Mckenziegirl38

Hello Everyone, been awhile since I've posted. I've been through so much. I didn't know how low I could ever sink. I am much better, getting by. I can even smile again. I am going through so many emotions that it's crazy. One minute I'm sad, the next I am excited about the future (isn't that strange?). My husband was dragging his feet, although he still wanted out, so I filed for divorce myself. It has now started. I will have to be ok with it. He is such a changed person. He is alienating friends. Everyone keeps asking me what is wrong with him, if he is on drugs, because he seems to be so. Drugs meaning steriods. His mood swings are award winning. Saturday he called me 6 or 7 times....wanting to hear my voice....can he spend the night with me....you get the picture...of course I said no. Then he turned on me. Strange. I just don't know him anymore. My heart still skips a beat when I remember the man before or all the memories, but hopefully that will fade. I am keeping the house and hopefully my sanity. Thanks to everyone who helped me through the very beginning when I thought I was going to die.

Hi Mike, nothing has changed. He came home to use the workout room and I noticed his wedding band off. That about sent me into a tailspin. He still kept using terms of endearment when speaking to me (hon, sweetheart etc.) which confuses me. He still wants out of the marriage and now his reasons just seem flighty and petty. I'm having a terrible time coping. My weekend was horrible. I am exhausted as I'm soooo tired but my mind won't shut off at night. I think I had a panic attack at work on friday. I couldn't breathe, my heart was racing and I just started shaking uncontrollably. Luckily after a few minutes I got a hold of myself. My sanity is shakin. I miss his family also. Neices and nephews found out and started crying. I'm still at a total loss and feel my whole world slipping away.

I have been with him since I was 18 yrs old. Never been with another man. Which is also killing me.

Thanks everybody, posting and reading the advice here helps a bit. I have checked with his friends, checked cell phone bills, credit cards....nothing. He can't get a credit card by himself anyway. Throughout our marriage I finished school and went on to better myself, he wouldn't. I was fine with that. He has a decent job, but will not go any further. A while ago he used to say that I would leave him, and I always assured him that would never happen. I just don't understand it. Whether there is or isn't another woman, he won't be able to live the lifestyle that we were used to. I'm still in shock. I've gone over everything in my mind over and over. Nothing seems to pop out. As I've said, I've kept myself in shape. Even recently he told one of his friends that he was lucky to have a 'hot' wife. I guess none of that matters now. But I'm still reeling.

Thanks Ash. You make a good point, the reason being, is that yes, I got him a corvette for his birthday and last month he wanted his back and arm hairs lazered. Didn't think anything of it, said sure ok. For a time he has been slowly losing his hair on his head, never bothered me though, but it did him. But I have always taken excellent care of myself also. Oh, I also let him get a boat last year. I don't know...things are crazy

Thanks Kermit. I asked him if he wanted to separate for awhile. At first he said ok, that he didn't want to throw away 20 years, that we could separate and try counseling. Then, changed his mind and said that he likes being alone (after 2 days?), and that counseling has never helped anybody he knows....so much for that.

Thanks to everyone. I'm not sure what to do next. If it is another woman, you know, I really don't want to know. My heart is crushed just the same. I'm scared. I've never been alone, never had to be, always had him. Even though in my brain I know people have survived this. I just don't see how. I cry all the time and shake. How does one literally begin a life at my age? (38). Every memory has him in it. Every story involves him. All our friends. Oh, the only other thing I thought of is that there is this guy at his work who is on the verge of divorce. He married a women not from this country (just wanted a green card, we supposed). She is never there (leavesfor 3-6 months at a time). He always was asking my husband to go out for drinks after work. Telling him how great it is to not answer to his 'wife'. Don't know...was just a thought. I may just be pulling at anything.

Oh, also...of course I asked him if there is someone else or if there "might" be someone else he is interested in. He was adament about that. Says honestly there isn't anyone even in his thoughts. Just that he doesn't want anybody but himself right now. He claims to be extremely broken up over this too. But I don't feel as though he is as miserable as I, just because he is the one who wants this.

No, really I don't believe so. Believe me that was my first thought. But then I thought, where would he find the time? I'm not kidding when I say that we were CONSTANTLY together. There was never any time for it. There are no signs. He would call me (for 20 years) about 10 times a day (no kidding). NOTHING was out of the ordinary. How can one person go on telling one person how much he loves them daily, then decide to leave? That is why I am having such a hard time dealing with this. He even recently (2 wks ago) told one of his best friends how lucky he is to have me. I'm thinking...what? mid-life crisis? brain tumor? I'm at a loss. He won't talk, except to say that he is sorry and that he wants to be alone.

Hi everyone- I found this site today and thought it was worth a shot to ask for advice. The day before New Year's eve my husband said he wanted to end our 13 year marriage and be single again. I am devastated. Did not see this coming. In fact the Saturday before he was telling me how much he loved me, needed me, can't live w/o me etc... He bought me lingerie and mushy cards (which was usual). We hardly ever fought. As I've said we have been married 13 yrs together 7 yrs before that, so I am looking at the end of a 20yr relationship. We had no children. My heart is completely broken. I can't eat (lost 8lbs so far), can't sleep. I feel all alone. How does one go on? I did not see any cracks, he says he didn't either (huh?). I asked how he could love me so much one day then a week later completely change. He said that "people change". In a week??? He said he wants to be single and not answer to anyone. At first, he was willing to go to counseling. But then late Saturday he told me no that he just wants out. I am finding it very hard to cope. I went back to work today for the first time after the holidays. He wants no lawyers and for it to be speedy. I'm at a loss. Any advice? Thanks so much