Coily

It's natural to second guess/play what IF with yourself after a break up, we've all done it. I went on a wild hare vacation after a break up, so I think you need to find an outlet that is healthy for you. Some people have written and then shredded letters to an ex, some go on internal reflection tours about what they value, and some just go to trusted friends vent about everything. In short it will take some effort and some time to heal from this, but you don't have to ball it up inside. One thing I do when I start getting lonely over an Ex, is rather than focus on who I'm missing I focus on lessons learned from that failure; it is really hard when it's a fresh break up. Wishing you well!

OP, with all the mess that this relationship has been, it seems that you should take some time for yourself and focus on the world right in front of you. Sadly this guy doesn't see the value in you that you saw in him, it happens far too often. You mentioned taking on more responsibilities with work now would be a good time to us that as an outlet while you care for yourself. Hopefully you can find someone who values you and your efforts in a relationship.

On one hand I can understand his desire to have a kid so he can be young enough to raise them, BUT this level of pressure and manipulation leads me to believe he would be happy with any womb he can control. You are just a vessel for his offspring, no a partner who he loves. Him expressing interest in moving you away from family in such a capricious way is troubling, sounds like he wants to isolate you from your support system intentionally. Nothing good comes from that mentality. Run from this baby crazy guy.

That's been bugging me too. New user, all posts on the one thread, and every post is either a defense of the abusive girlfriend or demeaning the OP in some way. Also a lot of gaslighting towards everyone, just very suspicious or a bad troll.

Wanting to change someone this early is a bad sign. Best to let them be comfortable with who they are, and you move on to someone who isn't a project.

While his actions are pretty immature and dishonest, the more troubling question is why are you policing his online activity? When that level of trust is breached the relationship is over. If your main motivation to spy and intrude is your insecurity, please address that for future relationships.

I agree with others, avoid the dorm and the bed! Do you have bowling, or pool, or some semi competitive activity you both can enjoy? Take her for a walk afterwards, get to know her interests. If you are thinking of her beyond a romp, figure out what you two enjoy and build some memories.

Have you considered looking into other cuts of pants? If my brief research is anywhere close to correct (ha), it looks like most modern pants are cut to ride on that sacral pad. Oddly enough it might be worth looking into some early 20th century pants, they rise higher in the back and wear differently.

Next she'll tell you she's never hit an ex with a car. Or swung at them with a pointy object. You need to ask yourself, where will she draw the abuse line? Realistic answer, nowhere.

The way I'm seeing it is that you , OP, broke the initial trust in the relationship and kept on doing it. She escalated it with the Apps and surveillance. Then she decided to top it off rather than leave, she would become physically abusive. This is textbook domestic violence, and if you don't get out now things will escalate. I think she chose porn as an easy way to get to this level of abuse as it's addictive and easy for her to justify her violence with others. You need to get out, maybe get some help for your porn habits.

Sorry to read this Bolt. When I had to put my ol fella down, and he was in similar condition, I asked myself who am I making him hang on for? It's hard being an arbiter of that sort of thing, but they know in their own way. Hope you are doing as well as possible.

There is not right or wrong here, so let's dismiss that part of the discussion. It sounds like the two of you are fundamentally wrong for each other. Stop trying to figure out who deserves the most sympathy or what have you, and address why do you stay together? Also if he is a cold fish all the time when you get up set, is that someone you can build a future with?

Sorry I haven't been able to reply, but I had a self solving solution. I came down with a Strep Adjacent illness, won't travel in this state. Yay me. Thanks everyone!

After asking about 3 times what I can pay for and being told it's "all arranged." I have mentioned that if that's the case then I won't pony up anything other than my meals on my time, no reaction what so ever. Having worked through the pandemic and where I have worked, the pandemics is not an all consuming concern. So far I have gleaned we are staying at the Luxor, and to have one set of "decent clothes." Sigh. Glad to know there are some options that don't involve throngs of people. As I am far from an urbanite, I may just rent a car and drive around the desert. I can't help but feel that I am being semi excluded, with the exception of the groom. They all live geographically closer and vacationed together often as well. Again I don't want to let that worry effect the weekend, but it's in the back of my mind.

Thanks. Unfortunately my friend has adopted the "I want to be surprised" mentality; which leads to another can of worms being pried open. As a result I have made a few exit plans just in case things go stupidly.

This is more of me needing to get things off my chest, so I can wade through a weekend and not get fed up. To start off my best friend of 30 years is finally getting married, and I couldn't be more excited for him! As it's a smallish wedding, myself and another were asked to stand up with him, no specific best man. Not my wedding, I'd have just been happy to attend. Now the annoyance. Myself and the other groomsmen decided to arrange a bachelor's party. We tossed around some ideas and then he went silent, we're both busy so I figured we'd coordinate later. Next thing I know is he's decided the group (all 4 of us) are going to Las Vegas. Initially no set plan as to where we're staying, no clue as to what we are doing or room arrangements; other than "it's taken care of." I ask a few probing questions, and at best I get vague answers. Both myself and the groom has expressed frustration over the lack of information, to no avail. Only the Groom's father knows details, and won't share with me either. I feel like the odd man out, and rather than let it get at me I am ranting here.

Throwing my $0.03 in here. My thinking here is that there are three categories we need to discuss; Traditional Masculinity, Toxic Masculinity, and Overly Emotional Masculinity. Traditional masculinity, for me, has always been about mastering your emotions so that one can be a productive, caring, and positive member of society. It is wrongfully portrayed in the post modern realm as men being cold emotionless beings, rather than the measured thoughtful response to an emotional situation. Being the master of yourself and not flying into fits of rage or weeping is the quality being exemplified here. Toxic Masculinity is a catch all phrase to shame, and at times rightfully, outbursts or indifference. It is about being so defensive (by nature or nurture) that rather than responding, one shuts down completely. It's over used and quite frankly harmful. Overly Emotional Masculinity is the kind of guy who flies off the handle, in anger or fits of self pity. This is the kind of guy who does not take responsibility for his actions and foists it onto others. They can be as extreme as the "toxic masculinity" and fit to just as bad if not worse behaviors. Both are manipulative, but in very different ways, tM more prone to gaslighting and OEM prone to guilt trips etc. Conclusions, I think it's a great thing to have emotions and share them. However that needs to be done in such a way that you can look at yourself in the mirror the next day.

The Documentation is for both parties ultimately, if the shoving is a one off and not a regular part of the OPs demeanor this will help in court. Also documentation would go a long way to ensure his rights with their children, clearly not fool proof but needed. As to what? Texts, notes, etc. Not all will be admissible of course, but why not document?

I presume you are the primary caregiver to the children, if so do not leave the house for their sake. They need the routine and stability more than ever right now. Use a separate room and minimize contact with your wife in any form, if things are trending to separation then document everything you can. It sounds like your wife has been looking for an excuse for a long time and this was her golden opportunity. As such I would consider consulting an attorney, since your actions will undoubtedly get you buried in the courts. All that negativity aside, do as many positive things with your kids as you can. Find ways to improve yourself mentally and physically.

There are way too many times I want to use a joke I stole, "in-law murder being a victimless crime," so I put it here rather being unhelpful.

Firstly it's great you found a muse, she seems nice. I would encourage you to pursue her, though with the caveat that you slow down and get to know Sophy the young lady. Your muse and the Young Lady may be very different in ways that you don't expect, so for your sake take things easy. Also If/when there is a second outing don't try to make the perfect date, do something you both will enjoy that will encourage conversation, since you are a stranger to her too. Yes maybe a little intense on the surface, but you will learn to temper that. Overall no matter the outcome look for life lessons, and relax.

OP, Do you all live in an area that was severely impacted by the lock-downs etc? Has his job been effected? Does he have any semblance of his 2019 life as far as social outlets? The last year has been rough for a lot of people mentally, and I do think your husband would benefit from professional help. That has to be his decision for it to be effective, and while you want to help for the sake of your marriage broach it carefully. In the near term are there things that he enjoys activity wise that you can do together? Get him engaged in something that he enjoys but has room for social interaction (and preferably not computer games).

What times are the weddings? How often do you see your friend getting married? Going to separate weddings isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I think this is making a mountain out of a non-issue. Yes it's nice to have your plus one at such functions, but it's about your friend getting married, not either of you.

Congratulations!!! News of the week!

You could have done everything right, and I bet she would still whine and complain like a spoiled child. OP you deserve to be treated like a partner, not some fashion accessory, which you clearly are to her. She's not having a bad day, she's seeing what she can get away with and using her period as a weapon. If you stop letting her run over you like pavement, then maybe you can reach some parity. But don't kid yourself.