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You should try talking to your parents and see if you can appeal to their better senses. If they truly love you and your sister, they should realize what they are doing to you both. They should be able to be the adults they are and be able to sort this out without affecting their children.

Thank you all for your time and postings. She sometimes says that she may never have really been attracted to me, and there are times she says that she has had some wonderful times. She does not believe in counseling - says that "nobody can get inside her head". She says she has to feel the attraction all by herself. We went thru a 2 month separation where i was almost ready t move on and told her as much. She then came back crying and saying she wanted to try. Two weeks later, its the same thing. She says she does not believe in counseling., All I asked when she came back is to keep an open mind - and a promise to work on making things work. I just think that my being ready to move on and connect with other people made her feel what she was missing? Thats what she said - almost. During our separation, she had said I should move on .. and I did. I am not the kind of guy to be alone for the rest of my life and I did post my profile on a matrimonial site, got a lot of interested emails and actually spoke with one girl in a similar situation who wanted to explore a possible future together. That was when my wife broke down and wanted to come back. My problem is I completely went back and am in a state where I am going thru the same emotional roller coaster ride as I did in the past 8 - 10 months leading up to the separation.

I am divorcing with my wife of 13 years and I cannot believe this is happening. My wife says that she wants to be with me for the rest of our lives, but shee does not want a physical relationship with me. We are only in our thirties ... How does one stay in a marriage celibate? She says she is not physically attracted to me. This started coming out about 10 months ago, and I have been trying to get her to a marriage counselor - she came once and gave up. I have been going to counseling by myself for the past 8 months. Even the counselor has been suggesting that maybe I should let go.. We have these two beautiful children that I would hate to have to go thru this. At the same time, I cannot live with my wife who says she is attracted to other men, but will not(Very simply and crudely put) have sex with me. She has not had an affair, but is so bull headed that she just believes that counseling will help and she just does not want to give it a chance. I have known her for 15 years and always believed that I will spend the rest of my life with her... It is so painful ...

Not my forte - I've always been a shy kinda guy myself, but I would think not. You can strike up a conversation .. Why not? You can have coffee or even a lunch together ..?

Dear KK, It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. This is an old cliche, but one that I went by when I was falling in love. I also knew that it was an uphill battle and at some points, it seemed like I was battling against all odds. I happened to be lucky that I did get her to agree to marry me, and we've been married for 12 years. It is another story that my marriage and relationship is in deep trouble now, and it seems like some of the roots of the trouble i sprobably the fact that I was madly and deeply in love(and still am) but she "liked" me enough to marry me. I also have to say that I have done some incredibly stupid things in my life, but that s another story. Long story short is that you have shown yourself capable of being such a loving, caring person that you will surely find another more mature guy who you will learn to love, and who will love you for what you are. You have expanded you heart by loving, taking the pain of letting go. Look inwardly and identify and recognize that for what it is - your strength rather than your weakness. Emotions are funny that way, and you will find it hard initially, but that is what I think it is. Good luck, sweetie and hope you climb out of this one and find someone else that you will fall in love for good(For life).

Thanks again - I am looking it up. I will try and get to one as soon as I can.

Thanks Monkey1 - I am trying to find out about Counseling in my area. I intend to call and find out - Is there any sourcefor good counselors?

My wife of 12 years is now saying that she is not fulfilled sexually ... She never seemed to have much drive and I had suggested using aphrodisiacs or seeing a doctor, but she was too shy. We did have some great sex - and she had really come out of her shell for the past one year or so. It turns out now that she is not attracted to me sexually at all. She loves me, but in every other way. She says she has realized that we have no sexual chemistry, and that is very important to her. She is even considering a separation and an "emotional divorce" and says that she wants to be fulfilled sexually and if I am not the one, then maybe some one else. She has also admitted that she is probably in love with a guy from work, and she does feel the "sexual chemistry" with him, although she has never really become physical with him yet. He also has feelings for her and has admited it to her. The positives for me: She still loves me and would not really want to hurt me. She would not want to break up our family of 2 kids. There is a lot of bonding between families- her parents and my parents would be absolutely heart broken if there was a break up, and my wife is usually very, very considerate and affectionate. She always tries to do the "right" thing. She says she wants to feel the "need to" jump into bed with me - the desire. The negatives: I have tried very passionate foreplay, setting the atmosphere with music etc. and she still says it did not set her bells ringing. I have suggested seeing a marriage counselor and/or sex therapist and she is against it. I have been devastated ever since she suggested "emotional divorce" two / months ago and have have been on an emotional roller coaster. I am now on Zoloft for Generalized Anxiety Disorder and depression. The zoloft is not helping nowa days - I am still waking up sweating in the midle of the night and cant sleep for more than a few hours on most days. I should also mention that my wife has a mind and will of steel. If she were to ever see a shrink, she would be the most challenging patient ever. I apologize for the long post but appreciate any help with this.

But I am sorry to say that mbinsf found out her hubby was cheating . You may want to check her thread ...

Miss Dashwood, I have been following your thread with some interest. I do get the feeling that you are consistently level headed and logical/analytical. While I am not very great at relationships myself(Also being the reason I am in these forums - I have postings for help), I cannot help but feel that you should have asked him about it yourself. If he cannot talk, and you are so straighforward and logical about it, why not? The worst thing I see happening is him realizing that he should have asked you or waited for you. The other possibility is that he really believed the age gap and your current place / status as a student going to college may be an impediment to your relationship, if it were to develop. To me, it looks more like a misguided but well meant sense of decency on his part, where he thinks it is not right for him to date a girl of your age. There is nothing wrong in seeking closure and being such good friends that you used to be, I dont think there is anything wrong with laying matters to rest even now. It should either serve to really deepen the friendship or to completely sever it. There would at least be no wishy washy state of affairs. Anything you do - I am sure life is just beginning for you, and I wish you all the very best. I also agree with you that with your outlook and maturity, you will not find attraction or closeness with many people, especially in College. Your deepness intellectually will limit the number of people that you can truly connect with. Good luck !!

I appreciate the people who are readin this and posting replies. It is ery kind of you to spend your time to hep a stranger. I cannot give up completely as my mind just refuses to accept this situation. I have not really been "bad" to her in any way, but the lack of my attention to her emotional needs is something that I do squarely take the blame for. We used to connect intellectualy and emotionally when we met and I am sure it kept disappearing as we got more into our marriage. She has even gone so far as to say that I have become a different person. For me, it just feels like I have woken up from a long sleep and realized what I have done. It took an incident that hapend at her work - the emoitional fulfilment she was getting from another guy at work, which threw me the other way. Dont gt me wrong - she is very decent and believes full discosure is the way to go always, and she would never cheat on me(Although in my bouts of depression, I have felt that too sometimes). Her angle at the time was that she wanted to have in our marriage what she was getting from him at work. I took this the wrong way at that time (a few months ago) and went into a downward slide(My excuse being that I was probably in an emotionally fragile state when she said that to me). It was after a few weeks after this that she wanted an emotional divorce, but wanted to live together for the sake of the children. I completely broke down after this and my GAD and depression symptoms just bottomed out. She then finally turned around after this and said she will come back and try to give it another shot. It looks like she is trying but she says she just cannot give what she does not have anymore. She says that she does not feel the feelings anymore - and that is enough to send me spiralling back downwards. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of getting it all back together. When the bad times hit, I am not in control anymore. Somehow I cannot see the bright side - she points out that we at least have love, compassion and two beautiful kids, but somehow I am not able to see the light.

My wife and I now have a mariage devoid of passion. I have the passion, but my wife has lost it. I have been married for 12 years. I fell in love with my wife when I was working, we were friends for a year and engaged for about a year and a half before we got married. My wife is very deep intellectually and usually thinks and acts on a plane far above the ordinary. She is the sweetest / kindest girl I have ever known, but also hidden behind that is a mind and will of steel. She does not respond well to any negative emotions - anger / resentment etc. In the past 12 years, we have had our ups and downs and our situations have changed - having our children, my wife in and out of her career due to the children etc,. I have not been as attentive to her emotional needs as I should have been over the years and it is my fault. I fervently wish I could undo that. Matters have now come to a head where she now gets her emotional void filled at her workplace where she has friends. Her work and the children are now what keeps her going. She says she still loves me and cares for me, but not in that way. We reachd a flashpoint a few months ago when I broke down and begged her to come back. She finally relented a few weeks ago and agreed to give it another shot. However, almost everyweekend it seems like she is not able to come back and she tries to convince me that we should have a platonic relationship for the sake of the children. I cannot bear this and cannot go thru life minus the passion. I have changed everything from my side and I am keeping my promise. I am making the right turn for every wrong one that I had made before. It just feels like I am pouring out my emoations into a bottomless well. I know I need help as I am not as strong as her emotionally. I desperately need her back, whole. There are times when the depression hits very hard. I have already been diagnosed with General anxiety disorder and have been prescribed Zoloft to treat both my depression and GAD. My wife does not want me to take it and I have been putting it off as I am afraid I might have to depend on it my entire life. Sometimes when my discussions with my wife end on a positive note, I come out with hope and manage to keep it going without thinking of the Zoloft. When the bad times hit, it hits pretty hard and I feel the despair and feel like there are walls everywhere I turn. I have lost touch with most of my close friends who are busy with their own lives and families now anyway. I desperately need help and need to talk to somebody.