her and what scared her more was that I did'nt remember, she said she had to go back to work and that was the last time we spoke. This really confuses me because I have never hit a person or been violent(except 3 fights in grade school). Verbally aggressive yes but not ever abusive.Sorry to go on so long but she never said goodbye, 'don't talk to me', 'I'm leaving', 'it's over' etc...nothing at all, after 5weeks still not a word. No Christmas eve, day New years blah blah. I drank and drugged myself into oblivion until I almost commited suicide 3 times while spending the entire holidays by myself no family no her, a few friends but no plans anymore so being so depressed I finnally woke up checked into a detox centre and have been clean ever since. Thing is she called my mother (whom I rarely speak to, except the token christmas call) to tell her how much she loves me and misses me? She then met my best friend one week ago and told him all the great things about me, that she has no regrets, she loves and misses me but if she see's me she'll hug me and cry and then she'll just have no choice but to want me back. She also wants to give me my chritmas presents and my belongings back but she will not talk to me or see me and will not anytime soon. I know she is not seeing anyone and will not, but I worry for both our loss and both our feelings if we are to get back together or in many months try to see other people. Anyway this is so hard and I'm totally lost in love and completely confused, she only thinks that I am absolutely wonderful and that we had the best relationship she has ever known but she never wants to see me again. She says she cries every time she tries to write me so she can't, and she won't answer a call from me. I must have scared her so much, so much it makes me cry for her, the worst is I can't remember and my guilt is too huge. I have written twice and given her a gift christmas day that made her call me on the 29th only to hang up without a word. Now I am giving her all the space and myself to heal from the greatest love we've both known. I just can't let go. Does anyone think I have a chance with her or any idea's as to what I should do. I know the love between us is so strong and we are both good for each other especially now that I am sober. If you can make sense of some of this whiney ramblin that isn't in complete chronological order, please help a nice confused guy. thanks for listening jamman