scared44

I went through this with my sister... She was with her boyfriend, living together, for ten years. They were together constantly, even worked in the same office. He did the same thing. Came home one day and said he wanted to live by himself. There was no warning, nothing. He adamently denied there was any other woman, and my sister believed this since they too were always together. It caused a rift between my sister and myself because I kept telling her that she needed to be on guard because all was not as it seemed. She got very upset with me because she totally trusted him. Shortly thereafter, the truth came out and he did indeed have another woman. My sister and I made up (I wasn't mad just because I knew she was hurting and wanted so badly for it to not be true). Just take all he says with a grain of salt...I know you want so badly for all of this to just be a bad dream, but you don't just wake up one day and want out-there is a reason... Take care of yourself-best of luck.

Point blank...it doesn't matter why she said she was too old for this crap and whatever else she said. It doesn't matter that he talks crap about her, and her about him...What does matter is that YOU cut all ties with BOTH of them and get on with your life. He screwed up, she knows about it-THEY need to deal with this mess...YOU need to get on with your life. Trust me on this one, it will NEVER end up with anything but more misery if you let it go on.

When you do talk to her, make sure that you are strong...I confronted mine lastnight about text messages on his phone. Trust me, she will turn it around to be you-in the end, the fight won't be about her e-mailing, it will be about you snooping. So be strong, stick to what the others have said...that how you found out doesn't matter any more, it's the fact that it's still going on. I would be walking around town thinking life is grand if I hadn't have been snooping. I'm not proud of the snooping, trust me, but I never ever would have found out otherwise...good luck, and stay strong!

When you do it, let her know why-then she won't be calling you a hundred times after wanting to know what she did. You can just move on...definitely no long conversations so she has time to apologize...

Let me just say, I am very sorry for this. I know exactly how you feel, and it sucks...big time. Take it from someone in your situation, the ex won't ever be out of the picture. Just when you think they are, you find another e-mail, voice message or text message...and you are back to square one again. You give them chance after chance to get "it" together, and you think they have...but they don't-they just like to make you think they are. You find yourself making excuses for their behavior, and questioning yourself. Please don't be me...you sound like you are young and have so much ahead of you...You have given 100%, she abused that. Just let it go, and I promise you, you will find someone that will not abuse that trust and what you have to offer. Yes, it is much easier said than done...

I know you are right...I just don't want to admit it. After he got home last night, I checked his phone and he had deleted the dialed call that he had made to her earlier in the day that I intercepted-just so he can lie to me and tell me he didn't call her. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Makes me want to scream!!! About her passcode...I just figured that she is kind of numb, and probably didn't change it from when the phone company set it...it's usually the last four digits of your number-I tried it, and it worked!!! I know it's very dishonest, and I do feel bad about it...sometimes I just think that ignorance is bliss and I should just stop checking their phones.

I've posted on here before, and nothing is any better. (Just to get you up to date) After living with my boyfriend for three years, his ex-wife has gotten in touch with him and wants to get back together. He is confused about what he wants. I have put up with him visiting her, calling her, her calling him, her texting him, and so on. I told him about a month ago that I was moving out because I couldn't handle "their" relationship any more. Now just to interject something here-he thinks I'm blowing things way out of proportion. I know her pass code to her voicemail and I know his. So I've heard both of their messages to each other. His have been mostly basic messages, but hers are "I love you", "I want to be with you tonight" things of that nature. Now I know that I am just as dishonest going behind their back and listening to those messages, but I would never know anything that is going on if I didn't. He comes home and acts like there is nothing wrong. So when I tell him that I'm moving out, he decides that he wants to move with me. He says he wants to be with me. I told him that he is going to have to do some serious soul searching, that I don't want him bringing all his baggage with him. He said he was all set, it is me he wants to be with. Well, since then, they have still been in touch. She called Saturday and asked to use his truck to move and he let her. I told him Sunday that I was done, that he needed to just go. He said he isn't calling her (obviously lying) and doesn't want her. I just called about ten minutes ago and listened to her messages and he called her (right after he hung up with me). The message was "Just calling to see what was going on. I'm just delivering equipment around town today and thought I'd give you a call. I'll try you again later. C-ya." Now I know that is a basic message, but what the heck? My question is, I'm going to be with my family in PA for the holidays. I live in ME, and so I'll be gone for a few days. Should I just tell him to pack up and be gone when I get home? I love him very, very much, but I can't handle this whole situation any longer. I don't know if it's just an ego boost to have us both hanging on, but I can't deal with this, and I don't think I deserve it. I just need to strength to let go...

The daughter aside, because he should ALWAYS put her in front of everyone and everything if there is abuse involved, has he always talked about her (the wife) like he is just mad at her and everything that she does? I know a few people disagree about the jealous issue that you brought up, but I can tell you that I am in a similiar situation right now. My boyfriend of three years has done nothing but talk crap about his ex-wife-couldn't stand her, wouldn't care if she fell off a cliff, she's stupid...blah, blah, blah. Well about three months ago she decided that they should get back together again. All of a sudden, he thinks he might have feelings for her. Told me that he "thought that that's what he wanted all along". Well, needless to say, this was all news to me. Maybe the two situations are completely different, but I wouldn't totally discard it either. I had no clue in the world that he had feelings for her that he was just covering up with anger... Just try to support him if he's talking crap about her in regards to their daughter and what she does that effects the daughter-those things are justified...but if he's just talking crap for the sake of talking crap, I would just keep myself alert....

it must have worked, at least a little...he's gone from getting up three plus times a night to only once, and the past few nights have been not at all!!!!! We shall see. I hope it's not just a phase. I hope that he really, really stays in bed. The hypnotherapists was wonderful. She talked a lot to him before she did anything-just to get some trust going. Then she made him a couple of relaxation cd's for bed time. I would recommend it to anyone. I might even try it for myself!

Sorry I haven't been on here for awhile-been a busy girl. That's great with your kids-hopefully it has lasted! My story is still the same...no sleep. I contacted a pediatric hypnotist today and she thinks she can do wonders with my son. I'm very excited. He goes on Monday. She seemed to think it was a habit thing-him getting me in the night-and she seemed to think she could calm his fears and maybe even help with his ADHD so he doesn't need medication. I can't wait for this!

I can tell you from experience with my eight year old son that stimulants work differently for every child. Stimulants like Concerta and Adderall make my son psycotic. I mean he was anxious, paranoid, just the littlest thing would upset him and he would talk about dying. It was the most horrible thing that I have very been through. Then I looked on the internet and found that some antidepressants work very well with ADHD kids. They put my son on Wellbutrin, and I can tell you that it has been a god send. My son was hyper, but more so he needed it to concentrate or sit still in class. He has been on this medication for probably about 8 months or so, andso far so good. It's the trial and error process that really wears you down.

That's probably what I need to do-is come up with a plan and talk to him about it in advance. I can do that plan for sleeping no problem, it's what we do when he wakes up plan that we are going to have to work on. (that's the part the bf is having a hard time with)

My son and I have been living with him for three years. We had been dating for a year before that. My son's father works away all week so he only gets to see him on the weekend. All in all, all three of us get along well. His daughter only comes over a few nights a week due to school. We never fight in front of the kids-rarely fight at all. I think overall it's good.

Well hopefully he won't still be waking me up when he's 15...geesh, can you imagine. hehehe We do have a routine everynight-the only problem with that routine is that he likes to have me in the room to fall asleep. Then when he wakes up in the night, he can't go back to sleep because I'm not sitting there. I think that maybe the main issue here...not sure. Yes, we did the positive praise thing too-and that is exactly what we did-we went to Chucky Cheese...so I know he can do it, it's just what bribe works maybe???? I don't know...at a loss...

Well that's just it. My bf understands that they are different, but I don't think he really gets that they function differently. He has gotten better over the years. The only reason that I would even consider my bf talking to my son too is that he seems to listen to his words more than mine. My son knows how to work me, and sometimes my bf just has to speak(not yell) once and my son will listen.