HeartOnWheels

Having just given advice in another thread, I'll echo these sentiments. I'm in an LDR, my girl too is with me at the moment till after Easter. It is EXTREMELY hard during the times I'm without her, but we DO have a plan and that plan involves her moving her in June. Cut a long story short, known each 3 years and now we are truly serious. LDR's get a bad press because of the fact you're not close to the person and that a great emphasis is placed on trust. What critics of LDR's DON'T tell you is the good they can bring. My lady and I are awesome communicators now as a result of the amount of the time we've been apart. Many couples in LDR's talk, a LOT. Sure it can be about everyday stuff or it can be deep and meaningful. We've had a much better chance to find out everything about each other because we set time aside to talk, every night and weekends when apart. 'Regular' couples may be out at bars, cinemas and the like, together but maybe not talking in the same volume or level. I would be cautious of LDR's if you're in the position of starting/restarting one. Because I've been in a secure and stable LDR where my girl and I are getting close to the point of permanent togetherness, I'm an advocate of them, but caution is advised. LDR's are NOT to be taken lightly. Even though we're a strong couple, the month and half before we can be together for good is going to be just as hard as it always is. LDR's are like any relationship, be sure before you get into them. Just because it doesn't involve you going to a bar and picking up a girl/guy, doesn't mean it's not an acceptable relationship form though.

I can empathise to a degree. I'm currently in a long distance relationship, my girlfriend lives in Norway and I live in London. She has in fact returned to London to be with me for the Easter period. We've known each other three years and we were together for about the same amount time as you and your boyfriend, the first time around. We split up after I felt that I was in a situation of waiting years for her. She in turn probably wasn't as ready as I was to deal with the stresses and strains of the relationship. After nearly a year of staying "just good friends", we ended up back together again and it was so much better than ever before. Now we're very much in love and she is planning to move to London in June. We got lucky though. Where you are now sounds like where we were at when we broke up initially. I love my lady more than anything and she loves me in the same way, as a couple we really work well together. The times apart are VERY hard, we just got done with a one month stretch and then looking at another one month sentence after Easter. Doesn't sound like much, but when you get used to that physicality and closeness, then it's a long time. Personally though, despite this, I really wouldn't recommend long distance relationships. Yes I got lucky and yes I took a chance and it paid off in massive ways. However the vast majority of LDR's are loaded with heartache and stress. You have to be even more committed to the relationship than in any other. You have to have even more trust in the other person than normal and you have to be prepared to deal with LONG periods of not being able to touch the other person. Sure, you know all this already I realise, but if you are considering getting back into that situation, then make sure you BOTH know what you are doing, where you're going with the relationship and whether it's where you want to be going. My lady and I didn't the first time around and that's why we got in the mess we did. I'd be more than happy to help you in any way I can, so email me on email removed if you want to talk privately.

I completely agree with those who are cautious. I was offered a threesome with my long term g/f and her best friend. Now I really found her friend attractive too but after considering it, I turned it down. What's fun for an evening had the potential of going very badly later on down the track. Sex is great with someone you love, but you have to be very careful when you start going down the extra-person road or even other fantasies/desires. For me it just didn't feel right, I was too freaked out by it, what the consequences might be. Don't listen to any hornball male friends that say "go on my brotha, go for it, you'll love it", chances are they're livng their fantasy out through you and getting off on it. Listen to your heart and not your penis, tough job I can vouch for that but worth doing. Fantasies are great in your head. Fantasies may be great during the act. However fantasies can quickly stop being great after you've climaxed.

Hi, Thank you for all the various messages that have come through. Virus: You did indeed get it right when you said "Scoliosis". The doctor also made no mention of death/time of worsening. He said it was a slight gradual curve(6 months ago) and that as I didn't have breathing/swallowing/eating issues, he was more than satisfied. As recommended on many of the Scoliosis sites, the first stage of 'treatment' is to monitor it and see how it goes. No comment has been made on any site I've seen about death through Scoliosis itself, because once the curve reaches (IF it does) 40 degrees, then the back is fused. Physically (whilst attempting to keep a clear head at the same time) it appears that even if the curve restricts breathing etc by going past 45 degrees, there are oxygen supplies etc that I could get if things got bad. Ultimately, I'm sure you'll probably agree that Scoliosis even for a Brittle Bone Sufferer is logically not fatal. Thank you for your advice my friend and it helped a lot. Sweetypie: I would love to talk further with you if that's possible? I'll PM you maybe at a later date and we could talk further. I've been to see my local priest for my mental fears and she was a huge help, so I agree in part that God or whomever does help. On the medical side I agree with you also, and you are probably right that it is not AS serious as I may irrationally feel it is. Thank you for your kind words. Thank you all. Paul

Hi, I am writing out of sheer desperation. Unlike many of the topics here, I'm a unique case. I'm suicidal but don't want to die. Here's the story. About six months ago, I went to the doctor with back ache and pain. He diagnosed a curvature of the spine, which he checked and called a gradual problem. I asked him what I could do to correct it and he said nothing. I suffer from another problem called "Brittle Bone Disease" which means the bones are fragile and break easier than anyone else's bones. Back braces could work, but may be too tight and could break my ribs. That said he told me the curvature was slight and that he wouldn't risk an operation at this stage because he wasn't sure if it the risks (ie damage to my bones) was worth it at this stage. For the last six months then I've been experiencing a terrible form of depression. I've been suicidal because of this and have a feeling of impending death. I've had periods of not eating, sickness and terrible tiredness too. I'm paranoid to the point that I look in the mirror all the time to see if the curve is getting suddenly worse. I feel like I've been told that I've got AIDS and I only have six months to live, even though I know people would operate on me if needed - no doctor would ignore my problem. I develop total irrational panic, wondering if my organs have moved as a result of my bones curving, I am completely gripped by paranoia, terror and fear. I've lost all my confidence and am putting my girlfriend under intense pressure, because I'm reacting coldly to her. That's because I think I'm going to die and I don't want her to be alone. Please help me.

A very tough situation there Splinter. My last girlfriend was from Australia and we clicked absolutely sensationally. An online relationship (which like a question I previously answered, has it's critics) that was going very well, it developed into regular phone calls which grew in number. Things moved fairly swiftly and she came over to the UK to be with me. It failed probably for a similar reason you found, we had rushed things and in our case, she was homesick and needed to get back to her family. I did the same things you did, the begging, the pleading, then I got upset, angry and bitter for a little while, especially as she had not stayed very long. I found myself still loving her, even though she moved on quite soon after getting back home. In the end, if the other person doesn't love you in the same way you love them, it makes it impossible to rekindle any romance. Please be very careful, for your sake and hers. Do not hurt yourself anymore than you have been. You had a very good relationship for a good amount of time, now maybe you should both go your separate ways. I still have moments of weakness when I think of my ex, if you truly love someone, you do think of them and you'll always wonder how they are doing, even when you find someone new. I found though it is better to have a friendship with the person, than risk losing it all by asking them something you already know the answer to. Good luck.

I would most definitely agree, go for it! I've had a number of good long distance relationships because of my own situation. I was actually engaged to a girl that I only saw on weekends, we were together for around two years. I wouldn't be put off just because he's not local, or because other people are sceptics that it can work. If you have good feelings for each other then go with it. Obviously exercise the same caution you would with a local relationship, take your time, take it steady and see how things go. Distance doesn't determine if a relationship works or doesn't, the people do Good luck hun!