frenchie

Michelle I think youre doing so well have been through this well still am truth be told, I also had great difficulty in putting the good bits in a box and taking them out and remembering them with great affection, it is difficult when people go on to treat you badly however corny but true time is a great healer I am now a 13 whole months down the line also tried the being friends bit but rapidly came to the conclusion that I dont have friends who lie to me,let me down and generally dont respect me! At the end of the day its his loss he lost you! I can now look back at the good times and there were a lot of fantastic times, in an almost nostalgic way and am safe in the knowledge that having experienced that am more than capable of doing it again hopefully next time with someone who can sustain it! Be positive youve done so well up until now anything is possible!

Have recently had a friend in a similar situation so will go along the same lines of my advice in fact I set them a challenge and suggested that they took out anthing emotive, blaming, self pitying,jealousy related and look at what if anything they had left to send and it magically went from 10 lines to 2 and consequently didnt get sent! it wont change whats happened it wont put things right. Sometimes you need closure but just dont get it I lways tell myself in those situations its because the other party isnt capable of giving it, and sometimes it just opens up a whole can of worms that you hadnt even considered, so in short rise above it get on with life we are here for such a short time and put this unfortunate scenario down to experience

OK I am a firm believer in listening to what people are telling you 1 This man has asked you not to fall in love with him 2 This man has told you that he dosent want this relationship to lead to marriage 3 This man has told you that he dosent see himself as marriage material He may well be greiving for his previous relationships or he may just be trying to be very honest with you If you think that you are the person that can heal him or make him better you are taking on one hell of a challenge, people can only be helped if they want to be and they also need to be able to take responsibility and accept their faults in previous relationships, I am not convinced that he is ready to do either also you need to remember that there are two sides to every story and you have only heard his. If you are prepared to give this a shot you need to be aware that there is a real risk that things will not turn out the way you seem to be hoping they will, suggest that you have a break and both think long and hard about your future together, or consider breaking it off and finding yourself someone less complicated! Good Luck

You refer to her as your friend then go on to describe her as being pathetic! is this the way friends behave towards each other this woman has suffered abuse and yet you continue to belittle and ridcule her is it any wonder she dosent feel good about herself, you need to demonstrate to her that love can be tender and without hidden agendas -try to just be close without the expectation that it will lead to sex she needs to feel valued,safe and secure. If you feel she may be depressed suggest you both go and see the doctor and maybe whilst there consider requesting some counselling for you both she needs to feel that you want to help her and this has to be a joint effort ,some compromises may well be needed from both of you. I know how fraustrating this can be but if you want to have any kind of future with this woman you need to demonstrate that you are comitted to helping her with her difficulties this is obviously a big issue for you and you may have to consider how healthy the long term future of this relationship is for the both of you,as if things continue the way that they are it will become destructive Good Luck

Dont calm down and listen to what your heart is telling you cos the one thing that is abundantly clear is that his behaviour is making you very unhappy-he knows you have a problem with it and he continues to do it are these the actions of a man that respects your feelings or for that matter you? the fact that he is waiting until you go to bed is just rude and sheer betrayal his behaviour is destructive dont allow it to continue to be, youre wortha whole lot more Get Rid! Good luck

Have been in your wifes position re the porn and it caused huge problems and was a big factor in the eventual end of the relationship-yes she feels disgusted it does make you wonder what on earth is wrong with you,it also makes you feel terribly insecure and makes you question your own sexuality/femininity it is very destructive. She probably wonders if somehow you want her to be like the women you look at on the net and wonders what it is you find in them that you can no longer find in her, but the fact that she is still there makes me think that she must still have feelings for you. The only way you will gain her respect is by admitting you have a problem(which you have done) and by actively taking steps to do something about it and making sure that she knows this, stop lying to her it will take an awfully long time to regain her trust and respect and you must be genuine in wanting things to change, my advice to you would be to switch off the computer , hell even consider getting rid of it altogether so that the temptation is no longer there for you-start talking openly and honestly to her, accept responsibility for your actions and the consequences of them, find out how it makes her feel. The only person who can make your life better is you stop wasting time regretting your past and concentrate on your future with the people who obviously love you. You are lucky to have them and if you work really hard at your relationship she may fall in love with you all over again Good Luck

I also lost my grandfather a few years back also to lung cancer so I can really relate to what you are feeling, this will sound like a cliche but time is a great healer everyone is different in the way that they grieve there is no right or wrong way and it will take as long as it takes, try to focus on the positive memories that you have of him and I bet there are many! take time to just sit and remember him talk to other people if you find it helps-they cannot help you unless they know how you are feeling. You will feel better and I imagine he would hate to think of you being so sad, try to find some positives from this situation , life is precious and as you are painfully aware so very short make the best of your time here Good luck

Having been in a very similar situation my only advice would be to go with an open mind and try not to have too many expectations, its very easy to form a picture of someone you chat to on line, I would hope that you have already conversed on the telephone if not I strongly recommend you do so several times before you meet up. remember safety issues meet in a public place and let people know when you arrive and where you are and keep letting them know that you are safe (text messaging is the easiest way to do this), keep the date low key and if you find the spark is lacking then do not drag it out any longer than necessary, be polite and dont put any pressure on your date, I think maybe you have left it too long to meet up and would recommend that in the future you meet up with any potential net buddies sooner rather than later I wish you well let us know how it went and Good Luck!