Coily

Not going to be a popular opinion but: With the amount of time he ignored your texts, calls, and other attempts to reach out; he probably got stalker vibes off of you OP. When you wouldn't stop pestering him, he went off and lashed out hoping that would end further contact. Why he didn't block you earlier is a mystery, but I have seen this sort of vicious reaction from men and women who feel their space is being invaded. Why you stayed around for him escalating his commentary is a bit of a mystery too. Rather than ego fluffing about how hateful he was, reflect on what lessons can be gleaned from the actions and words of both of you in this mess.

You can clearly do better, much much better than this dolt. Quit wasting your life on a romantically stunted fool, this level of disdain for you is astounding.

My condolences OP. I am with the "you owe no one," but I will say you owe yourself that honesty. That element you need to acknowledge, as it will help you over time. Letting others know, is about you processing your mourning. Those who I know who have suffered similar losses, use that question to cherish the memories of those they tragically lost; and I hope you will get to tell those wonderful stories.

There is a whole lot to unpack here. She is expressly overly interested in your brother, and as a minor I would be very concerned about her intentions towards him (or anyone underage). She seems very indifferent towards you, and very willing to express that. Would you want to get involved with a woman who will being eyeing up your brother? I can't say that I would be comfortable inviting a creep into my life. Big Red flag.

On one hand it really depends on the framing of the question, and your reaction (which sounds like a "Oh thanks for letting me know"). However the fact he got angry, and is acting irrationally over what should have been a meh conversation. 5 months in, I would not just brush this off.

In a way I feel sorry for the guy; I’m guessing he’s inexperienced dating wise and has constructed a headspace to hide from being hurt. He thinks that eventually, somehow, he can win you over by mere existence. Unfortunately instead of the slow fade, you are throwing your interested in another man at him. In all honesty cut them both out. Ex’s are that for a reason. this guy could ruin his potential romantic life pining for a woman who he’s obsessed with.

Some other food for thought OP, who do you want to be? Physically, morally, intellectually, etc? I think Lo hit some something, there is a lot of pressure to conform to perceived standards; and young/younger men do feel lost in the "current Year" society. I know I did at that age, and still do at times. The thing that managed to get me past that, is caring less and less about how society perceived me and how those who I were in my circle knew me. Which is why I have been encouraging the OP to break away from these "studies" and articles that reinforce his negative self doubts. Being content with who you are, helps a lot; you don't have to "love yourself" first; but you should understand who you are.

Do you do anything without some study to validate your insecurities? Seriously you need to experience life, not hide behind academic excuses to wallow in misery. Take a day, drop everything and go on an adventure outside your comfort zone. Hop a train or bus and go someplace new. Expose yourself to orbits women hang out and flirt with one. If you absolutely have to be clinical about it, collect data on what women respond to what topics.

So from a guy who's old enough to be your father. I think you should start with giving him your number. While he may be flirty, he could also be shy about actually asking you, (or any girl out). J could be unsure of your feelings, and asking a girl out can be terrifying to even the most confident at 16. Also don't download an App or do anything just to make a guy like you, it's not worth your dignity. If they like you, they'll be respectful of and happy with your boundaries. As far a flirting. Well there are some wise women in here that can help there.

OP, F these studies, F the "Science" and F Christian "Bail;" all these anecdotes are allowing you to wallow in your misery. Misery is a heck of a lot more unattractive than vulnerability and not being ripped Super Alpha 11" Rugby Dude. I'm a meh looking, bespectacled, out of shape, 5'8" guy; and I have dated 4, yes 4, models. I also ended each of those relationships, because they lacked what I was really looking for in a woman. None of them cheated on me, none were lured off to ovulate with Mr Slab Rock-Groin; these beautiful women lacked the farmer's daughter personality I like. I'm usually a quiet reserved man, but I could make them laugh and I had lived a life full of stories. I think your genuine problem is you're afraid of living and taking risks. Dating is a huge risk; but you can't calculate, study, and collate an individual woman. You can't catch her in a butterfly net for study, and determine her every move like a lab rat. Get out and live, you don't have to go on wild reckless adventures; but you have to have passions, hobbies, and stories that can engage. Don't be afraid to be rejected or show you have a vulnerable side, be you, be human; not some cookie cutter buff bum.

I think in this case you should let the past be the past. Had the two of you had a few month or year relationship then maybe; however he didn't respond to your emails. While he may have been wrapped up in the moment, he clearly did not take any action to further a relationship with you then. I get wanting to reconnect with an old flame, someone who stirred your heart and possibly loins. But without a deep and meaningful relationship to rekindle, you are opening yourself up to far more pain. I genuinely hope you do not reach out to him, for your sake. Can I ask what has happened that made you fantasize about this past intense moment?

For me it kind of depends on what kind of "search" is done. Some of these private background sites (which she mentioned prior) can throw flags at renewal time. A google type search is no big deal, but when there is an impasse both should happily move on. The emphasis is I had moved on, made the mistake of not blocking immediately, and just how bizarre (and humorous) the rest of the conversation was.

I've never known a decent guy who isn't conscious of the mutual hazards, once to the point of giving my name and number to one woman's friend. That said there seemed to be something off in the level of insistence with Ms Napoleon, everything was one sided in building trust. In all honesty, my guard is still up about going to a few places in the city I mentioned in passing; since I'm pretty easily recognizable due to facial hair. Lo, Ive been sneaking off to can food! 🤣 My problem now days is attracting quality women, and OLD hasn't presented a harvest of quality either. Ha Granted my other problem is I am horrendous at cold opens, as I present my life without the gusto that I should. Maybe I'll find a sparkler, before I'm burned out. LOL

On reflection, I have more moments of "Haha you can't be serious." I sent a selfie and suggested a video chat; her only retort was that "Men use selfies for all sorts of nasty things." All of this in the course of 6 days, prior to the "Okay Bye!" So my remembering it as a few weeks ago, is inaccurate. Overall this violated just about every aspect of my normal dating life. No selfie or video chat exchange early on Dragging out a coffee date (thankfully never happened) Not pulling the plug instantly when platonic friends is mentioned Artillery shell dodged! LOL

She professed to be a nurse, but then again she may have been Napoleon the previous day! 🤣

I'm more incredulous than anything else. In this case I'm glad things didn't work out, I held my forcefulness until she really started the telling me how to handle my emotions. I've been using Match, but since I've been meeting women in person more I'm suspending the account.

As I'm fresh off this incident, I felt like I needed to rant so I can just happily move on. Started speaking with a match a few weeks ago, and she and I had a decent, but awkward rapport. She constantly brings up wanting, even in phone calls, wanting my full name and FB page to vett me. Normally this is much too invasive for me, and something I reserve for after a meet up in a public place. I expressed my privacy concerns sharing too much so soon, due to my work. I understand wanting to know the other person isn't a threat, but if it's a deal breaker then leave it be. However this is where things with bigger red flags than communist party parade Beijing start. During some back and forth texts, she asks if I am OK with being platonic friends. Why take the risk of OLD if you just want friends? After she suggests a public place and time to meet, she then back pedals to: I ask what prompted her to be this vigilant, expecting to hear about a terrible ex or incident. But no, I get a lecture she would have given to a 5 year old. At this point I just tell her, I'm "clearly too private for her. Bye." Which gets the response I just repeated "Bye" As it has been over a week, had an awkward kind of match making with friends over a fun weekend. She calls me out of the blue, demanding I sympathize with her as her friend has COVID. Needless to say I was baffled, as to why I should be sympathetic to her for her friend's health problems. I asked about the friend, but it was all about making her feel better about someone else. She then asked if I was nuero-divergent since I was calm and quiet about it, when the line went static-y she spoke slowly and loudly like you would a child. My only retort was, that I will do whatever I please with my own dang-ed emotions. She next tried, and failed, to berate me and every other man on earth for not planning dates. At 6 minutes in, I "lost it" and told her that I had no interest in being interrogated by the gestapo, and believed that she was selfish for wanting sympathy for the suffering of others. She hung up, and I blocked her number. I also called a law enforcement buddy of mine and gave him the full story, with texts; as I don't want crazy unknown to my friends. Sorry for the rant, but I needed to get that idiocy off my chest.

I'll start with what I've said at 3 weddings and counting: "In-law m****r, is a victimless crime." While the house in and of itself is a huge issue, it's the dynamic here that is concerning. Her parents are going to have final say over your life from here on out if you cave into their demands now. If she's not willing to chose your opinion and values in a situation like this, what other choices will you be the odd man out in? Where your wedding is? What color to paint the walls? Maybe what to name your children? Where you work? If neither they or your fiance can accept your decisions as the head of your household, in agreement with your fiance that is; then why put yourself through this hell?

Any self respecting man would not let anyone play the "if you're a real man" game with him. But is sounds like you got your doormat anyway. May he discover happiness.

Congrats. As she is hot, you have to do your best to make sure you get to know her. While you can have bragging rights to having taken the hottest girl in your class out, how much better would it be to develop a relationship with her and not her looks? You have already impressed her enough to want your number, and a date, now you just have to be the real you. Best of luck!

Has she sought professional counseling for the damage done to her by exes? Before rushing any deeper into this relationship, it maybe time for her to get help past these issues.

Yikes, sounds like your girlfriend has some serious trust issues and insecurities, this is the tip of the iceberg. It sounds like this is going to be one of the 12 labors of Hercules to get her calmed down from this; as others have said it seems like she's looking for an out or worse how easy you are to manipulate. After 6 years she should already know your character and trustworthiness, I would be seriously reconsidering the relationship at this point.

These lines really stood out. On one hand I would say he didn't do enough to fight for time with his kids and you on the weekends. But he still did the scummy thing of having an affair. The remaining question is did the improvement come before or after he got caught cheating? Ultimately it's up to you to decide if you want to try to start this marriage over from scratch, weigh your options carefully and write a pro-con list. While also making it clear that he has a heck of a lot more than just being dad to his kids, clear boundaries need to be established and dire consequences. Divorce may ultimately be the right decision, but that's not for a bunch of voices on the internet to decide.

There wasn't mutual attraction, so nothing you could have done. It sucks, but time to press on. That said you don't have to remain super friends either, until you move on just be polite and cordial; but don't get yourself into one on one situations where underlying attraction could still surface uncomfortably.

Time for a long hard discussion about your relationship, make sure that he doesn't feel pressured into accepting your side job. Which I think many men would, so they could keep an attractive woman in their life. Are you two monogamous, or poly, or? How is the relationship outside of this issue?