Johnathan

I feel your pain. Its that stage where EVERYTHING reminds you of them, even the most petty minute things and sleep is the only relief you get.

my question is did you two agree to have no contact or did it just end without any mention of that?

for people like you and I, no amount of "getting out there" is going to take your mind off of her (unless you meet someone new you really like but that's for another thread). All you can do is "do your time" and time will eventually make it better. I've tried the getting out there non stop, reaching out to friends, partying, and constantly not being at home and none of this stuff in itself eased my heart of her memory. Hell, even when I was surrounded by females just kicking back drinking and having good conversation I was STILL depressed about that one that got away. For me the only thing that does it is time.

Is it only NC if both people mutually agree not to have any contact? How about when someone breaks it off and there is no discussion or mention of keeping in contact?

I love women who are a few years older than me. I just seem to be at the same level mentally. For one, I've never been a player type and am tired of seeing all these 18-21-something girls out there who are just out to play guys or get played. The older ones have come to see how immature it is. Even if they still like partying, they're usually more down to earth and see the value in being down to earth and intellectual, which the younguns don't. I've always been much more interested in having one serious partner than bunch of flings and the older ones usually feel the same. I've been involved with two who are 2 years older than me...one of them I thought was going the GF route before it ended. There's a girl at my work who's 4 1/2 years older than me who I'd love to pursue if we didn't work together.

well my view was that the pitch looking bad right away is like a girl I'm not into who shows interest in me. Because I never swing in that case. But anyway, I have a pattern of going after girls who are unavailable in some way. Don't know if it's pure circumstance or if something in me finds it appealing.

It'd be interesting to find out what caused his previous 2 marriages to fail. he sounds like the type to bottle things up until its boiling over. That's not what you need because it doesn't sound like you're that type at all. I know it's unbearable but you have to keep telling yourself that this is the begninning, not the end.

I like the analogy that it's like batting...you get a pitch that looks really good, spot on, so you swing as hard as you can trying to hit it 520 feet. But the pitch sinks like crazy and you whiff like a sucker. You need to be able to read the pitch all the way. What you're saying is that pitch looked like crap the moment it came out of the pitchers hand and I swung hard anyway.

Of course I appreciate your help. I'm just stating an opinion and my opinion is good too. You can't be upfront about something and then show the opposite and expect the other person to have cookie-cutter cooperation. Actions speak louder than words and in this case I saw BOTH ends of actions speaking louder than words. My weakness is I that even if I start out aloof, I get easily suckered by the slightest bone of emotional display thrown to me. I go with it. Yes, I was very attracted to her, but I was still very aloof at first and she even told me that. My patience goes out the door if she shows me that her patience is going out the door because of 'infatuation' and that's exactly what happened. I'm glad her and I did what we did while it lasted. Sorry if you don't approve.

I can't say that I have any regrets about what happened between me and her. It brings us the age old question of "is getting hurt worth it" and every person has their own opinion on that. But this is life dude, life is a roller coaster anyway. I'm I'm super into the girl I'd rather experience that kind of thing with a risk than shrink away because of "red flags". It adds character to go through this kind of stuff than to sit there and let life pass you by. Batya, I've heard otherwise about how relationships start out. Dr. Drew Pinsky and others are big advocates of the 2 people establishing it as a romantic--not a friendship--thing from the very beginning and I agree with them. We all know that true friendship and romance are 2 different arenas no matter how you slice it. And we've all heard the stories about the guy trying to make it with the girl and he then gets friendzoned. It's easier to go from: initial feelings for friend-->losing feelings for friend-->a real friendship is made, than it is to go from no feelings for friend-->developing feelings for friend. the 2nd choice is highly dependent on whether there's a physical attraction there.

Hi all, First I need to say that I'm picky. Sure, I've settled for mediocrity in the past, but It almost never happens that I find a girl I'm passionate about who is equally as passionate for me. So, even if it's just dating, it crushes me when they have a change of heart. And it never helps when they've been infatuated with me only to pull a complete 180. THE STORY (skip to bottom if you want the question): She caught my eye at a wedding reception I was working at in March (I'm a videographer). The whole Hollywood thing happened where time slows down and my heart rate speeds up. Shes a caterer of all things, and she awed me 10x more than all the bridesmaids put together. So naturally I chat with her, we go about our business, and I get her digits right before I leave. The first date is awesome. We connect beautifully. She's jawdropping gorgeous and has the most down to earth personality just like myself. From there, the dates are all just as sweet. 3rd or 4th date comes and we're getting physical and passionate, getting connected...pure heaven, right?...like nothing I've experienced in half a decade. She wants to plan things with me that are months away. She's a 10 in my book. She tells me I'M a 10 in her book. WOW. The best relationships on earth start out with that feeling shared mutually, right? I take her to an NBA playoff game a few hours away in Sacramento, something she (and I) always dreamed of doing long before we met. It was probably the best day of my life since the turn of the millennium. Here's the catch. She's a long-time established caterer. Which means when it's busy she works an insane amount of hours every week and likes it (and the paycheck). From the start, she tells me it has been an issue in the past with guys, but I'm cool with that, right? I'm so into her I could never get impatient with that, right? I was a caterer a few years back so I know how busy it gets. The busy season (for weddings) starts in spring-late spring. So "naturally" I start hearing from her alittle less. I start getting a few less returned calls. Seeing her is now down to 1-2x a week. We're still talking on the phone every day, albeit beifly, and she assures me it's all because of the demands of her job and to be patient with her. Well here's where it starts sucking. I was leaving for Europe (2 week vacation) and so I let her know I really want to see her before I leave. As the trip nears, it starts looking less and less like I'm gonna see her before I leave. I slip up, get alittle upset that we haven't seen each other, and the 3 days before I leave she has pretty much gone phantom on me. I manage to get her on the phone the night before I get on the plane, and I rehash the same junk about wanting to see her that night. She makes an excuse, says she'll call back to let me know, and never does. I leave on my trip in total turmoil. 2 weeks later, I get back, I tell her I'm back, and nothing. Finally I text her boldly: Me: "If I need to take the hint, you need to tell me instead of giving me the silent treatment" She finally responds: "It wasn't working out for me. Sorry." Me: "I can't believe people lie about feelings like that!" Her: "I didn't lie about anything! I just became uninterested" So I'm devasted. Naturally I send her several more non-hostile, friendly texts telling her how I feel. no response. That's where I am now. She didn't care that I was leaving on the trip, and doesn't care that I'm back. So much for "abscence making the heart grow fonder". I'm not faultless here. I did lose patience with her for basically having a very busy job and I got insecure over her not returning stuff the moment I wanted it returned. That gradually turned her off to me. I have texted her telling her I screwed up with that but I have gotten no response in a week. Looks like she's done completely. THE QUESTION: There is a fine line between someone being genuinely busy and someone using the guise of business to distance themselves from you. What sucks is how easy it is for them to pull both if they lose interest! 1 important thing...she had gotten out of a 2 year relationship back in like January and told me she's looking for a "companion" not a boyfriend and that she needed time to herself. Now before you go saying 'FLUKE', she was telling me this crap WHILE we were hitting it off! I also texted her telling her that I can't find it in myself to take her for granted like a few of her past boyfriends. I don't know if this can be salvaged through NC because I don't know if she A) got repulsed at the end by how desperate I became, B) had gradually started to lose interest, viewing me as the 'boring nice guy who will always bend to her will', C) met another guy recently, D) A and B, or E) all of the above. Sorry this is so long. I can't write about this kind of stuff without it being long. Not sure if this should be in the dating or breaking up forum but I put it here because that's what it feels like.

I think when a girl tells you she just got out of a long relationship it doesn't necessarily mean you should run for the hills. Each situation is unique. Some are guy-a-holics and you are their rebound, but some are looking out for themselves (and you) by not jumping back into anything so fast. The trick is telling the 2 types apart. That can be damn near impossible.

In my experience the bars are usually not where you go to meet quality women but that's only if you're wanting something more than a meaningless fling. I like meeting new girls through mutual friends. Its way easier for me

don't worry, I overthink stuff like this all the time.