FallenAngel00
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So…Here’s the deal. I have been best friends with Amy (I’ll call her) for the last 6 year. We met at a pet store we were both working for. About 3 years ago, Amy was casually dating/sleeping with my current Boyfriend for about 4 months. My boyfriend ended up breaking up with her for some reason, and she soon started dating his best friend, and has been dating him up until a month ago. My boyfriend and her ended up being “friends with benefits” at one point in between when her and her now again ex boyfriend were broken up. Amy was still friends with my boyfriend and actually set him up with me about a year ago. She was fine with me and him until more recently, when her boyfriend dumped her. Ever since she has been broken up with her boyfriend, she seems to be trying to “sabotage” our relationship. She is my absolute BEST friend and I love her to pieces… but its just that when me and my boyfriend are having a small fight or anything and I go to her for advice, she just tells me to dump him… or tells me that he is probably cheating on me… its always negative… I am under the belief that she wants to sleep with him. It’s a long story, but their history was mostly just sex… and my boyfriend gets the feeling that’s what it is to. I feel bad for her because she just went through a really hard break up. Her boyfriend had cheated on HER while she was pregnant with THEIR child at least 3 times he admitted to. I don’t want to lose Amy as a friend. I understand that she is going through a tough time, but at the same time, I don’t want to ever second guess my boyfriends intentions with me because of what she says. I don’t have a lot of other girlfriends and I miss talking to her about stuff like this. Any ideas of what I can do?
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would you rather have RESPECT from your boyfriend or be treated like a SEXUAL object by your boyfriend? Im sure even the MOST attractive girl's boyfriend you can think of watches porn. (yes... even brad pitt, married to angelina)
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Men watching porn has ALWAYS been such an issue for women! I use to be very upset if i caught my boyfriend watching porn but i mean... men have GENETICALLY more sexual drive than us woman. I just told him thatn i wasnt comfortable with it and that i didnt want want to talk about it with him, and see it myself. He was fine with that, and im sure he does still watch porn sometimes, but that doesnt me he doesnt LOVE me just as much. he HAS to at the very least respect that.
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Pehaps he just appreciates the fact that this other woman appreciates his relationship with his own woman so much Who says the single woman shouldnt get flowers on vday... at least he asked his girlfriend.
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LoL... Hopefully he was kidding and you have a sense of humor. thats hilarious
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I think marriage is what you make it. To me, marriage is saying, i am with you through thick and thin, and will give my honest best to the relationship. The actualy marriage ceremony is a way of showing that to everyone in your life that means something to you. I totally get that people have different views on this, especially since divorce rates are INSANE now a days. I think alot of people get married for the wrong reason - pregnancy being a big one either way, Im not going to let statistics decide what i want. What about Diamonds and Rings??? I do NOT believe that a guy needs to buy me an expensive diamond to tell me that he wants to marry me. This drives me insane!!! Who decided that Diamonds are forever - marketing and advertising!!!! - Its such a scam (sorry, i studied advertising and marketing in school) When i do get married i swear its not going to be with rings... it will be something more unique and personallized to OUR relationship.
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Thank-you very much for your advice... It is very appreciated...from everyone. Thinking about the whole situation has really got me realizing alot about us... I love the guy tons, and i really do think he feels the same way. He really is a good guy to me... we allhave our moments i guess!
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Im worried now that i've made him sound alot worse than he is. 90% of the time, he invites me out with him. So its not that he doesnt want to make plans with me, he just wants to make plans with everyone I guess... which is fine, but sometimes i do just want to do things with ONLY him. I spend alot of time with my girlfriends too... its just harder right now because alot of them have kids and are pregnant... and i like to party (i am only 22)... he really is a great person... I guess i am overreacting to this one incident... its just that i dont want this ONE incident to turn into a frequent event.
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Unfortunately, it sounds like you had some rather horrible friends - It happens to the best of us. I have no answer for you on how you can feel better. These things always take TIME (i hated hearing it when i went through my breakup) - But you will say the same thing one day. Try to keep yourself occupied with different things... start a new sport or activity... Exersize actually boosts your mood.... but i know if you are in that first phase of depression, you wont want to do that. Just take it one day at a time... in most places you can go see a free "counsellor" to relieve some of your emotions. Im so sorry this happened to you, but life does go on, and you will one day be happy again.
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We have talked about this too... Because i really was feeling like that on another occasion (that he didnt want to make plans incase something better came along) and he openly admitted thats kind of what it is, but he said i shouldnt really take it the wrong way.
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NO no no no no.... yikes... he has no problem with anyone i hang out with or what/where im going ... I have lots of guy and girl friends and he knew all that before we were together.
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Oh I COMPELTELY agree that you cant bring your girlfriend on a boy's night... I wouldnt even WANT to go... Im just more frustrated that he sparatically planned a weekend away with the guys and can't commit to a night away with the girlfriend with even 3 months notice...
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PORNO is NOT cheating in any way shape or form. Men are completely visual beings and have a larger sex drive hormone then women... Pornography is a way for men to release this drive... Alot of women See pornography as a "threat" to them. It really isnt at all... they aren't looking at porno thinking "id really like to get to know that girl" or "she is probably alot of fun to hang out with".... they are just thinking that she has a nice body. Dont blame your man... blame the media. It is the media afterall who decided who and what was beautiful. Would you be jealous of your man watching ponography of women you thougth were unattractive? probably not right... well just keep that in mind. I am not comfortable at all with pornography... but at the same time, i realize that it is just a natural thing for men to want to watch. As a woman, i will never fully understand. My boyfriend knows that i dont like it... so he doesnt watch it in front of me, and doesnt leave porno lying around our house.
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Although you guys may have made the decision "together" to stop drinking, she might have felt the pressure to make the agreement because your happiness is probably very important to her. In previous experience, she needs to be the one who makes the decision for herself... with no outside influence. Unless you do something for YOURSELF alone, it probably won't stick... and moreover... it can cause the people you love to feel betrayed by you. I think that just being there for her is the best thing you can do. It goes back to being a kid... rebellion of some sort....
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He has always been one of those "last minute" planners.... and it truly does drive me nuts.... i just never seem to be a part of any of these sparatic plans he thinks of. and NO he isn't really into hanging out in banff sipping coffee or hiking i guess... but he knows im pretty easy going to do anything that he might be interested in if we were to just GET AWAY. Men are so different than women are... You seem to have some very good insight. I never thought that he would take my trying to plan things as controlling... but it totally makes sense. Its just i feel like if i dont try to make plans, then we're never gonna do anything... i guess thats a personallity difference taht i need to try to understand...
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I never would have thought of it like this - thank you. How do i explain to him... without making him feel like im trying to control him... that im upset. How do we overcome this issue if it is the case? I would NEVER want him to feel like he has to ask me for permission to do anything...
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So what do you suggest? We probably did move in fast, but again... things have been really good... this has been our first real "fight". We're good at giving each other space when we need it...I just have been in previous relationships where ALL of a sudden the first fight turns into fights every weekend. I guess im scared and that could be causing me to react more sensitively to this weekend.
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OH i would definetely be happy with a day trip... that was what i was asking him to do this long weekend because He gave me the FINANCIAL issue this weekend, which didnt make sense anyways since I had just said "for the day". I do have a car... that isnt an issue.
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I guess he really didnt "break" any plans with me, but i did ask him on valentines day to go away this weekend to the mountains... not skiing or anything... just to get away for a day... but again he gave me the money and work excuse. Hmmm... we do spend alot of time togehter him and I... i guess that justify's a weekend away. It just sucks because i would definetely WANT him to come with me if i was going somewhere for the weekend... especially if i knew he wanted to get out of town as well...
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From what He told me on the phone, he was going to have to pay to stay at a hotel. His friend that is there is only there to work (back on friday by the way) and is also staying at a hotel... I dont think its financial because i always offer to pay my half... only fair right?
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Happy Morning to you All! I am writing to cross-check my anger... If I am overreacting then I want to know. My boyfriend and I have been living together for about 7 months... together for 8 months, but best friends for two years. He is an amazing boyfriend overall but this weekend, and a few other incidents has got me a little bit uneasy about our relationship. Ive been asking him for the last 4 months to go on a trip with me... road trip that is to wherever around our city just to get away for a bit. When we were friends he went on many road trips and overnighters outside of town. When my birthday was coming up (ok, so 3 months prior), i told him i really wanted to go skiing... I gae him so much notice and when it finally came close to the date to book, he told me he didnt have the money and couldnt get the time off work. I shrugged it off. On valentines day, i asked him if we could go away THIS weekend... since we've never been anywhere i thought it would be nice... again, his reason was that he needed to save his money and that he probably had to work... again, i was fine. Friday night rolls around, and he calls me at about 6:00 to let me know that he is having a boys night with his friend... So I plan a girls night out with my friends. 2 hours later he calls to tell me that him and his friend are going to visit their other friend in a small town 8 hours away and that he wont be back until monday. So now its Sunday morning and im just feeling so hurt by the whole situation. I get that we need our time apart and that he needs his boy's night... as i do need my space also - thats not the issue. I just am upset that he knows that i've wanted to get out of our city for a while and couldnt even have the courtesy to invite me along... or something. I dont know what to say to him so that he understands why im so upset. I love him very much, but i am not one to put up with these kind of downfalls. I guess i just need to know if i truly am overreacting or if the way im feeling is failry "normal". Moreso, i need to know how to deal with HIM so he undersetands how i feel... any advice anyone out there?