massinova

This is how it is for everything... And it is hard to deal with. Basically I know what you are going thru, I just recently went thru it myself. I was with a girl for around 3 years. And we had great times in the beginning, but the last half of our relationship was bad. I had a temper and she had (oops, i mean has) stubborn/selfishness problems. So we argued a lot and the relationship just went down the hill. But, when she finally left, I was in your shoes, I wanted her back. It took a lot of advice from friends to get my mind thinking correctly... Like how you said "she was treating me badly." My ex did this also, especially after the breakup.... Anyways, my best advice is to make yourself move on. Its the hardest thing to do, i know. But it IS for the better. My mother actually gave me great advice when I was feeling down. She said, "Even though its hard to feel like you are just giving up and letting go, in the end (in time) you may come to realize that you don't even want her back." Well, I started dating again and found the greatest girl who treats me so wonderfully and makes me happy. And I realized that my mom was correct. One thing you said is exactly how it is: It's called closure. And, yes its nice to have, but I feel it only makes things worse, because it can end up leading the person on, etc. Basically, you just have tell your heart AND mind that this is all for the better, and that everything will work out as it should. But, one thing I can say, don't use another girl as closure or anything like that. That won't make you feel any better and its not fair for the other girl. Dating again is something you just have to feel you are ready to do. But as for moving on. You just need to know that is the best for everyone. Sorry this is long drawn out advice, I just know where you are coming from... And I know its hard. But I can tell you this, you will find someone perfect for you. and you will be happy So, best of luck to you, and I hope this advice helps somewhat.

Cujo... I know the feeling, I had it once myself. Anal sex takes a LOT of trust. It is good that you don't want to force her, cause then I would have to beat you.... lol But anyways, my advice is just take your time and make sure she knows she can trust you, and that you would never do anything to hurt her.... Maybe, though, she will never want to, and thats her prerogative... So, if you really are into this girl, then you are going to have to live with that decision. But now, as for the actual anal sex part. If it comes to where you are going to do it... First: where a condom. (And do not go from anal to regular sex... the bacteria and all that is not meant to be moved around like that. It can cause her to get a yeast infection or worse.) Second: You need to use some sort of lube. This is an absolute must! And Third: Be VERY VERY gentle. Go in very slowly and take your time, otherwise you are going to cause the girl tremendous pain if she has never done it before. Hope all this helps.... good luck ;-)

emmecat got to the reply quicker than me.... must have been typing them at the same time.... hehe But we both feel the same way... ;-)

My only advice is... What do you have to lose. The only thing she could say is she doesn't feel for you like that. Sure, that sucks some times, but then at least you will know and you don't have to sit there wondering/pondering/and hoping.... It seems like she probably isn't sure what she wants right now, and from the way you say she is acting, she quite possibly could think of you as more than just a friend, but is too shy to do anything about it. So, again, you will never know unless you give it a shot. If you have been good friends for a while, then she won't be all weird or anything like that about it. She will probably be very flattered. So, do it. Oh, and P.S. I know you probably don't care what they think... but i just would like to say: screw your friends when it comes to what they think of her. None of that matters. All that matter is what you think of her. ;-) Hope this helps... Good luck.

Blue balls is pretty painfull... I have had it twice now in the past week. My new girlfriend and I like to tease a lot, so I get really arroused, and there is no way to "relieve" this arousal; I just sit there and let it go away. So, from doing this, it causes the blood to stay there.... This causes the testes and adomen area to become very sensitive and painful. To me it feels like I was swiftly kicked in the croch and it doesn't go away for a good hour or so. (It helps, basically, if you can 'relieve' yourself.... that makes it go away quicker.) My scrotum does not turn any color though, I just have the pain. It is very uncomfortable. hehe

puff, you are very welcome for the advice.... I actually was in a situation where the girl had a boyfriend; the only other thing though, is she had a kid as well (not from that boyfriend at the time).... but, i got all into her and we actually ended up getting slightly intimate. Then she decided to stay with her boyfriend, cause she told him what happened between her and I, and he forgave her. So, i know how that feels. But its those types of things that help us learn in life. And I was really happy we got to share some moments together, because even though we didn't end up together, we ended up being the best of friends. So, no matter what happens with you and this girl, i really hope it works out for the best. Oh and by the way... It sounds like you are really good with words... So let me know how it all goes ;-)

I am glad we could be there for you. Go have a good time... and be happy I always like to say, "You can't feel down with a smile on your face!" ;-)

You are no better looking than you are! You are you and no one else... Thats what you need to realize. If you try and be someone/something you aren't you won't get anywhere with anyone. None of us can tell you how good looking or 'bad' looking you are, because its not really up to us to judge you. Like I said before, if you have confidence in yourself and have a positive outlook.... you ARE attractive to others! And by you saying "I am attracted to cute girls, but not the others..." You are the only judge of who's cute... to you! Those "others" could be damn good looking to me, or anyone else; and the girls you deem as 'cute' could be butt ugly to me. That is the nature of the phrase we have been mentioning. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." What you need to do, in my opinion is stop worrying about what others think of you. Just make sure you like yourself inside and out and have confidence; go out and have good times. You will find someone that you think is "cute" or even "hot" and they will be just perfect for you. But, this will only happen if you aren't superficial about the situation. ;-)

No, you shouldn't stop... You are doing what you feel is right. You like the girl so you are going after her. Thats fine. She is the one that needs to realize what she is doing. If she really likes you (more than the current boyfriend), then she needs to make a decision. Stringing both of you along is no good for any of you. As for the poem. If she is the type that likes written words and poems, etc... Which seems to be the case if she was emotional about the letter, then giving her the poem won't be a bad thing. And I don't think time should really be an issue. Here is the thing though... Know that she DOES have a boyfriend, and tread lightly right now. You probably are going to want to bring it up to her, that you would really like to know what she is going to do/decide. Because it is not fair for you to get your hopes up on her, if she is just going to stay with her current boyfriend in the end. Hope this helps.

I definitly agree with you here. As for putting our relationship in perspective, in my opinion it is a mix of all of those things and more. Unless of course you are in a relationship purely based on sex. But, then its not really a 'relationship.' So, its all I guess a matter best left to the opinion of the ones in the relatioships. But I do feel you on the subject. And I really liked reading this theory. For it does make one think about their relationship(s).

First of all... Let me just say, I could not have said it better... Katana just hit the nail on the head.... So perfectly said! I love this about people. Because sometimes it comes back to bite them in the rear. I did basically what Katana said, made myself happy, just by lying to myself for a while, but as time went on, I actually began to BE happy. Then when I found the girl I am with currently, I WAS very happy. And then I come to find out my ex is very jealous and upset. hehe This happens all the time. You make yourself out to be happy, and then finally become very happy, and they may end up coming back. And like Katana said, you will be much stronger when/if this happens. And, whow knows, by that time, you ay not even want your ex back. This is how life works. Its weird and unexplainable, but we keep on living.

This theory is a very idealistic one and it is a very nice idea... But from reading these three "categories" that relationships might fall under, I am going to have to disagree that they only fall under one, or any for that matter. I don't think their are categories like that. Take all three of those 'categories' and put them together. That may be how relationships are as well; a mix of all three.... or a relationship could be something completely different. I am a slightly religious person... Meaning I have faith in God. And I feel that relationships are for us to learn from. As is everything in our lives. So there is not much point, in my opinion, to categorize relationships like this. Relationships and situations in our life happen for reasons. And it's these reasons that we have to figure out; and then learn from them.

I know the feeling of jealousy very well... Having/knowing the ex is talking to, or even worse, dating someone else will always cause jealousy. I have dealt with this one big time. Its like the others have said, though, it's part of the healing process. It's not wrong to be jealous, it's human nature. Now, on the matter of having him around all the time... that is a tricky situation. You might want to just talk to him. Like mermayd43 said, just tell him you care for him as a person, but tell him how you are feeling being around him all the time. Tell him it is very hard for you. Get his input on the situation. And, unless he is a complete A-hole (which I doubt he is, otherwise you wouldn't want him back) then he will understand how you are feeling and should respect these feelings. Maybe you can work something out where you don't have to hang around in the same area all the time. All problems in life, in my opinion, are best solved thru communication. If you communicate with each other, things should work out for the best. That doesn't mean you will get back together, it just means, things should work out to where everyone, in the end, is ok and happy.

First of all, you are young... So I would want to ask how old this boyfriend is and how long you two have been together. And secondly, Do not do anything unless you are absolutely 100% positive its what YOU want. Do not do it just for him! If you are actually thinking about anything like this, you should probably talk to him about it first. Tell him your feelings and find out how he feels about the matter. Also, make sure you let him know what you want and don't want. But again, do not do this for his sake. As for what a guy likes... Basically anything! Unless he is only in it for sex, he should be happy with whatever he gets. Kissing (making out) should please him just fine. But as for sexual pleasures, try maybe massaging or something to that effect. If you care for more advice, just ask. Hope some of this helps.

Good words Bazooka.... Here is how to act around anyone (girls and guys)..... Confident! Do not be overly confident, though (aka: egotistical)... Just be confident in yourself. That goes a long way with everyone. You will start to attract girls, and you will probably gain more friends that way. If you have a positive/confident outlook on yourself, people WILL notice you. Hope this helps.

This is a very touchy subject. Many people go thru this type of situation and I agree it is very hard. I myself had a relationship of 3 years just fall apart about two months ago. And I was basically in the same position as you. I wanted nothing more to be back with her, and if only she would open her heart I could show her everything (the world).... But, in my situation, this girl is very stubborn and selfish, and so after having everyone (even her friends) telling me how badly she was treating me, I just finally let go. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But I had to convince myself it was for the better. I didn't want to start dating again because I felt that I would only have feelings for my ex, and that would be no fair to anyone else. But, because my ex basically went out and started dating someone else 2 weeks after she left... I just told myself I was going to try, and I just happen to get very lucky and found someone that I feel very strongly for... and we connected instantly. Now, I don't know your situation, because I don't know you, but like you said, you can't make him love you or anything like that. And thats what's hard to think about. I believe that things happen for reasons, and we are meant to learn thru these experiences. Although they cause pain and heartache, no matter how badly your heart hurts it will keep beating... I don't want to be like, "just give up on him." Because that was the last thing I wanted to hear myself. But sometimes you have to let go in order to see the world and see if it was meant to be. Take the quote, "If you love something, you sometimes have to let it go; but if it comes back to you, its yours to keep forever." And sometimes, when you do let go, you will find out later, that it was for the better. And, you will be more happy in the future. As for dating others, thats just something personal for you. Do it only if it feels right to you. I hope some of this helps... I would be willing to give you more advice, or just to talk if you need that. Because I feel the only thing anyone can do for anyone else that actually means something, is to be there for them in times of need.

I agree with this 100%... Jeffry, some girls maybe superficial; but there are also many girls who are not. If you have two guys with the EXACT same qualities (which, mind you, will probably never happen, because everyone is unique) then it IS based on looks.... But who are we to say which guy looks better. That is all in the eyes of the girl herself. This is all very true too... It is a phase of life where we like to impress and fit in. But, sega is right, It changes very much, the older you get. But, then again, it all goes back to 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder.' That's just something that will always be there. Anyways, I hope you aren't completely put off by this feeling of yours, because women are wonderful. And when you find someone that is perfect for you, your mindset will change ;-) Have a good one...

In my opinion, it could be slight infatuation mingled with a bit of lust. (But, I don't mean the type of lust that means you want nothing more than to have sex with her.) I am 21 years old and in slightly the same situation. My ex girlfriend of 3 years left me about 2 months ago. In the past two weeks I have found a new girl that I am really liking. And, I am in the same position as you, I can't stop thinking about her, and she makes me happy, etc etc.... But I don't believe it to be love.... yet. Love takes time, work, and devotion in my opinion. In my honest opinion, if you feel strongly like this, about this girl... then keep the relationship going strong; don't take anything for granted, and deffinitly don't do anything you will regret. If you feel this same way in time, I think the feeling will become stronger and stronger and you won't need to ask if its love or not. Thats the big thing, if you have to ask it means you are unsure. I am the same way.... Just give it some time, and you will KNOW! ;-) Hope this helps.

Love can't be defined in words. Love is a feeling. A deep emotional connection between you and the other person. Its very hard to know if you are truly in love with someone at first. Especially when you have only been with them for a while. For me, I can't describe the feeling I have when i am truly in love, it just happens. A problem, though, is a lot of people mistake lust for love. And that usually causes problems in relationships. If you have never been in love before, its hard to tell you what to look for. But, if you HAVE truly been in love before, you don't need it to be defined; you will know the feeling. My church pastor gave a wonderful quote that I think I will share... He said "Liffe is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the times when our breeath is taken away." I just thought this was an amazing quote.

"Luv" is the traditional spelling of the word "Love." So in that sense, there is no difference. The only time you would ever see that, is in writing, and in that case, I guess it all depends on who is the one writing it. As for your second question... Thats all a matter of personal opinion. And, in my opinion, both these 'terms' basically mean the same thing. Just like how I view it when someone says I am dating someone. A lot of people take 'dating' as non-exclusive dates. So depending on the context of the situation it would change the meaning i guess.... If you are seeing someone/dating someone/ going out with someone exclusively, it means they are the only person you see and visa versa. If its non-exclusively then it usually means you can 'date' other people as well. Hope these opinions help.

Blue Balls is the result of pelvic congestion, when more blood and lymph flows into the genitals (during sexual arousal) than flows out; and, when it remains in the genitals for an extended period of time, then it CAN cause discomfort and aching. If there is no release, the area remains engorged. Without any outflow, men may feel slight discomfort in the testes, which are very sensitive to these kinds of changes. Some guys do not actually 'turn blue', but feel the discomfort. But, some guys actually do turn blue... but its just the color of the skin of the scrotum. This is not harmful for the guy at all.... It just usually causes a lot of discomfort. Hope this helps.