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frenchie

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Everything posted by frenchie

  1. Like you say its an experiment so be bold and make the first move and send out some messages, you might be pleasantly surprised. All people who on line date have the same anxieities but somewhere along the line someone makes the first move then, well why dont you be bold and find out! Good Luck
  2. These are not "normal" things for a guy to do, he is trying to undermine you and in doing so not have to take responsibility for his actions. Youve just been unlucky with the guys you have met. There is a way to find closure you ditch him and run for your life!! there is NO excuse for child porn and like others have said would you really feel comfortable having a future with him when you know about this? Spend some time working on your self esteem sounds like its taken a bit of a battering lately. Focus on you, people can only undermine you if you let them. Be strong and good luck
  3. This man appears to be emotionally blackmailing you, has he ever expressed any thanks or gratitude for the fact that you have been puttting a roof over his head? does he compensate for the fact by taking responsibility for the housework, cooking? what exactly does he do for you? Youve made a stand by refusing to pay for him to go to Florida and from the sounds of it his response was to throw his toys out of the pram!! Everything in your post is about him and his inability to take responsibility for anything in his life, if things are so bad or he is so petty that he can only be bothered to communicate with you by e mail then what is the point in living together? lets be honest it sounds like he has made little or no attempt to find work be it temporary/seasonal or permanent. You cannot be responsible for his mental health and wellbeing, it sounds as if this guy wants you to be part of some of his life not all of it. Hes choosing not to go to counselling, maybe hes scared of what they may have to say?! equally it should be right up his street as there will be no fee!! what exactly does he do all day? Ask yourself why he hasnt chosen to introduce you to his family 2 1/2 years is a long time to be with someone for this not to happen. Go to Florida, ask him to find alternatiave accommodation while your away and get the locks changed. Take some time out, dont answer his calls, e mails ask him to make some decisions while you are away and make it a condition of the relationship continuing(if you want this to happen) that he seeks help for his depression/mental health issues and he finds some sort of job even if its part time. Sweetie its time for some tough love!
  4. Some of your symptoms sound like sleep paralysis which is generally related surprise surprise to stress! The disorientation is associated with disconnection your mind shuts down in order to keep you safe, having experienced disconnection I know how terrifying it is, but it is another sign that you need a break or some relief from the extraordinary amount of stress you currently have in your life. Try not to focus on not being able to sleep itll just make it worse!! have you tried the traditional remedies of a hot bath, milky drinks, relaxation cd? Your mind is trying to process what is happening currently and it would appear that the only time it has to do this is during your sleep, could you take small amounts of time out for yourself during the day? Anti depressants will help but you have to give them time to work the side effects do lessen but realistically they take 3-4 weeks to work. Have you considered getting some counselling/therapy to give you the opportunity to talk through the stresses in your life, it would also be an opportunity to focus solely on you and your needs which might not be a bad thing right now, your girlfriend needs you to be healthy in order to support her, she has taken the step of doing something to help herself can you? Good luck
  5. He takes care of me By making you give him a blow job, by making you go on top cos hes too lazy, how exactly is that taking care of somebody? We have so much in common How have you arrived at this conclusion, has he maybe told you that? I know he has the potential to treat me better because he used to. So why dosent he now? To be honest, I'm just desperate to hang on to him but I think it's me whos pushing him away Again I strongly suspect this guy has told you that and is feeding all of your insecurities He's had three really long term girlfriends so that says something? Too right!!! he cant commit, why did he/they end it, ever considered it might be for all the reasons you have issues about?! equally ask yourself how can so many people be worng about this LOSER! Sweetie you are 16 years old and in an abusive relationship, be strong hold your head up high and walk away from this guy, he is nowhere near as commited to this supposed relationship as you are, ask yourself why that might be. Yes you will feel crappy, but look at what you have learnt from this experience, believe me kissing someone who is as into you as you are into them will feel a million times better than anything you will experience with this guy
  6. eye contact, playing with her hair, touching you on the arm, tilting her head, smiling, laughing,leaning in towards you during conversation, talking to other people but maintaining eye contact with you is that enough to be going on with?!
  7. Whats going to be different in six months? certainly not likely to be this guys behaviour!! He is giving you mixed messages and picking you up and then putting you down like some new toy, is this what you want from a relationship? are the good times you have together enought to warrant the way his behaviour makes you feel when hes not around? Would you have friends in your life who behaved in a similar way? Personally I would go with the big kick in the backside and get the hell out!! Good Luck
  8. OK maybe this is going to sound harsh but there are numerous references to him "making" you do things but equally have you considered he may be doing this because YOU LET HIM! wheres your self respect girl! Why would you want to waste your time "changing" this relationship? this guys not going to change hes got everything just the way he wants it, why would he need to change?! like you say yourself he cant be bothered, you are worth far more go out and get it and leave this loser to fester!! this is no relationship its just sex and if thats what you both want then no problem, however I have a sneaking suspicion that you are not happy.....
  9. Well like everyone else says he asked you out for a reason!! you should be flattered. You really have nothing to worry about again remember HE ASKED YOU OUT! Wear something fabulous that makes you feel good about yourself, smile and be positive, laugh and be flirtatious!! Relax and enjoy this just could be the start of something wonderful!! Let us know how you get on Kerry
  10. You sound very depressed to me, maybe a visit to your doctor to talk things through may help and medication will help you to cope a bit better and see things more clearly. You mention several of the main symptoms of depression/anxiety which could also be linked to ADD or OCD i.e lack of self confidence/self belief. You are being very hard on yourself ask yourself how someone who claims to be unintelligent has ended up doing a Masters, you got there on your own merits and achievements!!! I ENVY you for having the opportunity! If people say mean things about you then challenge them!! would you speak to other people in the same way? Stop focussing on what other people have and start to learn to want and appreciate what you have which sounds at least to be a great family and friends and an amazing future ahead of you, its all yours for the taking. You say you want to be a better person but what is that you see in others as better than you already are? I totally agree with shadows light who suggests smiling a lot more at people!!! if you present as positive , people are more likely to respond to you in the same way. Equally if you portray negativity you are likely to attract negative people/influences Therapy will be hard work at times and for it to be benficial you need to be open and honest (trust me they will have heard it all and far worse before!) but from personal experience I can wholeheartedly say it is singley the best thing I have ever done. Set yourself small achievable goals maybe with your therapists help and avoid relationships for a while as until you learn to love yourself nobody is going to love you back....corny but sooo very true, you need to be able to make yourself feel good and then you will no longer feel the need to seek love from others and compromise yourself by becoming involved in potentially damaging relationships. Good Luck Let us know how you get on
  11. Be yourself! smile initiate and maintain eye contact and stop worrying about what other people think of you, everyone has their hang ups and you will be surprised at how many of the cool people that you refer to have difficulties! Love yourself and others will love you corny but true!
  12. Please please please if you suspect your husband of being unfaithful wether or its with prostitutes and if youre continuing to sleep together please make sure that its safe sex! Yes he needs his space but at the hours that he is insisiting on it is unreasonable its making you unhappy and he dosent seem to care . This is not normal behaviour, how would he feel if it were you who insisited at going out at those times of the night? There is nothing wrong with you, you have a healthy understanding of how his behaviour is impacting on you and recognising how unhappy it is making you. He needs to take responsibility for his actions and the consequences of them, suggest counselling to him and make him aware that if he wont support you in this then there is no point in trying to work out the problems he seems to be having with this relationship. You have given up an awful lot for this man is he really worthy of those sacrifices? Good Luck and let us know how it all goes
  13. Hmm he hasnt got around to lots of things has he now! And youve only heard his side of the story are his exes so lucky if theyve ended up like you i.e depressed, unsupported? I think you know within you what needs to happen here-stop taking responsibility for him and his "awful" past he is an adult he is responsible for his own actions and the consequences he gave them his all did he...so is he giving you his? Numerous children how commited to them is he? and can you see yourself having children with him? Its not unreasonable to want all the things that you desire I guess he is just not the one to give them to you, stop being his landlady he needs to stand on his own two feet for once in his life Im sure hell manage he may even appreciate how lucky he has been to have you Life is for living not working 24/7 to provide for someone who is just take , take, take Take control and make amove upwards and onwards! Good Luck
  14. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthdays can do funny things to people its often a time when you think about people who used to be part of your life and that you would have spent those occasions with in the past I think your hunch about nostalgia may be accurate, you obviously dont want to talk to your ex and I think this is a good thing you obviously value your currnet girlfriend, being friends is not a problem as long as you are both clear that its all it will or can be and Im not sure that can be so in your situation. Youve moved on and are happy you can see why things didnt work out and appear to have accepted it, even if your ex is now single can you really see a future together?
  15. Its a terrible trait in a great person but is it one you are prepared to accept? you said yourself youve had enough and I think that 31 years of trying to change it might make me think that its not going to happen! But if youve been to gether that long and the good outweighs the bad is it really a reason to give it all up? what would happen if you didnt react in any way shape or form what would his response be?! just a thought. Living to gether and working together must be really stressful do you make sure that you both make time for yourselves regularly? or is it all work, work, work Instead of blaming try saying it makes me feel...... when you do this takes blame out of the equation and may result in an interesting response. Dont make any knee jerk responses take time out to think things through consider your life without him and how you would fill it is it what ou really want? Good Luck
  16. I think you need some legal advice and would recommend that they sedn him a letter about his belongings and the collection of, would suggest you are not in the house alone when/if he comes to collect them, and if you havnt already then get the locks changed this will make you and your children feel far more secure. It is not youre responsibility to get his belongings sorted stop treaeting him like one of your children he is an adult and should behave like one all the time you keep running after him he will let you. You need to be strong and show him that you have made your decision and want to move on, you have given him loads of opportunities to take steps towards rectifying this situation and he isnt interested, he does not want to take responsibility for his actions and is not motivated to move on, you have a duty to yourself and children to keep you all safe and secure youve said yourself youve done second chances and didnt want to end up back in this situation dont beat yourself up over it mean business and set about creating a new life for you and your children. I wish you well
  17. How can you be part of someones life if they wont allow you to be part of all of it! what is she worried you may find out if you spend time with and get to know her friends. This woman has used and abused you and your health dont allow it to continue, would she take a call at 3am and come and bail you out for a parking fare I think not -the only reason people will ask you to do unreasonable things for them is because they are using you and harsh I know but they do it because they can. Im really sorry that this has happened to you, you did not deserve it give yourslef time to get to know you put this down to experience and find someone that will truly and genuinely appreciate you for the great person that you appear to be. You have very right to be angry but dont internalise it and go on self destruct you need to spend some time examining your character and why this lets face it complete bunny boiler was attracted to you and why you allowed her to treat you so bad Good Luck
  18. Sweetie sorry to be harsh but if you found condom wrappers in his bed not just once but twice and you are not using condoms with hin but Ill get on to that in a minute then believe me when I say that sure as hell he is or has cheated on you! If this is so and you are happy to continue sleeping with him then please please start using condoms if he is prepared to use them with someone else then you need to think about how much he respects you and your sexual health, an HIV test is not fun by any stretch of the imagination but for your piece of mind and maybe as a way to get you to comprehend the seriousness of his behaviour and the implications it maight be a good thing. As Genesis says is this man really worth considering risking your life for, if you can really forgive and forget then fair dos but look at the facts he has cheated on you not once but twice this means he has also lied to you twice and whos to say he wont do it again after all you keep having him back, by the way Ive never ever heard of a man using a condom to masterbate with!
  19. OK it sounds like youve hit rock bottom but suffice to say that there is only one way to go now and thats up! If speaking to her makes you feel bad then would suggest that you have no further contact with her, you need to put this down to experience and move on . I know its going to be really hard and you have been hurt so badly but nows the time to concentrate on doing stuff for yourself that makes you happy
  20. Go see a dentist they deal with this sort of thing all the time, if they dont have any answers may be worth a visit to the doctors as sometimes bad breath can be connected to problems with your stomach, in the meantime try mints, brushing tongue and flossing cahnces are this is a problem that can be easily rectified
  21. Would suggest you go on your gut instincts with this one, keep an open mind and a realistic viewpoint. If you want time to ensure his feelings for you then make sure you get it, if he wants to be important to you he will respect this. Try playing it cool for a while, and why not ask him about the answerphone there may be a very simple explanation! I had a relationship for 5 years with someone who can only be described as a player albeit a now reformed one! sometimes players get fed up with the materialistic, shallow sort of relationship and want something abuit more sincere and fulfilling this guy may be one of those
  22. Maybe you should try eyeing up other guys when youre out with him and see how he likes it, the porn is bringing out lots of insecurities in you which is entirely understandable. If he is not prepared to give it up are you prepared to compromise and accept it as part of your life? Dont be bullied into trying anything sexually that you are uncomfortable with this is wholly unacceptable and will only make you feel worse, he is right when he says that they cannot compare with you they are after all not real people in his life and he has no emotional attatchment to them. It sounds like hes using it as a form of escapism would you be any happier if he was more discreet about the whole thing? If he refuses to consider your opinion and take on board how much difficulty you are having with the whole thing then does he really respect you? Make more time for yourself do things that make you feel good about yourself it may make this less of a problem as you will have other things in your life to think about Good Luck
  23. I dont think she has let go or moved on obviously I dont know what your break up was like but the fact that she went straight into another relationship leads me to believe she hasnt given herself time to think about what happened between the two of you. Well my immediate thought is that she wants some answers, she may also have realised that the grass isnt always greener and be looking to come back into your life. As to wanting to meet in person and not talking on the phone am thinking she may be looking at it in terms of a date, Im guessing shes not happy with her new guy am am also fairly convinced that he has no idea that she has contacted you! Wouldnt be surprised if the honeymoon period with her new guy wasnt well and truly over and reality has now bitten! You need to think about yourself and your feelings she has already left you for someone else once and would you be prepared to be second best to her?
  24. If youre happy being second best then thats fine but youre obviously not, in some ways I think you are making yourslef too available try making a date with him the letting him down just to give him some perspective of what its like to be in your position. I think you need to be filling your time with other things you dont appear to have much else than him going on in your life, if your life was fuller than you may decide that there isnt room for him. Feeling important in someones life should be paramount in a relationship has it always been like this or is it a recent occurrence? I dont think youre being unreasonable but you may need to communicate with him and come up with some sort of compromise that you are both happy with, if this is something that hes not happy with then you may need to consider wether you want to continue a relationship with someone who is not prepared to put you first in his life Hope this is helpful
  25. Sometimes you just need to take the risk I understand how scared you are but if you dont make a move then youll never know will you! She may still think that youre happy being single and Im guessing that you havnt told her otherwise, the fact that you are still in touch after 6 years would make me inclined to think that she must like you! Also you run the risk that shell be snapped up by someone else if you dont get in there first. You say that you text each other so why not send a text suggesting you meet up for a drink that way you dont have to do the face to face thing, if you dont try then youll never know so go on be brave and make the move. Good Luck
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