reallydown

i meant physically.

i would like to hear suggestions. whatever you got. throw it all at me.

I think it would be best if I spoke with the professor directly but I'm not good at saying the right things or being very convincing or effective. So any speaking tips on the right words to say or phrase it would help. I'll be okay. I need time to recollect myself. I have been exhausted, tired, and feeling badly lately, depressed. I wish professors would understand what depression is like.

I want to ask my professor for an incomplete (at community college). I have been very depressed and it's getting increasingly harder to finish schoolwork. I hate missing assignments and exams but I am also feeling worse and worse. What do I do? And what is the best way to ask that would get me the best possible answer? What should I say? Any tips would help. Thanks.

that makes a lot of sense. though how could he have had a fiancee? can you explain this part? i don't understand. what competition? what are they trying to win?

oh i didn't mean most ppl. i mean those men that have very few gfs, but many friends with benefits, who are single for long long times and never seem to get past more than 1-3 months with a girl their dating. but he even has an ex-fiancee. strange i can't imagine him genuinely caring about anyone but himself.

why would i care? i'll be dying.

with friends like this.....who needs enemies?

how about when they don't block ur email or ur IMs? they don't block at all. but just don't respond when u write to them or IM them. what is that??

why do men date some girls casually or only a few times? and why do they make some girls their gf? explain plz.......

thanks. yes i am a perfectionist. if i could i would try to wipe out my whole life and try to start again. i've just made so many mistakes, done lots of ridiculous things. and now im messing up at work and school. grrrrrr........

1. "I could sleep with a woman and it would mean nothing." - doesn't value women. looks at her like piece of meat. 2."Going to the strip clubs means absolutely nothing." - i get off by looking at them. women are objects for my satisfaction. 3. "For me it means nothing, but if she did the same thing, it would mean much more to her" - double standards to excuse own behavior but to condemn woman for same behavior.

but do i still have chance, and opportunity to repair things?

it just makes sense to think the grass is greener on the other side. then when you leap over the fence and find out the grass is brown, burnt and likes to beat you, which side do you try to get back on? duh. don't tell me u've never been tempted by bad girls but ended up knowing that good girls are better? it's not "wrong" for girls to be curious. i resent the implication that it is.

i have been meeting with a therapist and we have talked about this. but my therapist is going on vacation so i'm scared what's going to happen when she's gone. i am afraid to crash again. oh yeah, i just called up my supervisor to apologize and i feel really bad (but i need to stop destroying myself and sabotaging myself.) and she doesn't know about this depression part. my therapist says it's on purpose like after i do well for awhile i have this inner wish to hurt myself. there will be things that i know i need to stop but i CANT seem to get a grip on myself and keep repeating them until i get into serious trouble. i know i am seriously distressed but jesus what is preventing me from helping myself and stopping? i know im pretty selfdestructive and i ruin a lot of things and i can't stop. what is wrong with me?? i don't cope with drugs, alcohol, or anything so this is how it seems to come out. for example, if a problem was a hot stove......and i got burned once? instead of touching it once and letting it go.....i would probably go back and poke and prod at it and keep touching it until i got burned very seriously and very badly until i let go (in an effort to heal and to calm my anxiety). i feel like such a nut. except i know im sane. i can't decide which is worse.....feeling crazy and knowing ur not or being crazy and totally not knowing.

once again, i feel like the world is ending. i am not doing well and everything is overwhelming me. i feel short of breath and really depressed. i am awaiting a decision on whether i will get kicked out of university. i got yelled at my supervisor today for coming in late alot. (which i do). i am crashing and burning. of course i know that part of it is my own decisions. but there is something wrong with me, when i know i am doing something i am not supposed to be doing, i just give up. and i know i will face consequences and get yelled at but i feel so depressed and down that i only partially care. for example, during the first few months of my job, i felt i was doing really well. and after i got a bad review. i was so upset that i wasn't so gung-ho about the job anymore because i felt the review didn't reflect how well i was doing. and after getting yelled at today, i dont know what to do to repair things. i feel mabe my work ethic is not up to par. i am known for dropping the ball on things afterawhile......i just get so down and beat myself up. want to quit everything. but since i can't....i do it half heartedly. i need some tips for maintaining consistency, for turning this around......for doing better etc. for repairing relationship with supervisor in case i ever need a recommendation from her.....etc. please advise. or just let me know u know how it feels. i know i've been heading downward for long time....can't seem to stop the slide. but i must or im going to hit a wall.