The Hanged Man

Is she old enough to live away from home? I suffered this problem, my father used to bash me every day and my mother was too depressed to do anything. I told my friend after keeping it secret for years and his parents let me move in there. I had just turned 16. Could you help her out like this perhaps, or other friends? Or anyone else, her aunts, uncles, grandparents? If no-one can help her then it is best that CPS get involved.

I don't get along with my brother very much...we're a very different breed. Before he came out he was ok, since then he's got a real attitude problem. When he came out to me first (I was the first person he told), I did mention that I had slept with both guys and girls so he didn't feel like he was the only one, so he thinks I am bi and I will keep it this way. With my mother, I have been thinking heavily about this and I am not going to go for the dramatic coming out, but I am going to mention it casually in a conversation, taking the drama out of it. I don't have a father to tell which makes it a lot easier. OutingMyself, I think your best bet would be to do the same, with both your parents at the same time. This'll take half the pressure off as you don't have to go through it twice. Your best bet would be to bring up the topic of relationships and love and if/when they ask if you're in a r/ship or in love, casually mention your orientation like it is no big deal. This is how I did it with my friends and they were just like 'yeah, cool!' and that was that! I know parents will react differently, but if you don't act like it's dramatic, they won't act so dramatically. I know each person may be different, but I believe this is the most harmless approach and you're still coming out, but it takes a lot of the anxiety out of gathering the courage to actually say it. Good luck

Prufrock, thanks for posting your story, it was great! You are blessed to be able to tell your parents like that, they sound great. I forgot to mention I have some communication difficulties with my mother and we clash majorly and are often arguing; well, she argues with me anyway. I would love nothing more than to be able to talk to her about relationships etc but if I spoke to her about guys she'd tell me to shut up. She won't listen to my brother tell her stuff, it grosses her out...

Thanks Scout for your message! Kyoshiro, the bad part is, my gay brother made ME tell my mum he was gay! I had to come out FOR HIM, now I have to do it for myself! Mum went really quiet and she was a bit withdrawn for a week or so, but she got over it quickly. Now, she always makes jokes about my brother and him being gay, not really bad jokes, but I wouldn't like them being said about me! She may only make jokes about him because he is very effeminate and has a full on lisp happening and he only started talking like that after he came out, whereas I'm the total opposite to him. Foxlocke, my mother does the same thing. She drops little hints but she always minds her own business, which suits me fine! I don't want to tell her I'm gay because I do have some attraction to girls. Probably 90% of my preference is for guys, 10% is for girls. Does this make me bi, or am I gay because the majority of my preference is for guys? I'm so confused. I generally just refer to myself as gay because I like guys lots more. Could I have please peoples opinions on this? In conclusion, I think I will tell her I'm bi, this is so much easier to do and it won't be so hard on her.

In telling your friend, have you tried using the word 'seriously' before dropping comments? Also actually saying her name before you tell her will get her attention and make her feel it is serious. I think telling friends is much easier than telling family, which I am still yet to do. I had one friend who I used to joke with about homosexuality and when I actually came out to him, he was like 'yeah, whatever you say'! He didn't believe me, then I said 'Seriously man, I'm gay'. He believed me after that and had no problems with it, he then told me he was bi and he thought I was hot, it was very unexpected! He said he didn't want us to have sex but he really wanted to kiss me, so we shared a 10/10 kiss, our only ever kiss. He was easily the best person I told! Expect a good reaction when you tell her, the power of the mind is great. Anyway, good luck with it and I pray all goes well.

My story at the moment. I am 25 and currently in a controlling r/ship and I am about to leave my partner, praise God. Anyway, I came out recently to some friends and a few of my cousins and I asked them to promise me not to tell anyone else, I wanted to do it. Well of course then everyone knew, even people I didn't know, knew I was gay! My cousins kept their promises though. I actually couldn't believe how many people admitted to me to being bi after they found out I was gay. The only scary incident was I suddenly had a gay stalker who knew EVERYTHING I was doing, it was scary. I found out it was someone I didn't know, but they knew everything about me. My problem is telling my family. I have a younger brother who is gay and he came out really early and now I feel like I cannot possibly hurt my mother by telling her that now 2 of her 4 sons are gay. I just really don't know what to do but I do drop some hints occasionally. Can anyone help me with some suggestions or something that might make it easier? Please tell me how you came out to parents, your mother especially. I appreciate your comments and suggestions.

Walking a dog is a great way to meet other people, particular in large open parks. If you don't have one then offer to walk someone else's dog for them. I have struck up great conversations and made friends doing this, plus you get the added benefit of exercise for you and the dog! Join social groups too, some places have singles parties and you can meet a lot of people this way, and there is a large choice of people. They are all there for the same reason as you, and if you don't like anyone there, then so be it, there's no commitment. Good luck

As a guy I can understand wanting space. It sounds like he wants you to back off a bit, which is weird considering you only see each other once a week; how many times do you call him in a week? Do you ask him about everything he's doing or nag him in any way? This can be very frustrating for a guy. Ask him exactly what he defines 'space' as. Is it less phone calls, only meeting every 2 weeks instead of weekly? I suggest you ask what his definition of 'space' is first, and ask if he has a problem with anything you are doing. Give him 2-3 weeks by not phoning him and note how often he call you or asks you to visit, he'll be sure to call when he realises he misses you. This is tricky since you're in a long distance r/ship and I find it hard to believe anyone in a long distance relationship would want more space. Have you considered finding someone closer to you to love? If this guy doesn't register any interest in you after you've backed off, he may have found someone else and is too afraid to tell you. Keep us updated.

I was in the same boat as you. For years I searched and worried about religion (or should I say I was scared of going to Hell) and suffered greatly. I could not find solace with organised religion, it all depressed me and God just seemed so cruel. I found true happiness by practising meditation and asking God (wether you believe in Him or not, pray, it makes you feel good!) to guide me and let me know when I found the right belief (for me). If He doesn't answer you, then your inner conscience will answer you and it's important to listen to your conscience, it's always right! Not long after I found it and my life ha never been the same! I won't list where I found my beliefs or what my beliefs are as I don't want to preach to you. (If you do wanna know just ask) I'm not religious but I'm very spiritual and now I am not afraid to die like I used to be, which is the best feeling ever after suffering from Hell fear all my life. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Hi, thanks lots for your answers, I guess it's 100% clear what I need to do. In the past few days since posting this, I have been figuring out and devising ways to leave with minimum impact to the both of us. However I am expecting a huge drama show from him when I tell him I'm going, as he is that type of person. I've been reading some really great posts on this site on relationship break up tips etc which is really handy! I now have somewhere to stay when I leave which will make it a lot easier. Cheers,

I have experienced this kind of behaviour before and it is evident that he is not comfortable with his s/s (same sex) attraction. He obviously regrets mentioning his s/s attraction and is trying to deny it or make it look like he was joking or whatever, possibly as he is a part of the church scene and may not want anyone there to find out. When I first ever came out to a friend I immediately wished I hadn't said anything even though she was totally cool about it, I guess it's a normal fear kind of reaction. The best thing you can do is assure him that you are there if he needs you and after time he'll probably confirm his s/s attraction.

Hi, I'm a newbie here and I would very much appreciate some advice or suggestions on how to deal with my paranoid and clingy partner. Here's my story: Ok, this is my first same sex relationship and I've been in it for approx. 9 months. I made friends with this guy who had only just moved to my city from interstate. He didn't really know anyone else so he asked me to rent out his spare room to save us both the large cost of living alone. We were sleeping together occasionally and then before I knew it he started referring to us as an item...stupid me didn't say anything as I'm a 'nice guy' and didn't want to hurt his feelings. But what is really affecting me is that he is isolating me from my friends. He never verbally says I can't see my friends, he uses more psychological techniques, like making me feel guilty for having a life outside of him. He goes weird if I get phone calls and visits from my friends, and tries to find out who it is and wants to know WHY they're ringing me...If I say I'm going to visit or hang out with a friend he goes quiet and won't talk to me and says stuff like 'you don't love me' etc. He often won't talk to me for ages if I meet up with a friend and he accuses me of cheating and having other b/friends. I have asked him why he feels suspicious of me and he claims that 'he doesn't have any problems with me hanging around with friends'. I feel so trapped and it's gotten so bad that I think I 'hate' him, I really do, but I just cannot hurt him. I was tricked into a relationship I didn't want and now being isolated from those I care about. I have absolutely no sexual desire anymore and I cannot stand being touched by him, I am repulsed at him and myself for not realising what was happening earlier. It sucks being a nice guy as people just tread all over me. So if anyone can issue any advice, or if you've been in the same situation please write to me and give me some tips on how to stop it. I want to move out but at the moment I have nowhere to go. Thanks