lostandhurt

Yes I did, she thought it was funny. Who knows my planned clever message may have not worked but Hi did. Guys that just send Hi or Hows it going or all those other lame messages are lazy. I always include something from their profile except this one time and it worked so go figure. Lost

Thanks We talked about a second date but she is taking some meds for a illness at the moment and they can make her feel weak so I told her lets see how you feel and plan accordingly. If I don't hear from her I will text her around 2 today and see how she is feeling. I know I am no danger to her but she didn't but she was very comfortable with me and I guess watching numerous of my videos gave her a sense of who I am. I am not going to treat this like I don't care if I see her again but I will temper my expectations. I made it clear to her that I do not meet women like her very often and would like to spend more time with her getting to know each other. She knows where I stand for sure. Lost

Okay it has been a while so here is my update. Valentines woman that responded weeks after I sent the initial message never replied to my reply. Not surprised really. So I get a notification from POF that someone likes me or something so I click and the page opens so hit search and there is a very attractive woman first in the list. I go to her profile, like what I see and read so I send her a message. The thing is on Match when you are composing a message you hit the enter button on your keyboard and it starts a new paragraph like usual but on POF if you hit enter is sends the message. So I type "Hi _______," then hit enter to type something clever. Well it sends the message Just basically Hi. Since I am not a paid member I only get to send one message every 24 hours so I am sitting there thinking "well Lost you screwed up that chance" I left the page open and went back to editing a video I was working on and to my surprise she responded. She is into cars, fishing, my kind of pretty and a very attractive figure so of course I am thinking "this is some dude in Bangladesh trying to catfish me" We chat back and forth with her asking a lot of questions and telling me twice I am definitely her type which of course makes me think this definitely a dude. She asks about my youtube channel so I send her a link so she could check me out which convinced her I was legit (her words) I tell her I am game to talk on the phone if she is. She said yes, I sent my cell number and my phone rang seconds later. We talked for about an hour and a half and it went very well. Agreed we should meet for coffee and ended the call. She texted me about 30 minutes later, a little back and forth and set a time the next day (yesterday) to meet. This woman is not like any woman I had encountered in my life so far in a dating situation. She asked a lot of question to weed out any incompatibilities I guess over text. It did set me back a little not because it bothered me but because it was unusual. I gladly answered everything very honestly because that is who I am and she seemed to like what she read. I arrive at Starbucks one minute early and she is not there. I get a text from her and of course think here we go but no she was just arriving. She is just as her pictures showed but prettier with a nicer figure than I had hoped. We talk over our drinks and it goes very well, she needs to pick something up at a store walking distance away so we walk and talk, it feels right so I put out my hand and she takes it. About an hour in a half have gone by and she asks if I want to continue the meet/date and wants to know if I am hungry so we walk to a restaurant I know very close by. We eat and talk and talk which it felt like I was talking WAY to much but she kept asking questions so... Now I know this is long but it worth noting how so much different people are. When we were talking on the phone she asked me "So if invited you over to my house would you assume it was for sex? Could we just sit on couch without you making a move?" I am not 17 yrs old so I can be a gentleman and read a situation and answered "of course, but I will probably be pushing you off not the other way around" She laughed and it was all good. After dinner she asks if I would like to see her house so I follow her to her house we sit and talk on patio and then move to the couch. After a while she laid down close to me as we talked. I didn't make a move and she eventually laid her head on my lap as we talked. It seemed like it was going very well but maybe a little fast which I am fine with as I am a guy and have no fear of strangers which I really was at this point. The first meet lasted 7 1/2 hours and it felt like maybe 2 hours. While we were talking she got a few texts from a guy she had met previous to me and she was supposed to go on a proper date with this evening. She openly told me this to which I replied "You do you, I am not some guy that is going to try and dissuade you, I really like how this if going so far but you get to choose who you spend your time with just like I do" She was leaning towards cancelling the date with him or possibly did. We texted a little once I got home and she is supposed to text me today. Wow that was long. It seems like as far as online dating goes the less I care or try the better results I get. I was living my life with that in the background which feels right to me so I think I will keep it this way. She seemed to be really into me, watched a lot of my videos and seemed very interested in who I am. I am actually excited about this which is a good feeling. I have zero idea what will happen or if I will hear from her but yesterday was a good day. Lost

First off do not make excuses or justifications for what you did. Own it completely. You were clear headed enough to walk to her room and take your clothes off so you were clear headed enough to stop anywhere along the way. Making excuses is insulting to your partner like it really wasn't your fault. Next, some might tell you to take this to your grave and in some cases perhaps it is the best option for some people but it sounds like it is already eating you up. Eventually she will see the guilt in your eyes and suspect you are hiding something. Before you tell her join AA and call your doctor for a referral to a therapist. This will show that you are serious about improving yourself all around. Once it is time sit down with her when there is plenty of time to talk and cry. Be prepared to take what ever she says at you and about you with no defense. Be prepared to answer all her questions without hesitation but be kind and do not go into details unless pressed by her. General information first and if she needs to hear more then tell her. If you live together have a place to stay that night lined up with a friend because she may throw you out and if she wants you to leave then leave as long as she is safe to be alone. How you phrase those words is impossible to help you with because it will crush her so all I can tell you is choose them carefully but be clear so she does not has to guess as to what you mean. In truth there is no easy way to tell the person that loves you so much you betrayed them... Lost

No it is not cheating, betrayal or dishonest. In fact he was very straight with you from the start. He never lead you on, distanced himself from you and stayed because you asked him to. I know in your heart it was never really over and you imagined it would all work out. He accepted and dealt with the end of your relationship a long time ago but you are just at the beginning and the hurt is fresh so you feel the way you do. He didn't do anything wrong but it still hurts. Blaming him will not stop the pain nor will it change anything. Please move past all of this and accept it is truly over so you can start the healing process. Lost

The problem will most of his lies is that he didn't even need to lie, he chose to lie and sometimes for no good reason. This is problematic in a relationship. Without trust there can be no TRUE love. This isn't a pathology, this is a lifestyle choice. He continually takes the easy way out instead of owning his choices in life. You cannot teach someone to be truthful, you cannot beg them to be honest with you and you cannot trust a lair. It is that simple. This is who he is from day one and he has not stopped. I assume you love this man but who are you really in love with? Lost

Those two guys didn't walk over and join you for absolutely no reason. My guess is the guy you were talking to was the wingman and things in his mind became disrespectful to his gf so he bailed. He did the right thing, if it feels wrong then you shouldn't be doing it. If it is disrespectful to your s/o then don't do it. Trusting someone is fine but respect is just as important. Lost

I totally agree. Telling your spouse "there's the door if you don't like it" is someone that needs help opening up and being honest with you and herself. She has obviously changed and wants no type of intimacy at all which is not good. She sounds like a cold person that would rather be alone. Intimacy in a supposedly loving marriage is important. Intimacy does not mean intercourse, it means being intimate with each other emotionally and physically. A warm hug, a kiss for no reason, playful touching and on and on. It sounds to me like she may think she loves you but by the way she treats you she is definitely not in love with you any longer. Talk to her and ask her if she would be willing to attend marriage counseling with you. If she declines then go by yourself so you can have someone to help you figure what is best for your life. Loving her to bits is not enough I am sorry Lost

You never know until you try so go for it. This may be one of those times when you have to play the long game a little. Go on the 3 person date, have fun and then the next chance you get ask this mutual friend if birthday party girl has said anything about you, mention that you really like her and would like to date her. Who knows she may bow out and tell her to contact you. No matter what happens don't decide for them by bailing on a hunch you or we may have on the intentions of either of them. Funny how having a mutual friend seemed like a good thing at first now it is getting in the way. Lost

Walk right through that and go on the date. This is an opportunity for you to spend time with her again like at the party. There were other people there then so go, be charming and funny with both women but focus most of your attention towards her. If she is trying to fix up you and the mutual friend you will know for sure in the first 30 minutes. They are friends and this friend may have told her she has a crush on you so she is being a good friend and not stealing you away. Best thing for you is to go and make it clear you are only into her. If nothing comes of it fine but at least you made the effort and didn't just give up at the first signs of difficulty. If you do this right the mutual friend may tell her to go for it with you as you two get on so well. Dating is not easy and it gets exponentially harder if you quit to easily. Lost

EXACTLY You want a date with her so ask. I don't think I have ever missed an opportunity by asking to soon but I know of plenty of times where I waited to long... Lost

She is into you it seems as you are her so make a move sooner than later. There is nothing wrong with texting her tomorrow unless you want to play games and wait. "I had such a great time talking and hanging out with you at the party, would you like to meet for a drink/coffee/ice cream one day soon?" Right now she has a positive view of you, but if you wait she might start thinking you aren't that into her or play games. If you contact her sooner there is less chance of blowing it with her than waiting unless of course you come off as needy, desperate or overly eager. No need to wait till the next weekend, after work may work out great. Lost

You dodged a bullet with this guy. Stand your ground with douche bags like this. When someone says "Its weird you don't have instragram or followers" Simply reply "Its weird you place so much value on something so fake" Personally if a woman I was interested in judged her own self worth and value on the number of followers she has I would be concerned. Social media has created a generation or two of narcissists. Lost

Does it matter what it is called? There need not be penetration for it to be cheating and in fact an emotional affair is much worse than a one night stand with someone that means nothing to them. Here is one of the most used lines by cheaters: "We are just friends" It does not matter what we think or what reddit thinks, what matters is what you think and feel about her disrespecting you and the marriage while not caring one bit about your feelings. She can use what ever euphemisms she wants but it is still WRONG! It sounds like your marriage still needs work so ask her this one simple question: Do you still want to repair and make our marriage stronger and more healthy? When she answers yes then follow it with "then how does spending intimate time alone with another man help our marriage?" This is one of those its only a matter of time deals so be a door mat and keep eating your emotions until she finally finishes what she started with this guy or start the process of ending your marriage to a woman that clearly is not made for monogamous relationships. Lost

No it isn't. Intimacy is way more than just sex. This is all tied together and a good therapist will help both of you understand this. Your husband was not born this way just like you were not born the way you are. Life shapes us, molds us into who we are. Sometimes good sometimes not so good and we carry it with us until something happens to shock us into bettering ourselves. A dear friend with a serious illness, a death in the family, a close friend falling on hard times, a divorce or break up and on and on. What we do and how we react define who we are. This is a defining moment for both of you and if for nothing else seek out a therapist for your sons sake so he can grow up in a healthy and happy environment. Does your health car provide for counseling? Lost

Take him up on his offer right away. Neither of you will understand and work towards a happy balance without some sort of outside help so don't be stubborn and expect him to figure this all out on his own, reach out and get help if you are serious about making the relationship better. I am sure he made the offer because you mentioned leaving which is unfortunate it came to that but since you are here run with it as fast as you can. I have been on this forum a very long time and when you have read as many threads as us veterans you understand that the OP is posting from their point of view and you learn to spot someone just looking for validation or if they are genuine and want help resolving an issue. If someone gets to a point where they start googling for answers. finds this place and makes an account and posts a thread we need to listen, ask questions and go off the information given. Lost

So the adventure continues on POF. I sent a message out on Valentines evening to a 49 year old woman. That was 20 days ago and she just responded with an apology for not getting back to me as she isn't on the site that often. The thing is she checked out my profile a couple days after I sent the message. In fact I am pretty sure she has checked my profile a few times since I sent the message. I guess she ran out of better options 😁 It actually doesn't surprise or bother me as I totally get it. I will act as if she responded right away and we shall see how it goes. I responded a moment a go and will keep an eye out for a response. Match keeps sending me "Matches" and I can go and view profiles even though my subscription ran out. I guess they are trying to draw me back in. The thing is they keep sending the same ole same ole... Lost

This is coming from a man that was raised by my father to be tough as nails and my heart was hard once a long time ago. Men grow and change just like anyone can. This man has a son which the OP carried and gave birth to which should break down the walls of even the hardest heart. After 15 years no matter how good or bad the relationship has been he should be concerned for her and want her to be happy. If anyone is sitting with their partner and they begin to cry how cold of a person are you to ignore it? How uncaring? It isn't nagging, he just doesn't want to hear it because he would have to put in some effort to try and be emotionally available. He simply may not be capable in his current state. I hope your son is not imprinting on his father on how to treat the ones you love and show compassion and caring towards others. My father was a good man that did the best he could by me with the way he was raised in Texas. He was left handed so his father tied his left arm behind his back at the dinner table because left handed people are not allowed where they lived and no son of his was going to be a lefty. There was no softness as that was considered weakness. Some men overcome their upbringing while others hide behind it. Lost

Do you eat ice cream? Drink coffee? Pancakes? I am sure there are places near where you meet that will give you an idea. Lost Don't over think it, keep it simple.

Are you asking to much? No you are not. If partners cannot or will not support each other emotionally then why be in a relationship with them or anyone for that matter? Seriously, is it just to get a better cell phone plan? If he has always been like this then he is not going to change and since he gets defensive and angry when you try and discuss issues it is highly unlikely this is fixable. The hard part in all this is you have chosen to stay all these years because it was the safe bet, leaving means going it all alone which is scary. You have two choices: -Stay and accept this will always be like this and endure forever or -Start making a plan to break up. No threats, no ultimatums just plan out how you can go it alone with your son. For a resolution to be achieved between two people BOTH have to want it, he clearly is emotionally unavailable and likes things the way they are. Lost

I have had several women ask for my number or tell me we should meet for a drink but a few times the women were kind of aggressive almost like they were doing me a favor. Some guys get scared away easy while others don't. If this guy is shy you need to make it seem like it is a mutual idea but from the sounds of it he has equal interest as you so a more direct approach should be fine. Leave the straightforward part out, be a little coy and say something like you wrote above. "You are a great listener and easy to talk to and cute too, would you like to get a coffee after we are done here?" or simply "I was going to get a coffee/ice cream/drink when we are done, would you like to join me?" Sometime keeping it simple is best. Once you two are alone together then you can turn up the flirting. Touch his arm, laugh at his jokes, smile your best smile while he talks. I am sure it will go very well once the ice is broken. Be brave and ask for what you want. Best wishes Lost

I have had several dogs in my life and each one amazes me how intuitive they are with their families. I just wish they could match our lifespan... Lost

Thanks That is an awesome movie, even more so since it is based on a true story. Lost

I took my dog with me to meet some buddies at a brewery to have a few beers at the end of the summer and one of them asked me "why did you bring Jake with you?" I just replied "you will see" After about 8 women came up to me and Jake in less than 20 minutes my buddy just smiled and said "I get it now" Jake was a natural and somehow knew what was going on. Once at an open air concert at a winery I had him off leash and Jake got up and walked past several women I wasn't interested in all by himself but then stopped by two I thought were cute, put his nose between the two women sitting on a blanket and said hi. They may have been very attractive on the outside but they were not dog lovers so they didn't pass that test. Watched "A Dogs Purpose" the other night. Made my allergies act up 😢 Lost

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