Jump to content

dnl940

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    76

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by dnl940

  1. dnl940
    Shamus and Kellbell... thanks for the thoughts. (Kellbell how come I didn't get one of your "hugs" that you leave on your other posts?) I'm just not sure that it makes it any easier to move on when blaming the other person, because I just keep thinking that if she would just admit that she was wrong then we could get things back to "normal". I want to take responsibility for my part of it, but every time I think about it, all that goes through my head is that she has and is making a big mistake. So how do I get to the point that I can take responsibility for my part of the relationship problems?
  2. dnl940
    I know one of the things that I am still struggling with after my g/f dumped me is taking responsibility for the things that I did that drove her to her decision. I am still so angry, and I find myself blaming her for everything. How do you get to the point that you can take some responsibility for the end of the relationship? For some reason I feel like if I can get to that point, then it would be easier to get over.
  3. dnl940
    I have been coming to this site for a few months, and at times it has really helped me. I wanted to retrace my ordeal from this past weekend in the hopes that maybe it will help someone else. This past Friday, I reached the lowest point I have ever been in my life. At approximately 9pm I called and told my children that I loved them, and then proceeded to swallow a bottle of sleeping pills with the thought that my pain would come to an end. Because my ex wife new that I was acting funny, and because of some other things that had happened during the day, she decided to call 911. They came to my house and transported me to the hospital and my life was saved. I really thought that this was the answer to my problems and didn't care about the consequences of my actions. When my parents found out what had happened they of course came rushing to my house, only to be met by the police who were not willing to let them enter until they had deemed everything to be under control inside first. My father did not like this and proceeded to scuffle with the policeman, and apparently my mother did also. 24 hours later they were both arrested and transported to jail, where they had to spend the night with real criminals, because of my actions. My parents are 65 and 61 years old. Though I am definitely still not well, I unfortunately have had to face the initial consequences of my actions. Thinking that my suicide would make my problems go away, and that other peoples lives would have been better, was a horrible mistake. My actions have caused even more problems for the people in my life. I have been reflecting on the events of this past weekend, and even though I'm not sure that something like this will never happen again, I can definitely say that I regret how my suicide attempt has made things worse for other people, when I irrationally thought that things would get better for other people. Though I have not spelled out all of the details to my situation, I am hoping that just these facts alone will help someone else consider the consequences of their actions before taking that next step. Thank you for listening.
  4. dnl940
    So I just took the call... she starts by saying #### and I (her ex husband) just got back from the doctor. Why would she have to say this. I was just speechless. I feel so disrespected and angry. I almost didn't care what she had to say about the appointment at that point. She said everything was fine and she goes back again in 4 weeks. I am even more sick about it now than I was earlier.
  5. dnl940
    Yes to this point I have been to all of the appointments with her. We had an ultrashound done a few weeks ago (It's a boy). This will be the first appointment that I have not attended with her. And no I have 3 other children from previous marriage, that is one of my sons on my shoulders in the avatar. As far as i know, today is just a routine checkup and she hasn't contacted me with any problems previously. Last time we talked she was feeling pretty good. I think I will probably take the call, but if for some reason she mentions that she had her ex husband with her, I know I will flip out. I'm assuming he will go with her, so I will definitely not ask that question. Thanks for the input. Keep it coming.
  6. dnl940
    Thank you all. I appreciate your thoughts. I'm so sick over this today. Even called in sick to work. We've only been broken up for about 2 weeks so we haven't had that discussion yet as to visitation etc. It will all work out I'm sure on that front. The thing that is really bothering me also is that I'm pretty sure that she is taking her ex husband to the appointment with her today. But I think I will take the call, and do my best to hide my feelings about it.
  7. dnl940
    Hey all. I'm feeling very confused today. My ex g/f is going to the doctor for a checkup and will be calling me later to tell me how things went and I'm not sure if I should take the call or let her leave me a message. A quick background... We were together for 9 months, and she is pregnant with my baby (about 5 months along). She broke up with me and is getting back together with her ex husband. I haven't spoken with her in a few days. I am still very angry and hurt over the whole situation and I'm not sure that I'm ready to talk with her, but I kind of feel like I should when she calls to tell me how the doctor appointment went. Any thoughts?
  8. dnl940
    For some reason I think we expect our ex to be going through the same things that we are, feeling the same pain and hurt that we are. When in reality if they were willing to betray and hurt us to the extent that they did, they probably never really had the same feelings for us that we had for them. Realize that your ex is moving on in her own way, just not the same way you are, whether it's the right way or not. Be concerned with your own healing. She betrayed you and you are learning what type of person she really is, but don't let that be your motivation for moving on. Move on to heal yourself, and to find a mutually fulfilling love in the future.
  9. dnl940
    I went to church for the first time in probably 15 years this past weekend. But the problem I'm having is that I really don't have a very extensive group of friends right now due to moving etc. So I'm looking for something. I found this forum a couple of months ago and it has helped, but I'm looking for more. All of these emotions right now are so powerful and overwhelming. I don't think that I ever really grieved about my marriage ending because within about a month I was in the relationship with the now ex g/f. Now I feel like I'm experiencing the pain from both relationships ending at the same time. So I'm just wanting to know if others have gone to these groups and if they've been good experiences or not?
  10. dnl940
    Have any of you ever attended a support group for divorce or breakups? Since my g/f and I have broken up I have been dealing with some very strong emotions, not only about our breakup but also from my divorce. I was wondering if anyone has ever attended any of these support groups and if they were helpful?
  11. dnl940
    I broke down last night and sent her an email. Then she called me and we had a decent discussion but no progress. She is still pursuing things with her ex husband, to which I for the most part kept my emotions in check. I did question her about not being honest with me, and all she could say was that she was sorry. It's crazy but after reading so many posts on here about no contact/ low contact I don't know why I thought that my situation would be different. But it all comes down just like the posts say, I feel worse today than I did yesterday, even though I stayed strong through the conversation. And again I'm back to square one. I still feel betrayed by her and I'm still very angry and hurt, and now I really don't know how to go forward.
  12. dnl940
    I briefly discussed it with the attorney that handled my divorce case. Basically we're just waiting to see if things can be handled between my ex and me. We've still got 5 months before baby is born. Not much I can really do at this point from a legal standpoint other than acknowledge that it is my baby. Can't do anything at this point as far as visitation or child support. Hopefully we can work through everything during the summer. In these cases, basically the courts will want she and I to handle things ourselves if possible and then present our agreements to a judge for review. Which would be fine by me because my divorce was extremely expensive and the less money I have to give to an attorney the better. Also, it will seem much more consenting if we can come to an agreement ourselves. She called again this afternoon and left me a message to find out how I was doing, but fortunately I was busy and was unable to answer the phone. Not sure if I'm going to call her back today, probably not. She has a doctor appt on Friday, so I'll probably wait until then to talk with her, and hopefully my anger will subside some by then, though I know the hurt and emptiness will still be there. It's going to be tough knowing that she's going to the doctor without me. This will be the first doctor appointment that I will not have attended with her through the pregnancy. I'm not sure how I'll handle that. And if I find out that she is taking her ex husband with her, I may just totally flip out.
  13. dnl940
    I'm not sure how to go no contact right now... she is pregnant with my child. How much is too much? What is not enough? What if something happens? It's so confusing. I did the low contact thing with my ex wife, though we had to keep in touch because we had 3 children together, but with visitation it was much easier because I get to hear about all the things my kids are doing from them, and not have to rely on the ex wife to keep me informed. In this situation I feel like I have to rely on the ex g/f to keep me informed because the baby is not born yet and she has doctor appointments etc. Where do I draw the line?
  14. dnl940
    My ex g/f called me last night to discuss another baby name. She was acting like nothing has happened and that made me even more angry. I spoke with her about the subject but i was really not very happy to be talking with her. She kept asking me what was wrong. I resisted the urge to reply. But how could she honestly ask that question. She knows what is wrong. I don't understand how she could be so cruel. Wanting me to tell her how hurt and angry and empty i feel. Would this make her feel better to hear these things? I feel like I am spiraling downward at an unbelievable pace. It hurts more today than ever. I am just disgusted at the cruelty she is displaying. She even ended the conversation by saying, let me know how you are doing because you know I still love you. Well if that were really the case then she wouldn't be doing these things in the first place.
  15. dnl940
    Another thing that I don't understand... I was married for over 11 years, had 3 children with ex wife, she had an affair, we got divorced. I was angry, hurt, etc. But not to the extent that I am feeling now. I feel like my ex g/f and I were connected on a much deeper level than my ex wife and I were. My ex g/f and I were only together for about 9 months, and we went through a lot together. Why does this one hurt so much more than did the 11 years with my ex wife?
  16. dnl940
    It makes me question so many things about our relationship. It also makes me question things that she has said about the future pertaining to our child that is to be born in September. It just makes me so angry and confused. After 2 failed relationships in the past year or so (married for 11 years and divorced, and then with this one for 9 months) I'm not sure I'll ever be able to trust someome again.
  17. dnl940
    I just don't know how to go about healing right now. I am so very angry. I am so very hurt. I just don't understand how she could make a decision like this so soon after we broke up. And she knows that this decision will affect my relationship with the baby after he is born. Her ex husband will do anything to keep me away from them. I know that I can get legal help for this, but that doesn't erase the facts of this situation. How could she be so selfish?
  18. dnl940
    Yes it is my child, and yes I am extremely angry. I feel physically sick. There were so many things he did to try and break us up, or make us argue and she always so those things for what they were, so I can't understand what would make her want him back. And I am so concerned that this will effect the amount of time I am able to spend with this child after he is born. I already have 3 children, and was very excited about the 4th. I love my children, and my relationship with them is extemely important to me. This one will be no different in that aspect. But I have just totally lost respect for her, and right now I can't tell if my concerns for my relationship with this child are coming from my anger or if this should be a real concern. Wow, I just can't believe how angry I am right now.
  19. dnl940
    My ex g/f called me today to wish me Happy Easter and to thank me for the Easter card which I sent to her. We have been broken up for about 2 weeks, and it was not a very amicable split. Anyway, we got to talking about how we were doing, etc. and she starts telling me that she is getting back together with her ex husband. I was so angry to hear this. I told her that if that was what was going to make her happy then I supported her, but I feel like she is just lonely and that is why she is doing it. He had constantly called and emailed her while she and I were going out trying to get her back. He even did some things that were just plain crazy, and yet she is going to get back together with him. She is also pregnant with my child due in about 5 months, and he doesnt like me because he thinks it's my fault that they couldnt work out their divorce in the first place. I am so angry with her. I feel like she has betrayed me, and just totally went against everything she has ever told me. She always said that she could never get back together with him because of the way he treated her, emotionally and even once physically abusive, and that she was not attracted to him anymore whatsoever. I just want to call and scream at her, but I know that would be horrible. I want her to feel like I'm supportive of her, but I also want to tell her that I think she is only doing this because she is lonely, but she of course wouldnt listen to me about that. I don't know if I should send her and email or something trying to tell her this or not? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks
  20. dnl940
    Today has been really rough. My kids are on spring break this week so I've had them with me all week and will have them this weekend. The really adore my ex g/f and keep asking if she is going to come down for Easter. I have told them many times that she will not be coming, and then they ask why. I tell them that she and I are both really busy right now and are unable to get together. I feel horrible. My kids just came out of our divorce in the last year, and I can't stand the fact that they became very attached to my ex g/f and that I'll eventually have to tell them that she and I aren't going to be together either. Not to mention that they were all very excited about having a new baby brother, which they will still have, but just not in the way that we had talked about. I just feel terrible. Not only do I really miss her, but knowing that my kids do too makes it even worse. I really don't think that she and I will get back together, but you never know. So should I wait to tell the kids just in case something does happen between us, or should I break it to them now?
  21. dnl940
    Okay so big mistake. I was feeling pretty good about myself so I decided to contact her. Was gonna make it quick and to the point concerning the email that she sent me. But instead she drew me into an argument. Now I feel even worse than I did a few days ago when we had our last blow out and broke up. Why did I contact her? I should have just let it go. I feel incredibly low and even more depressed than I did before.
  22. dnl940
    The Lord works in mysterious ways. I was sitting out on my front porch, perusing through some of the threads on this website, still extremely confused as to whether I should contact my ex or not. Then up walks this woman and her daughter, and says she is moving into the apartment next door to me and wanted to introduce herself. So her daughter and mine started to play, and she sits down. She is recently divorced. We sat there for like an hour discussing stuff. It was like having all of you right here on my front porch. It's great to know that right next door to me is gonna be a new friend to help me get through my rough times, and I can help her get through her rough times. As I said, the Lord works in mysterious ways.
  23. dnl940
    Well I haven't contacted her yet, but I'm starting to think maybe I should. She obviously wants to talk, but is using a couple of benign topics like baby names and computer problems to get me to contact her. What do you guys think? Should I contact her?
  24. dnl940
    The baby is not due for another 5 months. She doesn't have another doctor appointment for 2 more weeks. There was nothing urgent in the email or on the voicemails. I feel like I should just not contact for now, but I'm afraid that she is just going to get angry if I don't. I'm also afraid that if I do contact her she is going to start apologizing and wanting me to tell her that everything is okay. It is not. She said things that I just don't think I can ever forgive. I am beginning to get over my anger, but I just don't know about having any contact with her yet.
  25. dnl940
    Well she sent me an email an hour ago apologizing for the things that she said. She also said she didn't think we should have much contact right now. But then asked my opinion on a name for our baby, and wanted to know how to play a cd in her computer. I don't know if I should contact her or not. It's been 4 days with no contact from me. She has left a couple of voicemails and now this email. Should I contact her?
×
×
  • Create New...