sana555

Thank you all for a great summary... Although my breakup ended in getting back together, the forgiveness part is still pending... I have some things that i have to forgive my bf for and myself for as well. I understand the reasons and meant to do so; but every time i think i forgave both of us for the things, during the next conflict i start remembering all those things and blame him for them and realize that i actually haven't forgiven. So here is my question...How do you forgive? How do you know you've climbed up that stair of forgivness? Is it a long process? I can't imagine it happens overnight. thank you for your opinions and insights. i find this website very helpful and not only in the extreme situations, but for ordinary problems as well.

well, you life is a chaos. when it's as messy as you describe it, follow two principles: 1. set your priorities straight 2. take it one day at a time you need to calm down and figure out what your short-term and long-term plans are. cry as much as you want; but don't feel too sorry for yourself. don't spend all your energy staying afloat, look around and figure out how you can get to the closest island and then aim at it. ...you need to get through this-survive. you need support of your friends; but you also need to stay in school. find friends with similar interests who can be your study-buddies. drinking yourself will not do anything good temporarily or long term. 10-20 years later you will blame yourself for wasting your time and not getting anywhere. if you go through it, then 10 years later you'll be proud of yourself; feel confident and likely be successful. life is tough, but think of this series of events as a test. what if God or life is just testing your character before it thinks that you deserve something better. are you going to show yourself and God that you're not worth it? are you a quitter or a fighter? we all make choices and it's your time to make that choice. this is your time girl!

i agree with myadviceforyou. go for your love if you truly believe that this is love and not just a fling; otherwise, many years! down the road you'll be hurt. set the rules right away, otherwise you'll be trapped in promises and doubts. you should also realize that it's a very rough and long road to be together which might make it or break it for you. but i don't believe that true love happens to everybody or often.

i would say that you need to go see a dermatologist. it can actually be an internal problem, infection, etc. sometimes taking antibiotics is required. sometimes the cure is topical. scarring is from squeezing your pimples, so don't do that. it can introduce infection and make it even worse. also go check out link removed see what's there on acne. get educated on this problem. good luck.

I'd say no, it'll be a lot of trouble for you later, you will get hurt.

well he told me that she will be there, obviously i got upset and he said he is sorry he ever told me that because it wouldn't change anything. well i said that not telling me something like that would constitute lying, he said it's not his definition of lying. so now we're trying to come up with common definition that will help us in the future... and other people's viewpoints will help me to be more open minded. one can't ask everything, it's impossible and paranoid, but in the trustful relationship, don't you count on the other person to tell you all the info which can even be upsetting? however, now that i know this info i don't know what to do with it, it's too upsetting, however, i can't admit that i can't handle it and rather not know it...something to work on... thank you to all of you...

...honesty vs. lying... do you think that lying is not telling the truth, fabricating facts...do you think that witholding the truth from someone because you think that it might hurt or negatively impact the relationship is also lying? the example would be: my bf is going to a party that i can't go to, but he has to and he knows that his ex is going to be there...he doesn't tell me that his ex will be there...do you think it's lying? appreciate all the opinions.

I don't think you're crazy...normal but confused. being alone could be beneficial...however it's going to be hard since you have this on-going relationship with your ex. you will need to think what's right with your brain, rather than follow your feelings. nothing is wrong with following your feelings, but for now some clean up is needed and here logical thinking is probably more important. try to figure out what you like to do, may be find some hobby, feels like you're filling up your time with men... just recently i broke up with a person i dated for over three years. it was somewhat chaotic too and i also felt that the relationship is a bit messy...so after an nth number of break up, i swore to myself that i will not see him before october 1st, no matter what...i am afraid that i will follow my feelings next time i see him, come back, and then it'll be all over again... after this date i think i'll be stronger to sustain the pressure, or at least i have some time to think it over and cool off... one day at a time...

i think you're on the right track. she is in better position though, she is ready to move on, may be even just temporarily, but you might just end up hanging there, waiting, pressured not to screw up. so, please take care of yourself; and especially for a guy: build your network of friends who you can later fall back on, if needed. living together with your feelings for each other, might mean that you guys will be on and off... it might eventually keep you together, but it also might bring hard feelings and hurt along the way. i like this saying, something like: it's not the goal that's important, but how you get there... you will keep your hopes up, may be deep down, but you might get hurt and disappointed in her stories or behaviors right in front of you, which will include dating other people. good luck to you. you seem to be a very mature person; but please do not disregard your own feelings; really take care of yourself.

if she kissed you and didn't feel anything, it may not mean much. she might be angry, tired, pressured, or confused. she is 19, remember it. she might be a mature person, but she is still young and hasn't experienced many things. So don't jump to conclusions based on that only, but take a note of it. just like you should take a note of her other behaviors. take a break maybe. separate from each other for a week. i think it should be enough to figure out the feelings. i hear you so well...letting go is the hardest thing to do; but it's so much better when it's done sooner than later. if you're having these problems already and you're not married yet...it's not like you have kids together that you need to work on stuff. Would you honestly marry her in a heartbeat? Do you trust her emotional state, her love, do you trust that you can take care of your relationship by yourself for both of you? Think about it. Marriage is not an easy thing, and it's lifelong commitment by both parties. All the bills right now are just a bit of what you'd probably pay for your divorce; not talking about the other bills accumulated during marriage. So forget that issue. you're saying that when there is nobody on the way you're great. of course, but you don't live alone in this world. It's always like that, there is always something or somebody on the way. The key is to support each other during these natural life distractions. i'd think that she still cares about you, but does she care because she loves you or does she care because she is falling out of love and afraid to hurt you? i don't know that. and she may not know it for sure either. she could also be confused about her feelings. however, from my life i learned to listen to my intuition. when i feel that i can read my partner's feelings, it means that there is this invisible bond between the two of you that allows you to "read" her. But if you're unable to read her feelings anymore, then the link is either broken due to changes of the partner's or your behavior or you don't want to admit to yourself the truth of what you've been reading... don't rush, give both of you some time. [/u]

hey, i'll be brief... i know how you feel and i know how she feels; i've been on both sides of the fense... her doubts will continue; she is giving you signs that you need to consider. Do not disregard them! I understand that you love her more than anything in the world, and i broke up with my bf just ten days ago with the same feeling after similar emotional roller coaster (doubts and convincing talks, over and over again) for 3.5 years. But you cannot convince her to stay, you will only prolong your break up, and even if you do, it will not last. In the meanwhile, you and she will get hurt and there may never be a turning point. When my bf let me go, we actually broke up. Two trips to local bars and one kiss from a guy convinced me that I don’t want this life, I want my bf back. We broke up due to unrelated circumstances, but I truly love him. She needs to make the decision on her own. You need to open your eyes and analyse the situation.

who cares what the girl/guy like...when you first starting relationship, try not guessing the other's wants are--show who you are too! if the girl jumps to judgements (desperate vs. laid back) too fast then that's something to think about also... personally, if a guy hasn't called me in 2-3 days that means he has no feelings of attractions. if a guy calls me the next day, that means he misses my company...may be... be who you are! i wouldn't care how well a guy follows some superficial-somebody-elses' rules, i'd want him to make his own rules, and then see how well he follows them.

very well put. so wise and inspiring. i hope to grow that far in my situation, but at least i can see it can happen... i can find peace in my life.