Dorsay
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Everything posted by Dorsay
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May be ask yourself--should we be friends? If you truly care for each other and enjoy the friendship, may be a healthy friendship can foster LATER. If the reason is hoping for getting back together, then it may not be a good idea. A frequent contact after a break up will confuse you. I hope you can give yourself a little break and a space between you two. You need to accept that it is over and start the healing process.
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I am actually known to be very feisty. My friend told me he liked me feisty, so no one could push me around. I don’t get angry easily because I always try to understand the other person’s point of view, although I may not agree. Usually I will be angry at the situation, not the person. I actually feel sad for my friend. He will never find love if he is unwilling to love. I also want him to call or email me, so that I can either ignore him or get things off my chest, besides, I also miss him. Am I pathetic?
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Bambina, the song is perfect! According to my friend, he was trapped in a loveless marriage for many years. The reason for not breaking up sooner was because of the kids. I met his wife before, she’s a lovely lady. She told my friend that he liked her but never loved her. It was hard for my friend to accept what she said, but he couldn’t 100% denying it. I’ll say the priority for him is always his kids, his career and then his feelings. I think he probably carries more feelings towards me than most women he’s been with, and he did tell me I was very important to him and he’s crazy about me. Yet, it isn’t enough when he already declared that he wouldn’t be able to give me more. I could have given us more time to see if he would change, but how could I do it after I heard what his expectations were? As you said, I don’t want to play second fiddle to anyone. Besides, I don’t think we can change people. My problem is that I don’t get angry enough. Just like you, I want to get everything off my chest. I want to tell him to stop telling me that he cared about me and didn’t want to hurt me…he hurts me so badly by not respecting me. You said your friend took advantage of your fondness for him. I told my friend that he was abusive. I couldn’t quite figure out how to explain this to him before. Now I know that what I meant was him taking advantage of my kindness and my fondness for him. However, there’s really no point to bring it up to him anymore. If the right opportunity comes, I may. Take care.
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I am disappointed with my friend. I am angry at his actions, but not with him, unfortunately. He is a good person, may be his perspective of a relationship is very different from me, and may be I am the wrong person for him. Unfortunately, he didn’t know what he did would hurt me. I didn’t explain what made me decide to break up the relationship. He told me he would never love me as he has never loved anyone before, so I shouldn’t expect anything from him. However, he enjoyed our relationship so much that he would like to continue to see me, but he will continue to date others. He wanted me to be his “companion”. It doesn’t matter if he calls it “companion” or I call it “mistress”, it would be fine if I accepted it, but I did not. Something fundamental to me is missing here, not only the trust is broken. To let myself heal is my priority right now. I have to let go of any thoughts of reconciliation.
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Thank you for the kind words, Moonbeam. I am not turning back regardless what he may offer me if he comes back. If he truly respects me and cares about me, he wouldn't date other women. He told me there wasn't any person, but to me it's unacceptable that he sees it's okay for him to date. I went to see a therapist the first time in my life yesterday. I told the therapist what my friend expected from our relationship; I told him I felt like he's asking me to be his mistress. Sadly, the therapist agreed. My friend is such a good person, how could he treat me like this? I like the dropping a waterbed mattress dream. What a relief of anxiety must be, accident or no accident! For me, I just keep running. It makes my mind a bit clearer when I run.
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Yeah, it's day 18 for me. I also thought about what ifs--what if I just fell into his arms that night and stopped thinking about the whole thing. Well, that wouldn't be me then. I thought each day will get better, but so far it hasn't. My friend was very disturbed when he realized that we couldn't be friends anymore. I don't know, may be we will, may be we won't. I will only contact him if I am certain that he won't open up the wound. I am glad that you're getting back to your graduate programs. It must be exciting to be back to school. I still have my running, drawing, family, but I need to do more. I am getting a bike and may be arranging a trip. I have to go now. Take care and talk to you another time.
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It's hard although I know I'm doing the right thing. It's really like I was in a dream and now I'm awake. It'd be great if he misses me or feels sorry for what he has done, but there's no way for me to know. Besides, I am not going to turn back anyway. I know I have to find a way to let myself heal. Now, it is all about me. How are you doing? Are you in contact with your friend? Take care of yourself and let's hope that we'll be all well by x'mas.
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The pain is in the details. I do recall one day asking him where he got the flowers. He awkwardly told me that they're from his neighbor. I didn't press it further because I didn't want to nag. The night that we broke up, he told me that he didn't want to be with anyone but me when he's with me. I asked him if he felt the same way with other women. He gave me a noncommittal answer--"depending on the person." This hurt alot then, and it still hurts alot now. Why didn't I tell him how selfish he was? On one hand I still want him to know how much he hurts me, but on the other hand, I just want to exit with some class. It isn't going to change anything even if I tell him, unless it helps me heal. Well, I know myself better--it will just make me feel worse if I do so. He asked me if I regretted for getting involved with him. I didn't answer him because I didn't want to hurt him. Th truth is that I have nothing but regrets.
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You could have written my story. My “friend” and I met about a year ago and broke up for over 2 weeks now. He could not commit to give our relationship a try, or at least approach it with an open mind. He told me he cared about me, but never discussed anything serious between us. I didn’t know that he was dating other women until right before we broke up. He asked me if I knew he was dating, now I regret that I lied—I said I did. I lied because I was too embarrassed to admit that I was naive. He asked me to stay, but I couldn’t see how I could stay in this non relationship relationship while he’s dating others. I have never been a clingy type and to have some self-respect back, I broke up with him. He acknowledged that I wanted no contacts with him, but he called me about 2 weeks to ask me to call him if I wanted to. I know that we are over but it’s very hard to move on especially because I truly thought that he only had me in mind and all we needed was time. If I am angry with him, probably it’ll be easier to let him go, but I am not. I am just feeling hurt and betrayed. I am sure he can easily move on, but am frustrated that I can't.
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Hi Lioness, it's been 2 weeks since we broke up. My progress? I have my ups and downs, but mainly downs. I wanted to call him so badly last night, but I didn't. I am always a very strong person, but this time, I know I need help. I'm going to see a therapist next Monday, may be he can give me some insights. I went on a 16 mile run last saturday, and will do it again tomorrow. As I said, I spoke with his ghost the whole way. I never had an angry run, but this one was sad. There isn't any hatred with him, but just hurt and sorrow. I'll get over it.
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Hi Lioness, I wish I could give you more support. I really feel sad for your situation. For me, I guess I just fell in love with someone who's unable to open his heart to me. He treated me wonderfully and made me believe that I was special to him. I found out that I wasn't that special after all, and he's been actually dating other women although as he said there wasn't anyone with long term possibilities. He wanted me to stay, but I just couldn't do it. I didn't contact him since, but I am thinking of him everyday. The pain is there every minute-feeling foolish, feeling betrayed, missing him, thinking of what ifs. I had a very long run last saturday. I spoke with his ghost throughout the run. Comparing to your pain, I'm sure that mine is nothing. So, I almost feel guilty for telling you what happened to me. I believe me we will heal if we allow ourselves to. It's a painful process, but we'll be happy one day. In the mean time, please take care of yourself.
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I dreamt of him last night. I really want to get over him, but his ghost is still lingering. I have good days and bad days...I guess today is a bad one. I'm in a stage of accepting the break up but hard to let him go. Will I really feel better everyday? If so, why am I feeling miserable again?
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It doesn't matter who initiated it back then. What matter is that you both knew the relationship wasn't working out. I initiated the break up, but my friend didn't give me enough reasons for me to stay. So at the end, we chose to do what's the best for us. If you could recover back then, you can recover again. Tare care.
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I am sorry that you're hurting so much. I'm also asking the same question--when will this aweful feeling go away? I'm a long distance runner, my running theory is always--put one foot forward. Please take a little step forward each day. When you absolutely can't move or find youself numb, then stop and take a deep breath. I am hoping that your pain will go away soon. This painful journey may be a marathon, but it will end.
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Hi Doolittle, How are you? Are you doing better today? I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.
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I understand the ups and downs. I broke up with my friend almost 2 weeks ago. When I wake up in the middle of the night, he's the first thing that's in my mind. I try to do the right thing--not calling, writing but not sending them out, running, drawing....but he's still there. It's very hard for me to let him go especially because I am the one who chose to walk away. I had many opportunities to get back to him and I still can if I want to, but what good does it do? I know the relationship isn't going to work, so prolonging it will only make the separationship harder later. It's very hard even if we know that we're doing the right thing. I don't have any support group, so just like you, I'm seeing a doctor this afternoon. I'm trying to do anything that can help me through. Hang in there.
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The weekend was very hard. I felt terrible after listening to his message last Friday. Now I completely understand the potential devastation if there're contacts. I'm slowly accepting that he's gone; our relationship is over. The painful part is that I know him well--he is not going to call again. He left it to me to decide, and I am the one who chose to walk away from this relationship. Accepting that we are over is painful. Can anyone tell me how long the pain will last?
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It hurts. I listed to the message 3 times. He called to say hello. He made it sound our breaking up is easy for him. I erased the message. No, I'm not going to call. It hurts alot.
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Oh no, he's calling now. I just let the phone ring....
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It's very tough for me right now because we broke up exactly a week ago around this time. We both thought that we could work it through. How naive we were. I'm determined there'll be no contacts, but why am I checking my emails? But don't worry, I won't call or email. I write everyday, but never send them out. I hope one day I'll read them and feel proud of myself. It's a painful learning process.
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Does she miss me or think about me?
Dorsay replied to JDMxTeGrA101's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I am asking the exact same questions? Is he thinking about me? Does he miss me? So what if he does? It's over. I broke up exactly a week ago around this time. So it's very hard for me now. I told him I didn't want any contacts, but he didn't take it well, so I know he'll call. When he does, I'm not going to answer--not to be rude or punish him, but just don't want to be confused and back to square one. If you think talking to her will make you heal, then by all means; if not, just let it go. It's very hard but we'll get over it one day. -
It's very comforting to know that there's support out there. Thank you. I deleted his numbers and email address a couple of weeks ago. I also tossed out everything except a couple of things. When I'm ready, I will ask a friend to keep them for me. Hopefully I will ask them back and toss them out myself. It's hard, but I need to move on.
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My friend and I have been slowly breaking up for the past month. We're great together but I guess the timing is all wrong. All I want is a chance for us, knowing that we may or may not work out. He can't even do that because he said he is in a very unsettling stage right now (that part is true). However, he really wants to continue our relationship. Last week when I saw him, I told him I couldn't continue anymore and it'd be hard for me to have contacts with him. He said he would give me some time to think about the whole thing and asked me not say anything profound. I guess he didn't want to accept that we're breaking up. Although in my mind, it's over, I'm afraid that if he calls, it's going to be confusing and painful. So when he calls, probably in a week or two, should I answer? Should I give a "formal" breakup? To me, it's over. It's very painful but I really don't need a formal closure. By the way, if he's really crazy about me, why is he dating others? Is this his way of telling himself and me that we're not in a committed relationship? Or, is he not really crazy about me?