dnl940

I recently met a girl at a bookstore just by mentioning that I had read the book that she was looking at. It ended up in a conversation and some coffee. I also made sure that all of my social contacts knew that I was available for meeting new people and they continually help me to be in situations to meet new people. It's like having them do the work for me. I've met some really great people this way and made a lot of new friends. Just be yourself and go where your interests take you.

Well, I've got a little update... I have gone to counseling in the past so I contacted the counselor that I went to and he gave me the name of a counselor in her area. I gave that information to her and after we talked about it for awhile she said she would give him a call. She called me back and said that she made an appointment and they were actually able to get her in within 2 days. I really think she is telling me the truth about this also, and I really think this is a big step for her and after we got off of the phone tonight I have to admit that I felt like I had really done something to help her out. It was a great feeling to be able to really provide some assistance to a person that I care so deeply about. I hope she goes to the appointment. I think she will. And I'm really excited to think she may be on the road to better physical and mental health also.

There is no box big enough for me to fit all of my great memories of our relationship into. The closest thing I have is my heart. Thanks to all of you for your kind responses. I just hope others can get to this point and really cherish the love that we shared and not the bitterness and disappointment of the loss. It is so much easier to face the day and enjoy those around us. We work so hard with our relationships, and not just the romantic ones, to feel bitterness towards them is to sell short your own feelings and worth as an individual. Cherish the love and effort that you put into the relationship and embrace the other relationships that you have built. This will all help lead to a better and stronger you.

I think your parents are probably wondering why you would do this also. But I don't think I'd tell them that you were in a porn store. I'm sure things will blow over pretty soon, and eventually you'll maybe even get a little more privacy out of this once the initial shock wears off. They definitely won't want to walk in on something in the future once they start to let this blow over. Feel free to pm me if you need anymore help. Good luck.

You know it was probably just a really shocking experience for them. It put it right into their face that their little girl was a sexual being. I can tell you I am not looking forward to the day I find out that my daughter is thinking or having sex. Hopefull I will never find that out. Immaculate conception is how I'm going to look at it. But I'm curious, you say you are new to this... why did you start doing it in the first place?

As for masturbating on cam, that's a BS they were saying, I never did that, only show top part. Oh sorry. I misunderstood. Still, your parents don't see it that way. Even just showing your top is the same to them.

I don't see how they could ban you from masturbating. That would be quite a feat if they were able to pull that off. And no you are not a pervert or anything, but you just need to understand that safety and perception are very real concerns on their part. Just be more discreet, and maybe masturbate away from the webcam for awhile.

They both decided to try to give it a go again. And why she wants to go back to the abuse is beyond me as well. I struggled with this stuff for a long time after our breakup. I have talked with her sister about this, and she is trying to get her to go to counseling as well. But she keeps wanting me to listen to her problems and what she is going through and I just don't know how to get her to really do something about it that would really help her. I've tried to say these things to her in every possible way that I can think of, but you're correct she is not thinking very clearly at all. And I'm really worried about her health and the health of our baby.

Yes I would be very angry. Masturbation should be done alone! Hence the meaning of the word. Your reputation will suffer from this and whether you are a virgin or not, peoples perception of you is their reality, no matter what the truth really is. Your parents care about what people think of you and what they think of them, and doing this changes the way that people look at you. You have to realize this.

I've been doing fine. Have been dating and having a lot of fun, but she keeps asking me what I've been up to and I keep just putting the ball back in her court saying that it's about her right now, not me. I think she is really regretting her decision to try and get back with her ex husband but I definitely would not want her back as her 2nd choice. But I love and care about her so much that I really want her to be happy no matter what. I feel like there is something I should do for her but don't know what it is. More to the story... on Saturday night she went to her ex husbands house and they got into an argument and she pushed him... very stupid... but what's worse is that he has been abusive to her in the past... I am really angry about it because she put my baby in harms way. I expressed that to her very calmly but she doesnt seem to want to get counseling or anything to help resolve her anger issues. How do I help her out if she is really not willing to help herself out?

I agree with renaissancewoman... I have recently gotten back into dating after a divorce and another ended relationship, and I am just not sure what the rules are anymore. Do you try to kiss on the first date? How long should you wait to call, etc.? I'm sure that is part of what he is going through having just come out of a marriage. But I think more importantly is the fact that he is not divorced yet and where that will leave you. How long have they been separated? Why did he decide to do online dating if he's not divorced yet? I think these are more important questions to ponder instead of the kiss and the call.

Hey all. I need a little advice on the situation with my ex g/f. For those of you who don't remember my story, my ex g/f is pregnant with my child but trying to work things out with her ex husband. You can read more if you go to my profile. Anyway she and her ex husband have not been able to get things worked out very well and she is having a tough time of it. She calls and wants me to help her out with advice etc., which I would be happy to do but don't know how to really help her. Problem is... she said that she is losing weight and not able to sleep and feeling sick all of the time, which gets me very worried about the health of our baby. I have tried to get her to go to counseling and the doctor but she is very reluctant to do so. I love her with all of my heart and ultimately want her to be happy, but I feel that if I tell her that this guy is making things worse for her and our baby then she will think it's because I want to get back together with her. She is extremely vulnerable right now and is using me as a safety net but I just really don't know how to help her out, but at the same time I don't want her to think I've abandoned her if she calls and wants me to listen. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Is there anyone you can call and talk to? I know that you are feeling a lot of pain right now, but this is not the answer. Give your pills to someone else and get them out of your sight. Feel free to pm me. You can get through this.

My ex wife and I tried that for a few weeks after our breakup, and she said exactly those words, "I'd rather be sleeping with you than not have anything with you." Which made me realize that it kept us both from healing/moving on/working on the relationship. So we stopped, and eventually both realized that the marriage was not working for either of us. But the sex that we had after separating made each of us blind to the real problems our relationship had, and what was really important. Stop sleeping with your ex unless you get back together first. If he knows that all he has to do is call you up and you'll have sex with him, what would be his motivation to want to have more in the relationship at this point?

Thank you all for your responses. (KellBell once again I feel cheated because I didn't get "hugs")... Dako, I understand that I am extremely vulnerable right now, but at the same time I am so excited that I feel like I have a better understanding of what the word "love" truly means. Will I find it with someone else? Who knows. I have and do experience it with another person right now, and it doesn't matter to me that she doesn't feel the same way, or maybe she does, I don't know and it doesn't change my feelings for her. I know that some of you may remember a little about my story... this ex g/f that I am talking about is pregnant with my son. And I was very angry about the fact that we weren't going to be together anymore with this happening. But now, I think about her and all I feel is a sense of pride (not sure that is a great word for it) that I will be able to call her the mother of my child. I have come to respect the decisions she made. I have come to understand my heart a little better. I know that the person I fell in love with is going to feel true love for our son, and I am a better person for having known her, and I find her a truly amazing person. I know that our son will be a miracle in both of our lives, and that each of us deserve to experience the joy that he will bring us. There was a point when I was using this forum quite often, and thinking all I really have to talk about is my problems. I don't know if my advice will help anyone, but I am at the point now that I think my experiences have given me a much better understanding of what others are feeling too. I feel like maybe my advice could be worthwhile now, and I will be happy to post my advice and opinions to others, because the advice and opinions that you all gave me, really helped me move forward in the healing process. Thank you all. I know that there is still a long way to go yet, but I am well on my way.

I just wanted to share my thoughts as to how I know that I'm healing after a difficult breakup. Hope this helps someone. For quite a while I struggled with the "whys" of our breakup. Why did she betray me? Why did she say she loved me but then go and do the things that she did? Why doesn't she feel about me the way I feel about her? I beat myself up thinking that I had done something wrong, or that worse there was actually something wrong with me that drove her away. And then I started to accept the fact that we weren't going to be together. And then I really started to understand my love for her. And the "whys" didn't matter anymore. I have come to the point that each day that I wake up I find I love her a little more than the day before, because she helped me experience a feeling for another person that I had never felt before. I desire for her to truly be happy whether I am a part of that or not. I don't care whether I have contact with her or not. I tried to force no contact at the beginning because I didn't want to know what she was doing for fear that I would be jealous and feel an even greater sense of loss. But at the same time I craved that validation that she really meant it when she said she loved me. That was complete selfishness on my part. I find that it doesn't matter now how she feels... I trust that at the time that she told me that she loved me, she really felt it, and it doesn't matter to me now how she feels about me. Nothing can take away those moments from me now. I truly desire for her to be happy, and would do anything to make that happen, and I really don't care if she knows this or not, all that matters is that I know and feel it. I now find myself wanting to share this feeling with another because it is such a powerful feeling, but never wanting to settle for less. I know that I am healing because I know that I feel a true love for another person on a level that I had never experienced before, and I don't care if that person returns those feelings to me or not. But I want to feel this way again and experience the same in return and I'm ready to look for it now. The feelings and relationship that she and I shared will always be a part of my life, and they have helped me realize my capabilities even more than I knew before I met her. I am truly thankful to have experienced that with another person, and I look forward to the day that I not only feel that way again about someone, but that I find that soul that will feel that way about me also. That is when I'll know that I have truly found the "one". We all think at times that we have found that "one", but if we are alone in feeling that then the partnership is not a true partnership. We will have found the "one" when the feelings between two people can mesh together to become one. Acceptance is a powerful emotion, and it really paves the way for true healing and true feelings of love. I look forward to the day that others on this forum can find their acceptance that what they felt was real, and just because the other person does not reciprocate those feelings anymore, doesn't mean that they didn't truly feel the same way.

Okay... I'm looking to start dating again, but my ex g/f is pregnant with my baby. There is no chance of reconciliation with she and I and we have been broken up for a couple of months now. How do I introduce this to a potential date? Should I make it known before a first date, or after going on a date and feeling the "connection". I will have a relationship with this child in the future so I want people to know this but I'm just not sure what the right timing is. Any advice?

hey all... I want to thank everyone on this forum for all of their support. Over the past couple of days I have made some great progress in getting over the break up with my ex g/f. I have been very bitter about the way things ended and about the situation that we are both in right now. I think I'm done with that. I was married for 12 years prior to meeting my ex g/f. And in that time with my wife I don't think I ever really felt loved, and probably didn't make her feel loved either. Then I met my ex g/f. I found out what true love can be. I had times of just pure happiness when I was with her. I felt like I truly mattered to someone for the first time in my life. Lately, it has been all about the breakup, but I'm beginning to see that the relationship that I had with her taught me so much about what love is and can be that I am really beginning to get excited about the prospect of finding that again, and mutually. I am now looking back on that relationship with a great fondness. I feel extremely blessed to have experienced that with her. And if it's possible, I think I love her even more today than I did before, but not a selfish love. I am truly thankful to have had this person become a part of my life, and I can honestly say that today, I want her to find all of the happiness that life has to offer her, no matter who it is that she finds it with. I think I'm really beginning to feel that unconditional love for her, and it feels good. To get rid of the anger, and to just want the best for her... and for myself, is very liberating. Don't get me wrong... I still feel a great loss because we don't have that relationship anymore, but I feel very differently about that today. I think the saying is "it's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved before". I truly believe that right now. I am grateful for the love that she and I experienced, and no matter what... I wouldn't change that experience for anything in the world right now. Again, thank you all for your support, and I am going to keep leaning on you all for more of it in the future. Thanks.

Hey all. Thanks again for the advice yesterday. I spoke with my ex g/f today and politely declined her invitation to set me up on a date, and told her that I wasn't having any problems in that area (lied... haven't dated since we broke up). But yesterday it really got me thinking about going on a date. I thought that I really wanted to, so I was chatting online with a prospective date tonight... the chat went really well, but when we got done chatting all I could think about was my ex. I felt like I was cheating on her or something... a complete feeling of guilt. I definitely know that I'm not ready to date, but I want to move on so bad, and when I was chatting with this girl it felt really good to think maybe I was moving on a little bit. So how do I get over those other feelings so that I can eventually go out on a date again? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

Ok Bella... are you my counselor hiding out on this forum? Because I didn't think I was supposed to meet with you until tomorrow. You are making some really good points. One of the things I had definitely thought about was that I was going to make a point of NOT talking about my ex if I had decided to go out with this woman. But your points are well taken and you have some great insight. Thanks to all of you for your opinions. Keep them coming please. And as far as the having children issue, I'm just concerned that not only do I have children from a previous marriage, but I have one on the way, and for some reason I just feel like prospective dates are going to find that extremely odd.

Scotha... that is partly my concern with dating in general right now. But I didn't cause her to get pregnant. She was on birth control, but also taking antibiotics at the time of conception, which according to the doctor can really diminish the effectiveness of the pill. Anyway we were both there when it happened, and we are both very much in agreement that no matter what happened between us, we created a life. It's going to be a boy. And most important is that he is happy and healthy. That has been our stand from the moment that we found out that she was pregnant. It was a less than ideal situation, and the situation now is even more so, but it is what it is. So now I need to move on. And many of you are correct... I do think there is something a little odd about her wanting to set me up, which is why I posted here... but at the same time, why look a gift horse in the mouth?

Bella... wow. You hit where it hurts. I don't really know the answer to this. I would like her to be jealous. I am still very much in love with her. I don't think at this point that I could ever have a romantic relationship with her again. The hurt that I have felt over this break up went very deep. I would like to remain friends with her... we will have a baby together, but I really felt very betrayed by her with this break up. thereforeeee, I do desperately want to move on. I can't imagine a date like this leading to very much. But I have been very hesitant to go out and have a good time, that when she mentioned it I was thinking that maybe I would like to do something like this at least just to get out and maybe have a good time. I am a little unsure about the dating thing right now. I got divorced about a year ago, and then this relationship ended. I have 3 children from ex wife and now 1 on the way with ex g/f. I feel like there are a lot of things that a prospective date will have to disqualify me as relationship material. Not that I want a relationship with anyone right now. I would just like to go out and have a good time, and be able to forget about all of the other stuff for a few hours.

Chai I like that advice. I get the feeling that you guys think this would be a bad idea. Please tell me how you really feel about it. (ha ha) I think maybe you're all right. I'm not sure about the control thing, but maybe there is some validity to her feelings of guilt for getting back together with her ex husband. I don't know, I just feel like if I have an opportunity to go out and have a good time with someone, I'm not sure I should be picky about where that opportunity comes from. But I will definitely take all of your thoughts under advisement. Thanks all.

We have been broken up for about a month, she is back together with her ex husband. And she thinks this girl and I would "hit it off" I think were her words. We are trying to remain friends, because she is pregnant with my child (due in September) so we are trying to maintain some sort of friendship. I admit most of the time I have to bite my lip when we talk because I am still so very much in love with her, and I'm very angry at the breakup, but I'm trying to be the bigger person, and if she thinks that he will make her happiest then I am trying to respect her decision. Even though I hate it. But why should I not take advantage of a dating opportunity even if it is my ex that is doing the matchmaking?

So I was talking to my ex g/f on the phone today, and after some conversation she says that she knows someone that she would like to set me up with. At first I was saying well I'm not over you yet and that kind of stuff, but then I got to thinking, I bet this is what she wanted to hear, so then I said that maybe I would let her set me up with this other girl. So now I'm thinking that maybe that wouldn't be a good idea either. What do you guys think?