Coily

This doesn't sound like a great situation to really get overly attached to. She's comfortable enough with you for over sharing, but that doesn't indicate she's interested in you. If you wanted to test the waters, and maybe you should, make a comment during wrestling along the lines "This is hot but awkward." If she takes the lead fine, if not then you need to dis-engage and find someone who will be easier to read.

Yes. But hopefully it won't happen.

The simplistic answer is: Yes As you are attractive men will naturally be inclined towards viewing you in a sexual way, most men have some element of this. That said perhaps these particular men are hyper sexually focused, and there is some element you find attractive about that sort of man eg exudes confidence. A decent man, while he will harbor sexual thoughts will restrain himself. Once they take the lead it really depends on the manner in which they hint. If it's all handsy, sexual innuendo, and out right begging for sex, then you have found a one track mind man, thus a red flag. It could be the pool of men you are looking at specifically, it could be your area. But on average decent guys will take your no as gospel, now they may joke or make a compliment; but they will in no way pressure you into sex. You aren't forming an attachment, sex should be a bonding experience. However these guys have made you perform in such a way that you no longer have any attachment after sex. The pressure, the lack of pre-sex bonding, is likely leading to a disconnect. You want to be valued for you, not how attractive you are. When you are reduced to interchangeable sex organs for these crummy guys, why would you feel anything more than a temporary thrill. Maybe it's time to look at who you have been with, take some mental notes, and find men who don't quite fit that mold. If you have a close friend, who will help you find a quality man, confide in them so that they can sound the alarm when you won't. Hope you can break out of this cycle, and find someone who will value the bond over your body.

"Not a real man" Well there you have it OP, you are dating some creature in a skin suit. The only way to tell is to book an insanely early flight, bullet dodged! This thread has descended into bizarro land.

Unfortunately it is an insecurity that you will have to live under for quite a while. In a way this will be a challenge that is most needed. how you handle yourself now in this dark hour and the tools you learn to rebuild are going to play the biggest role. Take one day at a time, expect things to get worse; but this gives you time to prepare some. Time to get rid of all the alcohol in your place. Talk to supportive friends about what is coming for you. Build those positive foundations. You may never do enough to get your wife back; but you won’t know until you fully engage with your demons. This could be the most uncertain time in your life. I would recommend writing (and not ever sending) letters. You can later share with your therapist or other professionals on your journey. It’s going to be rough, but keep looking forward to who you want to be for you and your wife.

I look at my aunt and her other “nephew” from a co-worker of hers. My aunt made sure to get to know both parents, and when her “friend” went off the deep end and abandoned a similarly aged son; my aunt worked with the father and his new wife. That has been nearly a decade, and the “nephew” comes to all our family functions (more than I do lol). Good kid, and has avoided some troubles thanks to my aunt and uncle being involved. They stayed on good terms with both parents, and were very mindful of the family dynamics for the sake of the kid. So all is not lost, given how “special” your friend is, investing in getting to know the father is a wise move. It may be a dead end due to being a friend of the mother, or it could be a way to help this 9 year old. I am honestly shocked the father doesn’t have full custody already.

Welcome to ENA, You have quite a bit to unpack, but good on you for starting to get help. What form is the help you are getting? Professional, AA, spiritual? With your aforementioned insecurities, the question is do you want to change for yourself? Not just to get your wife back, but are you at the turning point where you will put everything into you? That is the question you need to ask, if it is just to get your wife back how will things really change in your relationship if this is just performative? What is stopping you from relapsing into this abusive behavior? I wish you luck in trying to rebuild yourself, it will be extremely difficult to regain your wife’s confidence in you. Do this for yourself more so than her, for if all else fails this is laying the groundwork for your life ahead, as a better man.

With anything other than a case of the sniffles, it seems incredibly bad to continue the wedding or any event while ill. Covid, flu, cholera, or chicken pox isn’t at issue; it exposing others to illness. I would hope they had better judgment, but you have the choice to not attend. If it is of concern to you, don’t let thier reaction dictate your actions.

My counter and seems we agree, is that when guys get falsely labeled as creepy there is an increased threats towards them by others. Boltnrun's son for example, could have been roughed up if someone decided he wasn't complying enough. We all have a tendency to judge harshly those who don't fit in the mold we like to see in the world. It's a matter of how we handle it, in this case asking if something should be done to random neighbor borders close to ostracizing someone with malice. But that's me.

That is why I usually have such a strong reaction to the word "creepy" when it comes to a man's actions. Unless they guy is doing overt and aggressive behavior (and rightfully shunned), it seems like an easy way to ostracize a man who may be quirky or nervous. I have a friend who went to an all female University, I lost count of the times I was called creepy by random female students while I waited in the car looking at my phone to pick her up on campus. Why? I was "old" and "not hot." Everyone should be cautious around strangers, but not to the level of paranoia that the OP implied.

I really think the camera is the best way to go. It can be as easy as a “Simply-Safe” where you get a few motion detector cameras and can mount them yourself. From the restrictions on pepper spray and tazers, I am guessing you have one of those Governments that anything you carry for self defense is premeditated on your part. So self defense/ martial arts class maybe the best option. Dogs can be great, but they can’t be everywhere all the time. Stay safe, stay alert.

You definitely overreacted. I can understand being concerned, but this is a level of control and guilt tripping that was not warranted. She mentioned this incident openly, which showed she was nothing but honest with you. Yes building a solid relationship requires a defense against the cold hard world, but this is not a healthy way to go about building it. For the sake of your relationship, learn to trust her more and let the foundations grow with both of you laying the stones.

Poor guy gets new neighbors, is trying to evaluate who is in his building, and then gets pegged as a creep. He was likely trying to see if there was a likelihood of wild parties on his floor. Or worse thought he was going to get jumped and robbed. A one off incident of staring is nothing to falsely accuse someone over.

With this terrifying behavior I'm glad you are taking steps to get others informed. Not knowing laws on self-defense where you are (and don't want to know), I would encourage you to do a bit of research, then take steps for your self defense. It could be as simple as martial arts, taking these legal and safe steps will help you how avoid any interaction. You can also consider home security cameras that will notify you via phone. The big thing is to up your situational awareness, and temporarily avoid routines. Until there is either legal action against him or he gives up, you need to be proactive.

What he is really doesn't matter. Your reaction to this bum, is no different than a man trash talking some woman who rejected him. It's cathartic to a point, but when you are trying to analyze someone who wasn't worth your time it becomes toxic. He wanted your body, you wanted a relationship; take it for a bad experience and move on. What lessons have you learned in dealing with this guy? What has it changed about how you evaluate a situation?

As a battered OLD meander-er (friends would never help and my crazy work schedule meant no regular after-work life), I can say that you're in for an adventure. I've tried just about every app/site plausible, and it boils down to what is popular in your area. From a man's perspective, we are competing against the guys who will just spam any profile, guys who send long thought-out intros, and everything in between. So expect a constantly full inbox; filled with everything from the sleazy to the saccharine compliments, and when you don't respond there are some jerks who will insult you. Now that I've mentioned the dark side, I have also found there are real genuine lonely people looking for love. They don't have good networking skill, busy lives, or are just way too shy for thier own good. As far as recommendations with the "Major" sites: Match, eHarmony, and Bumble have yielded the best range of professional and classy women. Hinge, Tinder, and Coffee Meets Bagel was a mixed bag of personalities, I had to be very choosy there. OK Cupid, POF, and FB dating Well let's just say you get what you pay for with those two <shudders> I would suggest looking for more niche sites, but not being in your area I can't make any comment. All that said, meeting through a group setting is always best; but it's not easy in the professional world.

On one hand I can appreciate being very picky about food and upset; however, the rest of his loutish behavior is unacceptable. If you can't/won't eat the meal one should go find something palatable. Now if this incident is an anomaly, or there are some other stressors for you both right now then give it some time. I, unfortunately, think this sounds like an escalation of problems in the relationship.

Wow. You have some less than stellar friends when it comes to your relationships. Then again they seem to be wanting to just pawn you off on any woman with a breath, so they don’t feel like they need to help you. Maybe time to find more trustworthy people to talk about your dating woes. I’m genuinely sorry you don’t have the support you or anyone needs in this situation.

While yeah the "distance" could factor into this behavior; I think this is really more about her level of interest in keeping you as an option. I would be bothered by the fact that most of her interactions are in the pattern of: she gets drunk, sends lots of pics for a reaction, then goes silent. Is that a pattern you can live with? Personally, I would not like being strung along like this. I'm assuming you both are on the younger side, so there is a higher tolerance for her being a bit flaky. As to what does this mean? I think that while she likes you, you are just an option in her mind and not the focus of her attention. If waiting in the wings waiting for her to decide is your thing, that's fine; But is she that great to put up with not being #1?

Everyone makes mistakes, after an apology and willing to correct this less than stellar behavior; this is all in her hands. Respect her boundaries, and if she's done look at lessons to gain from this.

Something that has struck me in all of this, is how does the OP evaluate her standards in the men you interact with? Is it a questionnaire? How they dress? Or what they Drive? I ask this as a guy who could on paper would fit the standards of fiscal stability. I own a business, home, and can take nice vacations (if I wasn't keeping a company afloat). But on the other hand I prefer to drive an old pick-up or car I rebuilt, I dress casually for most outings, and I prefer to not be ostentatious. So Why aren't I wearing my nice suits or business casual on a first date? I don't want to be viewed as what I am, but who I am. I judge a potential woman in my life by how she treats me, not my bank account, ambition, or fiscal stability. I'm looking for someone I can grow with, not just plop down in my life and take on a "job." So why labor through all of this, well I think the OP needs to evaluate not her standards, but the process of what hallmarks she's using about the impressions of men meeting her standards. Settle? Absolutely not, but be willing to dig a bit more if the character is there.

This woman is horrifically sexist, rude, and not worth your (or anyone else's) time. Until she can act like an adult when things don't suit her, you are gaining very little. Your friend has garbage advice on dating, and I would caution against listening to anyone who would have you scrape under the barrel for a date. I do hear you loud and clear though about it being less than fun being a long term and unhappily single guy. It's rough, and the platitudes about "it's OK to be single," "Be happy with you," and the rest of that garbage is very hard to stomach after a life time of wondering what it's like to finally be in a relationship. The one thing I will tell you is that settling for someone who will act this irrationally on a second date is not going to scratch that itch. I've dated desperate and was more angry at myself for having put up with poor behavior. I would suggest you branch out and find other venues to meet women (If I had good ones I wouldn't be single Haha), and express to non-idiot friends that you want to meet someone; and that you are willing to date to learn. That's honestly the hardest thing, is trying to find truly sympathetic friends who will keep an eye out and help you along.

First of all I hear you, dating right now is pretty bad, well okay it's a raging dumpster fire. That said, you need to consider your behaviors in dating, and consider if you were on a date with you what could be off putting? As others have pointed out, asking her back to your place; probably isn't who you are wanting to develop a long term relationship with. It all comes back to put out what you want to attract, but make sure there is room to breathe and grow; not a one track existence. It's is increasingly harder as you get older to find someone who wants to grow a relationship, and while normal it's makes it dang hard. Other than "stop thinking about it" when it comes to your date, that's the best advice i can give.

This is a comic working on a set piece right? Right? OP you cannot seriously be this, umm special, about your daughter living her own life. She’s not 4, she’s 24, and able to evaluate risks in a reasonable way. Unless you had her locked away from all risks from birth until now? If you love her, then drop this sheer conspiracy theory nonsense. She could easily cut all ties, and who would blame her?

Being cheated on by jerks is a reflection of them, not you or your appearance. OP, I guess the first question about the how you are seen comes down to how you dress and present yourself. Unfortunately in this day and age a lot more emphasis is placed on appearance to determine sex or gender. A woman without a lot of curves, who dresses a lot in jeans, baggy clothes, and with a pixie cut won’t get the same attention. I have known women who decided to switch up and dress very feminine, change hairstyles and they would get noticed. But they slowly, once they had someone worthwhile, returned to thier normal style. Hope this gives you something to ponder, best of luck.