tulip

part of me thinks he was sitting there with his manager feeling me out. but today, the other part wonders if it was true that he did call in sick and the manager was trying to see if he could get some info from me if things were ok and he didn't want to loose my ex as a new employee and maybe he wondered f my ex was with ME? i have to admit, i have been driving by his place late ate night and in the morning before work (it's on the way to work), and i haven't seen his car there at all....not late and not super early. so maybe he hasn't been at home and at work....or, maybe something is going on with him e motionally and he's hiding away......... maybe he found some other chicks shoulder to cry on........... maybe he really is calling in sick because he's feeling like crap for being stupid.............. i haven't seen his car in front of his "friend of 5 years" apt. either (she lives by my gym). so i don't "think" he's there. it's friday so today he goes into work at noon so i might drive past to see if is car is at home around 10:45 meaning he'd be there getting ready for work. if i don't see his car there, then he might be crumbling and giving up on his new job. i don't know. i'll post back here wether or not i saw his car..... i know i shouldn't be putting energy into him. as long as he doesn't know though, that i am still going through this. in his mind, i'm DONE like i said i was, emotionally and metally and have moved on. but that's not really me.

thanks for your thoughts on this.... reading your opinions and hearing your support helps SO MUCH. Winschica, he lied about where he was and i caught him leaving his "friend of 5 years" place (a woman) the next morning. you can read about it here... then it got uglier when he told me about that woman calling me a "white b**ch". you can read that here..... that's when i said we were done. then a couple of days later he calls and says it's important. he gets nothing from me. then two days after that, i get a call from his manager "worried" about him. i didn't believe it at first thinking that if they were really worried, they would have called sooner in the day or would not have said things like we make a cute couple. part of me thinks he was sitting there with his manager feeling me out. the other part wonders if it was true that he did call in sick and the manager was trying to see if he could get some info from me if things were ok and he didn't want to loose my ex as a new employee and maybe he wondered f my ex was with ME? i have to admit, i have been driving by his place late ate night and in the morning before work (it's on the way to work), and i haven't seen his car there at all....not late and not super early. so maybe he hasn't been at home....maybe something is going on with him......... maybe he found some other chicks shoulder to cry on........... maybe he really is calling in sick because he's feeling like crap for being stupid.............. i haven't seen his car in front of his "friend of 5 years" apt. either (she lives by my gym). so i don't "think" he's there. i'm confused and as i seem to say in all my posts, trying to stay strong. thanks everyone....

thank you.

Yesterday I was so tired of suffering from NC w/ my ex. But I made it a point after he lied to me and then said things to me that it's DONE between us. In the moment, I meant it...... But damn it, why am I suffering? Yesterday my post reflected my loneliness in this hoping he was suffering too especially since his selfish choices got us where we are now. after not retuning his call on Monday, even after he said, it's important, I wondered..... What did he have to say? It took a lot to NOT call him back. I think that may have got to him a little. I just imagine him saying to himself, "she'll be back." "There are quite a few times he's done something that kept me at bay for a few days but sure enough, I got over it and we were hanging out again as if nothing ever happened. Now, I think it's hitting him that I might be serious. Yesterday as I was driving to my mothers for dinner and distraction, I thought to myself, "I hope he is really suffering over this. I hope things just crumble down around him so he learns his lesson well". Sounds rather harsh when I see it on screen but that's just the voice of pain. Not even a minute later, my phone rings. I answer it and it's his manager that I just met recently. At first he asked if I had given any more thought to the product I was looking at buying. I said that I found one that works for me better. Then, my suspicion kicked in..... Why would his MANAGER call me and how did he get my number anyway? SO I played along to see what I could get. "Do you always call (ex's) customers like this?" "Oh you know I'm the manager and I like to touch base...." "If ex there?" "uuuummmm...I haven't seen him all day" he said. oh, okay...... "So how are you doing?" he asked "great" I exaggerated. "You and ex make a really cute couple" he went on. Now I'm wondering if my ex put him up to this and if he was sitting right there..... "OK" "Don't you think you make a cute couple?"he asked "Whatever you say" I replied. Then he went on, "I'm kind of concerned about Ex...he seems like he's not really with it or something has him down. He left early yesterday saying he didn't feel good and then he called in today sick. I was wondering if you could call him and see if he is OK. I tried but he see's this number and doesn't pick up". "But he did call in sick you said, right?" I asked? "Yes.....I don't want him to get discouraged if he isn't selling that much being new and he has so much potential, I'd hate to loose him". "Well, if he called you, then I wouldn't be too concerned. If it was a no-call and no-show, then I would be worried." I said not believing this is true. "You can't just call him and see what's going on?" he asked again "No, I don't want to impose on Ex." "You won't be imposing..... What's going on? Is everything OK between you two?" He pried. "I'll let you ask Ex about his personal life. It's not my place to discuss his personal life with his workplace. Look, if Ex doesn't show up by Friday and you get no call that he's sick, then call me." I said. And it pretty much ended like that. He did mention in there something about me being a reference so that may have been his lame excuse as to how he got my number but I am feeling pretty sure that he didn't dig through a file to get my number. But what do you think? If he is calling off sick, then I think he's suffering like he deserves. If he's putting this coworker up to this which I wouldn't doubt because this guy is the kind of guy that likes to act, then I imagine he is trying to feel me out and get answers....see if I call Ex or act concerned. I didn't call. Your opinions?

wow.... i think that letter was really good. it showed him one last time how much of a bigger person you are than him and reminded him of what he gave up. you sounded strong and sure of yourself and you said it all with class all while letting him know that you are now in a better place while he is still wishy-washy about where he wants to be. i'm working on getting the strength you seem to have after being lied to and now lost trust. maybe someday in the near future i can borrow your letter and send it to my loser guy. stay strong......

I know this was posted quite a while ago, but I am dealing with someone that lies about his "friends" too. WHat ever happened with your relationship? What advise would you give me having been through it now?

You lied to the woman you claim to love but she catches you. Your busted. You don't go out on a limb to prove what needs to be proven for her to believe what you say after she caught you. Things get heated and mean things are said. She says, "We're done. Don't call me. I'm taking your name out of my phone and blocking you." He says, "Me too." Two days later he calls her at work leaving her a message to call him back, it's important. She doesn't. She wonders what is important but feels that if it's really important, he'll call back again and leave reference as to what it is. I can understand something like he lost his wallet and please see if it fell out in your car. But it might be something related to the relationship. It's been 2 days since he left that message. I never called back. He hasn't called again. I'm obviously in pain from the lies and in shck with some of the things that he said afterwards but even with all that, I can't help but wonder what's going on with him. I've lost weight in the last week, I wake up every night soaked from cold sweats. I want this to go away and I want to get to the point where I have my confidence and strength back so I can forgive him and move on. But right now, I can't help but hope he is suffering too. In remorse for destroying a relationship with his lies. I want him to hope it me everytime his phone rings. I want his days at work to be dreadfully slow and long because he can't stop thinking about what he's done and who he has lost. Men, after making a bad and selfish choice that ruins the relationship with someone, and she stops calling you and doesn't return your calls...... what goes through your mind? Do you wish she'd call you back? Are you sorry? Are you sad? What???? I just wish I knew. I hate thinking I'm suffering and he's thrown in the towel on ME! THanks everyone....

I'm currently practicing the SNC. Wish it were easier.

We were dating and had trust issues so I decided to break it off. He wanted to prove himself to me that he is trustworthy and that I am the one that he wished he had shown me more before I broke up. So instead of rushing back into his arms, I let him prove himspf to me...I needed to see him work hard to get me back. Maybe I made him wait and work to long? (about 6 months)? He always reassured me (even without me asking) that he hasn't slept w/ anone and won't because he doesn't want to tarnish the possibility of us and that could ruin it for us...... he was so adamant. an you are right....this sounds so immature i thought twice about posting the age but i guess you never know when in your life this stuff will happen.

sat night we go out even after all the lies I caught him in. his lies are on my mind still all night though. those text messages are too questionable. i told him i need to hear it from her that they are not having sex. "call her now" i insisted. he wouldn't. "why are you protecting her? "i'm not" he said, "she doesn't need to be dragged into this". that's the only way i'll know and if she is just a friend, she'd want things to work out for you and the woman you want to be with. she'd be happy to clear up any confusion. "if i call her, then i get something out of this" he insisted. "i get to have sex with you". is he seriously trying to negotiate with me in a time like this? i have nothing to clear up or to prove..... i think he was waiting for me to say no way so that he could get out of calling her. "only if she answers what i need to know and it's all on speaker phone.....here's what yo need to say". i started writing it down so he didn't skate around the issue. i started to write on a napkin what he'd say , "Hey Raye, Hear me out.....You know how I feel about Tulip, right?" "You're gonna get your *** kicked" he said. "WHAT? why?" "Because she doesn't LIKE YOU!" he yelled. She has no reason to not like me unless you never told her what happened and why we ended up there at her place because you wouldn't fess up and your lies took us there. Do you want the blunt truth? he yelled. I always have. "She said to me, I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE THAT WHITE B**CH AGAIN!!" I was surprised at this. Not only because she'd have so much anger towards me but because after she said that, he went and had drinks with her....his way of saving face with her. THis was beyond me. We were about to go into a club right before this discussion but now, now she might be out there with her friends and see me with him and be like, "There's that white Bi**H. That is completely unfair. Did she really say that? Was he just trying to scare me out of having him call her? Race was NEVER a factor in our relationship before. He has mentioned that she complains about no good black me being out there.... If true, I can understand why that would bother her but if she is only just a friend then she should be happy for him or at least accept who he is wanting to date. I told him to get out of my car. We are done. He grabbed my keys so i couldn't leave. I said, "Look, I am 36 years old and you are 40. I don't need the threat of a 25 year old angry black women in my life. I can't even go out with you now because she might see us and now that you told me she'd kick my ***, I have myself to think about. I don't live in a world like that. Keep your friend. WE ARE DONE. I grabbed my keys and opened his door so he's know there was nothing left to discuss. His lies were an issue enough. Trust was something we were working on. I was raised in a very open family who accepts all people and take a stand for diversity. I don't allow people in my life who close their mind or turn their nose up at me because my friends come in many different nationalities/races/might be gay/political views whatever. I don't keep their company. I go by their character not their package. So it REALLY, REALLY hurt me to hear that his "friend" would refer to me as a white bi*ch and even go so low as to want to fight. She has said things before like, "black people should be with black people" and "there are not that many good black men for us black women" and I'm not denying her pain. It's hers and that's her experience. But if he meets someone of another race and likes their company, should he suppress it because if her? So that really hurt like I said. He's always going to try to appease her and be with me. He opened up a whole new can of worms wether it was true or to keep from calling her.....I don't know but it was enough for me to think that this is not going to be a happy relationship if we have to avoid his "friends". He called yesterday and left a message just saying, "call me, it's important". I never called him. I thought I'd try for a week without calling him. At least a week. I doubt it's anything really important anyway...... I just needed to vent

Hello everyone, In order to try and keep myself strong and to keep from calling him with "Why did you say this?" and "This story doesn't line up so explain this" and "What kind of man would....." stuff, I decided to put it all in a letter to him. I don't know if he will actually ever read it but I think it's theraputic in a way and I want to share it with you guys because it needs to be read. (He just called me and left a message. I don't want to listen to it now as I just wrote this letter I'm about to post and feel pretty strong). ___________________________LETTER___________________________LETTER_________________LETTER_______________ Dear FB, I’m writing this to keep from calling you. I don’t know if you’ll ever actually read these words but it’s a way for me to release the tremendous pain brought upon me in the last week. I am in a whirlwind of amazement and disbelief at how someone that claims to love me and wants to spend the rest of their life with me, and that asks me to trust in them, can so easily lie to me to cover their tracks in getting their wants met. You have hurt me. TO know that I’m so easily disposable when you find something better or someone else to do something or spend time with. To think of all the energy you put into lying to me about your mother crying in pain and being rushed by ambulance to the hospital and how you would wait with her in the ER as she sees a doctor. How you will take her home and sleep on her sofa becuase it will be late and you are so exhausted. So much effort. So much thought. So much creativity. SO much imagination. So much energy put into lies. Lies to deceive me, trick me, fool me, belittle me. All this energy. All this effort. And for what? In what I saw with my own eyes, to be able to spend the entire evening and wake up in the home of another woman. But you say, “It’s because I made plans with two people and I didn’t know what to do”. The truth. Tell me the truth. Try, “Tulip, you said you didn’t want to go to the party, so I invited XX. She said she was tired but invited me over to chill out with her. I didn’t want to go to the party alone, so I agreed to hang out with her.” (Let’s just suppose that was the truth) Sure, I may have been a little upset for whatever reason that I wouldn’t get to hang out with you. But your reasons would have made sense. I did indeed say no at first. The part that makes it shady though is that you couldn’t tell me that because there may have been more planned in your mind than just chill’n out. Why do I say this? Because, if hangong out with her is all it was, you could have done that and then said, “I still want to see you, Tulip, like I said earler, so instead of backing out on her, let me visit and then lets you and I get together for a drink or something.” Instead, I was written off. You called me when I asked you too but convenintly, we got disconnected just before I could say hi to your mother who you said was still waiting to be seen by the doctor. You never called me back. NOT AT ALL. Not after you “dropped the phone”, not after XX finished her “story about her grandmother”, not at all. NOT AT ALL, FB. No return text messages. No return calls. “I fell asleep, I was tired” you say. But you also say you felt terrible being at XX’s house and that you wanted to leave. If that guilt was truly part of your consciousness, you would have at least called, or in an extreme guilt of lying and trickery, you may have thanked XX for the relaxing night, it’s just what you needed, and then left. But something kept you there. This is what you have not told me. SOmething kept you from calling me. This is what you have not told me. Between 10:30 PM and 1:30 AM (The time you say you fell asleep at her house) you could have acknowldeged me as someone in your life rather than dispose of me entirely for the evening.

I certainly appreciate everyone's support in this. I posted again today because I wanted...NEEDED to hear more people tell me what I should hear and I thought maybe my issue would get read more under a more general heading. Please don't take it for more than that. I did read the posts I received yesterday and when I woke up, feeling sad and missing the man I'm posting about, the first thing I did was go to my computer in hopes of having more to read but it was the same from yesterday (which I must have read a hundred times and even jotted your words down in my journal). I posted again in hopes of more support to keep me going through the day. I can't even concentrate at work or in meetings as my mind wonders to him and I miss him. I return to this site about every 5 minutes to find that anger I should have. I don't know what I'm going to do. Part of me wants to tell him, "lets give us a serious try but first, i need to hear you call Raye on the phone and explain to her that this is what you want." Maybe I made him wait too long. Maybe I didn't give him enough credit for prooving himself to me for months and I was just waiting for him to mess up. I just don't know. But thank you to ALL. Tulip

Hello, I'm writing here because I seek your advice and support. THis guy that I 've dated for 1.5 years who is now my friend but we are always together in hopes of repairing the trust issues we had while dating so that we can be a couple again. Last weekend though, he created a huge lie...a big story about how his mom fell and had to be rushed to the hospital and he needed to cancel going to the party we were going to, to be with her at the hospital. When I call for an update while he's supposidly at the hospital, he says he thinks she'll be fine but they are waiting to be seen. He says he will probably stay at her "house tonight since they won't proably leave til late from the ER. "I'd like to talk to her" I say. (his mom loves me and he's always putting me on the phone with her). She'd like that I'm sure... And then the phone goes dead. I call him back....no answer. I call and text telling him to get in touch w/ me. Nothing. I grow suspicious 2 hours later and still nothing. I call the hospital. No one was checked in by that name. I don't want to believe where my mind is going at this point. I decide to get in my car at 11:30PM in a severe storm and find this hospital which is about an hour away in a place I'm not familiar with. I pray: Please just let the truth be known to me. I hoped I would see his car in the Hospital lot. I didn't. I went inside. Still, no records indicate they were ever there. Now having not heard from him and knowing this story is a lie, something is up. I drove to a "friends" house of his with whom he's known for 5 years but he claims there is no attraction or desire to be with her in any way more than just friends. Sure enough, 1:30 AM and his car is sitting outside. I'm crushed. ALL this talk about being totally honest and forthcoming with me. All the times he tells me he loves me and wants to spend his life with me. All the effort and work he's been putting into prooving he's worthy of being my boyfriend. I go home. I don't know what to do. He has IGNORED me all night. Never called me back after getting cut off. Nothing. I decide to set my alarm (not like I could sleep) for 6AM and go back. WOuld he really spend the night there? Gosh, I hope not. 6:30 AM, I'm there and so is his car. I thought about leaving him a note on his car. But I needed him to confess to me. How far would he let this lie go or would he come out with the truth? I take a pic with my phone of his car at her place because there have been so many times he denys things that I know I saw (why we had trust issues). SO for my own peace of mind, I took that picture as well as sat waiting to see his body leave her place which happened to be at 9AM. I was so hurt. so angry. felt so BETRAYED. I called him at 9:05. nothing. SO I went home, showered, dressed and at 11:00 went to his place. He was sleeping. "How's your mom?" I ask "She's doing fine" "How long did you end up having to be at the hospital?" "until about 11:30." When did you get home? "about 1AM". "So you didn't go to that party at all?" "No, I was exhausted" he claimed "Didn't hang out with any friends? ( I named a couple including the girl's house he was at...I'll call her Raye") "No, C'mon now..... don't start with these questions" "I want to take your mom some ice cream today" I suggested in hopes of getting a reaction or someting. "Ok" he said. I'm can't believe he's continuing this lie! ANd now he's going to actually let me see his mother? Then I say, "And I'd also like to see Raye and Rebecca since they are two of your close frineds and you always say that you are talking about me to them...it would make me feel more comfortable and put me at ease and settle their curiosity about me". "OK" he says. He jumps in the shower. I pick up his phone to see if he looked at my txt messages. all but two. i then see text msgs from RAYE. not from that night but days ago. one says, "it was good c'ng u and b'ng next 2 u". My heart drops.....I'm wondering when this was what it means exactly by "next 2 u". he comes out. I ask him about the txt. he says he hugged her and held her reassuring her about a problem mat her job...that's all. "when was the last time you saw her?" "about 2 months ago" I'm in awe of this. We go to her place. He's upset becuase I won't give him his phone to call her first. I was hoping he'd confess seeing that I was heading there seriously. We go to her place. She is uncomforable, didn't expect he'd bring me there. It's weird. I watch how he acts and he acts like nothing is wrong. We leave and I say, "I know you were there last night". "No I wasn't" I saw your car pull off at 9:00 this morning from this spot. You had on black shirt and black pants". "Wasn't my car you saw" "I have a picture of it on my phone...why can't you just be honest, I caught you in a lie and to lie about your mother being rushed to the hospital is stooping so low!" I won't get into details of our conversation but he said he asked me to the party. i said i was working late and didn't want to drive that far. he then called her and asked her. she said ok. then i called back telling him I changed my my mind that I did want to go.... and he didn't know what to do. he said he always puts me first and she gets tired of it so he couldn't back out on her. he didn't know how to handle it so he created that lie. she was tired and he was too so they decided to just hang out at her place and not go to the party. he was on his way over to her place and called to ask her if she wanted him to bring a bottle of (her favorite red wine). i was like, "that's romantic and how do you know her fav red wine" he says because they have been friends for five years....sounds like he put too much effort into making her happy and too much into telling me lies. i felt so betrayed. i still do. he said if i'd just take him back he wouldn't even be hanging around with Raye. He would stop hanging out with all his female friends. And he went on to say he never knew until now that I even really cared for him. Right now, most of me finds him disgusting. Too try and take me as a fool. To create DRASTIC stories of his wounded mother crying and calling 911.... TO deny that it was him pulling away from Raye's apt that morning. I'm trying to be strong. He's so smooth.... I've realsized he's got a criminal mind, no conscious and is so calm and believable. If I hadn't gone to the hospital or waited to see him come out and pull away from Raye's apt the next morning, he may have convinced me that I was crazy. That's why, as scary as it is, I asked to be shown the truth. It's only been a few days and i'm going through emotions. Anger, sadness, i miss him, i hate him....i feel depressed. He called asking me to call him back. I txted this back to him: 2 days ago i wanted u to call me back. U IGNORED me while you sat up in another woman's apt. And now U want me 2 call U? U IGNORED me but U offered to buy Ray her fav bottle of wine. U IGNORED me but stayed ALL night with her. U IGNORED me but saved her text msg of how nice it is b'ng next 2 U. U IGNORED me while U chose to B next 2 her again. But now.....NOW ur ready for me, huh? He texts back: Can't argue w/U on that. I don't deserve anything from you. (that's the first time he didn't deny or argue w/me). I wrote that txt out of pain. Then I worried later that night, that as good as he lied to me, he might show Raye that msg and make me out to be a jealous crazy woman and never bring up his lies about his mother that led me there. I sent one last msg. last night. Not that he's going to show her but for my peace of mind and to turn things off of Raye and onto the real issue, his deceitfulness. I text msg'ed: Please give my apologies to Raye. I never thought we'd ACTUALLY end up in her apt. I trusted U enough 2 tell me the truth B4 it got to that point. I never dreamed we'd have to bother her on a Sunday morning. That's why I didn't want you to call her. Maybe this will give U something to think about. In any case, I am very sorry to have dropped in on Raye. Please let her know. Thank U. I haven't gotten a repsonse at all. Not sure I should expect one. But it bothers me to think he might be trying to save face with her now. I'm trying to stay strong. Please share your thoughts and advise. It is much appreciated. Tulip

Hello, I'm writing here because I seek your advice and support. THis guy that I 've dated for 1.5 years who is now my friend but we are always together in hopes of repairing the trust issues we had while dating so that we can be a couple again. Last weekend though, he created a huge lie...a big story about how his mom fell and had to be rushed to the hospital and he needed to cancel going to the party we were going to, to be with her at the hospital. When I call for an update while he's supposidly at the hospital, he says he thinks she'll be fine but they are waiting to be seen. He says he will probably stay at her "house tonight since they won't proably leave til late from the ER. "I'd like to talk to her" I say. (his mom loves me and he's always putting me on the phone with her). She'd like that I'm sure... And then the phone goes dead. I call him back....no answer. I call and text telling him to get in touch w/ me. Nothing. I grow suspicious 2 hours later and still nothing. I call the hospital. No one was checked in by that name. I don't want to believe where my mind is going at this point. I decide to get in my car at 11:30PM in a severe storm and find this hospital which is about an hour away in a place I'm not familiar with. I pray: Please just let the truth be known to me. I hoped I would see his car in the Hospital lot. I didn't. I went inside. Still, no records indicate they were ever there. Now having not heard from him and knowing this story is a lie, something is up. I drove to a "friends" house of his with whom he's known for 5 years but he claims there is no attraction or desire to be with her in any way more than just friends. Sure enough, 1:30 AM and his car is sitting outside. I'm crushed. ALL this talk about being totally honest and forthcoming with me. All the times he tells me he loves me and wants to spend his life with me. All the effort and work he's been putting into prooving he's worthy of being my boyfriend. I go home. I don't know what to do. He has IGNORED me all night. Never called me back after getting cut off. Nothing. I decide to set my alarm (not like I could sleep) for 6AM and go back. WOuld he really spend the night there? Gosh, I hope not. 6:30 AM, I'm there and so is his car. I thought about leaving him a note on his car. But I needed him to confess to me. How far would he let this lie go or would he come out with the truth? I take a pic with my phone of his car at her place because there have been so many times he denys things that I know I saw (why we had trust issues). SO for my own peace of mind, I took that picture as well as sat waiting to see his body leave her place which happened to be at 9AM. I was so hurt. so angry. felt so BETRAYED. I called him at 9:05. nothing. SO I went home, showered, dressed and at 11:00 went to his place. He was sleeping. "How's your mom?" I ask "She's doing fine" "How long did you end up having to be at the hospital?" "until about 11:30." When did you get home? "about 1AM". "So you didn't go to that party at all?" "No, I was exhausted" he claimed "Didn't hang out with any friends? ( I named a couple including the girl's house he was at...I'll call her Raye") "No, C'mon now..... don't start with these questions" "I want to take your mom some ice cream today" I suggested in hopes of getting a reaction or someting. "Ok" he said. I'm can't believe he's continuing this lie! ANd now he's going to actually let me see his mother? Then I say, "And I'd also like to see Raye and Rebecca since they are two of your close frineds and you always say that you are talking about me to them...it would make me feel more comfortable and put me at ease and settle their curiosity about me". "OK" he says. He jumps in the shower. I pick up his phone to see if he looked at my txt messages. all but two. i then see text msgs from RAYE. not from that night but days ago. one says, "it was good c'ng u and b'ng next 2 u". My heart drops.....I'm wondering when this was what it means exactly by "next 2 u". he comes out. I ask him about the txt. he says he hugged her and held her reassuring her about a problem mat her job...that's all. "when was the last time you saw her?" "about 2 months ago" I'm in awe of this. We go to her place. He's upset becuase I won't give him his phone to call her first. I was hoping he'd confess seeing that I was heading there seriously. We go to her place. She is uncomforable, didn't expect he'd bring me there. It's weird. I watch how he acts and he acts like nothing is wrong. We leave and I say, "I know you were there last night". "No I wasn't" I saw your car pull off at 9:00 this morning from this spot. You had on black shirt and black pants". "Wasn't my car you saw" "I have a picture of it on my phone...why can't you just be honest, I caught you in a lie and to lie about your mother being rushed to the hospital is stooping so low!" I won't get into details of our conversation but he said he asked me to the party. i said i was working late and didn't want to drive that far. he then called her and asked her. she said ok. then i called back telling him I changed my my mind that I did want to go.... and he didn't know what to do. he said he always puts me first and she gets tired of it so he couldn't back out on her. he didn't know how to handle it so he created that lie. she was tired and he was too so they decided to just hang out at her place and not go to the party. he was on his way over to her place and called to ask her if she wanted him to bring a bottle of (her favorite red wine). i was like, "that's romantic and how do you know her fav red wine" he says because they have been friends for five years....sounds like he put too much effort into making her happy and too much into telling me lies. i felt so betrayed. i still do. he said if i'd just take him back he wouldn't even be hanging around with Raye. He would stop hanging out with all his female friends. And he went on to say he never knew until now that I even really cared for him. Right now, most of me finds him disgusting. Too try and take me as a fool. To create DRASTIC stories of his wounded mother crying and calling 911.... TO deny that it was him pulling away from Raye's apt that morning. I'm trying to be strong. He's so smooth.... I've realsized he's got a criminal mind, no conscious and is so calm and believable. If I hadn't gone to the hospital or waited to see him come out and pull away from Raye's apt the next morning, he may have convinced me that I was crazy. That's why, as scary as it is, I asked to be shown the truth. It's only been a few days and i'm going through emotions. Anger, sadness, i miss him, i hate him....i feel depressed. He called asking me to call him back. I txted this back to him: 2 days ago i wanted u to call me back. U IGNORED me while you sat up in another woman's apt. And now U want me 2 call U? U IGNORED me but U offered to buy Ray her fav bottle of wine. U IGNORED me but stayed ALL night with her. U IGNORED me but saved her text msg of how nice it is b'ng next 2 U. U IGNORED me while U chose to B next 2 her again. But now.....NOW ur ready for me, huh? He texts back: Can't argue w/U on that. I don't deserve anything from you. (that's the first time he didn't deny or argue w/me). I wrote that txt out of pain. Then I worried later that night, that as good as he lied to me, he might show Raye that msg and make me out to be a jealous crazy woman and never bring up his lies about his mother that led me there. I sent one last msg. last night. Not that he's going to show her but for my peace of mind and to turn things off of Raye and onto the real issue, his deceitfulness. I text msg'ed: Please give my apologies to Raye. I never thought we'd ACTUALLY end up in her apt. I trusted U enough 2 tell me the truth B4 it got to that point. I never dreamed we'd have to bother her on a Sunday morning. That's why I didn't want you to call her. Maybe this will give U something to think about. In any case, I am very sorry to have dropped in on Raye. Please let her know. Thank U. I haven't gotten a repsonse at all. Not sure I should expect one. But it bothers me to think he might be trying to save face with her now. I'm trying to stay strong. Please share your thoughts and advise. It is much appreciated. Tulip