My gf and I have been in a relationship for 10 months. I’m at the point where I’ve thought about marriage even buying a ring, however I find myself questioning things more and more.
A lot of things stem from my issues I brought into the relationship. In the beginning, my gf told me she didn’t watch me to ever watch ***** and gave me the option to exit the relationship if it was to be a problem. I said it wouldn’t, however I did keep watching *****. I have a very hyper active sex drive and mind. I like watching ***** because it’s enjoyable and gives the feeling of something different, even though my gf and I have sex frequently and I do love her. It’s just the fact that I want to enjoy sex in whatever way although I would never physically cheat on her.
When she caught me watching it the first time, I lied to her saying I would stop. This happened again 2 more times to the point where she installed monitoring apps on my phone and computer. Those still weren’t enough as I found ways around them to still watch *****. I don’t watch it everyday maybe once a week but still can’t seem to want to stop. She’s caught me two more times since. Every time this has happened I’ve lied and denied but the truth always comes out
Every time she catches me, she packs up all her things and leaves and says we’re done although we always end up talking and making up. However, recently, it’s gotten to the point where she is constantly so hurt at the thought that I lied to her about it and that I had the audacity to look at other women on ***** sites, she becomes triggered emotionally very easily. Last couple of fights she has started to get so upset and has lost control, destroying gifts I’ve given her, tearing up our pictures and hitting me. It started with strong slaps to the arm but has resulted in her pushing me aggressively and slapping me hard in the head. And yes I’m bigger than her but it still hurts a lot.
She blames it on me emotionally cheating and lying which she claims is emotional abuse. Every time though we still make up however the arguments still persist and we both seem to get annoyed with each other more and more.
My heart says to stay but my gut tells me this is the end. So torn on what to do