anomaly

I think you've decided for yourself that your friends are the root of this problem. I agree. Especially considering that they're athletic sports people and you're not. Generally there is a huge gap between athletes and intellects. Not that you're an intellect. I mean, you might be, but whatever type of person you are, it probably doesn't mix well with their personalities. Hang with musicians, they will help you express yourself, I can almost guarantee you that. Of course, there are some bad eggs in every subculture of this... shmorgesborgh most of us seem to think is a society. So, about expressing yourself, you have to examine why. You are most probably either shy or socially anxious (please, please note there is a gargantuous difference between the two). You might not be either one but in this post I'm assuming you're one or the other. If you're shy, sorry, this is figuratively ingrained in your personality (not exactly in your personality, proper, because the personality isn't exactly what most people tend to refer to it as). You can develop good habits of talking more, and more effectively, but shyness tends to lead to being a loner. Anxiety is far more temporary, but not always, luckily there are both practical and medical solutions (Assuming you haven't suddenly, in the course of 2 years developed Schizotypal Personality or anything like that). It might be SAD, but it might not be. Either way, the solution is the same (only, with SAD, you could probably get SSRIs to treat it -- Zoloft is good stuff), desensitization. Say things you would write in your journal, find a girl you like and say things that would make a sailor blush. Just open Pandora's Box, and hey, if they reject you for it, you'll probably hate me and never talk to anyone again... or you might be thankful that by showing your true personality you warded off people who would only conflict with and turn on you in the end... you would have the experience to boot. If it works out, problem solved, ze-o. Now, how to best go about this... - You will be most open and assertive in topics that you know a lot about and you're very capable in. You'll get respect for your knowledge and shall we say Godliness on such topics, this will make you feel good and it will reinforce your self-expression. - Another thing you can do is distract yourself, so you don't think about interactions after they happen, and in turn you are less likely to fall into the "do they hate me now?" cycle. People only hate you when you're me, or Fred Durst, or Avmanwhodeletesallyourbestposts, or if you killed their pets and laughed in their face. Your friends probably don't hate you either, they're probably just jerks. Ways to distract yourself may include listening to annoying music (eiffel 65, there is nothing more annoying), exercising, watching Late Nite with Conan O'Brian, soaking your feet in ridiculously hot water, or playing StarCraft on a LAN with your younger sister (who is somehow completely untactful but beats you every time). - You can cull (for serious deprivation of a better word) the anxiety by interacting with people outside of your family only when you're insanely tired (like I am now... see, it's working), or if you're drunk, high, or stoned, or any combination of those. I personally haven't found any of the other "suggested techniques" helpful or effective... but those work, I assure you. ... I've lost my train of thought, so that's all I have to say for now. If I heist that train again, I shall let you know.

What seems to be overlooked here is the slightest possibility that something isn't quite accurate. By that I mean everything you've just assumed. These events, such as they are, can also mess up your life, so please be careful. (mind you, just possibility, not certainty)

Right on, Dr. Phil. I was referring mostly to the reference to clinginess and such... besides, I'm a total pessimist, and I think I have moderators stalking me. (yes you can delete this one too if you want)

What you have described sounds like a personality disorder, and I don't think there are any cures for personality disorders. I have personally been diagnosed with two, I've been in intensive therapy for a long time now, in and out of psych wards, and I assure you, there's no cure. It's something you'll have to life with and you'll inevitably die with.

The first thing you should examine in this situation is her relationship with this guy. If they've been at it for a few years, either steady or off and on, you should probably try to turn your headlights another direction, because waiting a long time for this will just set you up for the possible rejection which, under these conditions, can incur psychological damage. If that's the case and it works out anyway, then please tell me how you did it... I've never known anyone who has successfully pulled that off. If they just got together a month ago and it seems like they're not working out, this is a good scenario... better than if she was single in the first place because then she's more likely to take well to your company. As for being shy, that's what sucks the most... by shy I think you may be referring more to social anxiety. Shyness is universal, anxiety is triggered. Girls are the worst trigger for anxiety... the ultimate worst. So, how to ask her out. You're especially fortunate if they break up before V-day because that's the most opportune time all year to ask her out. In general though, just approach her when she's not on the phone, not heading out the door, and not making out with someone, and try to make polite conversation. This is insanely hard to do if you don't know anything about someone except that you like them, because then what do you talk about? How do you start a conversation? So you'll need a hook, something to ask her... about a homework assignment, or how she did on her recent whatever-she-might-have-done-lately-that-was-somewhat-important-to-her. Then after you break the ice, and before things get awkward, and right around when it's obvious that one of you has to go (don't stick around after this part) ask if she'd like to go out sometime, or hang out sometime, or do something sometime... vague terms are suggestable as that gives her the ability to decide what she might want to do with you. If she says no, not really, or not today, or I'm too busy, or anything to that effect... then consider her history and if it helps you ease the sting of rejection, think of her as a megalomaniacal stuck-up superficial wretch who's worth less than the air she selfishly consumes every day in her pitiful existence. It works for me... but that's why I'm single (and loving it). Just handle it in the way which is least likely to rip your heart out, or to expose it for her to rip out. Hope this helps.

I would tend to agree with Balthamos. Just a note, on the other hand, 12 roses might be coming on a little strong... you can try it if you want, but 6 might be more appropriate. Keep the card light and cheery (even sappy is acceptable, if in a sarcastic tone)... and when you give them to her, smile. She will probably respond well, but don't beat yourself up if you don't end the night making out in the back of an '87 vandalized chevy on a deserted lot. Or whatever you fancy out of this... excursion. All-in-all, good luck and V-day was meant to suck a..*idontwantmypostdeletedsoitjustsucks*, so if it bombs, join the club.

First off... don't let your friends on your computer again. Lock it down with some passwords or something. You're big into computers so that should be no problem. You're probably better at things than you think you are. I used to think the only thing I could do was develop software (and believe me, I couldn't... I've had over 70 errors in compiling 1 page of code before)... eventually by 16 I became serious about music and now I'm a professional musician. The whole story has a lot more irony to it, but all I mean is that you haven't explored your options yet. Whenever you think about not having a girlfriend, you're right, that's hard. To be honest, I don't either, and I didn't when I was 14.... actually I never have. Just let it be known that you're looking for a relationship and if you find someone, that's one step away from what's going down now. Also, you sound a bit depressed. By 14 you can have a substantial chemical imbalance to create major depression, but that's easy to treat with medicine, just don't wait until it develops into a personality disorder or anything. Your parents or any other caring adult in whom you trust should be able to help you decide what to do or whether or not you need professional help. And above all, if you're thinking about taking your life, don't keep that a secret from those who love you.

These are just my suggestions... Insert a transition between verse and chorus where you hold out the last line of the verse without presense of drums. Enter back with drums on a couplet of snare ghost notes. accommodate the lyrics to suit the music with conjunctions... except for the screaming, which should have few or no conjunctions. Write a back up chorus for supporting vocalists. Something simple, maybe snippets from another part of the song. Have the backups melodic on screaming parts. Don't forget to take your distortion and overdrive pedals into the studio unless it's direcly a rock and metal oriented studio. For this style, I suggest a DOD heavy rocker or an MT2 (or if you want something really heavy try an FZ7 with a clean signal going into an MT2 and max out the low end on the eq). Flange, phase, chorus, auto-pan, etc. can be done in studio, just avoid digital distortion. Use a 5-string bass, to get the low end tones and don't use too much distortion with the E or B strings (that can sound really crappy with a heavily distorted guitar). I would spout out a lot more suggestions but it really depends... are you writing all the parts to it or just the guitar and vocals? One suggestion for sure though, after polishing the lyrics don't trap yourself to what you come out with, it's easier to make changes to the lyrics than to the music, at least without disrupting the flow. Just my two cents. :scramble:

If all you want is a reason to stay... You still haven't lived yet. Contemplating suicide is not life. To speak metaphorically, if you're thinking of taking the jump, then climb from this second story window to the roof.... then see if you still want to jump. I don't think you would, the view would be too much to just give up. A lot of people say that life sucks, and that's life, and everything that goes wrong is just a part of living... "so get used to it." Those people have enough going for them to even out the scales, so another problem to them is like a spill, you can mop it up... but for we who are not yet alive, the same scenario is a hurricane. There is no rectification. That's when you must remember, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Newton meant more than just mechanical science, that's universal. So for every muffled scream and every broken heart and everything anyone can throw at you, eventually, if you stick around, you'll be that much better for it. If not in this life, in the next. The point is, you're on the line between life and death, and each side is greener than where you stand. Death is something you can take solely into your hands, and not rely on anyone or anything else to take you there. It's tempting. But that's not why you're here, you're here because in the depths of yourself, you know, you really want to live. You might not know how to cross the line into life, or there might be something stopping you. If you need something, make that clear. If you're tired of something, do everything you can to end it without regard to whatever the hell it changes. The worst thing that can result from a problem with a solution, however far fetched and seemingly impossible, is death. That's just one reason.

I don't think anyone answered your first question (subject)... The answer is "no" ANOMALY

Just to clear up some things that I don't think communicated well in my original post... by saying that this is the problem, I meant as opposed to the many other things people tend to blame suicidal behavior on. There are other factors, granted, but this is the basis of my life-death imbalance. I don't blame her for any of this, I blame myself for it mostly... after all it is my obsession. I don't know if anything could have worked out because I was too shy to ever ask her out or anything of the sort. I tried to conceal it with indifference. She only learned about it after we moved apart. It was after we moved apart that the suicidal cycle started. As for letting go... that's the original problem. Short of a replacement, a miracle, or a sudden change in personality, how does one just let go of the last 5 years of their life? There is another option, I could admit myself to another psych ward. ANOMALY

...but I probably already am. This is actually a very long story, here's the short and sweet version. I met a girl 5 years ago and within the span of about 2 months became obsessed with her and have been ever since, but she has never cared whether or not I've existed and now we're over 10,000 miles apart, and have been for longer than a year. I try not to incessantly bother her via email, but I can't let go and I can't 'replace' her. This untouched area of my life has become so heart-breaking that I've been thinking about suicide, have attempted many times, and even now have an existing plan. I've been in therapy and on medications for years but it doesn't change anything... I've come to realize that this problem actually is the source. Has anyone ever dealt with anything remotely like this? ANOMALY